fyi this is a modern au kthxbai

unknown number

hey, my name is remus, is the dog still for sale?

sirius

what dog?

remus

your number was on an ad on ebay that said "black dog for sale, quite friendly, may bite"

and I'm looking for a dog

sirius

james I swear to god I'm going to beat your ass

remus

my name isn't james, but that's not very nice of you to say to someone who's just asking about something

if it's not for sale or already sold, just tell me.

sirius

NONONONO I'm not talking about you, my friend likes to play pranks on me and this is his work

sorry for bothering you!

remus

no problem, goodbye!

...

10:23 pm friday

sirius

hhey remny

remus

what? who is this?

sirius

yooooooyr next shagf maybe ;)

remus

excuse me? for all I know, you could be a 40-year-old man.

no thank you.

sirius

nnnnnnnnnoo sweet remny, I'm 21 year old mr. mystery

yoy coud find ouy my name if yoi takeeeee my offer ;)

remus

no thank you. I need selfie proof first and it can't be from ur social media, I will be googling it

sirius

fine

sent 1 photo

remus

holy fuck

goodbye

sirius

nnooooo remny