｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,"My stunning, daring, beautiful and bold ma-":･ﾟ☆

Octavia

I walk with Riven to his training session, linking my pinkie through his as we walk along the corridors. Half a thought has the shadows following the winx girls to ensure they don't do something stupid despite me telling them to stand down.

"Am I a changeling?" Bloom demands and Farrah turns back round to face Bloom

"Where did you hear that?" Dowling asks in concern, eyes flashing at the accusation.

"My roommate saw me lose control in the forest and everyone at the party two night ago seemed to know, they all apparently had a tough time believing I was from a long-dormant fairy Bloodline."

"Bloom-" Doling swallows awkwardly, guilt lacing her features.

"Would it have been so hard to tell me my parents weren't really my parents?"

Dowling pauses, "I didn't want to burden you with too much too quickly."

"So instead you let me learn from teenagers in the middle of a party? Teenager, the most gentle and reliable sources of information"

Dowling purses her lips at Bloom's forlorn expression.

"I'll admit it was not ideal."

"You think?"

"Tone." Dowling warns and Bloom looks away in shame.

"Do you even know who they are?" Bloom questions brokenly, "my real parents."

"I don't," Dowling admits, "Which is another reason why I didn't want to tell you."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Bloom asks, sounding defeated.

"You come to class everyday, you focus, you learn, you grow." Dowling states wisely, "Eventually the answers will come."

Dowling forces a slight smile at Bloom before walking off.

"Cryptic and vague, just like everything else in this place." Bloom scoffs

That's the first thing she's said that I agree with.

At least she seems focused on the changeling drama rather than the burned one and the lost ring. Speaking of, I need to work out a plan. I've got two hours before the minister's give their concluding speeches from yesterday's discussion. General topics that they pick the same outcomes they did last meeting.

However, those outcomes do work and keep Solaria ticking over. I need to pick my battles. Focusing on what area of health funding should go to regarding hospitals isn't important when three quarters of my people can't even afford food. Sort out poverty first, get everyone stable and then work out the niches of which surgery practice requires more upper class, educated, well paid workers to earn more money onto of the thousands they already have.

We reach the training grounds and Sky and Riven quickly take up a perch watching some of the first years train. I roll my eyes at the two as they keep up a running commentary of advice for the first years.

It's kind of hot when they talk about battle strategies.

I pull out my briefs for the assembly and read through them on one of the benches by the pond. I'm maybe three metres away from the boys with a fabulous view of Riven's arse, which he knows if his little grin is anything to go by. I read through the reports to distract myself from my drifting thoughts but there's nothing out of the ordinary. How boring. I shove them to the side and pull out everything I know about Alfea and drop Stella a text about planning shit.

Where would they keep a burned one? Stella texts back with a digital copy of Alfeas' maps. Damn, my sis is good at this. Irene would never let Dowling keep the burned one on campus but Dowling would never let the Solarians have control over something in her school, which means its close by. She's territorial like that.

I chuckle at the thought. Dowling is territorial over the land of her school while Irene is territorial over her students and Silva's apparently caught between the two because he doesn't know which one to claim despite the fact his mate is literally right there.

Stupid male.

I pause.

Silence. No comments.

I swallow back my sudden rush of tears as I realise the shadows weren't here to comment on my little rant. They would have had something funny to say. They quite like the Silva's so I wonder what they would think about Dowling flirting with Saul.

Enough, Octavia. I scolded myself. I have shit to be getting on with, I haven't got time to wallow in self pity this week. I can't control it anyways so I need to get Stella's mess sorted out in the meanwhile.

There's a small number of buildings outside the barrier, the mill or the barn is my best bet. Which one though I'm not sure. Both have good positioning for moving the burned one to and from but the mill seems to have the strongest structure to actually contain the burned one.

"Sweep the leg," I hear Riven call and my attention drifts over to the fighting first years.

The first year, Dane - I realise, fails to do so and ends up underneath a female specialist who grins in triumph.

"Could you try being fifty percent less of a dick?" Sky snarls as he stares out at the first years, his eyes wince in the sunlight but he refuses to show any other discomfort. So emotionless and cold. It worries me.

