Monica reaches her other hand out to my face and brings it down until my forehead is pressed against hers. "You're not completely lost, Sean. This isn't completely lost." And I know when she says that, she's referring to her and I.

I close my eyes as I feel more emotion well up inside of them. My hands drop to her curvy hips, pulling her to me, and I realize I just want her close to me. I never want anyone close to me, ever, but once her beautiful body is pressed flush against mine I can't help but feel better than I have in weeks.

Even though standing here with Monica makes me feel better, I can always feel the darkness. The darkness is always there. The demons from my past and, if I'm completely honest, the newer ones from the entire situation that has just transpired between us are there.

More wetness drips from my eyes as I try to fight the overwhelming feelings back. Everything I do is to avoid this, avoid feeling any of this. I can't cope with these types of things, these types of situations. I don't want to. I don't know how to.

"I shouldn't have left you like that. I didn't want to hurt you anymore, Monica and I just couldn't handle it. It's just..." I try to make sense of the inner turmoil inside of my head. "It's all so much for me to internalize. I can't. I don't know how to. I just... I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have, Monica. I've hurt you." Because you're just like your father. The moment I think it I want to throw myself out the fucking window.

"Shh," she soothes against my lips before she presses hers into mine.

What is she doing? "No, Monica. We shouldn't. This isn't..." She shushes me again as her lips move against mine, coaxing me to kiss her back. "Mon, I'm no good for..." Regardless of my words, my warnings, she kisses me passionately, ending whatever it is I was going to say.

I'm dangerous, no good. I'm not right for her. Those were the ones I was going to say. But even though the words play in my head and make me pause momentarily, I can't help but kiss her back hungrily in the end. My lips taste hers like a starving man tasting his very first meal after a lifetime of hunger. I just want to savor her, savor this, whatever this is.

"Monica, I should've been with you." I can hear the brokenness in my own voice. "I should've..." I don't know what I want to say, I'm just lost.

Monica's hands begin to push my shirt up and as she does her hands glide over my abdomen with soft, tender caresses. She's trying to comfort me and I feel like such an undeserving, tainted, piece of shit. In all of my cracks and crevices, internal and otherwise, is the black tar of my horrid past making me the dreadful man I am. Here she is, caressing the brokenness, caressing me.

"I don't deserve you," the words fall from my lips in a whisper. She doesn't say anything as she places kisses on my chest and continuously touches my body underneath my shirt. "I'm no good for you, sweetheart." I kiss the top of her hair, breathing her in. "I'm no good. I'm not worth it."

"Sean," she whispers into my chest as she looks up to me, "you're worth it to me. You'll always been worth it to me."

And I'll never understand why.

"Monica..." I say her name hesitantly, like a warning, as I feel her hands at my belt. As much as I want this, I've been wanting this, I don't want to cause any more turmoil in her life.

She doesn't hesitate from my warning though. Instead, Monica reaches inside of my pants and begins stroking me. I let out a noise between a groan and I sigh of relief as she pumps me in her hand. Fuck. She always feels so fucking good.

I lean down, making her lips meld against mine, as she continuously strokes me. Monica's other hand runs over the plains of my chest, abdomen, and back. With each one of her soft touches I can't help but feel more involuntary tears slide down my face because Monica will never understand how her touch affects me. I've never let anyone touch me like this.

When her hands are on me I feel like I'm being slowly mended. With every soft and subtle movement the shattered glass of my soul repairs itself. There has and will never be anyone able do to that to me, for me. No, only Monica will ever be the person to be able to polish my dark and tarnished soul.

"I'm sorry I'm so broken, Monica." I say between our soft sensual kisses. "I fucking hate that I can't be what you deserve, what you want." I hate myself so much. And it's true, the only time I loathe myself and my actions is when I think about how it affects Monica. There's never been a person to make me ever reflect on myself or my actions, only Monica.

"Sean, stop." Her lips say against mine. "I'm here. I still want you." I have no idea why but her statement causes me to choke back a sob. Monica pauses momentarily, pulling away from me slightly. "Do you want me to stop touching you?" Her eyes are searching mine because she knows just how much touch affects me. She knows just how fucking damaged I am.

"All I've wanted for the past few weeks is you, Monica." I hold her eyes with mine. "All I've wanted was your touch, only yours. I just want you, only you."

