I was not ready. I'm still not ready. I remember the screams. I remember the bloodshed. I grip my arms. I don't want to see this. I don't want to remember. I hate every moment of what I had caused. They will turn on me after seeing what I became. After seeing what I did will Vax still... love me?

"Arak Uruku Ambiruk!" Dirok yells.

"Blood and Power from Titians flow through this boy's veins." I translate.

"Arath Emirock Enikru!" Dirok yells.

"Rise from the other side and twine through his eyes." I say.

I hear my own winces and gasps as the blood turned in my veins. It's supposed to be a very painful ritual. I look down. I remember every word. I remember everything. What does that thing mean by remember what your mind refuses to unlock.

"Arathion Empatan Orothia." I hear.

I jump. I turn. What... what is going on? Vax looks at me concerningly. My eyes widen. My heard pounds. That voice... that is a different spell. A different voice. A different alteration of me. It's not Dirok. It's the voice I heard inside my own mind.

"Rathuk Undraluk Emparauk!" Dirok yells.

"Arathion Empatan Orothia." The other voice says.

I hear my younger self scream in pain. The blood rises from myself and lifts my younger version. Is ee the blood mutating me. I grip my hands. I still feel it. I hear their murmurs and their questions like the song of birds. I see my arms glowing veins. I hear myself scream. I see myself rising. I killed Dirok right then and there. I rip his own head off. 

I turn my head once again. There was a different voice. There was a different spell. One that I did not recognize. One I couldn't recognize. Tears grip my eyes. I look at my hands. I hear myself roaring from then on- I was turned into a bloody monster. I was condemned. I killed them all. I slaughtered them all. I left none alive. I killed my own father. My friends, my brothers, my kin. All this time, I thought it was an accident. No... it wasn't an accident. You turned me into this monster.