C O N C U P I S C E N C E
noun [kon-kyoo-pi-suh ns, kong-]

Sexual desire; lust.

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⚠️ WARNING ⚠️
Mature content up ahead

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You turned onto your side as you laid on the couch, watching some random talk show on television, hoping that you'd start enjoying your time.

You were bored out of your mind. You wanted to do something stimulating and you've tried playing a few video games on the Xbox in your living room but nothing seems to be working.

You miss your gaming partner, who happens to be your life partner too. James is abroad filming a new project that he is producing as well. It's a psychological thriller film inspired by true events. Once he told you the story, you were excited to see how it would turn out.

But this is the first time that he couldn't come home for a break. He always comes for about five days every month to spend face to face time with his family but it's been almost three months since you've seen him and you despise it.

You've thought about surprising him on set but having a five year old son doesn't exactly allow you to have the luxury to cut everything and have a vacation. He's got preschool and he doesn't enjoy sudden change. Plus, you have your own work too and you can't afford to leave it.

And so you lay on your couch... staring at your TV, with the remote almost falling out of your hand from your loose grasp on it.

You were about to drift of to sleep as you seemingly skimmed through channels unconsciously when you stopped on one suddenly.

Your eyes widened a little. They were showing one of James' films, 'The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Him'. You started to sit up straight, leaning forward in your seat and staring at your husband's face on TV.

You saw him smiling, acting in a scene alongside Jessica Chastain. You smiled a little too. You always loved his character from that film. In some ways it did in fact remind you of James, other than the looks of course.

The characters were sitting in a car talking about something. You weren't paying attention to the words spoken but looking at every single frame with the thought 'that's my man right there'.

You grinned at yourself but then sulked. You started to miss him more and-

The scenes mood shifted, and so did yours. You watched as you witnessed him kissing the other character in the car, which then escalated pretty quickly.

It's a romance film so obviously there would be... romance. But that's not what was bothering you. All you could think off was yourself instead of Eleanor Rigby.

The way he holds you tenderly, the way he stares deeply in your eyes waiting for you to make the first move even though he know well enough that he'll end up doing it instead. The way he'd caress your cheeks and plant soft kisses on your neck and hands.

But most of all... the way he'd love you. It'd feel like it was the last day on earth, and not in a cheesy, fictional way. Every single time, he'd love you with the same passion, if not more, and you'd never get enough of it-

You sunk back in your seat, suddenly feeling numb as your body started to heat up.

You shut your eyes and rested your head back on the couch cushion, pursing your lips together.

F!@#, you thought.

You wanted him... you needed him... but he was miles away from you.

*****

You had tucked your son into bed then laid down on yours. The fire deep inside you was still alight and it was starting to frustrate you immensely.

You twisted and turned as you tried to get to sleep. The positions you usually sleep in weren't working for you tonight. You resorted to laying on on your back, one leg bent a little than the others your hands ksting on each side, close to your head.

You shut your eyes slowly, praying that your fall asleep and that your desire would be gone in the morning... but that's easier said than done. You found yourself unable to shift your mind from thinking about your husband.

Everything reminded you of him; the emptiness on the bed beside you, the night gown you were wearing that he had gifted you, the lingering scent of the perfume you had put on earlier.

You moaned slightly, quickly causing you to freeze at how unexpected it was.

You felt your hand slip under the covers slowly, reaching from your chest to your stomach and to your thighs. You thought you'd finish this once and for-

BZZZRRRKKK!

You eyes shot open and you gulped. You moved your hand away and reached for your vibrating phone, sitting on the bedside table as someone was calling.

As the bright screen glared at you, you squinted your eyes. You eyed the screen for a moment before realising that perhaps the tables would turn into your favour. The luck you have sometimes... it's almost fictional.

"Hello love!"

Yoh took a deep breath. It was James calling. You were supposed to feel overjoyed but all you felt was much worse on the inside.  "H-Hey," You croaked.

"You alright?"

"Yeah I was... just going to sleep. I'm f-fine," You lied and he sighed.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't realise the time. I'm just on my way back to the hotel when I thought I'd ring you up," He explained, "I'll call you back in the morning-"

"NO!" You exclaimed, even surprisingly yourself. There was a moment of eerie silence before James decided to break it.

"Um... Okay uh," He said then shook his head quickly, "So how are you doing? How's [y/s/n]?"

"He's fine, he slept a little early despite the um... The large chocolate bar he gobbled," You told and sighed, and James laughed. It was a sound that melted your heart.

Shit. You almost forgot about how crappy you felt.

"You know today was something fun," He sung and you smiled softly, "We had this pool scene and I had to have my trunk a-game on with the whole bod thing and the sexy wet hair going..."

As you listened to his words, at the back of your mind an image of the description was forming, making you feel astronomically worse.

You desperately wanted to tell at him to stop but something in you just... yearned for him to continue.

"I personally thought I looked horrible but... I don't know, it's a job, you know," He further added, "I'll send you some pics-"

Your heart started to thump faster than it already was. You weren't ready to gaze upon some spicy pictures of him right now.

"-when I get internet."

You pursed your lips tightly, almost cutting them with your teeth. And unexpectedly like before, you let out a decently loud moan that you immediately felt embarrassed about.

