I slowly opened my eyes to see a pure white ceiling staring at me. I fluttered my eyes as it took me a few minutes to adjust to the bright light that was emitting. My lungs were filled with a familiar scent of antiseptic and my eardrums caught the sound of bustling. I could feel beads of sweat rolling down my forehead and neck and my heartbeat pacing than usual. 

It took me another few minutes to realize that I was in a hospital, lying on a bed with a needle painfully connected to the vein in my hand. I licked my cracked lips and gulped down my own saliva to not make my throat more dry than it was. I closed my eyes again before mumbling, "Water."

"Elka."

I turned my head to the side to see the face that soothed my pacing heart. But that was only for a second as the next second hit me with a blow of realization. The realization of who was Danish behind that facade he wore in front of me. A frown automatically crawled up between my eyebrows as Clay's words started running on my mind.

"Elka, you're awake. Thank God!" Danish cried.

"I want water," I said, avoiding his gaze.

"Yeah, sure. Wait," he said and took a glass and a bottle of mineral water from the table on a corner of the room. He walked towards me and poured the water as I slowly sat up. 

I drank the water in one go, letting it flow through my partially dried throat. 

"Want more?" Danish asked to which I shook my head and held out the glass. 

After keeping it back on the table, Danish took a seat next to me on my bed.

"What happened to me? Why am I here?" I asked, killing the silence.

"The doctor said that you were under stress and anemic," he said, keeping the loose strands of hair behind my ear. "Also, this blacking out was a reaction to an emotional trigger."

"What emotional trigger?" I asked him, completely baffled. 

His hands lost contact with my skin and his eyes fell down. My mind went back to the moment of his out of the blue confession with lanterns floating around us yesterday night  at the beach. I nodded my head understandingly. 

It was a moment that should've made me feel like the luckiest and blessed girl but in reality, it was the exact contrast. Only if Danish didn't lie to me. Only if he told me who he was.

"Elka," he called me to which I reluctantly looked at him.

"I meant what I said. I mean it when I say I lov-"

"Did Zinnia and Lily know that I'm here?" I cut him off.

"Huh? Yea- yeah. I called them. I said I'll drop you when they were about to drive here," he replied. 

"Ok." I nodded. "Did the doctor say when I'll get discharged?"

"She said you can go when you feel better."

"I feel better now. I want to go home."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I just wanna go home," I said.

"Ok, wait here. I'll call the nurse," he said and walked out of the room while I laid down back on the bed. 

I knew as a matter of fact that if I allowed him to complete that sentence, I would have slapped him then and there. The anger that was filling up inside me was under control but I didn't know how long I would be able to calm my nerves. He lied to me through his teeth, disguised as someone, played a two faced asshole in front of me and then he was confessing. I couldn't take any more of his shit. I just couldn't. 

The nurse walked into the room followed by Danish. They took out the needle that pierced into my skin to which I winced and looked at Danish. He came to my side and caressed my hair to which I leaned into his touch. I didn't want to but I did because in that room, the only thing that eased my pain was him, no matter how deep was the cut he gave me on my frail heart and put me back in the cage of my demon. The cage of my phobia. 

»»---------------------►

"My baby!" 

Lily came running as soon as I opened the door of my house, her voice showing how much she was worried about me.

"Lily, slow down. You have another baby in your belly," Danish said to which Lily scowled. 

"Shut up! You should've taken care of her. You're her boyfriend Danish!"

"So?" I asked Lily that threw both her and Danish off guard. "I can take care of myself."

"Yeah and that's why you ended up on a hospital bed," Danish said, chuckling. 

"I was perfectly fine a few days back. Someone put me on a hospital bed," I threw back at Danish that made him halt his chuckle and frown.

"Woah! Calm down tigress," Zinnia said, coming from the kitchen and engulfed me in a hug. "You ok?" she asked, retreating to which I nodded my head.

"I'm gonna go rest," I said and walked away from them, away from him. 

"Bye, Elka," I heard Danish saying but my mind said to continue walking and so I did, causing some whispers and murmurs to erupt in the hall.

I laid down on my bed after slipping into comfy clothes. I didn't know what to do. I was so lost. Lost all alone in a turmoil that the guy I assumed to be the one put me in. I wanted to ask him. I wanted to ask him myself whether what Clay told me was true or not. 

Whether he was the biggest playboy of Whitecliff before coming to my college. Whether he fucked different girls every night and gave them names and made their life abyss. Whether he pushed an innocent girl to the edge of a cliff when all she did was love him. Whether he did all those satanic sins before being my boyfriend. Boyfriend of a girl who was scared to death of falling in love. 