"Well then he'd be fifty percent less fun, wouldn't he?" I drawl and sidle up to Riven, grinning up at him when he scoffs in response to my comment.

"Remember what a lost cause you were last year?" Sky smirks, glancing between the two of us impassively as I link my pinkie through Riven's. Keeping our hands out of sight as I lean my back against his front, blushing when Riven rests his chin on the top of my head. "Two black eyes and a sprained ankle, day one."

I break into giggles and Riven dips down tickle me under my ribs till Sky interrupts with a pointed cough as he looks away.

"What," Riven demands as we settle down, "Do you want me to give you a handy for taking me under your wing?"

I raise an eyebrow in curiosity at Sky as he blushes slightly and looks away with an eye roll.

"I thought my friendship was reward enough." Riven continues on, ignorant of his friend's apparent gay panic.

Sky looks past us, catching sight of something as he quickly pulls away.

Sky gives Riven a humorous pat on the cheek, "It is."

I blush in shock as Sky quickly pauses to drop down and give me a kiss on the forehead before running off. I grin and look after him, happy that we're finally getting back to our old terms.

He's walking towards Bloom.

My smile drops.

"Did you two make up then?" Riven asks curiously, turning me in his arms so I'm forced to look up at him.

"I don't know, I mumble." Suddenly feeling doubtful and guilty at my actions with Sky when Riven and I clearly have whatever it is we have going on.

He sighs, "That's okay. He and I need to have a talk anyway."

I frown and Riven smiles adoringly at me, bringing his thumb up to smooth them out.

"It's nothing bad, promise." He murmurs, eyes bright as he looks at me teasingly, "It's just guy stuff, you know. Time for our monthly work out of the pecking order."

I roll my eyes, of course.

I mean, I don't entirely believe him but it's a reasonable enough answer.

"Are you done with your reports yet?" Riv asks with a raised eyebrow as he looks at me with a curious expression.

"You haven't finished training." I murmur, stepping closer to brush my lips against his neck teasingly.

He sighs and shifts back, "Silva's focused on Sky right now, we could slip away. Talk about what happened the other night"

I nod, not a fun get away then, a 'let's talk serious stuff' get away,

"I'd like that."

Riven drags me back to his dorm, something about mine being too far away. I tense up with worry as I realise the implications of this conversation and what I would end up confessing. What he might tell me. As if sensing my doubt Riven links his pinkie through mine, smiling at me as he leads me into his dorm. I blush when he doesn't bother letting me go as he closes the door behind us.

"C'mon," He murmurs, "Let's talk in here."

I nod mutely and follow him into his room, looking around in curiosity as everything Riven enshrined here. It's surprisingly clean. I was expecting a typical boy room, with messy clothes, crumpled sheets of school work, an unmade bed. Well, the bed is unmade but the sheets are clean.

"What happened with Queen Luna?" He murmurs sitting down on his bed with his back against the wall.

I sigh and sit beside him, staring out the window opposite him so I don't have to see the look on his face.

"It was punishment," I whispered into the silence, "For speaking out against the general so publicly. He's been a loyal ally to my mother for years, she was outraged that I would risk that."

"And the screaming?" He worries.

"I-" I pause, looking down at the ground, "The gem that restricts what I can say about my upbringing was adapted to take away my shadows. It doesn't limit my powers but I can no longer communicate with the sentient shadows."

A tense silence.

"So no more Fenriz," Riv jokes but breaks off into a scoff at the end.

"No," I murmur, eyes glistening with tears, "Not for a while at least."

"And the whole-" I see him gesture wildly with his hands and I chuckle slightly at his lack of eloquence.

"Comatose thing?" I ask with a lilt of amusement.

He sighs and scoffs but nods in agreement.

"Trauma response," I state, "I've only ever had a panic attack when I'm overwhelmed by shadows, which was a new development. Most of the time I can plough through a fight, battle, situation and then I'll just shut down afterwards."

Anxiety churns in my stomach at his silence. Did I say too much?

"I have panic attacks," Riven whispers into the silence, "I don't panic during the fight, or situation, but afterwards..."

He trails off and I look at him in a new light.

"I get overwhelmed," He begins, "so, I go down to the stables and I vent to this one horse, wisp-"

"The horse you begged me not to kill." I state, finally understanding his outburst the other day.

