It's been six months and even though I'd moaned out Rae's name while I came surprisingly Irina is still with me. This was the condition though, going to Rae and Liam's wedding. Well, not the wedding, just the reception. I made up some bullshit excuse about having to go to the gym for something and that I'd only be able to attend the reception. Irina bought my excuse as did Rhys, thank Christ.

So now, here I am, sitting at a table with my father, Katie, and her daughter, Amelia. I'm surprised my father hasn't popped the question to her to be honest. To my left is Rhys with his newest girlfriend. I think her name is Lindsay, I can't really remember. Darren and his wife are at our table as well and because this a family table we get to be right up front.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Once everyone is seated around us, which is a fuckton of people may I add, the music changes to what I'm assuming is an introductory song. That's when I see them, her. They walk out arm in arm, with big smiles on their faces. They're waving to everyone, looking like a beautifully happy newly married couple. And the sight is the most painful one I've ever seen.

Once they're about to sit at their table her gaze comes to our table. The moment her eyes land on me that smile falters and for the briefest of moments, one I hope no one else notices, she looks completely haunted. She masks that quickly though before they sit down.

My heart feels like it's going to fall right out of my chest onto the table. This is the last place I want to be. This is fucking torture. And I have a fucking front row seat to my complete and utter worst nightmare.

After a few speeches and an endless amount of food, not that I could really eat anything, people started to get up and dance. I'd watched them do their first dance. I watched as they lovingly caressed one another and moved in time to the beat, effectively dancing all over my tattered heart.

"Come on, let's dance, Seth." Irina grabs my hand and tries to pull me up. "Stop being so depressed, you're being too obvious." She whispered the last part to me. "Come on."

"Fine." I let her lead me onto the dance floor. The song is slow and steady, it's a love song. Irina wraps her arms around my neck and I wrap my arms around her waist as I dance with her slowly.

"She looked like she was going to throw up when she saw you." Irina states as we slowly make our way around the dance floor.

"I was hoping no one else noticed that."

"It was pretty obvious, Seth. Just like your melancholy attitude throughout the entire dinner." I let out a sigh at her words. I'm so shit at hiding my emotions.

I don't say anything else. I just want to dance silently, not thinking about that face she'd made. That look of heartbreak that was briefly on display for the entire room when she looked at me. I look across from me when I feel that feeling you get when someone is watching you.

Rae is looking at me over Liam's shoulder. I want to walk over to her and take her beautiful body out of Liam's arms. I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her how much I've missed her. I haven't seen her since the last time we'd slept together, since I'd held her all night in my bed. Now she's Liam's wife.

Another beat begins and I look around the room for Rhys because it's about to go down. 'I'm Shipping Up to Boston' by the Dropkick Murphys begins and Rhys grabs my arm just in time for the first verse.

"I'm shipping up to Boston!" He screams.

"Woooooaaaahhhhh!" I scream in time with the music.

"I'm shipping off to find my wooden leg!" Rae chimes in with us and I can't help but smile at her. "Come on, boys!" She hikes her dress up and begins to do a jig to the beat, just like we used to do when we'd all hang out. Both Rhys and I join her, probably looking like a bunch of idiots as we do since we don't technically know what we're doing.

I hook my arm with hers and she gives me the biggest smile as we go in a circle, dancing to the song. Rhys is belting out the lyrics as loud as humanly possible, we all are. By the end of the song the three of us are all doubling over in laughter.

"How long has it been since we did that one?" Rae laughs out.

"Years," Rhys says, cracking up.

Another song begins and I automatically look right at Rae. It's slow, but it's also one that we'd listened to a million times together, specifically when we'd have our clothes off. I hold my hand out to her and she hesitantly takes a hold of it. I pull her into me and the entire room falls away from me. In this moment it's just her and me.

"You look amazing, Rae." I look over her longingly, her hair is down but the sides are twisted. It almost looks like she's wearing a crown. "The most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

She blushes and says, "thank you. You look good too." She lets out a sigh. "I'm surprised you even came."