"Elka?"

Danish's voice came from the other side of my unlocked door. 

"What?" I asked him.

"Can I come in?"

I sighed and said, "Yes, you may come in, Danish Rivera!"

He opened the door with a frown on his face. 

"What's with the full name?" he asked to which I sat up and shrugged. "You forgot your cell phone. It was in my pocket," he said as he kept it on my study table.

"Thanks! Now you may leave. I wanna take some rest," I said, looking everywhere except his face. The face of a goddamn liar!

"Elka, is there something going on? Something bothering you? Something bothering us?" he asked, his finger pointing back and forth between me and him.

"Well, is there something?" I asked him back.

"Is there something you are hiding from me, Danish?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, his face screaming confusion, anger and most importantly, fear.

"I mean," I got up from my bed and walked towards him, "what I said. Are you fucking lying to me, you fucking liar?"

"Ly-lying about what? Elka, I-I seriously don't know what you're talking about."

"Then why the hell are you stuttering, Dan?" I asked to which he gulped. "Why the hell did you lie to me that you hate fuckboys to guts? Like me?"

"I-I..." he trailed off. I could feel his breath being shallow and finding difficulty to form convincing words.

"Why didn't you tell me that you're not at all different from that fucking Grayson, you fucking man whore?" I yelled on top of my lungs to which Danish stood numb. 

It was as if I poured a bucket of ice cold water over his head. I could sense him being manic as he got caught, finally, by me. The tears that were yearning to be unbinded clouded my eyes, making my vision blurry.

"Why did you do that to an innocent girl? Why did you make a girl cry until her last tears had drained, why did you break a girl who loved you, Danish? Why?" I yelled again as my hands harshly went through the books on the table, hitting the floor with a loud thud. This time, those tears rolled down, just like me falling from the ecstasy of love.

"Elka. Calm down. Listen to me," he said, trying his utmost to pacify me which was a vain attempt. 

"Calm down? You have got some fucking nerves to tell me to calm down when you couldn't calm yourself when you were a fucking dog in heat! And what do you want me to listen to? To your lies? Didn't you have enough feeding me with your fucking lies you motherfucker!"

"Elk-"

"Did you see me just like her, an easy target? Did you take advantage of my phobia, of my helpless state? Did you even mean when you said you fucking love me?" I shouted.

"No! I have never seen you like that!" He shouted back. "I didn't see you as a target. I didn't take advantage of you or your fear but instead I wanted to help you. And I meant it with everything when I said I love you, Elka!"

I kept my silence all these days as I thought I was overthinking and didn't want to ruin whatever we had. I kept my silence even when Clay disclosed about Danish to me as I didn't believe Clay at first. I kept my silence as I loved Danish, with all of my scarred, healing and tenuous heart. But what did I get in return? My wounds to be opened again and strewed with salt which he might have preferred to call 'love', when it was all a lie. A sweet, sugar-coated lie. 

"Why did you, Danish? Why?" I asked. 

And then, I broke down completely. I didn't care if I looked vulnerable and stupid in front of him. I just wanted to release the wrath in me that was fuming every single time I saw his face or even said his name. My knees buckled and I dropped myself down to the floor like a leaf that withered and fell from its branch. 

"Elka..." he trailed off. I heard sobs leaving his mouth but I refused to believe those tears. 

"Enough with the crocodile tears, Danish. Now get out of my room!" I said, harshly wiping the tears off my face. 

"Elka, please. Hear me out, baby," he said, coming towards me.

"Don't you dare baby me you fucking coward! And stop where you are. I don't wanna see you and let alone have your vile presence near me. Just get lost, Danish!" I said, not giving a damn about the tears that profusely and continuously rolled down my cheeks. 

Danish stood at his spot for a few seconds before coming towards and squatting in front of me.

"Elka..."

No, I didn't want to see him. I didn't want him here. I didn't want Danish in my life anymore!

"Can't you see, Danish?" I asked, meeting my bloodshot eyes with his that was welled up as well. "Can't you see you're hurting me? Can't you see what you're doing to me when you promised that you will never hurt me? Even with a single word?"

Tears streamed down our faces and that moment was the moment of falling apart. I was crying. He was crying. We were crying until we ran out of tears, our hearts breaking together as they were still one. But I had to detach my heart from his, myself from him, as I didn't want to repeat my history. I was convinced that love wasn't made for me and I wasn't made for love.

"It's over, Dan. This," I pointed at him and then at me, "is fucking over."

"Elka..." he cried.