She gives me a soft, warm smile so I'm I confused when she steps away from me. Then I realize the only reason she stepped away from me was to strip. Once she stands in front of me, completely naked, I realize what I had been missing these past couple of weeks. There would be no one who could compare to Monica to me. Her petite frame, with its soft curves, radiated lust to me and from her lush breasts to her plump ass, Monica is utter perfection in my eyes.

I study her for a few more seconds, taking in her large brown eyes and her rich, chocolate-colored hair that settles at her waist. "You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." I would usually hate myself for making such a pussy-whipped comment but I don't hate myself it right now.

"Coming from you that is a hell of a compliment." She jokes but her cheeks still turn crimson.

"It's just the truth." Which, to me, it is. There will never be anyone like Monica to me and if these past few weeks hadn't shown me that, I don't know what would. I compared everyone to her and no one measured up, not even close.

With a vibrant smile she steps toward me, reaching for the hem of my shirt. Her hands caress me as she drags the fabric up. Monica places soft kisses on my skin while I finish taking it off. She pulls my pants and boxer-briefs to my ankles then I step out. I'm now completely naked and I watch as her eyes assess my skin.

"I missed seeing you naked." Her cheeks blush in embarrassment.

This is where my giant fucking mouth would usually say something arrogant, but I don't. I respond to her with, "Yeah, well, I've missed seeing you naked too. Honestly, you're the last woman I've seen naked." Why I added the last part I don't know but for some reason I felt like she needed to know.

"Really?"

I shrug and nod. "Yup."

Monica sucks in her bottom lip which has me instinctively pulling her into me. I fist my hand in her hair, making her head jerk back before I devour her lips with mine. She pulls me tightly against her, so that my erection is now rubbing against her soft skin. I grab her, gently swat her ass, and then jerk her body up. Her legs wrap around me, her arms cling around my neck, and her hands tangle into my hair.

Never in my life has being touched felt like this. It's only Monica who can make me crave being touched. She makes me feel things, good things, not darkness. I gently push her up against the wall near my bed. Monica is letting out small whimpers against my mouth as I begin to rub myself against her entrance.

"You're so wet." I say pulling away from her lips to look down.

I watch myself stroke against her glistening folds. I let the tip of my cock rub against her clit, causing her to tremble in my arms. I missed that, the way she quivers. I rub myself against her repeatedly until a bit of precum comes out of me onto her.

I freeze. "Monica, I need to grab a condom." I look into her hooded eyes. There's no way I am putting her through that type of hell again. No fucking way. I begin to let go of her.

"No Sean, it's okay." She says wrapping her arms around my neck tighter.

"Monica, no..."

She cuts me off with, "I was on pills before and didn't realize I had missed a few days. I, uh, kind of lost all my sense when we were in the shower." She blushes furiously. "But I got an implant, now I, uh, I can't get pregnant for four years."

I search her eyes for any hesitancy but see none. "Monica, I don't know..." I scrunch my eyebrows together because I know next to nothing about women's birth control. I always used condoms, well, other than the times I had been with Monica.

"Look, it's right here." She unwraps one of her arms from my neck and holds it out. "See that thing under my skin? There's nothing to worry about anymore, seriously."

I see it, it's about the size of a match and it's on the inside of her bicep. I didn't even know things like this existed, but now, I'm fucking glad they did. "Baby, are you sure?" My emerald eyes are cautiously probing hers because I'm still unsure of how to proceed.

She gives me the goofiest smile as she shakes her head yes. Only now does it register the endearment that I had just called her. I smile down at her and place a small kiss on her lips before pulling away again. I want to watch that face of hers contort in that lovely way it always does when I'm inside her.

I place myself at her warm, wet heat and lower her onto my cock as I thrust upwards. We both cry out loudly and at the same exact time. Monica's eyes hold mine. She's got the most beautiful large brown orbs that have the undeniable capability of seeing right through me.

I give her long slow strokes, pushing in and out of her languidly. "Fuck." She tosses her head back against the wall with a low groan. "I missed you inside of me so much." She cries out. "Fuck Sean, I missed you."

"I missed feeling you too." I thrust up into her with a rough, sharp motion making her scream out. I give her a few more like that before slowing back down to a steadier pace. "I missed you so fucking much, Monica."

I pull her away from the wall and place us both on the bed, never leaving her insides. Once I lay her flat, I bring each one of her legs to my shoulders so I can bury myself as deeply as I can in her. Her ballerina legs easily comply to the position. Seeing her like this beneath me has my carnal side rearing its head. My beautiful Monica. Mine.

