I knock on the door to my dad's place. Even though I have a key and could just go in I don't. Now that Katie lives there it's a bit awkward. I hear him shout out to someone, I'm assuming it's Katie before he opens the door.

I look him up and down because he's fucking shirtless and his hair is askew. I look over into the living area to see discarded shirts and a tie, also a bra. I really hope those don't belong to my Aunt and poor Katie, I hope she isn't home to have heard him doing that.

"That was amazing." I see Katie descending the staircase that leads up to my father's bedroom and she's in his shirt, just his shirt. "How come we waited so long to do that?"

What in the actual fuck?

  She freezes the moment our gazes lock and says, "Uhm, hey, Seth..." it comes out so awkwardly and I'm assuming that's because this woman and I have already seen each other naked and now she's sleeping with my father. I hear the baby's cries off in the distance, the one that she thought was mine and says, "I'm just going to uh... yeah..." She heads off in the direction of the cries.

My father lets out a long breath because he knows how fucked-up this shit is. He knows I'm about to lose my shit and he's preparing for the onslaught.

"Are you fucking kidding me, dad?" I can't help but say as I gesture to the inside of the place.

"Nope." He deadpans.

"Do you realize how fucked it is that you're sleeping with her?"

"Yup." He's doing that short answering of questions thing he does when he doesn't want to talk about something.

"Are you going to keep sleeping with her?" He shrugs. "What the fuck, dad?"

He gives me a hard look before his features soften and he says, "she makes me feel alive again."

That's when I feel my resolve crumble. That look in his eyes is one I haven't seen since my mother was alive. I shake my head a few times before I let out a long sigh.

"I was wondering why you were keeping her around. Guess I know why now." I give him a small smile which he returns with one of his own. He hasn't smiled like that in a long time.

"Are you going to be alright with this because if you're not I won't-" I don't let him finish.

"It's fine, dad. I mean, it's really fucking awkward but if you're happy than I'm happy."

"Well, you look anything but happy." He frowns.

"I, uh," I choke on my words feeling myself getting overly emotional. "I just got back from New York, from seeing Rae."

He nods his head in understanding, "you want to come in and talk about it?"

"Yeah, just as long as you put a fucking shirt on." He lets out a small laugh and gestures for me to come inside.

✩✩✩

After seeing the two of them together, Katie and my father, I felt a mixture of relief and utter sadness. Relief that my dad had finally found someone to fill the dark void in him. Katie worshipped him, she doted on him every chance she could and that's where the sadness came in.

Watching the two of them together made me feel the void inside of myself much more, made it that much more apparent. Seeing Katie with her daughter, which was almost our daughter, made me ache to be able to have that with Raegan. That's something I know will never happen though.

Although it wasn't my father's child he acted as if it was. He held her and fed her. The entire time he did Katie stared at him with such adoration. I'd wondered if that's how it was between my mother and my father when I was little. I'm assuming it was very much a similar scene.

Most people would think it extremely weird for them to be together considering I'd slept with her but at least there was nothing between us emotionally. It was just a sexual thing and it only happened once. There was nothing there but there was definitely chemistry between her and my father. It all may have happened in a completely fucked-up way but he finally found someone.

I'd talked about everything going on with Rae when Katie had left the room to put the baby down for a nap. I'd told him everything, the mirror, the fights, even the fact I couldn't get off anymore without seeing her in my head. I told him how I'd gone to New York and how it'd be the last time, how much I loved her and wanted to be with her. Everything. I told him every single thing.

He'd given me a somber look and told me some of the things he and mom went through when he was my age. He said that's how he knew he really loved her when he couldn't be with anyone because he was still hung up on my mom. Apparently my dad was quite the man-whore before he'd met her or so it would seem.

But the point he made very clear was that if my mother had been as broken as him it wouldn't have worked. Two broken people don't make one whole person, he'd said. Even for him he'd had to go to therapy for years and work on himself. Yes, my mom helped him to get to that point, but she couldn't fix all of the brokenness, that was his job.

Which brings me to my situation with Rae. We needed to fix ourselves before we can be together. I needed to get my anger issues under control and figure out a healthy way to cope. She needs to do whatever it is to fix the brokenness in her, deal with her trauma before she can deal with mine, or we deal with each other's.

That's why I am where I am now, just leaving my therapist's office. It's my fourth appointment and I think things are going fairly well. I feel better being able to talk with someone about all the bullshit, especially since the anniversary of my mother's death just passed.

I've resisted my urge to reach out to Rae. It's been nearly a month since I've seen her or spoken to her but that last night together plagues my memory. She's always on my mind, always.

I hop in my truck with a huff as I head to my place. I missed her so much. I miss seeing her fiery red hair splayed out next to me, the feeling of her head nestled against my chest. I missed her riding me and all those beautiful faces she'd make when I'd give myself to her with everything I had. She was so vulnerable with me and me with her. She is the most beautifully painful memory I can conjure.

Once I've park I go inside and up the freight elevator with nothing but thoughts of Rae. Once I get to my apartment I open the doors to find the person in my thoughts standing directly in front of me, in the middle of my apartment.

I stand there staring at her like she's a ghost, like she's something my mind has conjured up. She's not a ghost though. No, she's very very real and I know this because she undid the buttons on her coat and shrugged out of her jacket. Now she's standing in from of me in that dark green lingerie I love so much on her. Her long red locks are almost down to her hips now. She's got a pair on black heels on and it's an image that makes my heart falter.

I feel my eyes begin to sting from the familiar burn of tears. Oh fuck. I can't fucking cry right now. And it takes everything in me not to because I'd missed her so much it hurts. Also, my therapy session had already gotten me emotional because I'd talked about my mother.

"Seth?" Her voice is just an octave above a whisper.

I shake my head and make my feet move out of the elevator before closing the large metal doors. When I turn around she's directly behind me, taller than her usual height in those big heels. I reach out and stroke her face in my hand. She'd even done her make up in a very sexy way. She looks absolutely delicious.

"I'm sorry I just showed up like this but I-" I don't let her finish I grab her face and kiss her lips not caring that we're broken. I don't care at all. I'll break over and over again for this woman.

✭✭✭✭✭
A/N:

I know I'm usually upbeat and silly, which I prefer to be, but I want to have a very real moment with everyone. I've just lost another friend, the third within a year and the fifth to be in a car accident. He relapsed, got drunk, and high then drove his motorcycle until he crashed and died. This is my third friend who has relapsed in the past year, third.

Please make your mental health a priority. If you're feeling overwhelmed or need help then reach out to someone. There is always someone who would rather listen than see you wrapped around a tree.