This is probably the worst idea in the history of worst ideas. Chrissy and I going on a double date with Liam and Rae was probably like the number one worst idea of all time. It's most likely going to feel like stabbing myself in the leg. Repeatedly. Who knows, maybe I'll end up doing that at the dinner table. It's already going to be a bloody mess as it is.

Chrissy had suggested it two nights ago when I'd gone and picked her up from work. I was about to end things with her that night but nooo she just had to throw this out there. Liam had given a cocky smile and said 'why not', leaving Rae and I just dumbfounded and agreeing with them. We probably looked ridiculous as we said a numerous amount of 'sures' and 'why nots' with a 'yeah, that sounds like a great idea' thrown in there.

Yeah, great idea, my ass.

Terrible, absolutely fucking terrible, is what this is. I doubt I'll be able to do the one thing my father somehow mastered, which is the ability to keep my emotions hidden from the world. The only person he ever really let his guard down around was my mother. Around her you could see the absolute adoration he had for her.

I, on the other hand, am absolute shit at hiding my feelings. It's all over my face. I'm probably going to be read like an open book tonight, especially after the other day.

Rae had cried after she'd told me everything that night. I'm guessing a tad too much alcohol had to do with the fact that she'd told me just how badly I'd hurt her, not to mention the fact that she passed out in my arms directly afterward. I'd laid her in bed and I could've left but I didn't. I'm too selfish. I climbed right into bed behind her. I'd wrapped my arm around her, held her body close to mine, and nuzzled my face in her hair. I breathed her in deeply before I eventually fell asleep.

The next morning was a bit more of a shit show though. With Liam showing up and having to throw the 'L' word out there, I'd felt like I'd been punched directly in the gut. That man somehow made me feel physical blows without even lying a finger on me. Knowing that he was the one that got to hold her like I had, smell her like that, tell her things like that was worse than any physical assault on my body.

Then, after he'd left, I could hardly hold my irritation back. I'd yelled, she'd yelled and eventually I held her as she cried in my arms again because she couldn't tell me to go. She may hate me for actually vocalizing it, but she missed me too. I could've kept my mouth shut and left but, for some reason, I can't contain my feelings when it comes to Rae. This is why tonight is such a shit idea.

The moment we'd met up with them outside I had to keep my jaw from basically dropping to the ground because she looked edible. Absolutely fucking edible. She wore a black dress with a plunging neckline that had me picturing just how perfect her tits looked underneath it. Her long red locks are in loose waves and all I want to do every time I look at her is run my hands right through it while making sweet sweet love to her. 

"This is a nice place." Chrissy's voice pulls me out of my head. She's looking around in awe of the restaurant. "Like, really nice."

"She's right, Seth." Liam nods his head at me. "Nice choice."

Nobody fucking cares what you think. Instead of saying that I go with, "it's one of my favorite places." I walk up to the hostess and smile saying, "reservation for McCaslin."

"For four?" She flutters her eyelashes at me and I can tell she'd rather it be just a reservation between her and me.

"Yes, that'd be the one."

"Right this way." She grabs a few menus before leading the way to the private area in the back where there are only a handful of booths.  

We all sit down, I slide in first and so does Rae on the opposite side. So now we're sitting directly across from one another. She gives me an awkward tentative smile and I know she feels exactly how I feel right now.

"So," Liam starts "we haven't seen you in a while. What have you been up to these days, Seth?"

Waking up next to your girlfriend. There's a small smile playing on my lips at the thought but I say, "not too much. I just graduated."

"Nice," he glances over his menu as he continues, "have you decided what you want to do yet career wise?"

"Well, I'm thinking about opening up my own gym." I'm also thinking about what your girlfriend's body looks like beneath that dress. Although that last bit isn't career related.

"That's great, Seth." Rae gives me a wide smile and I wonder if she'd be smiling and saying the same thing if she knew what I was thinking about.

"Like a fitness center?" Chrissy asks.

"No," I look over to her, "like a place for training in mixed martial arts and boxing."

"Oh my gosh you know how to do that?" She looks flabbergasted and that's probably because the only things she really knows about me are bedroom related.

"You didn't know that Seth's a fighter?" Rae chimes in. "Like, he actually fights people."

"I didn't know that either." Liam adds, "like cage fighting?"

"Yeah," I give him a cocky smile and nod of the head "something like that." I could knock your god damn head off.

"That's so hot." Chrissy bites her lip, looking at me like I'm the meal and I can practically feel Rae rolling her eyes.  

