Second chapter for the week! Have you noticed something? This is the 27th chapter! When did I write this many chapters? *throws a confetti*

Song recommendation for the later half of this chapter: Monsters by After Hours

🎵I see your monsters, I see your pain

Tell me your problems I'll chase them away

I'll be your lighthouse,

I'll make it okay.🎵

_______________________________________________________________

I pull away slightly embarrassed at my reaction, " I am sorry. I. . . I guess the day took a toll over me."

He pulls back sighing before running his hand through his hair, " It's okay. Sleep early. I will send the dinner to your room."

" Okay. . . thanks," I say, not knowing how to avoid the awkward situation before pulling myself to stand up. My eyes move to the gun lying on the far end of the bed. Should I ask him for it? But I dispel the idea at once, why would he bother trusting me with a gun after the stunt I pulled today.

I pull myself away from the room my mind somewhat numbed at the new found information. Getting back into my room the first thing I notice is the disarray, the pillows scattered here and there, the drawers pulled open showing the contents inside.

What did I even do here? I don't even remember a single thing! It's like I was in a kind of trance, driven by my need for revenge. Thank God, my need wasn't enough to overpower me enough to shoot him without ever listening to his side.

I move to the closet, pulling out a fresh pair of clothes when I notice the slit on the mattress, larger than necessary. I take out the clothes and move to the washroom to wash away the day.

The warm water does nothing to relax my tense muscles. I am exhausted from having to put up with all of this, so much in such period of time. I just want it all to end so that I can spend a single day without planning my next move.

When I come out of the shower wearing the fresh set of clothes and a towel wrapped around my head, I find my room neatly arranged and a plate of egg curry, tortilla and a bowl of curd placed on the chair by the window.

________________________________________________________________

My brain feels slightly fuzzy and heavy as I struggle to remember what time of the day it is. I drag open my heavy lids only to meet the darkness accompanied by the slight hum of the ceiling fan. Flashes of the entire day pass before my eyes and I feel the pain of loss settling in once again.

"Papa. . ."I cry out accompanied by the silence of the night. For a moment after waking up I wondered if all of it was just a bad dream but apparently it isn't.

I move my lips, only to feel they are dry. I struggle to sit up as I open my heavy lids to stare at the darkness. I fumble through the darkness until I reach the curtains to pull them aside, letting the moonlight fill my room. The streets underneath are empty with only the street lights keeping company. I look for the familiar figure from the previous night, but I don't find any. I find the switchboard just beside the window, pressing on the light switch as it fills the room. My eyes close immediately as the bright light blinds me for a second, I take a moment to adjust to the light. Something makes me pull the curtains back before I turn to find the water bottle.

Finding it empty I decide to go down to fetch water, when a shiny object in my peripheral vision catches my attention. I turn towards it to find the gun resting on the bed just beside my pillow. I grab it, pulling the chamber to find it loaded.

So he decided to trust me with the gun? Is it his way of saying that I should trust him the way he trusts me in spite of the act I pulled today?

I set the gun aside in a drawer before moving to the door. Pulling open the door, I pass Basheer's door before I reach the staircase. I hear a slight groan coming from his door. What is he doing at this time of the night?

Deciding I had enough of snooping around and invading his privacy and the fact that I am thirsty given the slight itch in the back of my throat, I turn away from the door running down the stairs before my instincts can pull me to his door.

The cool liquid goes down my throat, quenching my thirst. Satisfied I climb up the stairs when another groan stops me in my tracks. It feels as if he's in pain. I look towards my door urging my body to go ahead, not invade his privacy but then another groan, much louder than the previous one automatically sets me towards his room, turning the knob to pull it open.

Cold wind lashes on my face while my eyes flit through the room stopping on his body slumped on one side of the bed. He is thrashing in his thick blanket covered in sweat in spite of the running A.C. I hurry over to the switch board before switching on the lights and closing the door behind.

Is he having a nightmare?

I hurry over to the bed without thinking, climbing up on it to sit beside him, "Basheer. wake up, it's me." I wish I had his real name.

"Farhema. . ."He whispers so lowly that I almost miss it.

I don't bother thinking who this Farhema is. Instead I move away one soaked curl from his forehead, " Shoo, it's okay. Wake up. It's just a bad dream." I whisper into his ears while moving my hands up and down his chest in soothing circles.

His eyes snap open and they are full of terror. He blinks before he realises it's me.

" Nehali? What are you doing here?" he says while he visibly shakes while left hand comes up to grip my wrist in a tight hold. His grip hurts but I decide on keeping quiet, given he's is in more pain.

" I was passing by when I heard your groan." I say as I pull him to me seeing that he's visibly shaking. I use the lapels of my kurti to wipe away the sweat before wrapping the blankets around us.

" Di..id I say something?" He stutters.

