𝔼𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 around me was a blur of blood and limbs while the Hound navigated me through the streets. Something wet hit me in the face, but I hardly noticed. People were shoving at us from all sides, and I was flung against a guard's shield once, knocking the air from my lungs. Better than being pushed into the mob, I thought. To my left, I saw a guard being tackled by three men, his spear jabbing helplessly at the air. Finally, the Red Keep came into view, a beacon of hope towering over the chaos, although the final stretch was nonetheless violent. A group of peasants began assembling ahead of us, trying to block our way. Sandor dashed forward and cut through them like butter, allowing us to pass the gates at last. Filled with relief, I stumbled onto the grounds. Cersei came running, apparently not caring who saw. "Vallery", she sighed. "Thank the gods, you're alive." "Traitors! I want all their heads!", Joffrey yelled. Tyrion gave voice to his anger, stepping towards his nephew. "You blind, bloody fool!" "You can't insult me", Joffrey growled, but Tyrion continued, unbothered. "We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!" "You can't-" "I can and I am!" "He attacked me", Joffrey declared angrily. "He threw a cowpie at you, so you decided to kill them all. They're starving, you fool, all because of a war you started!" Joffrey had seemingly had enough of being lectured. "You are talking to a king", he screamed, just before his uncle's hand connected with his cheek loudly. "And now I've struck a king. Did my hand fall from my wrist?" Tyrion turned around, eyes scanning the commotion. "Where's Sansa?", he asked. "Let them have her", Joffrey shot back venomously. "If she dies, you'll never get your uncle Jaime back", Tyrion countered. "You owe him quite a bit, you know?" Where was Sansa? I hadn't seen her since the riot broke out. "I'll look for the little bird", Sandor Clegane rasped and marched back outside. "Come", Cersei said, taking hold of my wrist, "let's get ourselves cleaned up inside." I followed her into the keep after glancing back at where my sister presumably still was one last time. If anyone was going to protect her, it would be the Hound. Once we arrived at Cersei's chambers and closed the door behind us, she pulled me into a hug. "When you suddenly weren't behind me anymore-", she began, but I apprehended her by pressing my lips to hers. "I'm here now", I said, stroking her hair. "I'm alright. Are you?" She nodded and reluctantly seperated her body from mine to run a bath for us. "Want to sleep with me tonight?", she asked. I raised an eyebrow in amused questioning. She hurried to clarify. "I didn't mean-" I laughed. "I'll say yes to either." Cersei grinned and walked back over to me, untying my dress. "Bath first." It was only when I sat in the water with her that I realized how much dirt had really caught on my skin. The bath was soon stained by both of us, and we were quick to slip under the covers after drying off, our damp hair growing cold against our skin. The silken sheets of Cersei's bed tangled around my legs as I edged closer to her, wrapping her in my arms. Her hand traced circles on the small of my back while I pressed my breasts against hers, nipples already stiffening. "I love you", I said, searching her endless green eyes with my own grey ones. "And every day, I notice it again and again, and it grows stronger and stronger. One day, I fear I might burst from all the love I have for you." "I'd hold you too tight for you to ever burst", Cersei whispered.

I was certain I would never get used to waking up in Cersei Lannister's arms. The feeling of comfort, of home, of being right where I was supposed to be was irreplacable and particular to those first minutes of the day, when the brain has yet to ground itself in reality again and all that exists is what you immediately feel. I never wanted to leave, but I had to. Shortly after I had dressed, a handmaiden came rushing in to inform Cersei of some highly sensitive matter, only casting me a short, somewhat surprised glance. "What is it?", I asked after she had left. "Your sister", Cersei said. "She has had her first flowering last night." A jolt ran through me. Seven hells, how had I forgotten about Sansa? I was so distracted by my alone time with the queen, I had entirely failed to remember what had happened to my sister. At least if there were news about her, that meant she had been returned to the castle, hopefully unharmed. Together with Cersei, I went to talk to her. As soon as I saw her, I let out a breath of relief and hugged her. "Did anyone hurt you?", I asked, holding her by the shoulders. She shook her head. "No. The Hound got there before they could..." She broke off. "Before they could what?", I inquired. Cersei had already caught her meaning. "What do you think happens to young girls in a mob of angry men?" I paled when I understood. "They didn't, though", Sansa quickly intervened. "Nothing happened." Stepping forward, Cersei changed the topic. "Well, I wouldn't call this nothing." She pointed at Sansa's bloodied sheets, whose owner turned a similar shade of red at the mention of her condition. "You're a woman now, do you have any idea what that means?" "I'm fit to bear children for the king", my sister replied quietly. "A prospect that once delighted you", Cersei remarked with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Bringing little princes and princesses into the world, the greatest honor for a queen." She turned serious again while Sansa nodded at her words, looking more frightened than truly in agreement. "Joffrey's always been difficult", Cersei admitted to my surprise, noticing Sansa's expression. "Even his birth, I labored a day and a half to bring him into this world. You cannot imagine the pain... I screamed so loudly I was sure Robert would hear me in the Kingswood." "His Grace was not with you?", Sansa asked. Of course he wasn't, I thought. It was like him to abandon his wife when she needed him most, strong as she may be. He had no idea how lucky he was to have her. If I had been her husband, I would have stayed by her side all thirty-six hours of it without thinking twice. "Robert was hunting", Cersei explained disdainfully, "that was his custom. Whenever my time was near, my royal husband would flee to the trees with his huntsman and his hounds. And when he returned, he would present me with some pelts or a stag's head, and I would present him with a baby." Sansa looked at her with shock written on her face, so Cersei continued. "Not that I wanted him there, mind you. I had Grandmaester Pycelle, an army of midwives and I had my brother." I almost flinched when I remembered why her brother would have really been there. They were his children too, as easy as it was to ignore. "When they told Jaime he wasn't allowed in the birthing room, he smiled and asked which one of them proposed to keep him out." She stared out of the window for a second in reminiscence while I ground my teeth. It's okay, I told myself, she's allowed to feel good about her past partner supporting her, but the feeling of jealousy didn't quite go away. "Joffrey will show you no such devotion", she went on, finishing off her story. "You may never love the king, but you will love his children." "I love his Grace with all my heart", Sansa chimed in, reciting her eternal lie that nobody truly bought but was nonetheless expected of her. "That's so very touching to hear", Cersei said with poisonous sweetness and sat back down. "Permit me to share some womanly wisdom with you on this very special day: the more people you love, the weaker you are. You'll do things for them that you know you shouldn't do, you'll act the fool to make them happy, to keep them safe." Was this still about Joffrey or about me? Was that what I was to her, a weakness? A vice? "Love no one but your children. On that front a mother has no choice." I felt my blood freeze in my veins. Was she referring to the tension between Joffrey and me, saying that she'd always choose him over me? I had been trying to get along with him, I really had. But I couldn't just forget and forgive what he had done to my family either. Before I could sink further into my mental dilemma, though, Sansa replied to Cersei's speech. "But... shouldn't I love Joffrey, Your Grace?" "You can try, little dove", she replied with a sad look in her eyes. "Your Grace", I intervened coldly, pronouncing the title with none of the awe Sansa had used, "a word in private?" 

