I M P O N D E R A B I L I A
plural noun [im-pon-der-uh-bil-ee-uh]

Imponderables; things that cannot be precisely determined, measured, or evaluated.

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The AU part is the fact that there is no ordeal with Pennywise :)

Long one, enjoy!

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"So how is it being the only one who took a token back from the Losers Club?" Beverly teases as she sips on her peach ice tea, watching the guys pushing each other around playfully. You raise a brow at her and she laughs.

You're at the quarry you'd hang out at with the rest of the Losers Club. The weather is pleasant; the sun is shining but the subtle heat compliments the chilly breeze. You are sitting at the cliff with Beverly Marsh having a picnic while the guys were advancing towards the idea of swimming. You kept your eyes on them constantly.

You are at a Losers Club reunion after 24 years, from leaving for college. You had casual contact with the other members but nothing where you would meet up and hang out for hours on end. You like being back with all of them. They are your family... Your biological family gave up on you a long time ago.

"By token you mean person and by person, Trashmouth himself? Then yes, I could answer that for you," You respond cleverly then glance to Richie Tozier, who smile goofily at you.

Beverly moves closer to you and with a hushed tone, asks, "So? Is it nice being married to him?"

You blush slightly, fidgeting with your hands, "Well... Yeah, Bev! I mean, you guys know that he's really funny and caring, the life of the party and all but he's also, surprisingly, so romantic and gosh ugh he's so-"

The boys start to yell, capturing your attention. They continue to chant and cheer loudly, causing you to laugh with surprise. They start to yell out your husband's name and it really turns into something interesting.

"RICHIE! RICHIE! RICHIE! RICHIE!"

You watch as the boys continue playing around. Your eyes fall onto Bill, who was looking at you with a soft smile. You return the smile to him, shyly.

"OKAY, okay! You f!@#ers wouldn't even stand a chance at this age!" He exclaims then pushes the others aside. Richie takes his shirt off then his cargo shorts and throws them over to you. You widen your eyes in complete confusion and look to Beverly, who was laughing uncontrollably, for an answer.

Richie observes his surroundings and takes in a deep breath. He stands by the cliff, his feet near the extreme edge, as he peers down.

"Honey, be careful please!" You shout out, then bite your lip.

"Don't worry [y/n], there's nothing I can't-"

THUMP!

You hear the echoes of his screams, causing you to jolt up onto your feet from sitting down. Bill, Ben, Mike, Eddie and Stanley all look over the edge of the cliff with mischief and excitement, while you push your way through them. Humpty Dumpty didn't fall off... he was pushed, clearly.

"RICHIE?!" You yell out, cupping your mouth to make yourself louder. You hear your own echo, which your inner-child found exciting, but you return to focus on your lost husband. You stare at the glimmering water below the cliff but there is no sign of him anywhere.

You huff loudly then stamp your foot on the ground. You glared at the guys, who remained completely silent.

As you take your blouse off, you mumble, "Every single freaking time, I have to save these assholes..." You hold the band of the skirt and pull it down your lower body. You crumple the clothes into a neat ball then place it on top of your bag next to Beverly.

Standing in your innerwear, you push the guys aside and shake your head with dismay at them. "You guys are such pussies, I swear," You state then pinch your nose before cannonballing off the cliff.

You dive into the water quite elegantly, leading to humourous applause from the viewers on the cliff.

You emerge from under, gasping for air. You had not accounted for the tempr\erature of the water before leaping; it is freezing right now. You rub your eyes then search around for any sign of Richie. You then spot him sitting on a rock somewhere under the cliff, hugging his upper body, and staring at the ripples in the water.

Shivering from the cold, you swim over to him and he smiles at you, then sighs. You frown at him then pull yourself up onto the rocks.

A soft breeze blows over you, causing your teeth to chatter. You side-hug Richie, desperately looking for a glimpse of warmth. You look up to him and ask, "What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing..." He says flatly, then pouts, "I'm cold." You 'aw'ed then hug him tighter, your body against his chest.

"I love you [y/n]," He comments. You can hear his heart thumping in his chest. Richie doesn't usually say those words to express his feelings. He would show his love through other words and actions, and even if he ever said 'I love you', it would be playfully.

You smile softly. "I... I love you too, trashmouth," You whisper.

A series of loud splashes follows, and you see the other members of the Losers Club in the distance, with their heads sticking out of the water. You wave at them and they start to swim towards you.

