𝕀 was already sitting on one of the bunk beds with my sister and her handmaiden Shae when Cersei finally entered with Tommen, dressed in a red gown and an elaborate gold corset imprinted with flames - the feminine, queenly equivalent of battle armor. "I don't know why she wants me here", Sansa whispered. "She's always saying how stupid I am, she hates me." "Maybe she hates you less than she hates everyone else", Shae pointed out. I smirked. Everyone didn't quite hit the mark. She didn't hate me - far from it. "I doubt it", Sansa replied in a low voice, looking over to where Cersei had taken a much more comfortable seat than our own and received her first wine of many that night. "Maybe", Shae continued, "she's jealous of you." Sansa's voice grew even quieter. "Why would she be jealous?" At that moment, Cersei called us over to her. "Sansa? Vallery?" We got up and approached her. "I was wondering where our little doves had flown", she said while having her wine cup refilled already. She turned to Sansa first, purposefully avoiding giving me any extraordinary attention. "You look pale, child." She did indeed. "Pour Lady Sansa and Lady Vallery some wine", she ordered. "I'm not thirsty, Your Grace", Sansa politely declined, while I eagerly took the cup from Cersei's hands. "So? I didn't offer you water", Cersei dryly remarked. Sansa hesitantly accepted the glass, then looked with unease at Ilyn Payne, the man who had killed our father, standing in the corner. "What's he doing here?", she asked, a hint of an edge in her voice. "Ser Ilyn? He's here to defend us. When the axes smash down those doors, you may be glad to have him." Defend us with our father's own sword, I thought bitterly. A southerner had no right to wield Ice, it was a blade as tough and cold as the North we were made of. "But we have guards to defend us", Sansa objected. Guards that answer to the highest bidder. "Guards we have paid. Should the city fall, they'll be the first ones out of the doors", Cersei expressed my thoughts exactly. Was Ser Ilyn any more loyal to her, though? When she had asked Joffrey to spare my father, had he stopped the execution? I worried he might be no better than the guards, worse actually, because he couldn't even announce his treason in advance in lack of a tongue. He was a silent killer whose intentions you had no way of knowing, plus he too was hired, albeit sworn. Yes, I doubted he'd be of any more use guarding than those Cersei was so disparaging about. 

An armored man entered swiftly, halted and bowed before Cersei and reported: "The lads caught a groom and two maids trying to sneak away with a stolen horse and gold cups." "The battle's first traitors", Cersei commented with sarcastic fascination. "Have Ser Ilyn see to them. Put their heads on spikes outside the stables as a warning." The man nodded and retreated with Ilyn Payne in tow. Cersei turned back to us, swirling her wine. "The only way to keep the smallfolk loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they fear the enemy. Remember that, if you ever hope to become a queen." I couldn't tell who that last part was truly addressed to. Probably Sansa, as she would be queen as soon as she married Joffrey, but if there was a way for me to marry Cersei... what would that make me? "You said he was here to protect us", Sansa said. Cersei drank deep, keeping eye contact with my sister, then simply said: "He is. Traitors are a danger to us all. More wine." She held out her cup once again for refilling. I chugged down the last of mine and handed it over as well. Drunk Cersei was best spoken to in equal drunkenness, I had found, and she was looking to be drinking a lot tonight. Since she appeared to be done with the conversation, Sansa returned to the other women, but I stayed behind. "Are you done ignoring me now?", I teased. "Vallery, I-" "I know, I know, we must stay inconspicuous", I was quick to calm her. "So, my little cub, tell me something. Anything. I am dying of boredom, and yours is the only company in here I can stand." "More than stand, I should hope", I interrupted her. She only smirked and looked at me expectantly. "What do you want me to tell you?", I asked. Cersei shrugged, so I continued. "I can tell you that I love you, but I imagine you're quite bored of hearing that by now, too." "Never", she said. "Okay. I love you. I love you. I love-" "Alright, maybe you could think of something else", Cersei smiled. I put a hand to my chin. "Hmm... we could practice our Valyrian." "I'm not in the mood for such tasks", Cersei sighed, "and way too drunk to focus, anyways." As if to emphasize her point, she refilled her glass yet again. "My sister thinks you hate her", I said, changing the topic. "Is her judgement correct?" Cersei regarded me for a moment over the rim of her cup. "Yes and no", she finally said. "I have my reasons for... being wary of her, and I admit I could think of better matches for Joffrey, someone more strong-willed like him. But I could never hate someone close to you. Besides, she's a sweet enough girl who has endured a lot, although I must say she's not the smartest. Speaking of, what is your sister doing?"

