"Please tell me nothing happened between the two of you last night." I hear my brother's frantic voice say.

"Listen, she came here last night because her and Liam got into a big fight or something. She went out to a bar and didn't want to go home fucking trashed. But I swear nothing happened between us, Rhys, I promise. We just had a few more drinks, talked a bit, and then she fell asleep on the couch." I blink my tired eyes a few times feeling the hangover begin to set in as I listen to them.

"She fell asleep on the couch by herself or-"

"We didn't have sex, Rhys. I don't know what else you want me to tell you." Because Seth had fallen asleep behind me after I'd gotten the spins. He'd assured me the world was not tilting on it's axis until I'd passed out.

"Liam is a complete wreck thinking she's here with you, which she fucking is. You can't do this to her, Seth."

"I'm not doing anything to her, Rhys, she's a grown fucking woman. I didn't force her to come here." He tosses his arms up in irritation. "I didn't ask her to come here. She just showed up on her own volition."

"But surprise, here she is with you." I can practically feel the hardcore eye roll Rhys is doing.

"Rhys, stop." I called out from the couch which makes both of them turn to my comatose form. "I'm fine." Well, I'm not really but whatever. "Liam and I got into a fight, I was pissed, got way too shit-faced to go home, so I came here. Seth's telling you the truth. Nothing happened between us." Well, not that I can remember anyway.

Rhys walks into the space saying, "Raegan, what the hell is wrong with you?" He looks around the room, undoubtedly looking for some sign or giveaway that Seth and I had had sex. "You know this is the last place Liam would want you to be. He's going to be livid."

"You think I'm fucking stupid, Rhys?" I'm barely able to say the words. I feel like I'm going to spew my guts every-fucking-where. "I know but-" I gag on the vomit that builds up my throat feeling like a complete idiot for drinking so much.

"Rae, baby," Seth runs over to me and picks up my weak gagging frame to bring me to the bathroom. "It's okay, sweetheart. You're okay." And with those words I start spewing into the toilet relentlessly. "I've got you. I'll always have you." His words would make my heart ache if I wasn't vomiting right now and feeling like a complete fuck-up.

"Just innocent drinking, huh?" Rhys scoffs. "Jesus, Seth, really sounds like it."

"What're you even talking about?"

"Baby? Sweetheart?"

"Honestly, Rhys, shut the fuck up." Seth said the words angrily as he holds my hair back while I continuously throw up into the toilet. "Just get it all out of your system, Rae." He coos next to me, "I've got you. You're going to be alright." And I know I will because I'm here with him even though I know I shouldn't be.

"Thank you." I stated after I spilt the last of the contents out of my system. I look into the toilet bowl hoping it will consume me at this point because I'm so fucking embarrassed, well, embarrassed and ashamed. "Rhys, call Liam and tell him I was at Dad's house."

"I'm not going to lie to your husband, Raegan." He glares at me but I give him a pleading look.

"Rhys, please?" I'm barely able to choke out the words because my throat is so raw.

"Raegan, I can't do that."

"Don't be a fucking dick, Rhys." Seth grit out.

"Yeah, that's real rich coming from you, Seth."

"Please, Rhys," I said as I sat back on my heels. Seth lets go of my hair and when I look into his eyes I want to melt into a giant puddle on the floor. "Tell him I need my space, that I'll call him in a bit." I look up at him and give him a pleading face. "I don't want him or Jamie seeing me like this." And it's true, I'm sure I look like a hot fucking mess right now.

He lets out a giant sigh and says, "fine. But what are you going to do?"

"Clean myself up and get my shit together before I go back to yours." At the very least, I need to wash my face and comb my hair.

"Alright, I'll see you later. Call Liam when you get the chance so he stops freaking out." I nod and he leaves.

After a few moments Seth says, "I can take you to my place to get cleaned up." There is so much that could go wrong if I am alone with him at his place, if Liam finds out I'm actually with Seth. If he finds out I spent the night with him he'll probably want a divorce.

A divorce.

I mull those particular words over in my head for a moment thinking of some of the things currently going on in our relationship. I think about the new secretary he'd hired, all the late nights at work. I think about the perfume on his collar, the lipstick smears he thinks I don't see when I do his laundry, and the fact that we are barely ever intimate anymore. All of those things I pretend don't exist but really do, just like the 'business trip' he just went on for the first month I was here.

After a few more moments Seth interrupts my thoughts with, "so what do you say? You want to come over and get cleaned up?"

"Yeah, that sounds good, Seth." Even though I should've said no, I didn't. I could use a shower and a serious power-nap before seeing Liam anyway. He stands up and then holds a hand out to me and even though I know I shouldn't, I take it.

✩✩✩

Once we're inside his apartment I feel like a young teenage girl again and not a twenty-nine-year-old woman, definitely not one that's married with a son. I think back to last night and the last thing I remember is sitting down, swapping the bottle back and forth. I don't remember anything I said or did after that. I'd already gone out to Lou's before that and, without me even realizing the address I'd given to the Uber driver, I'd ended up at the club. 