My tongue tangles with hers and our breaths become more labored as I begin to pound into her. A wild scream gets muffled underneath my lips as her hands find my back and her nails dig into my skin so hard I know I'm going to bleed. She's the only one who could do something like that and make me want more. I want all of this, of her. I want every last bit.

I lift my mouth away from hers and look down at my moaning beauty beneath me. "Touch yourself." She reaches down and begins playing with her clit. "That's it, I want you to come all over me, Monica. I want you to come so hard you soak my sheets. I want you to squeeze my cock so tight with your pussy that I fill you up. I'm gunna make you a hot sticky mess, sweetheart."

"Fuck." She says as her hand begins rubbing her clit furiously. "Sean!" I can already begin to feel her tightening around me.

"You going to do that for me, sweetheart?" She starts moaning even louder as I smack myself inside of her even harder. "Tell me when you're going to come. Tell me when I can fill you up."

I can feel Monica begin to convulse beneath me as her pussy starts to spasm all over me. She lets out a series of strangled cries and moans as her orgasm rips through her. I don't come, but it takes everything in me not to. I keep thrusting into her wildly until I can feel her start to come down from her high.

She is the most fucking beautiful thing in the universe.

"Oh fuck, Sean..." she's panting breathlessly underneath me. She looks up into my still hungry eyes. "Shit, that was..." she gasps for another breath of air. "You didn't come?"

"Nope." I pull out of her then sit back on my knees. Her legs fall to the side of me limply. Once they do, I grab her and flip her over until she is face down.

"Sean!" She exclaims. What are you doing!?"

"You were a bad girl."

"What?!"

"You didn't tell me when you were going to come." I spread her knees apart and pull her hips backward slightly. Now, she is lying flat with her butt perked up in the air. I give it a hard swat.

"Ah, Sean!"

I rub my cock up and down her soaking wet slit before I thrust into her, hard, making her entire body rock forward. She grips the sheets on either side of her head, clinging to them for dear life as I ram myself into her. She screams out several times as I give myself to her relentlessly. She feels so fucking good. So tight. So wet. Just, so fucking good.

The faces she's making right now are the most magnificent fucking faces I have ever seen in my life. I don't think I'm ever going to want to stop being inside this woman. I don't think I could ever get sick of this feeling. I could never get sick of Monica.

"Sean! Oh fuck, Sean! I'm going to..." She begins to whimper into the sheets. She's telling me something I already know though because I can feel her tightening around me.

"You going to come, sweetheart?"

"Mhmm..." She manages to let out out as she begins to tremble beneath me.

"Oh fuck!" I shout as she clamps down on me, coaxing my orgasm out of me. My breath quickens as do my thrusts. The moment she cries out in pleasurable bliss is the moment I pump my load inside of her. I'm a groaning, shaking mess right along with Monica.

The orgasms I've had in bed with Monica have been the best I've ever had. I'm always screaming and making the most stupid looking fucking faces, I'm sure of it. I collapse on top of her, still stroking myself inside of her slightly until I pull myself out of her. I kiss her on her pouty lips before I roll off to the side of her.

I cock my elbow behind my head and rest my other hand on my chest as I look over at her. She's wearing the most gorgeous smile a woman could ever wear as she looks at me. Monica is still laying on her stomach as she brings her hand up to her grinning mouth. She flutters her lashes at me and I am completely fucking enamored by her.

There will never be anyone quite like you, sweetheart.

She reaches out with the hand that had been playing with her lips. She reaches for my chest, eyeing me cautiously, but I don't give her any reason to stop. Monica splays her hand out on me and I reach up to cover her hand with mine. I intertwine our fingers with a sigh of relief as the demons don't come crawling up. No, there could be no demons with this angel in my bed.

I let go of her hand and she gives me a questioning glance. "Come here." I say gesturing for her to lay on me. She quirks an eyebrow at me as if I've lost my mind. I roll my eyes at her as she hesitantly places her head on my pectoral. Her hand stays on my chest as I run mine through her chocolate colored locks.

The demons could come and try to take me if they wanted. I'm not letting this woman go tonight, not after everything. No, she makes me feel things no one ever has. She's been shown my world of darkness, heard my darkest secrets, and for some reason Monica still wants me. As broken, damaged, and tainted as I am, this woman miraculously still wants me.