"Argh, couldn't we be alone for a little bit?" Richie complains as he kisses your forehead, while his hands trail down your sides. You turn to face him and smirk, then softly place a hand against the side of his face. You kissed him on the lips slowly, trying to control your shivering.

"I thought you'd want some revenge on the guys," You suggest with a grin and he chuckles.

"Of course I do," He responds then looks to the guys swimming towards both of you, and yells, "You assholes are going to f!@#ing regret this!"

You laugh then both of you, in unison, flip all of them off.

You would have never dreamt, when you were in high school, that Richie would be the perfect match for you.

*****

1 week later...

You laugh loudly. There was no one beside you but you found the mediocre jokes from the performer on stage extremely humourous. Being wasted played a huge factor in that.

The hotel bar is reasonably busy. You spot Beverly and Ben sitting at a booth talking and smiling widely. You roll your eyes then twirl around the bar stool to face the counter. You tap your glass and smirk at the bartender who picks it up for a refill.

"Hey, [y/n]?"

You turn around with widened eyes at the voice of a man standing beside you. Bill Denbrough smiles at you as you take a seat on the stool next to you.

"Hi Bill! You l-look pleasant this e-evening," You comment with a smirk and he chuckles nervously. You raise your arm to the bartender and he returns with a pint of beer for Bill.

"No, I'm alright [y/n]," He says but you shake your head.

"Oh come on! Bill, DRINK UP!" You say, taking a shot then turning the glass upside down. You indicate for another but Bill shakes his head at the bartender. You slap Bill's arm and frown.

"So, [y/n]... Where's Richie?" He asks, glancing around the bar.

"Richie who?" You respond, causing Bill to furrow his eyebrows. After a moment, you laugh and push him playfully.

"I'm k-kidding Billy! Why are you so serious?" You place your hand against the side of his face and he looks at you with discomfort, "I have no idea where my h-husband, the love of m-my life, is! Isn't th-that sad...?"

Bill looks at you with sadness and confusion. "I haven't s-seen him since yesterday morning," You say as tears start to form in your eyes. Bill pays for the drinks then grabs your arms, as you continue to ramble aimlessly.

"What have I d-done with my life? Wh-Wh-Why did it have to happen to m-me?" You cry out as Bill lifts you up from your seat then guides you out of the bar and upstairs to your hotel room.

"I mean... d-did I do something wr-wrong? Bill, you l-like me right?" You ask as you struggle to walk properly.

"Of course I like you, [y/n]," Bill replies and you smile at him, caressing his cheek softly. Bill can't figure out what's going on with you, and he is truly concerned.

Bill opens your room door, expecting you to step inside, but you remain standing in the corridor. Unexpectedly, you wrap your arms around Bill's side, hugging him.

"Bill, can you stay with me, please?" You sob and he bites his lip. He thinks about how Richie would feel about him staying with his wife but seeing the state in which you are in, he nodded his head.

You step inside the room and Bill shuts the door behind him. He takes his jacket off and places it on the chair, then stands awkwardly.

You feel a wave of dizziness; your head starts to throb with pain. You walk over to your bed and take a seat slowly, feeling disconnected. Bill walks over and sits beside you.

"I... don't know what I'm doing anymore Bill," You state in the soberest tone of voice you have had this evening, "I hate my life right now-"

"Hey, don't say that," Bill intervenes, taking your hands in his and facing you, "What's going on, [y/n]? You can talk to me."

You shake your head as a tear rolls down your cheek. You look at him deeply, "I c-can't talk about it, it's complicated."

Bill smiles sadly, placing a strand of hair behind your ear, "[y/n], I care about you a lot so if there's anything you want to let out, I'm here for you."

You smile then lean closer to him, "Bill..." Your eyes drift to his lips and before you know it, you kiss him passionately. Bill attempts to pull away from you but you slip a hand around his waist, pulling him closer. You place your other on his cheek as he deepens the kiss.

You grip tightly onto the collar and the plackets of his flannel shirt, removing it off his shoulders with a swift action. He resists at first but then you slither your hand under his shirt, causing him to cave in and let go of his inhibitions and the tension.

You push him down so lays on the bed while you crawl over him, pinning him to the sheets. You never let your lips leave his.

Bill tugs onto your blouse, holding the bottom hem and pulling it over your head, breaking the kiss for a moment. You breathe heavily then kiss him once more.

