What am I doing?

I must've asked this question to myself a million times over the past week. Especially after going out with Seth and dancing with him like that, if you even want to call that dancing, it was more like dry humping. He was right, grinding with him like that, feeling his hard length push against me over and over had been enough to send me right over the edge.

I hadn't had an orgasm in over a month. After the other day when he'd pushed me back on my bed and thrusted against me just hard enough that I could feel his length, I'd ached for him. I'd ached for him so badly but I knew I couldn't give into that temptation. I'm married. It's wrong.

But even though I knew I couldn't, even though it's wrong, I'd found myself on the dance floor dry humping my ex because I hadn't realized just how sexually frustrated I actually was. Seth had made my hips rock in time with his, made me rub against him, like he used to do while I was riding him. He was rolling his body into mine and I didn't even realize it'd gone too far until it literally had. But Seth didn't have to know that. He could have his suspicions but there is no way in hell I'm telling him that's all it took for me to have an orgasm, like I'm some hormonal teenage girl.

No, I'm just a sexually frustrated grown woman.

So, if Seth didn't know then nobody knew and I can act like it never actually happened. I can just shove that into the locked drawer in the back of my mind. No one needs to ever find out about that particular snafu. If anything I was just out dancing with him, not coming on his leg or anything. Not like he'd kissed me and dry humped me on my childhood bed or anything either.

I'm such a horrible wife.

I hear a knock on the bedroom door. Jamie was taking a nap in the other guest room, Seth's room, and I'd just put him down not that long ago. I walk over and crack it open thinking Jamie probably just needs to be tucked back in but I'm met with another form.

"Hello beautiful," he gives me a soft smile, "I've missed you so much."

"You're here a week early!" I exclaim before wrapping my arms around him.

"Yes, I am." He kisses the top of my head. "I couldn't stand to be away from you any longer. A month and a half is too long without you and Jamie." He looks around the room. "Where is my son?"

"He's down for a nap. I just put him down a few minutes ago."

"I just saw Rhys and Lindsay they're headed out for the night."

"Yeah, every Friday night is date night for them."

"You're telling me we have the place to ourselves then?" I give him a mischievous smile because I know what he's implying. "It's been a long time since I've felt my wife beneath me."

"It's been a long time since I've felt my husband beneath me." I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down to me.

Once his lips find mine I can't help but let out a soft little moan. He feels comfortable, normal. His lips don't make me feel like I'm on fire, like my soul is burning. No, Liam feels regular. When his hands caress my body tenderly, like they are now, it feels reassuring.

✩✩✩

We're lying in bed with one another. My head is on his chest while his fingers gently comb through my hair. We'd called for take-out, feeling starved after our love-making. He had definitely missed me because he was thorough. He had had me in every way and I had let him but now I have to tell him the truth.

"Liam, I need to tell you something." I feel him tense slightly. His hand had stopped going through my hair.

"Please tell me you did not sleep with Seth." His voice is taught, completely reigned in. "For the love of Christ, Raegan, tell me you-"

"No, no I didn't sleep with Seth." I arch myself upwards, propping myself up on my elbow so I can look at him. "No, Liam, I didn't."

"Is it something Seth related?" I nod feeling like such a piece of shit when his face falls. I know what I'm about to say is most likely going to cause a colossal argument.

"He kissed me on Thanksgiving." I uttered the words barely louder than a whisper but you can tell from his angered face he'd heard them.

"Did you kiss him back?" I give him a sad nod and he shakes his head in hurt anger. "Un-fucking-believable."

"Liam, I'm sorry. It was just once." I feel the anxiety flow through me when he gets up from the bed. "Liam, please, I'm sorry."

"Anything else?" His voice is tight. I can tell he's holding back his irritation.

"We went out dancing together." He pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Wait," I can see the wheels turning in his head, "when I called you, you were with him? The friend you were with was Seth?"

"I picked up. It's not like we were doing anything inappropriate. We were just dancing."

Ugh what was I thinking going out with him?

I sure as shit will never tell him nor anyone else what's in the locked box in the back of my brain. I can't tell Liam we'd danced so intimately he got hard and made my hips rock against him until I got off. No way in hell I'm ever telling anyone that.

"Just dancing." He said the words mockingly like he knew exactly what was going on in my head. "It's never just anything with the two of you and you fucking know it, Raegan." He slips on his pants and his shirt in frustration. Thankfully he had because the door busts open revealing Jamie's sleepy form.

"Daddy!" Jamie jumps up into Liam's arms.

"Hey little man!" Liam swings him around with a giant hug making my heart ache. What the hell was I thinking? "Did you miss me?"

"I missed you so much!" He squeals happily and that's when the buzzer goes of at the door.

"That's got to be the food." Liam sets Jamie down and exits the room.

"Go with dad." I say to Jamie because I need to put clothes on. I'm still naked under the sheets.

"Okay." He smiles at me before leaving, completely unaware of the conversation I was just having with his father. I get up from the bed and as I begin slipping my clothes on I hear Jamie yell excitedly, "Seth!" And my heart nearly stops.

I quickly finish dressing and make it out of the room to see Seth standing there in the doorway, in front of Liam, with Jamie clung to his leg. I know after what I'd just told Liam he's probably furious at the sight and the moment Seth leaves he's going to take that anger out on me.

"Jamie, come here, love." I call over to him, hoping to assuage some of Liam's irritation. I can't see it because his back is facing me but I know my husband. The only reason he's keeping it together is for Jamie's sake, I'm sure. He most likely wants to rip Jamie off of Seth and slam the door in his face.

"But it's Seth! Daddy, this is Seth!"

"We've met." Liam is just barely holding it together. "Is there something I can help you with?" Liam quickly quips when Seth's eyes linger on me for a moment longer than they should.

"I was hoping I caught Rhys before he and Lindsay went out tonight but I guess not." He looks over to me and I want to slap the longing right off of his face. Please stop looking at me like that. "So, yeah, I guess I'll just be on my way." He musses Jamie's hair, "I've got to go, bud."

"No!" He clings onto his leg even tighter.

"James Liam Anderson, let go of him right now." The words came out of my mouth harsher than I would've liked them to, making Jamie give me a defiant look. "Now."

"Buddy, it's alright. I'll see you soon. I promise." But if Liam has his way, Seth won't be able to keep that promise. He finally lets go of Seth's leg and stomps irritatedly past me, heading to what used to be Seth's room.

Liam looks over his shoulder and asks, "is he in his room?" I nod which has him turning back to Seth saying, "if you ever kiss my wife again I will fucking end you." Then he slams the door in Seth's shocked face.

When he turns around I go up to him, "Liam-"

"Don't." He doesn't say anything else as he walks past me and goes into our room, slamming the door.

As I stare off into the hallway I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I pull it out and realize there's several missed text messages from Seth. They were all from about an hour ago saying how much he missed me, how he can't stop thinking about the other night, that he was going to come see Jamie and I, then the final one from just now saying he's sorry.

Me too, Seth, me too.