I turned my head to see Sansa gathered in what looked to be a prayer circle. "Sansa, come here, little dove", Cersei called out. "My queen", she curtsied. "What are you doing?", Cersei asked. "Praying." Cersei shook her head. "You're perfect, aren't you?", she sneered. Maybe Shae was right and it was jealousy that drove Cersei's contempt for my sister. "Praying", she mocked once more. "What are you praying for?" "For the gods to have mercy on us all", Sansa said. "Oh", Cersei responded. "On all of us?" "Yes, Your Grace." "Even me?" She raised an eyebrow. "Of course, Your Grace." Her voice grew serious again. "Even Joffrey?" "Joffrey is my-" "Oh, shut up, you little fool", Cersei stifled my sister's usual speech in its beginning. "Praying to the gods to have mercy on us all", she mocked once more. "The gods have no mercy, that's why they're gods. My father told me that when he caught me praying." Cersei praying? That must have been a sight for the gods, quite literally. "My mother had just died, you see. I didn't really understand the concept of death, the finality of it. I thought that if I prayed very, very hard, the gods would return my mother to me. I was four." I hadn't heard this story before. Sansa and I both knew what it was like to lose a parent, to refuse to accept said finality. No gods could help you then, not when they had just taken what you so desperately wanted back. "Your father doesn't believe in the gods?" "He believes in them, he just doesn't like them very much." Cersei finished her fourth - or was it the fifth already? I had lost count - glass and handed another to her maid. "More for her." She returned the cup to Sansa and tossed us both a pillow. "Here. Sit. Drink." I could hear how drunk she was, she had most certainly had more before coming down here. "Not like that, drink, girl", Cersei complained as Sansa took a careful sip. "I should have been born a man", she reveled. Hell no, I enjoy your womanly body way too much, I thought but didn't say, almost grinning at the notion. "I'd rather face a thousand swords than be shut up inside with this flock of frightened hens." "They are your guests under your protection, you asked them here", Sansa said, sounding shocked. "It was expected of me, as it will be of you, if you ever become Joffrey's queen." Cersei was nothing but annoyed. "If my wretched brother should somehow prevail, these hens will return to their cocks and crow of how my courage inspired them, lifted their spirits."

"And if the city should fall?" "You'd like that, wouldn't you?", Cersei asked probingly, then made to explain. "The Red Keep should hold for a time. Long enough for me to go to the walls and yield to Lord Stannis in person. If it were anyone else outside those gates, I might have hoped for a private audience, but this is Stannis Baratheon - I'd have a better chance of seducing his horse." Taking note of the look on Sansa's face while I suppressed a chuckle, she asked: "Have I shocked you, little dove? Tears aren't a woman's only weapon... the best one's between your legs. Learn how to use it. Drink." Sansa did as she was bid. Cersei continued her lecture. "Do you have any notion of what happens when a city is sacked? No, you wouldn't, would you? If the city falls, these fine women should be in for a bit of a rape. Half of them will have bastards in their bellies come the morning. You'll be glad of your red flower then. When a man's blood is up, anything with tits looks good. A precious thing like you will look very, very good. A slice of cake just waiting to be eaten..." "Stop scaring her", I spoke up for the first time while the two of them were present. Cersei turned her head to look at me. "I'm not scaring her, I'm telling her what might very well happen." "You know exactly what you were doing." We stared at each other intently, unrelenting, while Sansa's eyebrows shot up at how I had just spoken to the queen. So much for not making ourselves suspicious, I thought.