I ponder for a movement if I should bring that name up. I don't know what memories she holds in his life. They must be bad for him to have night terrors until this day. But I don't want to hide something that's his from him.

" You said a name. . . Farhema." I whisper, almost afraid of triggering a reaction. He sighs as he hears the name sinking further into the pillows.

Who is Farhema?

Almost as if he knows what I want to ask, he answers, " I met Farhema when I was assigned a task in Balochistan. That was my first mission ever.

" Were you a spy there too?" I ask him, suddenly hungry at prospect of finding more about him. I don't want him to remember the bad things that caused his nightmare, but my curiosity keeps poking me.

" Kind of. After several decades of riots, finally a government was settled in Syria. But, the rioters didn't see that fit. There was a word around about assassinating their newly elected prime minister when he would go up the stage to take his oath. We were in charge of killing anybody who seemed to appear as the possible assasinator. There were seven of us, on three different buildings with a snipper gun. I was way too young then, fresh out of training. I hadn't ever killed anybody. It was ten minutes into the speech when I something silver glinted in the gathered crowd. I waited a second for it to be something else but when I caught onto the butt of the pistol, my fingers worked on their own hitting the burqa clad woman, killing her in two shots. The first bullet pierced through her abdomen and the second through her forehead. She dropped dead immediately." He pauses once, taking in a deep breath, " There was a kid standing nearby who immediately pulled out the pistol directing it at the man, but before his inexperienced hands could shoot, my fingers pressed on the trigger, a clear headshot killed him."

I don't ask him where Frahema comes into play. It's his past. It's him that will divulge whatever he wants. I wait for him to continue, as he sits up, resting his back on the headboard and staring ahead at the wall blankly.

" Later when all of it was over and the area was cleared, their bodies were hauled off on the back of a truck. You see, I wanted to see who they were, if I could find anything that could lead me to the head of the rioters, so that it could be suppressed permanently. Back in my get up then as Umar, I sneaked off at night to the truck that had their bodies. The truck was to set on its journey the next day, early in the morning.

I went there with a single torchlight, and the first face I saw was that of the child. Next I moved the torch to find an upturned body. When I tried to move it back, I saw the face, those eyes. Th . . ey were the familiar peculiar shade of turquoise." I notice the hardened jaw and the moisture in his eyes.

"When I moved the veil, I saw the face that I never wanted to see that way. I can never forget the void in the depths of those unblinking, white eyes." I wonder what this woman must have meant to him to bring him to the point of breakdown.

"It's then I noticed her sky blue burqa now a darker shade near her abdomen. Sh..she was pregnant and the first bullet I shot out killed her unborn child. My first kill was an innocent child, that I killed even before he could see the light of the day. Guess what you were right, I am a murderer and even I deserve to die a painful death. I killed her and her unborn child." He unshed tears finally leaks. I feel the wetness from his tears soak my kurta where he's hiding his face now. I hold onto him tightly, as if trying to absorb all his pain.

" Was she Farhema?" I whisper.

" Yes."

I pull him to me, resting my face on top of his head, " It's not your fault. You didn't know it was her."

" I would have killed her even if I knew it was her. I am a monster, Nehali. Why don't you flinch away?"

" Why would I? She was there to kill. She risked her unborn child and that is why you had to kill her. You were doing what you were supposed to. Sometimes we have to kill for peace. Its a necessary evil. You didn't kill her for the sheer pleasure of a kill. I don't get it why you keep blaming yourself for it."

" I can't forget those eyes, Nehali." My inquisitions must have triggered his memories, thus the night terror. I feel terrible knowing it's me who is responsible.

" Shoo. Don't think about it. Look into my eyes. What do you see?" My heart breaks for the man who has hidden terrors behind his hardened exterior. Somewhere in spite of the atrocities he faced, he didn't lose his human side. My heart swells for the man who has always protected me since the day I stepped here.

His doesn't answer but I feel him relaxing against me before he pulls me by the neck angling my face with his, breathing me in.

"When did we reach this stage?" He asks.

" I don't know." I whisper as if afraid to break the spell. I feel my head swimming with forbidden desires, getting lighter by the second. My heart beats so fast than I can almost read the emotions swirling in his irises. The tension had been there all along slowly building its way in our hearts, now sizzling between us. His hooded gaze pulls along the strings of my ribcage, never strays from mine. A shiver goes down my spine when he finally closes the gap, meeting my lips in a swift but hot motion. I know he cannot give me the truth, I want. All I want is all of him, in this moment and I act instinctively as I throw my arms around his, deepening the kiss.

____________________________________________________________

Author's Note:

Guess what, she won't say sorry for the kiss in the next chapter. So no disappointments. Get ready for some hot and sexy content for the next week. *shrieks in excitement*.

Stay safe and happy.

-love Aparajita.❤