A FEW YEARS LATER

"So, Sean, how are you coping with the challenges of being a new father?" My dumb cunt of a therapist asks.

I hate this woman but here I am, fucking chit chatting away about the shit-ton of problems I have yet again. At least it's better than group therapy and I don't have to hear about every other fucking person's bullshit existence. Hear about all of their past trauma. No, I just get to sit and talk about mine.

I think about her question for a moment. How did I really feel about being a father now? Well, shit was stressful that's for sure but after Monica had given birth to our son my world had stopped. It was almost like watching a movie where they fast forward or rewind really fast and then it stops, pinpointing that one moment in time. The birth of my son had been that moment. The moment to change all things for me.

Watching Monica cry out, scream, curse my very name until she was blue in the face had all been worth it when I had heard that cry. That first blissful sound that had erupted from my son's throat. That's the moment Monica stopped hating me and began crying as she clutched onto our son. She kept saying, "Sean, we made him, we made this little human."

I had cupped my hand over my mouth and my eyes had filled with tears. I had never felt prouder of Monica or myself then I did in that moment. My world had stopped. My world did a complete one-eighty. My entire brain flipped upside down the moment Seth was born. Everything changed for me because it was no longer just about Monica and I.

The center of my universe became the two people on that hospital bed. Monica had been all I had seen before, the only person I had ever let inside, but when she had gotten pregnant everything had changed. After carrying our child inside of her, giving birth to him, and nourishing him in her arms like that, she became the reason I live and breathe.

I had stopped using and had tempered my drinking but I had refused to talk to anyone. Monica had said it would be helpful to learn how to cope or whatever if I talked about my past trauma and shit. Once Seth was born it was a reminder that I had to be a better parent than the ones that my brother and I had had.

So... here I am...

"Well, it's hard waking up at all different fucking hours of the night but I do what I have to do. I stay up with Mon or I let her sleep and feed the little guy so she can get some rest."

"Sounds like you're handling the transition into fatherhood well."

"Why the fuck wouldn't I?" I glare at her because I know there are a lot of reasons why I should be having problems but fuck her.

"I see the swearing is still an issue." She jots down a few notes and every time she does that it irks the living hell out of me. Literally. You know, since we're talking about all of my inner demons and such.

"That's the fucking least of my problems." So you can take that pen and shove it right up your...

"Let's talk about your decision to sell the club." She asks, interrupting my mental insult.

"Monica needs to be with the baby and I need to try to be a good father. There's no way I'm going to maintain sobriety right now if I'm surrounded by alcohol all the time. Plus, Monica was helping me run everything before. She's the real brains behind everything and I'd honestly be lost without her."

She gives me a small smile that appears to be satisfied with what I've said. "There is definite progress being made in your self-awareness. You had said previously that you would never give up the club. You said it was the last thing you had left of Trevor after he had passed away."

"That was before Monica gave birth. My son deserves a much different childhood and life than what Trevor and I were given."

"I think it would be the healthiest option for you to sell it. I think you're realizing that may be a part of your life you need to close the door on."

Every word that comes out of her mouth irritates me, even if she is right. After Trevor had left us everything Monica had went back to college full time. She was able to finish her MBA with perfect grades and manage to deal with my constant relapsing. We managed the club for a few years together until Monica had become pregnant.

We had moved into a nice four-bedroom loft in South Boston after we found out. We never talked about marriage though. Honestly, Monica avoided the topic at all costs, probably assuming I would freak out. After finding out she was pregnant I had a minor freak-out so I really didn't blame her for never wanting to talk about matrimony.

"How's everything between Monica and you?" She says after a while of me being silent. "Has there been any discrepancies after bringing the baby home? Anything you're concerned about?"

"No." I grit my jaw. "Monica is my everything. Well, now Monica and the baby are."

"Is the lack of sexual intercourse bothering you?" I glare at her maliciously. If she wasn't so old and annoying I'd assume she was hitting on me. But in one of my first visits we went over the fact that I apparently use sex as a coping mechanism or whatever. "I know she can't be fully physically intimate with you for another week. Going without sexual intercourse for several weeks is a long time for you, Sean."