At that moment, Cersei's cousin Lancel entered, hair sticking to his head with sweat, armor gleaming with blood. "Your Grace", he called. "What news?", the queen asked, rising. Lancel continued in a hushed voice. "The Imp has set the river afire. Hundreds of ships are burning, maybe more. Stannis' fleet - destroyed, but... but..." He looked around to confirm that no one heard what he was about to say - no one but Sansa and me, still standing beside Cersei, Lancel's back to us. "But his troops have landed outside the city walls", he whispered. "Where is Joffrey?", was Cersei's first response. "On the battlements with Lord Tyrion." "Bring him back inside at once." "But- Your Grace-" "What?" "The king's presence is good for morale-" "Bring him back to his chambers now." "Not here?" "With the women and children? Do you want him to be mocked as a coward for the rest of his life?" "No! But I-" "Now", Cersei commanded, and that was that. Lancel left. Cersei turned back to us, irritated by Lancel's resistance and processing the news, and sat back down. "When I told you about Ser Ilyn earlier, I lied. Do you want to hear the truth? Do you want to know why he's really here?" I hadn't even noticed he'd returned. "He's here for us. Stannis may take the city, he may take the throne, but he will not take us alive." An uncomfortable silence settled over our group that was only broken upon Lancel's return minutes later. "The battle is lost, Your Grace", he announced with a grave face, making my heart drop. "Stannis' troops are at the gates. When the Goldcloaks saw the king leaving, they lost all heart." "Where is my son?", Cersei asked, her other son sitting next to her, awake again after sleeping through most of the night. "I want to escort him back to the battle", Lancel insisted. "Why do I care what you want? Bring me-" "Now listen to me-", Lancel began loudly, but Cersei got up and shoved against his shoulder, right where he had taken an ugly wound in battle. He dropped to the floor screaming. "Come", Cersei hissed and ushered Tommen and me out of the room. "But- my sister-" "Come", she hurried me forward.

Cersei sat on the throne, Tommen in her lap, I squeezed in beside her. She had one hand around Tommen and held mine with the other. "Shh, calm, my sweet", she said to her son. "They're still fighing", he voiced. "No one's going to hurt you", she assured him. "I'll tell you a story. You know, the one about the mother lion and her little cub." I blinked away my building tears, leaning into her. "They lived in the woods." "The Kingswood?" "Yes, my love. In the Kingswood, there lived a mother and her cub, and she loved him very much. But there were other things that lived in the woods, evil things." "Like what?" "Like stags." "Stags aren't evil. They only eat grass", Tommen said, confused. Oh, foolish, innocent little boy. "And wolves." My jaw clenched. "He could hear them howling in the night. The little cub was frightened." "I hear Rhaenys howl sometimes, she doesn't frighten me", Tommen objected. I smiled. "His mother said: You are a lion, my son, you mustn't be afraid. For one day, all the beasts will bow to you. You'll be king. All the stags will bow, all the wolves will bow, the bears in the North and the foxes of the South, all the birds in the sky and the beasts in the sea, they will all come to you, little lion, to rest a crown upon your head. The cub said: Will I be strong and fierce like my father? Yes, said his mother, you will be strong and fierce, just like your father." I felt her hand pull away from mine and go to her pocket, emerging with two small vials. One she gave to Tommen, the other she handed to me. "I will keep you safe", she said to both of us. "My love." Still, fear filled my heart. Not just at my own imminent death, but at the thought of never getting to be with my love again. I must be strong for her, for Tommen, I mustn't let them see my fear, I told myself and took her hand again, squeezing it. As the sounds of armored feet approached the door, I put the bottle to my lips and drained it, praying I would see Cersei again in another life. Maybe in another world, we could be free together, we could marry and love each other openly, have children of our own, rule a kingdom or two and spend every moment of eternity together. My head lolled to the side as the doors to the throne room swung open, broken glass sounded and I hallucinated Tywin Lannister striding in to announce our victory, the last thing I saw and heard before everyhing went black.