P E R F U N C T O R Y
adjective [per-fuhngk-tuh-ree]

Performed merely as a routine duty; hasty and superficial.

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You lay on the king sized bed, staring at the ceiling and twiddling with your thumbs. You were contemplating, reflecting on your decisions in life.

"H-Hey," A gruff voice greeted you on your side and you smiled softly, "You want to get some... breakfast?"

You thought for a moment then shook your head slightly. "Um, sorry I think I should get going," You said quickly then tied your hair into a ponytail.

You were hesitant to get out of bed. Your bare body felt cosy under the covers, but you were conflicted nevertheless. You wanted to get the hell out of dodge.

You spotted your undergarments by the bed side table and swiftly put them on as the man next to you flicked through his phone.

You grabbed your jeans and blouse and put those on too, then went to get your sandals-

"Why are you leaving so soon?" He asked but you refused to stop your action. You heard him sigh loudly, "You do this every single time [y/n]! You sleep with me then leave like it never happened."

"I have to leave James!" You exclaimed unexpectedly as you slipped on your sandals, "I'm sorry, I-I need to go."

You walked to the bedroom door then wrapped your hand around the door knob. You took a deep breath then glanced back at him. "I'll see you later James," You answered then exited the room and eventually the apartment.

*****

Contemplating... it was something you did a lot and you never wrapped your head around why it was so.

You sat on your couch with your legs spread out sideways, a blanket cover you from shoulders to toes. The television was switched on but you weren't paying attention to it. It acted like a filler for the silence, the volume was kept to a minimum.

You began to think about James. You knew very little about him, you had met him at a bar a couple of months ago. That night went as a one night stand, but something clicked between the two of you and you continued to meet up... just for sex though.

The 'click' wasn't strong enough to turn the both of you into significant others.

You judged yourself for sleeping with this 'stranger' but you had your own needs to be met. You have thought about maybe getting to know James a little more however in your eyes, you couldn't have a commitment yet. Your last relationship crushed you.

Your were with your ex for three years and everything was going so smoothly. But something changed and came up, and it put a pin in your relationship. You had fallen in love and it all went away with a snap of your fingers. You never thought that could happen with your ex...

But then James came along and you felt a strong sensation of attraction towards him. He clearly wanted a commitment and you... you couldn't let yourself go like that just yet.

No, you had to fix yourself first.

*****

Almost 2 weeks later...

You were desperate to get laid once again and you did the only thing you always do when you feel like it.

Although this time, you were hesitant. This time you questioned yourself before contacting him.

Maybe I shouldn't meet up with him anymore. I can't avoid his advances anymore, You thought then frowned.

You shrugged the hesitancy off then sent him a quick message. Instantly he responded, asking if he could come over to your place this time.

You clenched you jaw. The last time he had come over, weeks ago, you had started to feel genuine admiration for him. He was  charming, there was no doubt about it. You perceived him to have a nice personality, he seemed to really care about you... or at least you thought.

You sunk back into the couch and stared at the painting hanging above your television. You sighed, his face engraved into your mind.

I need to stop thinking about him, You told yourself.

*****

You breathed heavily as you reached for the bottle of water sitting on your bed side table. You took a few sips then laid on your side. Your body still trembled but you felt the feeling subside slowly.

As much as you tried to block it out and fall asleep, James presence beside you was something you couldn't ignore easily.

"Can we please... talk?" He requested with his usual raspy tone of voice. You pursed your lips together, hoping that he'd not push it further.

"Come on [y/n]," He sat up on the bed, back against the head rest and legs stretched out in front of him, "We gave to talk about this."

"I'm tired James," You said with irritation and hugged into the covers tightly.

"F!@# this," He said under his breath then stormed out of bed and grabbed his clothes. You glanced to him with confusion as he marched out of your bedroom without another word.

"James?!" You called out but he didn't reply. You quickly wore your undergarments then put on the hoodie that sat on your chair.

You ran after him, towards the main door and caught him right before he shut the door.

"JAMES," You exclaimed and he turned around with anger, "Where... Are you going?"

"Why the f!@# do you care?" He asked with annoyance and you crossed your arms, "You know I've had enough of this. I'm being used for weeks [y/n], and you refuse to give me at least five minutes of your time outside of us... f!@#ing!"

You frowned with guilt. You weren't treating him like this on purpose but...

"Look, you're a nice girl. You're sweet and sexy in bed but... I can't do this anymore," He explained, "I met you and after the first couple fo times I thought we'd become something more but we're just two people now who happen to need each other once in a while."

You wanted to say something but you found yourself lacking the ability to form an understandable sentence of words.

"Can we even call each other friends?" He said with heartbreak in his voice, "I don't think so, I don't know shit about you [y/n]."

He sighed then looked to the roof of the apartment. "Do you really want to continue this routine?" James questioned, "This repetitive non-sentimental f!@#ing?!"

You felt attacked, but it was sort of your fault that he felt like this. You weren't exactly that sociable towards him.

"We have a rough and hasty night and then one of us leaves like nothing happened," He stepped towards you and shook his head with sadness, "But there's something between us. I know you feel it too [y/n] because when we're laying against each other... I feel the vibe that we're... supposed to be together."

He stared into your eyes, melancholy in his eyes and hopelessness in his voice. You wanted to rip your hair out with frustration.

Do you let him into your life or say goodbye for one final time?

You didn't know what to choose, it could be the best or worst decision of your life.

You stepped away from him and gulped. "H-How do I know you wouldn't hurt me?" You asked quietly and he titled his head with confusion.

"Hurt you?" He repeated, "Wait [y/n], I would never hurt you or anyone else. Did someone hurt you?"

You watched him vacantly, feeling numb towards his words. You approached him slowly and wrapped your hands around his neck.

"I feel it too, but," You whispered, "I don't want to be broken again." You pulled away from the hug and he held you by the side of your upper arms.

"Give me a chance, I'm won't be like the ones before," He reassured, knowing that you were taking about an ex, and you looked to your side with tears stinging your eyes.

"[y/n] do you really want to continue this meaningless string of-"

You interrupted his words by kissing him on the lips forcefully but slowly. He stumbled back a little but then regained his balance and held you close to himself.

For the first time, you were kissing him out of your will and liking towards him. It felt a little different, you couldn't explain it.

"Do I take that as a yes then?" He asked and you smiled softly.

"Would you... want to s-spend the night... here, with me?" You invited and he nodded his head. You hugged him once more, this time resting your head against his chest.

For once in your life you felt comforted by the idea that maybe you found someone you could come home to and be happy with.

Maybe you finally could give people a chance...