Filler Chapter

***

Ned: So wait. Whenever bullet are involved, you can suddenly do math in your head?

Peter: Hold on. What's the value of bullets if 6bullets² + 11bullets - 35 = 0?

Wade: Umm... 1.6666 recurring. How can you possibly have 0.6666 bullet?!

Peter: Okay...then what if it were cabbage, babe?

Ned: What is 100 cabbage ÷ 4 cabbage?

Wade: fits in twice then-

Wade: Nah, doesn't work.

Wade: Can I go unalive someone now?

***

Ned: Peter is really cute when he talks about science.

Peter: Thank you Ned.

MJ: I disagree

MJ: I love his expression in bed more

Peter:

Ned:

The Avengers:

Ned: GIVE ME BACK THE YOUNG AND INNOCENT PETER-

***

Peter: I love red

Wade: *wears a red DP hoodie*

Peter: And science

Wade: *wears a lab coat*

Peter: Oh, and Delmar's sandwiches

Wade: *runs to the store*

Peter: And Wade of course

Wade: *tries to fit in the box*

Ned: *looks at Wade*

Ned: The fuck you're doing man?

***

Ned: A week ago, I accidentally slept with Betty.

Peter: Really?

Ned: Yes.

Peter: You accidentally slept with Betty?

Ned: Yes.

Peter: Accidentally?

Ned: Yes.

Peter: I don't understand. Did you trip or something?

MJ: Just let it go, loser.

***

Thor: *hugs Loki*

Loki: What in Odin's name is this?

Thor: Midgardians call it affection, brother.

Loki: Disgusting.

Loki:

Loki:

Loki: Do it again. NOW!

***

Ned: Omg omg omg omg! We're going to see the Avengers museum for the first time! Even before our class!

Ned: *claps hands happily like a seal*

Peter: Guys! Over here! The prototype of Cap's shield! The one that got frozen along with him!

MJ: *looks at Wade with a smirk*

MJ: I dare you to lick it. Just for scientific purposes of course. I want to see if your tongue will get stuck like how they claim to be in cold places

Wade: *no hesitation* Yes.

Wade: *licks the shield*

Wade: Nothing

MJ: Oh I know. But your boyfriend is somewhat mad.

Wade: Well shi-

***

Peter: What are those?!

Shuri: These are my crocs!

Tony:

T'Challa:

The Avengers:

Tony: What are those?

Scott: This is my flip phone!

Tony: No seriously. What is that?

Scott: You seriously don't know what it is?

Tony: I wouldn't be asking if I knew it, would I?

***

Ned: I can't wait for my 19th birthday!

Peter:

Peter: Oh no, when did I get this old?!

Peter: I'm practically your grandpa!

Peter: I must settle in an armchair in a bungalow with a wooden crane and dusty portraits of time gone by-

Ned: You're just a month older than me Peter-

Peter: DON'T SPEAK TO YOUR GRANDPA LIKE THAT YOUNG MAN-

***

Ned: Why do trees seen suspicious on sunny days? They just seem a little shady!

Peter: I think my girlfriend is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns!

Ned: What songs do Santa's elves listen to? Wrap music!

Peter: I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work!

Ned: I asked my French friend if he played video games. He said "Wii"!

Peter: I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It seems a bit fishy!

Mr. Harrington: Michelle, please stop your friends.

MJ:

MJ: *not looking up from her book* Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands.

Ned: Ba dum tss...

Peter: YESSS MJ!!!!!!

Mr. Harrington: Not you too...

***

Ned: Do you think I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Peter: I don't think that's a good ide-

MJ: A loser AND a coward. Do 20.

***

Tony: If I die, I want you to carry my coffin

Steve: Wow, Tony. That's very kind of you-

Tony: So you can let me down one last time

Steve:

Tony:

The Avengers:

Peter: OHH BURN!!! DO YOU NEED SOME ICE, CAP? OH WAIT. YOU'RE ALREADY A CAPSICLE!

*Peter and Tony high fives*

***

[Steve, T'Challa, Tony, and Clint meet up for lunch]

T'Challa: I don't know how you do it, Steve. How do you control a whole team?

Steve: I don't

Tony: I can't even control my 3 kids.

Clint: At least my kids aren't too bad. I Can leave them home alone now.

[Steve's phone rings]

Steve:

Steve: That was Nat. Apparently, Sam is shaking on the floor losing his shit again.

Steve:

Steve: Oops, LaNgUaGe

***

Ned: So what is it like dating MJ?

Peter: Once, I asked her for a cup of water while she was pissed. She came back with a cube of ice on a plate and said "wait, loser".

Peter:

Peter: I'm so inlove with her

***

Rhodey: You're smiling. Did something good happen?

Tony: So I can't smile just because I want to?

Peter: Wade tripped and cut his own arm off during training.

***

Kidnapper: Hello Tony Stark. I have your kid.

Tony: Um, hi? Who's this? And I don't have a kid.

Kidnapper: Then who just asked for a capri sun orange and some of Delmar's sandwich number five with pickles squished down real flat?

Tony: Oh.

Kidnapper: What do you mean 'oh'?

Tony: You have Peter. And he has you, not the other way around.

Tony:

Tony: Just give him what he wants and you might not get as many bruises as planned.

***

Peter: Mr. Stark...I don't feel so good...

Peter: I have this headache that comes and goes.

*Wade walks in*

Peter: Oh here it is again.

***

Hydra: Status report on Sam Wilson.

Bucky: Target has been taken out.

Hydra: Very good-

Bucky: We went to have a picnic on the beach and I proposed. His last name is Barnes now. Get your facts straight.

***

MJ: I have feelings for you.

Peter: *blushes* R-really?

MJ: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like you're a little annoying.

Peter:

Peter: *grits teeth* The feeling is mutual.

***

Tony: Why are you naked?

Peter: I don't have any clothes.

Tony: Sure you do. Look at this jacket, jeans, slacks, t-shirt, oh hey Katniss, polo-

***

Peter: I only ask of you for one thing.

Wade: I will do anything for you. I promise.

Peter: Then perish.

Wade: *repeatingly shoots himself* 

Wade: *sobbing* It's not working, babyboy!

***

Nat: You must be tired.

Clint: No, I'm not. I'm refreshed and ready to beat someone up.

Nat: I was talking to Wanda.

Clint: W-well I was talking to...Scott! Yeah, I was talking to Scot.

Scot: *comes out of the bathroom* someone called me?

***

Thor: *holds hand out for Mjolnir*

Steve: *holds hand out for Mjolnir*

Vision: *fighting with Mjolnir* CAN YOU PLEASE STOP? I CAN'T FIGHT WHEN YOU TWO ARE FIGHTING OVER MJOLNIR

***

Ned: Your smile? It makes my day.

Peter: Your happiness? Is what I strive for.

Wade: Hotel? Trivago.

***

Peter: Is it okay if I swear?

Tony: Yes. It's fine. You can do it.

Peter: F-f-fu...

Tony: Yes, go on.

Peter: *sobs* I can't do it, Mr. Stark! I can't say 'fuck'!

Tony:

Peter:

Steve:

Steve: LaNgUaGe!¡!

***

Peter: If it's heads, I won't pineapples on pizza. And if-

Wade: Yes, if I win, you get pineapples on pizza. Because it doesn't suck.

Peter: Ok, remember the rules, heads I win, tails you lose.

Wade: Just flip.

Peter: *flips coins* Ha! Tails!

Wade: Dammit! I can't believe I lost 57 nights in a row! I just want some goddamn pineapples!

***