You mess with his belt, fumbling with unbuckling it. You feel his hands slide down your sides, making you kiss him harder. He groans, resonating in his chest-

Bill pulls away from the kiss suddenly, looking at you in surprise and disorientation. He starts to sit up and place yourself onto of his lap.

"Wh-What is happening? For Christ's sake, you're married [y/n]! And still drunk," He exclaims with panic, running a hand through his hair.

"Who cares?!" You laugh, "I'm sad and lonely and I just want to be with you right now, Bill!" You lean in to kiss him but he backs away.

"No, I can't do this to you or Richie. You both are my friends," He shakes his head pushes you lightly off his lap. You huff then roll your eyes. You clench your hands into fists from frustration.

"I'm betraying Richie, being near you right now," Bill grabs his flannel shirt and walks away from the bed, "I c-can't do that-"

"RICHIE DOESN'T GIVE A F!@# ABOUT ME!" You lament, "He couldn't care less if you f!@#ed me!"

Bill looks at you, blankly. You stand up from the bed and take a step towards him. You rest your arms at your sides and shrug your shoulders.

"I'm nothing to him Bill, I don't think I ever was," You cry and he approaches you slowly.

"What's going on..." He raises an eyebrow and you laugh sarcastically.

"He's gay Bill! Richie doesn't love me, at least not like that... that's what he told me," You reveal and collapse onto the edge of the bed.

Bill gasps lightly, widening his eyes as he sits besides you. "He loves Eddie, he always has," You look to him and smile with sorrow, "He said that he was never sure about himself but over the past few years he realised that he just... liked men better. I just never saw it coming."

Bill takes a hold of your hand and rubs it softly. Teary-eyed, you began to cry your heart out.

"After twelve years of being together and being married for seven, Bill... I'm alone again," You sob and he pulls you close to his chest, lightly running his hand up and down your back, "Ever since the reunion, R-Richie's been so distant. I caught him and Eddie making out at the back of the hotel two days ago. I had coffee in my hands and I dropped it from the surprise. I ran away from him and he chased after me. We yelled and argued, I'm sure you heard all of it."

Bill doesn't say a word... he did hear a part part of it, but none of it made sense until now.

You look into his eyes and sigh. "We both cried that night. He was genuinely sad about letting me go but he couldn't help it... and I couldn't cling onto him, right?" You continue, "I still love him Bill, I love him so much, but even though he told me that he really did love me like that in the beginning... it still hurts."

Bill kisses the top of your head and rests his chin on it. He takes a deep breath and sighs, "I'm so sorry [y/n], that you have to go through something like this."

"And to think that we never got around to the talk about kids... ever. It all makes sense," You say and wipe your cheeks, "I'm not sad about him being gay. His happiness is mine but... if only he realised before I fell for him, Bill."

CLICK!

You move closer to Bill, staring at his lips. You're about to kiss him when-

"WHAT THE F!@# IS HAPPENING HERE?!" You hear Richie scream at the top of his lungs as he storms into the bedroom. He eyes your topless body and Bill's disheveled look.

As he is about to attack Bill, you stand up and rush to him. "Don't hurt him RICHIE!" You exclaim.

Richie stops, glaring at the two of you. "Get out of my hotel room Denbrough, NOW," Richie demands sternly.

Bill looks to you while you continue to stare at the ground. Richie eyes Bill's every move until he steps out of the room and shuts the door.

Richie turns his attention back to you. "I never saw you as a f!@#ing whore [y/n]," He clenches his jaw, refusing to look at you.

You watch him with disbelief and as he turns to you, you slap him across his face as hard as you can.

Tears sting your eyes and you manage to say, "How dare you call me that..."

You grab your top and your purse then head for the door, "The moment we leave Derry, we both are through RICHARD. You can live your life with Eddie for all I care!"

Richie scoffs with irritation, "F!@# YOU!"

You smirk at him then give him the middle finger. "Oh honey, you'll wish you never did!" You scowl then slam the door shut after stepping out.

You hear a series of loud noises from inside; you expect that Richie is taking hisbanger and frustration out on the furniture. He never really was one to channel his anger that properly. He'll usually use words but that doesn't mean he won't get physical.

You lean against the door and look to the ceiling, crying. You still love him but everything is becoming so hard for you to cope with.

You rub your eyes then clear your throat, then look for Bill's room to seek comfort and safety in someone who would not mind giving it all to you. That's all you really needed at the moment...