"What the hell was that about?", I hissed as soon as Cersei had closed the door to Sansa's chambers behind us. "What do you mean?", Cersei asked. "You know what I mean", I said. "Love no one but your children? And what about me? Was everything you said last night a lie?" "I was only trying to protect her", she said harshly, voice reflectant of disbelief at my accusation. "By telling her not to love anyone? So you'd feel safer without me, is that it?" "That's not what I meant and you know it", she said desperately. "Do I?", I replied quietly, turning away from her. "I don't know what I know anymore." Cersei grabbed my arm. "So know that I love you. That's enough." "It isn't, though", I spat, whirling around to face her again as she caught me in her arms. "How can I rest assured of that if you don't tell me anything about how you truly feel? When you confronted me about being at odds with Joffrey, were you being honest? Or did you downplay its impact on you so I wouldn't deem it too much to handle for me?" I sighed, relaxing my muscles. I hated being angry, especially with her. "I need to be able to trust you, Cersei", I said, placing my hand on her cheek. "And all the 'I love you's and rosy nights in the world don't mean anything if you hide your feelings beyond that." "You can trust me", she responded, her eyes meeting mine and holding them. "If I ever hid a truth from you, it was only to protect you. Because I love you, and I don't want you to be pulled into this fucked-up mess of a family I get to call my own only because you love me, too." "I know", I murmured, resting my forehead against Cersei's chin. "But I'm okay with that. I want you, all of you, and if that includes putting up with the most dysfunctional family in Westeros, that's a bargain I'm willing to make." She chuckled and I lifted my head to kiss her. "I love you, Cersei. Don't worry about protecting me, I'm not some scared little cub anymore. I can take care of myself." "You're still a cub", she smiled. "But a very fierce one, to be sure."

Later that day, I was called to the throne room to gather with all the rest of the court. Stannis Baratheon had left Dragonstone with his entire fleet and set sail for King's Landing to take 'his' throne. He was estimated to arrive this night. Rightful heir he may be, and vicious psychopath Joffrey may be, but I'd be damned before I let that bitter old man take my beloved's family's power. Cersei took me aside as soon as the crisis meeting was officially over. "Since we've just declared to be open with each other at all times, now is probably a good time to tell you about the measures of defense we've been taking for the case that this day would come, even though no one but the small council is supposed to know." I looked at her expectingly. "I have had thousands of barrels of wildfire produced to fling at Stannis' ships. Their fleet will be desecrated before they can even land on our shores." I only nodded. I didn't know much about battles, but this plan sounded fool-proof. Speaking of fools, across the room, Joffrey was talking to my sister, already clad in his newly made battle armor that was not likely to obtain even a single scratch throughout the fight. "...you should see him off with a kiss", he was saying. Royal third person, how charming. He drew his sword. "My new blade. Hearteater, I've named it." Sansa said nothing in response. "Kiss it", Joffrey urged, extending the sword to her. She knelt and touched the steel with her lips lightly. "You'll kiss it again when I return", the king said while Sansa rose and he sheathed his blade, "and taste my uncle's blood." "Will you slay him yourself?", Sansa asked innocently. "If Stannis is fool enough to come near me", Joffrey said and shifted his position arrogantly. "So you'll be outside the gates fighting in the vanguard?" Joffrey was growing annoyed. "A king doesn't discuss battle plans with stupid girls", he spat. "I'm sorry, Your Grace, you're right, I'm stupid. Of course you'll be in the vanguard. They say my brother Robb always goes where the fighting's thickest, and he's only a pretender." I couldn't help but smirk at my sister's cunning. Joffrey wasn't easy to manipulate, but the attempt alone was mesmerizing. "Your brother's turn will come", Joffrey retorted. "Then you can lick his blood off Hearteater, too." With those words, he and his retinue strode out of the hall. My sister and her handmaiden walked over to us. I did not miss Sansa's deprecating glance as to why I was standing aside with the queen again. She severely disapproved of our closeness, I knew. All the more reason to be careful to not let her find out about the true extent of our relationship. "Shall we go join the other ladies in Maegor's Holdfast?", Cersei proposed with a forced smile.