He chuckles in response to my moment of realisation.

"The horse I begged you not to kill," He agrees,

"I had a meltdown that day," He admits suddenly, "That's why I fell asleep- passed out."

I pause. Mine are one offs, when I've had a shit day, but Riven. His sound... major.

"How often do they happen?" I whisper,

"Every two days, maybe once a day." He confesses and I tense, "I just get overwhelmed, a lot. Having Sky helped, but he's been so distant lately and I don't want to force my problems on him."

"Riv." I whisper in concern but he cuts me off.

"I know, I know." He murmurs, "The weed helps, training tires me out and keeping distracted is a good way to stop it but I-."

He swallows heavily and I look at him in concern.

"My sister Olivia was taken from us." The words sound like they weigh a thousand pounds when he speaks and my chest tightens in response to his sadness. He picks up a photo from his bedside and hands it to me.

"She cried so much when she lost that tooth. I was 15 at the time, she was 5. Olivia was so upset I remember it made me feel sick. I would have, would do, anything to make her smile like she did that day in the photo. Liv thought she couldn't be a 'pretty' fairy if she was missing such an obvious tooth. She cried and sulked for two days before our mother gave up. But I couldn't let it go. So the next day I snuck out with Liv to the travelling carnival." He breaks off and I feel tears begin to drip down my face.

"It was the happiest day of my life. We ate candy floss, went on the carousel, and played hook a duck. By the end she was asleep in my arms and it was that moment, that peacefulness, that I just wanted to stay in. To have my little sister safe in my arms for the rest of my life."

I wait, tense with anticipation for what he's going to say next.

"Someone must have been using the carnival as a scouting ground, because the next day we were attacked. Dad and I had gone out, I'm not sure what we doing. Sometimes I remember us fishing, others hunting, sometimes we're just out at the shops. But it always ends the same. Coming home to find our home on fire and my mother beaten and raped in our front garden."

I gasp and link my pinkie through Riven's, not sure whether to support him or me but I know we both need the comfort.

"We lived out in the forest, in an isolated patch so no one was there to hear their screams. Mum was dead by the time we got home, Olivia-" He breaks of to choke back a sob, "She was covered in blood when we found her in the forest. She got scared and ran off. I was so relived when we found her but-"

He gasps for breath, body shuddering.

"-We lost her too."

I clutch him to my chest as he sobs and cries and sounds of pure heart wrenching grief escape. I move the picture to the side, unable to prop it upright in my haste so I gently set it face down on the nightstand. My tears drip down slowly and my hands begin to shake with the pure strength I'm using to grip on to him. Clutching at Riven as though I can keep him from falling apart.

We remain like that for long minutes, wrapped in each other's arms till Riven's sobs die down and he can breathe easy again. I stoke through his hair as I pondered my next words.

"I was there when Ricki died," I begin softly, noting the way Riven quietens down as he listens, "I don't remember why we had gone out that night, only that Stella, Bea, Ricki and I ended up in the forest running for our lives. There were burned ones, maybe three and among them there were soldiers. I thought they were there to help us- but they seemed to be corralling and leading the burned ones towards us."

I swallow heavily, forcing a smile as Riven shifts to lay on his back with his head on my lap. His red eyes stare up at me openly, not a single bit of judgement, pity or doubt in his gaze as I tell him the real version of the royal scandal.

"Beatrix collapsed, some kind of injury that resulted in her entire lower body being drenched with blood. Ricki was cradling her and then a burned one lunged towards them. Stella sent a beam of light at it, but she was too late. It slashed open Ricki's throat and then Stella's light hit her as well as the burned one evaded her shot. She was gone the second the burned one hit her."

I clench my eyes closed, leaning my head back against the cool wall as I look out the window to avoid his gaze.

"And I lost it," I whisper, "The shadows, my magic, my light, every second of training instilled in me. I hunted the burned ones through the forest, I let my shadows rip them shreds and then I went for the soldiers, the ones that led them to my friends. I cut them up, slowly. I made them bleed and scream for hours until they were begging for death."

Shaky breathes fill my lungs as I feel Riven's hands gently brush against my face. I watch him, too scared to move lest i shock him from his stupor. He smiles at me, sitting up to cup my face and gently press his lips against mine.