"So, about last night, what happened?" Seth's back stiffens slightly as he gets a couple glasses of water.

"Uh, nothing really." But his tone suggested otherwise and I know if he was turned toward me I'd see that that was a lie. It'd be all over his face.

"That's clearly a lie. I can tell without even looking at you."

"You snatched my whiskey and drank almost the entire bottle, mumbled some stuff, then fell asleep on the couch." He walks over to me and hands me a glass of water. "It's no big deal."

"That's not all. I can see there's more." I take a sip and look into his eyes. "Oh god, there's a lot more. Jesus, what did I say?" Did I tell him my suspicions about Liam? Did I tell him about the arguing?

"Rae, it's probably better if you just shower and relax. You were really intoxicated."

"Oh god, it was so bad you don't even want to tell me?" Please let me have not told him about the other night.

"It's no big deal." But his face says otherwise because he's still shit at hiding his emotions.

"Then tell me."

"You really want to know?" Not really, but I nod anyway. "You said you still love me. You said you wanted to make love to me."

I'm such a fucking hot mess. Oh, and I'm a terrible fucking person, a terrible wife.

"Is that it or... Oh Christ, there's more."

"You may or may not have climbed in my lap, kissed me, then tried to undress me but I wouldn't let you. You were fucking wasted and I knew it."

"Fuck." I muttered as I plopped down on the couch. I set down my glass feeling absolutely disgusted by myself. Even if Liam had said some really messed up stuff to me it didn't give me the right to try and strip Seth because of it. Even if he'd suspected we'd already slept together and that I still had feelings for Seth, the entire reason for our argument, it didn't give me the right to actually do it.

But he's probably fucking his secretary so... I shake my head trying to dispel that last thought.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. We've all done stupid stuff when we're drunk and said shit we don't mean. It's nothing, Rae. Just forget I even told you." He's trying to be nonchalant about the entire situation but I see through the charade.

I look over him saying, "me telling you that I love you and want to make love to you is not nothing, Seth."

"I know you didn't mean it. I know you were just drunk. I know you don't feel that way anymore." Each statement is like a self-inflicted wound, each one hurts him, I can tell.

"Is it alright if I use your shower?" I'm barely able to ask the question because of the tears threatening to choke me.

"Yeah, of course. You remember where it is?" I nod, stand up, and begin to walk away but Seth places his hand on my arm. I wait another moment before looking back at him. He looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't, he just let's go of my arm with a sad smile.

I don't say anything else as I make my way to the back of his place. The moment I turn the shower on I begin to lose it. I let the tears flow down my face from the embarrassment, from the shame, the guilt, from everything. Seven years later and my heart still stutters for him. Seven years and I'm still not over him. 

Liam wouldn't drop it, convinced we'd done more than what we had. He was in my face, screaming at me after Seth had left. I've never seen him quite like that, so angry and furious. He's never yelled at me in front of Jamie like that either. I mean, he's yelled at me plenty of times but never in front of our son. Eventually, Liam had fallen asleep, exhausted from the jet-lag and I had been thankful for it.

When Rhys and Lindsay had gotten home I'd told Rhys everything that went down and that I needed some air. He said he had no problem watching Jamie as long as I wasn't going to go see Seth. I honestly hadn't initially planned on it but after a couple of drinks that's exactly where I'd found myself.

Now, here I am, hungover and in his shower after a night of telling him I loved him and wanted to fuck him. I'm such a fucking shit show when it comes to Seth. I guess some things never change.

Once I finish showering I step out to find nothing but a fresh t-shirt of Seth's. I look around to make sure I'm not mistaken but I'm not, he'd taken my clothes. After drying myself off I toss the extra-large shirt over my head.

"I hope you don't mind but I tossed your stuff in the wash because it had vomit on it." Seth calls from somewhere out in the apartment, "I figured you wouldn't want to put that back on. Sorry about-" He stops when he sees me. His eyes darken as he looks me up and down.

"What?" I fidget with the hem of the shirt feeling a touch self-conscious.

He shakes his head a few times before saying, "nothing. I uh, I changed my bedding if you want to take a nap. I'm going to take a shower."

"Alright, I'm going to call Liam and Jamie." He nods.

"I promise I won't start belting out the Dropkick Murphys." He laughs and it's a sound my ears have missed. "Alright, I'll let you get to it."

He walks toward the bathroom and I walk toward his bed. It's the last place I should be going but here I am, gladly walking toward it. I grab my phone, which he'd left on his night stand. I open it to find several missed calls from Liam as well as texts. I take a deep breath and press on his name wondering if this is how he feels when he calls me late at night from his office.

I've just got a few more things to do... I'll just be a bit longer. His words play in my head and I know I'll be delivering the same in much the same fashion he had.