The waiter comes up and thankfully changes the topic to our drinks. We all place our orders and then he walks away. I scan the menu but I don't need to, I already know I'm getting the ribeye.

"How about you, Liam?" I put down the menu. "Anything new going on with you?" Pretending to actual give a shit about what's going on with this guy is not how I want to spend an evening but here I am.

He puts his menu down and gives me a cocky smile of his own."Actually, yes, I've just got a really great job opportunity in New York. I'm going to start next week."

"You're moving to New York?"

Please say you're moving away forever.

"That's the plan." He grabs Rae's hand and looks down at her with a smile. "And hopefully this lovely woman will be moving with me." She looks over to him as he places a kiss on her hand and I feel like he's punched me in the gut yet again. "She's going to finish her internship here while I go find us a starter place." He brings his attention back to me and I can see the arrogant look plastered all over his face that tells me he knows exactly how I feel about that.

"We'll see." Rae adds, not looking at me but back at her menu. "The ribeye looks like it will be good."

"It's my favorite."  She looks up at me and gives me a half smile. "You should get it. It's delicious."

And you definitely shouldn't move to fucking New York.

"She's already been accepted to The School of Visual Arts. She'd be silly to pass the opportunity up." He adds, like he's heard my internal thought. "Beautiful and talented." He looks at me directly. "She's absolutely amazing." Then he looks at her. "You'll thrive there, darling."

"Like I said, we'll see." Rae sets down her menu, pulling her hand away from him.

The waiter comes up and takes our order and I smile when Rae orders the ribeye. Once he collects our menus the table gets quiet. It's quiet and uncomfortably awkward.

"I'm so happy for you, Rae." Chrissy says excitedly, breaking the silence. "You're so lucky. Handsome guy, got into a great school, moving to New York! Next step is getting married!"

I choke on my drink at that. Marriage? Fucking marriage? Seriously? I'm definitely breaking up with this girl.

"Maybe one day." Liam smiles at her but I watch Rae's face pale. "But you can't talk like that with my Rae. She's as skittish as a filly when it comes to conversations about marriage and children."

I choke again. They've actually talked about marriage? They've talked about having kids? I feel like I'm slowly being suffocated. Like someone put a plastic bag over my head and won't loosen up.

"How about the two of you?" He sips his drink clearly amused. "Marriage? Kids?"

"Liam," Rae interjects "they just started dating. I doubt they're talking about those things."

"Well I definitely want kids in the future." Chrissy said with a large smile.

"What?" I look over at her.

She chuckles, "don't freak out. I just mean in general and not necessarily with you. But hey, if you stick around at least you know what you're getting into."

This time Rae chokes. "Why are we talking about having kids?" She managed to rasp out.

"What, you don't want kids one day, Rae?" Chrissy asked.

Her gaze goes immediately to me and I feel an ache in my chest when she says, "maybe one day but I'm not really mom material. I'm not really cut out to be a mom."

"I think you'd be a great mom." The words slip from my mouth without a second thought making Rae's eyes widen.

Time to stab myself in the leg with a steak knife...

It's quiet for a moment and I feel like they're all staring at me. I just had to go and make things fucking awkward. I grab the drink menu and pretend to look at it. This evening can't end any sooner.

Hopefully I can make it without saying any more awkward things. Things like picturing Rae pregnant or how she'd be a great mom while I look at her longingly. Hopefully.

✩✩✩

"So," Chrissy begins as she fiddles with the ends of her hair as we drive back to her place. "You sure that nothing ever happened between the two of you?"

"Who?"

"You and Raegan."

My hand tightens on the steering wheel. "Why do you ask?"

"It's just the vibes I got tonight." She shrugs. "I don't know maybe I'm just overreacting but you seemed..."

"I seemed what?"

"Tense."

"I just don't really like Liam." I pull up to the outside of her building and park. "Rae's my best friend's sister." I look over at her, "I'm just really protective of her."

"So it's like a brother-sister thing and not like an ex-girlfriend thing."

"No, not like an ex thing." I mean, we technically didn't date. We'd just had a fuckton of sex and then caught feelings.

"Nothing to worry about?"

"No."

"You want to come inside?" She's asking if I want to fuck and if I were a better man I'd say no because Rae was right, I'm messing with her.

But the thought of Liam's hands all over Rae and him touching her crawl through my mind. Before I know it I'm nodding, saying yes, and following her inside.