"You are so brave," He whispers against my lips, our foreheads touching, "And loyal, caring and viscous in the most beautiful of ways."

He brushes my tears away with his thumbs.

"You were so strong and you were a child. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it, so you honoured your friend by avenging her death." His eyes begin to fill with heat as he looks down at me, "My stunning, daring, beautiful and bold ma-"

I cut him off with a kiss, one that surprises even me with its ferocity. One minute, I'm desperate to talk about what the hell is going on in our fucked up lives. The next, I'm pressing my mouth to his, my tongue forcing its way between his shuttered lips.

For a split second, he resists, pushing me back.

"We can't, you're not healed from the gem-"

I cut him off with another kiss, this punishing crush of mouths. There's a little too much teeth, but I can't help myself. This needs to happen, I need him. Riven groans and leans into me, his musky scent overwhelming me and perking up all my senses. I feel like I'm coming alive in his arms, like he's putting back the pieces of my soul with every word and understanding he uttered, with every joke, smile, word and support he has offered me and with this kiss.

My subconscious whispers for me to slow down, to step back and reevaluate what I'm doing. But Riven's kissing me back now, his tongue overtaking the wild tango of our lips. He kisses me with this barely suppressed need, this searing heat that feels like it's been building forever. It hits me all of a sudden, and I find myself on my back.

My hands slide down his sides, so I can push his shirt up and run my palms across his warm skin, feeling the ridges and plains of his solid muscles. Riven's hard, hot body is between my thighs, dressed in his specialist kit that I know I'll be fantasising about after this. He grinds his pelvis against mine as we kiss, and I groan against his mouth.

There are so many questions I should be asking right now. About his sister, about where we stand. What we're doing, if we're in our right minds for this. I know I should probably step back and evaluate things but my logical brain seems to be going in one direction while my body and emotional side are definitely forcing me in the opposite direction towards the specialist kissing down my throat.

When he tangles his fingers in my hair, I really lose my shit, yanking his shirt up and breaking away from him long enough to pull the offending garments off and throw them to the side.

Riven maintains this undulating rhythm against my core that has me squirming and digging my fingernails into the muscles of his back. He fumbles around with something on the nightstand, and then comes back with a condom.

He lifts up enough to look up at me from under his brow, dark hair falling around his face. I can see all the delicious variations of tone and colours in his eyes. The sharp streaks of pale blue, almost silver, fleck with hints of green and teal, as he searches my expression. That white-hot chemistry we've been toying around with, the casual touches, the simple flirting, all of this dancing around each other. Dancing around Sky. my breath is coming in sharp pants as the air charges between us, its almost too much, all this feeling inside me, after so long of being trapped in silence. Its overwhelming; i need an outlet.

"Do you want to do this," he murmurs, grazing his nose along my neck before looking up at me, "We can stop here, continue fooling around," He drawls, moving to nibble at my ear before murmuring, "or we could go further, I could make you scream and you can pay me back for all my diligent loyalty."

He pulls back, far enough that I whine at the loss of heat and friction, "Or we can stop entirely." He mutters, gaze fixed on my lips but he's got the condom in his hand, so he must have some idea as to what I'm feeling right now. He chuckles at the desperate whines that leave me.

"Say it," Riven whispers as I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer again. "You have to say it or I'm not going any further."

I whine but, "yes." I gasp out, desperately tugging at his hair.

He groans at the sensation, eye flicker shut and relief mixes with lust as he continues to grind against me before opening his eyes again, "Yes to what?"

I ignore him but gasp when he thrusts his pelvis against mine in sharp demand, pulling me up to stare into my eyes, "What do you want,"

"You." I breathe, "I want you."

"To do what?" He teases against my lips and I snarl and tug at his hair again.

"Riven." I plead.

"I'm a good soldier, Octavia." He drawls, mouthing kisses against my throat, "I follow my orders and carry them out well, but I can't do anything I'm not told to do. You need to tell me what you want, pixie. I can't read your mind."

"I want you to fuck me." I grind out, glaring down at him,

He chuckles, "Your command, dear pixie, is my greatest wish."