You moved yourself away from the phone to see if it was still on the call, even though you knew well enough that it was.

There was another sequence of silence and you wanted to literally crawl into a pit.

"S-So um, I had this Arabic coffee today," James shared, as if he had not heard the incident that had just occurred, "It was bitter but energizing."

"Ah... that's nice," You answered dosconnectedly.

"Hey,are you okay?" He ran a hand through his hair and you clenched your jaw, "You seem... preoccupied."

You're damn right I am, You thought.

You spent a quick few seconds to contemplate your answer then said, "I miss you."

"I miss you too honey," He smiled softly and you groaned.

"N-Not..." You squeezed your eyes shut and took a deep breath, "I w-want you."

James glanced around to see if anyone was in his proximity then whispered into the phone, "Like... want me?"

"For f!@#s sake James, what else?!" You snapped at him and he moved the phone away from his ear. You sighed slowly then rubbed your forehead.

"I'm sorry I... I've had the shittiest day ever-Actually no, the shittiest evening which has made me realise that three months is a damn long time and I just want you," You said in a rush.

James unconsciously quickened his pace. He could see the hotel at the other side of the road.

"Do you wish that I was there right now?" He asked lowly and you raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, that's what I've been trying to say..." You listened with confusion the took in a breath, "D-Do you?"

"Yes," He mumbled flatly as his eyes darted around the hotel lobby. He tried to not seem suspicious but he was doing exactly that.

"What would you do to me..." You trailed off, laying in your back and staring at the ceiling as the air conditioning filled in the silence within the room.

You heard him breathe deeply then clear his throat as you anxiously waited for a reply. You were so still and silent that you could hear your heart thump and see your chest vibrate slightly.

"I'd play with your hair slowly, run my hands over the strands spread across the pillow case," He narrated, in a daze, "I'd... stroke your cheek gently as you'd smile back at me, pulling me closer to you."

You shut your eyes as an image of him faded into your mind while he acted out what you heard over the phone.

"What else would you do to me honey," You breathed out.

You heard a low rumble of some sort of machine or engine running then realised that he had gone silent all of a sudden. You felt empty...

"James?" You whispered but you got no response.

You frowned. Turns out that he was standing in an elevator with another passenger, and you didn't have a clue.

TING!

"Good evening," James said then walked out of the elevator, darting for his hotel room at the end of the hall. He fumbled as he searched his pants for his wallet then removed the room key card and unlocked the door.

"I'm sorry love, are you there?" He asked and you mumbled a response.

"Is that all you'd do?" You challenged and he smirked a little.

"I'd kiss you so gently to start, because I know how hesitant you are at first," He continued his description and you smiled shyly, "You'd run your hands through my hair and on my chest, and I'd want you kiss me back harder but you never start like that."

"Not everytime..." You mumbled and he chuckled, one that was extremely raspy and it made your stomach tingle.

"Love, you do that every single time," He answered then huffed playfully, "But once I drift to your neck and your sweet-spot, and I get that one first lustful moan that happens to escape your lips, I know that I've got you wrapped around my finger and I can do anything I want."

The conversation escalated quickly, much to both of your surprise, even though you highly suspected it would. His words and his tone of voice... your insides were burning for him but you could only get him through the phone. It wasn't the same but at least you were about to feel less horny.

You felt more awake and alive than you have in a long time. You wanted him to faster but you didn't want to rush him and lose out on the feeling.

Between the words he said you could constantly hear him grunting in the background; it made you feel more aroused.

"F!@# James, I think I'm going to-"

Your eyes darted to the bedroom door and you started at it. Through the dark you couldn't make out what caught your attention but you knew that something was there. You heard a soft voice.

"Wh-What's going on?" He asked, lost for breath.

You groaned with the utmost frustration then fumbled out of bed. You didn't respond to James, you just headed for the door even though your body tried to stop you from doing so.

You nearly fell from feeling dizzy as soon as you got up. You opened the door and found your son staring back and up at you.

You frowned. Suddenly your frustration drowned away and you smiled softly at your boy.

"Mama it's cold..." He mumbled and you held his hand, leading him back to his bedroom.

You fixed the thermostat temperature then kissed him goodnight and tucked him into bed. You say at the edge of his bed till he fell asleep, feeling extremely tired all of a sudden.

You sulled back to your room then stared at the phone that was laying on your bed. You realised that you had left then phone call going.

"James?" You said and he took a deep breath.

"What happened?" He asked and you sat on your bed.

"It was [y/s/n]. His room got too cold," You said then rubbed your face, "Um... James, I think I'm going to sleep. I'm t-tired."

"What..."

"We'll... another time," You said shakily and he frowned.

"What about me here?! I'm... u-unfinished!" He said with a humourous sort of tone, clearly trying to cheer your ruined mood.

The truth was that you didnt want to end the call just yet. You wanted to go on. You were enjoying yourself and you felt the best you have in a while. The best part was that even though your husband was miles away, you suddenly felt as if he was right next to you, and it made you feel better about missing him.

"Fine," You fell back onto the bed the spread your legs and arms out, "Come on and f!@# me quickly before I pass out."