"Yeah, you and me both." I give her a small smile.

"Who's the girl?" She nods her head in Irina's direction, who is now dancing with Rhys.

"That's my girlfriend, Irina."

"You've got a thing for blondes." She laughs. "She looks like a model."

"That's because she is." She nods at me but doesn't say anything in response. "She's got nothing on you though, you know that." She blinks back a few tears she doesn't want to spill. "Don't cry, beautiful."

"I'm trying so hard not to." She is barely able to choke out the words. "You should, you should probably hear this from someone else but I need to tell you. I'm moving."

"Back to Boston?" Part of me feels utterly elated but another part of me feels like that would just be a constant reminder that she's married to another man.

"No, we're moving to London."

"To London?" I furrow my eyebrows. "Why?"

"Well, that's where Liam's family is and it's where he uh," she blinks a few more tears back, "where he wants to raise his family."

"Woah, you guys just got married there's time for that. You always said you didn't want-" My mouth stops working when she places her hand on her abdomen. I look into her eyes that are now filled with tears. "You're..." I can't bring myself to say the word but she nods. "I'm so ha-" my voice cracks, "happy for you, Rae."

"Then why do you look like you're going to cry?" Because I'm about to.

"You know why, Rae. The woman I'm still in love with just got married. She just told me she's having a baby with her husband."

"You still... you're still..." I nod and this time she actually starts crying, wrapping her arms around me tightly.

"Shhh, it's your wedding." I hug her tighter than I ever have when I realize she stopped dancing. "You're having a baby. These are happy things, Rae." I'm saying the words even though they're killing me to say them. "Liam is a good guy, Rae, you're lucky you found him."

"Seth," She pulls away from me, looking up at me with tears all over her face, "I'm so sorry."

"No, none of that." I bring my hands to her face and brush her tears away from her eyes. "No crying on your wedding day." I want to lean down and kiss her so bad. I want to make all that sad go away in ways that only I know how.

"I miss you so much. I lo-"

"Don't say it, Rae." I feel my heart beat so hard in my chest at the words she was just about to say. "Don't do that to either of us." She nods up to me.

"Okay," Rhys interrupts our conversation, "everyone is starting to notice the really emotional exchange the two of you are having. So, I'm coming to dance with my sister so that this doesn't get really uncomfortable soon." Rhys takes her out of my arms and there's nothing more than I want to do than hang onto her for the rest of my life but I ultimately hand her over to him.

She begins dancing with him and I turn abruptly, heading to the doors. Once I'm outside I take a giant breath of fresh air. The warm night air is more than welcome because I felt like all the air was stolen from my lungs.

She's married. She's pregnant. She's having another man's baby.

I remember a time I had pictured her round and pregnant with my baby. I pictured marrying her. That was right before everything went to shit. Right before I'd lost her and now there's no hope of ever getting her back. It's completely fucking over. That's all she wrote. The love of my life is moving to another fucking country to be a wife and mother.

"I should've kicked your ass for what you just did with Raegan on the dance floor."

I look over to him and let out a curt laugh before saying, "we both know you couldn't kick my ass, Liam."

"She's still crying."

"She's pregnant, she's allowed to be overly emotional." I grit out at him.

"She told you?" He looks shocked.

"See, no reason to kick my ass, Liam. I can assure you that watching her with you today and her telling me she's carrying your child is worse than any physical blow." I run my hand through my hair and sigh.

"You still love her." He doesn't ask it like a question. He says it like a statement of fact but I nod anyway. "I think the entire room knows that now."

"Shouldn't have invited me to your wedding then."

"It was her idea." He shrugs. "Well, I should get back to it." He states but before he goes inside he says, "if you could refrain from making my wife an overly emotional mess for the rest of the night it would be greatly appreciated." Then he leaves me alone with the warm night air.

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A/N:

This chapter had so much ouch in it. Well, except for the part with the Dropkick Murphys.

Fun fact: that dance is one I do with two of my cousins (they're basically my brothers) when we get together. Oh, and we scream the lyrics too.