𖤓 𖤓 𖤓

I drag my feet down the hall, completely over today, as I head to my room. I need a fucking drink.

I swallow harshly as I scroll through my phone and my stomach drops at all of the notifications as it continues blowing up.

I have about twenty missed calls from Ashley and a million Instagram and TikTok notifs...

I hastily open TikTok first to the same video I was on earlier and see I've been tagged about a thousand times in something and the messages are overflowing. I reluctantly click on the comments of the video and begin scanning through.

'Golden Girl's gay?!'

'What a loss for the dudes'

'Ew, who's the butch chick she's making out with...'

'Immediately unfollow'

'Golden Girl's GAY????'

'She's so less hot now'

'This would turn me on if the chick she was making out with was hot'

'Golden Girl just became 20 times less attractive...'

'Noooo'

My ears start to ring as my breath shortens. I reframe from melting my phone as turn it off and rip my door open throwing myself into my room I immediately dive to my mini fridge.

"Please, please, please..." I dig around before pulling out fireball from the back of the fridge, yes! With a spin and flick the cap flies off and I start chugging.

Fuck it. Fuck it all.

𖤓 𖤓 𖤓

I put on the largest sun hat I can find that'll cover my face and sway my way through campus for some dinner, soaking up the sunshine and warmth. I'm a fireball and vodka bottle in, feeling good, and feeling nothing.

Jordan wants to ignore and forget what happened, great, Rufus is who the fuck knows where, I can't feel my toes, and I just wanna be done with everything.

I almost trip on a branch when suddenly I hear my name.

"Goldie!" Andre calls out, rushing up to me. "Goldie, what the fuck, I've been trying to cal-"

"Woah." I giggle, leaning my hand against him to push myself up right.

"Are you drunk right now?" He whispers, leaning in closer.

"Uhhh..." I look at his worried face, trying to focus on his words. "I don't know... are you?" I lean forward, whispering back.

"Look, I need you help. And take that stupid hat off." He shakes his head at me with a sigh.

"Ugh, rude." I scoff, reaching up at my head before everything starts to spin a little. "Whoo."

Andre groans. "Let's go. You're coming to my room now." He slips his arm under mine.

"Woah, wait, woah- what's the rush?" I giggle. "I was going to get Vought Burger."

"Yeah, well I was just there. You wanna know how?" He asks as we slowly start walking back across campus. If I ever have to walk across this campus again it'll be too soon.

"Uhh, cause you were hungry, I don't know!" I shrug as he bats my hat out of his eyes.

"Come on, I'll tell you in my room." He quickly looks over his shoulder, making sure no one heard my outburst.

𖤓 𖤓 𖤓

Magnet sighs, shutting the door behind him, he sits me on his bed before quickly moving over to his fridge.

"Here." He holds out a Vought Water and I reluctantly take it. I don't want to sober up. He paces back and fourth for a minute and I watch his hand tick before he rubs his palms down his jeans. "Goldie, are you okay?"

No. God, no.

"Are you?" I furrow my brows looking up at him. "Why couldn't we get dinner?" I lean back to rest on my elbows, wishing I had the ability to turn this water into tequila as I start sipping slowly.

"I went to Rufus's room after you and Jordan tried to chase him down." He says. Ah.

"And?" I wait, hoping he beat the shit out of him. He would. He would for any of us.

"I had him, right by the fucking throat-" He hold his hand up. "And then I blink and I'm standing in the Vought Burger line."

I grit my teeth, sighing in frustration. "That motherfucker."

"Yeah." He nods slowly causing me to tilt my head.

"It wasn't your fault."

He sighs.

"Come here." I pat the bed, scooting over, I lay on my back staring up at the ceiling and he does the same.

"I know. It's not." He speaks after a moment. "I just feel like I should be doing more."

"You're here, for me. That's enough." I smile, turning my head to the side he does the same.

"What's going on between you and Jordan?" He looks me dead in the eyes. "And don't give me what you told me at the club. Not this time." Damn.

"I-uh-" I sigh, choking on my words.

"Do you love them?"

"Yeah, but I love you, and Cat-" I hurry out, dizziness swirling through my brain.

"No, are you in love with them?"

"I can't answer that." I screw my eyes shut.

"Why not?" Andre asks gently. I feel like I'm on fire. Like I'm living my worse nightmare and I'm drowning in flames, unable to breathe, or think, or--

"Because then it'll all be to real." I say, my voice coming out hoarse. Opening my eyes back up, tears begin to form in the corners of my eyes.

"Do you want to be with them?" Magnet asks.

I lick my lips, tasting the metallic trace from biting the inside of my cheek too hard. "Doesn't matter."

"It does." He nods quickly, so sure.

I throw my head back with a chuckle. "But what will everyone say?"

"Who gives a fuck what anyone thinks?" He laughs, placing a hand on my shoulder I lean my head back up to look at him. "Luke didn't." I smile, no he didn't.

'Who gives a fuck what anyone thinks...'

All those nasty comments play through my min.... but none of those matter.

They don't fucking matter. Jordan does.

I wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about all of it. I mean I don't but... I do. But I can't...

But I need to. For my sake and sanity.

"I have to go." I exhale, finally speaking again.

"Yeah?" Andre grins.

Blinking rapidly, I sit up and Andre follows. "Yeah." I nod slowly. "Yeah, I think I do."

"Come here." He motions, pulling me in tightly and I cling on to him. "Love you, Goldie." He squeezes.

"Love you, Magnet." I smile, genuinely. And it feels good. It feels great actually. "You are enough, and you do enough. I promise."

"Go." He releases, waving me off. "Get outta here."

I roll my eyes, rising to my feet. I pinch my fingers together, little sparks of sunlight shimmering down to the carpet as I head for the door.

"You deserve to be happy." He says. "If not for you, then for Luke. And me."

I glance back at him over my shoulder. "Thank you." I whisper.

"Anything. Always." He nods firmly and I leave his room.

𖤓 𖤓 𖤓

𝟶ʙᴜᴛᴛᴇʀʙɪsᴄᴜɪᴛ𝟽 sᴘᴇᴀᴋs!

Our girl's waking up y'all, she's waking up!!!

Goldie & Magnet>>>> ALWAYS!! I truly don't think I've ever written a more beautiful, selfless, & genuine friendship than I have between these two!! Ugh, writing them just makes my heart so full!!

And it makes me wanna sob that Andre knows Iliana doesn't think she deserves to be happy, so he told her to be happy for him & Luke😭😭😭

Also, the scene between them where he asks if she's drunk was DEF inspired by Aegon in S2 whispering to Otto about the sheep saying 'they don't have to know' lmao bc idk why this scene just gave me that energy & I needed that those vibes hahaha.

Now, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do... but leaving y'all on a cliffhanger for two days...🫣 the rest of episode 5 chapters will be out THIS Thursday!! *evil writers laugh here, muhahaha*

Love y'all so much & thank y'all endlessly for 8k+ reads on this book!! AND HAPPY 10 MONTHS TO GEN V!!! My absolute fav show <3

See y'all Thursday ;)