We work together in a frenzy to shed my pants, leaving my underwear in place. Riven's hand frees his cock easily from his track bottoms, and there's this tense moment when he's opening the condom and pulling it on.

I pull my panties aside, heart thumping, and realise that I'm actually not nervous at all, not like I was when Araon, my first boyfriend and I fooled around. With him I felt tentative and unsure, almost scared. When Beatrix and I got drunk one night and got lost in the moment I wasn't thinking at all. Too busy being consumed by flimsical whims to actually feel something. It's not like either of those times with Riven. There's no hesitation, no fear or carelessness.

He looks me straight in the face and opens his mouth with a taunting expression and I cut him off with a kiss, curling my fingers against the back of his neck, feeling the fine hairs tickling my skin. Riven lines himself up with my opening and slowly works himself in.

A gasp escapes me, stifled by the hot press of his lips, as my body adjusts to the new sensation. It's a little tight, a tad uncomfortable, but it feels so fucking good. Doubly so when he begins to move, slow but strong movements of his hips pushing us closer and closer together.

Riven's right hand slides up under my shirt, and finds my bare breast. This outfit wouldn't work with a bra and I've never been more grateful for that fact than right now.

"Why the hell didn't we do this sooner?" he whispers against my mouth, making me shiver and grin as he kneads my breast.

"Too much drama?" I whisper back, but I couldn't care less about whys and whens of this, or the drama still hanging over our head. All I want is his lips on mine. With a firm but gentle grip, I put pressure on his neck and brought his mouth down to mine, tasting the chocolate syrup from the strawberry he stole from me at breakfast.

Riven kneads my breast with his hand, rubbing his thumb over the hardened point of my nipple. It's like he's lit a sparkler inside of me, sending these bright, beautiful colours shooting through my body.

A sound escapes my lips, half-whisper, half-groan, as I wrap my legs around him, holding him as close as I can get him. Being together like this, it makes me want to never be apart again.

"Riv," I whisper, calling him by a nickname that doesn't rightfully belong to me. Its Sky's but... it feels like it belongs to me too now. Properly. It feels like he does. He responds by groaning against my ear, this soft, sweet sound of male satisfaction. We're fucking, maybe, but I think we might also... you know, be doing something else, too.

"Pixie," He purrs back at me, kissing down the side of my neck and curling his fingers in my hair. When his fingertips touch my scalp, they make me shiver. My entire body reacts to his touch, holding tight to him. My fingertips trails through the sweat on Riven's back as this pressure and heat builds in my lower belly, making me feel tense, "relax," he commands, taking my wrists and holding them above my head.

Riven bites my lower lip and then swirls his tongue over it, releasing me so he can brace himself above me, moving his hips harder and faster, driving that intense feeling in my stomach into my limbs.

My lips part and my head tilts back, but I can still see him in the midday light pouring in from the window, rain begins to pound against the glass, a staccato rhythm outside the window.

I'm not expecting to have an orgasm - most first timers don't - but it hits me anyway, this fierce fire, this fervent rush that explodes through me in a bright wave. This time, when I throw my arms around Riven, bringing him into a crushing embrace, I'm shaking for a different reason.

I feel light, weightless, airy.

He keeps moving, adding these little aftershocks of pleasure to my starry-eyed relaxation. Riven comes, too, still buried deep in me, nuzzling against the top of my head as his body quivers and tenses up.

"Helios, Pixie," He murmurs, and then rolls off onto his back, panting and staring up at the ceiling. I can't move. Pretty sure my legs have turned to jelly. I can barely breathe. That, and I feel empty now that Riven's moved away from me.

"That was... unexpected," He whispered, glancing over at me with a light smile.

"Unexpected," I start, still struggling to find the right words to say. Riven gets up to throw the condom away in the trash can next to his desk before climbing back onto the bed and curling his arm under my waist.

"Unexpected, but fucking amazing," He adds, "I thought you were going to make me wait for weeks." Laughter bubbles out of me but Riven cuts me off with a kiss. It doesn't just end at that, a single press of lips. No, pleasure shoots through me and I curve into him.

A/N: Thought on their trauma.

I'm not going to ask for your thoughts on the smut since I kept getting loads of comments for it.