I fucking hate this woman. "We've made it work." Which means my hand and I have gotten reacquainted but that's beside the point. I look over at the clock and am so fucking thankful this shit-show is going to be over now. I can't wait to get back to Monica. Back to my family.

-&-

"Monica, I'm home." I close the door behind me then slip out of my jacket and shoes. I pad through the living room which is way nicer than anything I'd been accustomed to previously. The modern decor everywhere instead of hand-me-down furniture is still something I'm getting used too. Even after living here for several months it's still odd for me.

I walk into our bedroom to find Monica sprawled out on our bed, snoring lightly. She always does that when she's over tired, which is all the time these days. I hear the baby start to move around in the bassinet beside her before a loud cry rings out. The sound has Monica jolting awake.

"Hey hey, relax." I make my way quickly over to the bassinet "I've got him. You get some rest." I look down to find a fussy Seth and can't help but smile down at him as I pick his little body up to cradle him in my arms.

Monica let's out a huge yawn as she says, "You sure?" She's exhausted, you can see a good number of bags under her eyes.

"Of course, I've missed my little guy." I poke his little nose with my finger. "You've missed me too haven't you, bud? You missed your daddy?"

"I don't think I'll ever get used to that." Monica says as she snuggles back into the bed. "I never thought there would be a day you'd ever refer to yourself as daddy."

I scoff. "Well, I am one now." I bounce Seth in my arms. "Get some sleep, mommy." I say teasingly at her.

"Mmmm, whatever you say, daddy." She closes her eyes and I can already see her falling right back to sleep.

I close the door, cradling my little guy in my arms. I walk into our kitchen, which is another place that's so fancy I can barely get used to it. I grab a bottle out of the fridge and place it inside the warmer. I wait for a few minutes until its done, looking around as I do. Monica made some seriously amazing Italian dishes in this kitchen, so I'm glad it was top notch for her.

I walk into Seth's room, which he is still too small to be left alone in yet. The little guy slept in our room still. Honestly, I don't think I'd ever want to leave him alone in here. I like him being close to Monica and I so I can make sure he's alright. He is so small, so fragile.

I sit down in the rocker, cradle him in one arm, then give him his bottle. I smile down at him as he opens his large, round green eyes. His black hair is splayed out on his forehead, he looks just like me.

"Yeah, you look just like me, kiddo. I would apologize but you'll get all the ladies when you're older. You won't be half the asshole I was though, not with your mom around. She's too good to me and even better with you. We're lucky, huh?" I kiss his tiny forehead and put the bottle on the side table as I burp him. "What do you think, daddy should probably ask mommy to marry him, huh? I don't know how to ask. I suck at these things, what do you think?" He burps out in response which makes me laugh.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the little box from the jewelry store. I flick it open and look at the shiny ring inside. It's nothing over the top, that's not really Monica's style. I mean, she is with me for fuck's sake. Clearly, perfection isn't really her thing.

"What do you think, kiddo? You think mommy will like it?" I wiggle the box in front of his face and he just stares up at it wide-eyed. "Think she'll say yes?" I hear a noise and look up at the door to see Monica standing there. Her hands are covering her mouth and tears are streaming down her face. "Well, little guy," I look down at Seth then back to Monica, "looks like we're about to find out."

I stand-up and place him in his crib momentarily before turning back to Monica. I walk over to her and kiss her on her forehead, "What do you say, you want to give the whole marriage thing a try?" I look down into her tear-filled brown orbs.

"Yes." She chokes out before wrapping her arms around me.

I look at the crib, at that little human we made, and hug her tighter to me. I'm never letting this go. This is my life, my world, and even though I'll always be a broken individual, I'll never break this. I'm a work in progress. I always will be. But I will give that little person a life I never had.

- THE END -

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A/N:

Thank you all so much for reading, truly. I know this story is a whirlwind of fucked up. Well, I'm happy to say now that Seth exists, so will his story. Hopefully I'll see you all in book two.