"Please, leave me. Leave me alone. I want to live. If not happily, at least I want to live, Dan. So leave me alone," I said, my voice trembling but low and tranquil. It was just my voice that showed tranquility, but my mind, unendurable pain strangling it, making me suffocate. 

Danish wiped his tears and looked at me. 

"I'm sorry for hurting you," he said and stood up. 

He turned his heels, opened the door and took a last glance at me before mumbling, "I love you, Elka."

Then, he closed the door behind him and walked away. From my room, from my house, from my heart and from my life.

Hearing footsteps approaching my room, I quickly got up and locked the door. I heard a knock on my door and that was enough to produce a roar from me. 

"Leave me alone!" I shouted at my door, more like at the two girls on the other side of the door who were worried sick for me.

I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted to be myself. After all, that was what my life threw at me but the pig-headed Elka went against it and look where I was.

No more knocks were heard but the retreating footsteps from my door indicated that Lily and Zinnia showed heart to give me space and time. I dragged my weak legs to the bed and plopped down, facing the ceiling. I closed my eyes as Clay's words flooded my mind again.

"Elka, Danish isn't the guy who you think he is.

"What do you mean, Clay?"

"I want you to be strong because what I'm going to tell may break you, Elka."

"What is it?"

"After that day, I asked my sister about Danish when we got back. At first, she was hesitant to tell me anything but then she said she wanted you to know about him. See, I know that you hate Grayson, the playboy of our college like anything. Will you- will you believe me if I say that Danish is also someone like Grayson?"

"What?"

"Will you believe me if I say that Danish was the biggest fuckboy of Whitecliff?

"Wh-what are saying Clay? Danish hates fuckboys just like me. We once had a fight because I asked him whether he was one and he got trigg-"

My words got stuck in my throat as I remembered how triggered he was when I asked him whether he was a playboy on the night of the BBQ party. And then, how his face dropped and became all gloom and doom when I said about Grayson. I knew something was off but never in a million years I thought Danish was a playboy, who played with girls, their hearts and feelings, and threw it away like it was nothing. How could he?

"Elka? You there?"

"Ye-yeah. I'm here. Continue."

"Yeah, so the truth is Danish was indeed a playboy and a big trouble at his previous college. My sister wouldn't lie about such a thing and I can guarantee you that with all my life. Danish didn't just sleep around with random girls every night but also..."

"Also? What?"

"He-he made an innocent girl's life a misery!"

"What? How? Why?"

"Yes, Elka. He did. If Grayson allured virgin girls and talked shit about them the next day to his friends, Danish is way worse than him. He almost put a girl's life at stake."

"Who was that girl?"

"I don't know her name as my sister forgot. But as long as my sister remembers, the girl was an introvert, very quiet, timid and nerdy. So she was constantly bullied and Danish once saved her from bullies. He befriended her and talks like they were dating and all were spread within a few days. Then it was heard that Danish slept with that girl and when she confessed to him on valentines day, he rejected and poked mullock at her in front of the whole college, just like you did to Grayson."

"Then?"

"After that day, she didn't come to college. Some said she got TC and some said she left the town and others didn't care and by others I meant Danish. And after two months, he came here. But everyone knows Danish so well as he was that popular player of Whitecliff. This is what happened, Elka."

"Ok. Thanks, Clay."

I cut the call. My heart, it downright broke then and there. I felt myself slowly losing balance as my cloudy vision was spinning. But before I came in contact with the cold floor, I pushed my whole wrecked mind and body onto the mattress. Even though I lied down on a soft cloud like bed, I felt prickles poking my entire body, from everywhere. That tingling sensation made its way to my heart and poked mercilessly, until every globule of blood had drained.

Why did he lie to me all this time? Why did he do such a horrid thing and that too to an innocent girl? Why did he play with her? Was he playing with me, just like he did to her? Did he see me as an easy fucking target? Did all that hugs and kisses mean anything to him? Did I mean anything to him? Did he mean those lulling words that broke my dim world with sunshine? Was this some kind of retribution to what I did to Grayson? Or to myself? A bad karma? But Grayson deserved that. Me, what did I do? What did I do to have such a life that only caused me to tear up whenever I found solace in that euphoria? Didn't I deserve to be happy? Didn't I deserve to be loved? Didn't I deserve to live? Didn't I?

Oh, love
How I miss you every single day
When I see you on those streets
Oh, love
Tell me there's a river I can swim that will bring you back to me
'Cause I don't know how to love someone else
I don't know how to forget your face
No, love
God, I miss you every single day and now you're so far away