After my moment with Nikolai in the park and the remarks the Darkling made. I spent most of my time in my room, either planning, reading or doing anything else to keep my mind from floating back to the two men. I even began to drink some more. Either Kvas or tequila–which I admit was much better. I sat down near the fireplace and take a couple drinks.

I wore a black lace nightdress with a long black robe. Too much black, I know. But I didn't feel like wearing anything else. Practically all my clothing had some sort of cleavage or see through area. I got used to it after a while. The Darkling didn't visit me for a couple days now. It was actually peaceful. I would spend time with Zoya and Genya or I would try to avoid Nikolai and Alyona.

To be honest, my mind wasn't at a good place. And definitely got worse with the amount of tequila I had. I then heard a high pitched ringing in the back of my head. Could just be a dizzy spell? But soon I saw shadows surround me and I knew the Darkling was to visit me through the bond.

When he formed In front of me, he firstly took in my surroundings. The crackling of the fireplace, the snow falling outside, the bottles of tequila on the table. He then observed the state I was in and I saw him purse his lips slightly. Something about this look of his made me tingle between my legs. I tightened my thighs together trying to fight the urge. I could see the Darkling observing my reaction with a brow raised on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, I cut in.

"Why are you here?"

"Why are you drinking?" He shot back walking towards me. "It's more of a stress reliever really, helps me not focus on you or Nikolai."

"hmm."

"Take it the wedding hasn't happened yet."

"Nope. Don't worry when the wedding happens you'll see me get drunk on Bellini's giving a self loathing wedding speech." I said depressingly–humorous. He chuckled slightly. "Your clearly wallowing in self pity now."

I rolled my eyes and focused them on the fireplace. I could feel the Darkling's gaze on me as my face must have lit up in the firelight. The Darkling soon towered over me, I didn't pay attention to the Dark King but when he pulled me up by my arms and pinned me against a wall, I was forced to be on alert.

He leaned into my face as his huge, muscular, well-built body caged me. Something about this action made me tighten my legs together as I felt his hips push against mine and a bulge hit my thigh.

Something in him, made him trail his  hand down the side of my body and open my robes.

"You know Alina, I've been with many women and many more slept in my bed but never have I slept with a woman so long and not been intimate with her."

I had a blank expression. His eyes wavered on mine for a second then I  placed my hands on his chest. Trying to push him away. "Darkling?!" I  whispered.

"Speak my name!"

I hesitated, "Aleksander!" I whispered. "Again!"

"Aleksander!"

He then disrobed me quickly and kissed me passionately. "hmph." I  didn't respond to the kiss. So he went to my neck. I gasped from the sudden contact. I moaned when he reached my sweet spot. "You have no idea how long I've waited to do this."

His hands started to push up my dress and I stirred. This just became more real. He then pushed it up to my hip bone, seeing enough of the area between my legs. He leaned down and kissed my thighs. "hmm." I reacted. I tingled again and this time I felt his lips inside me. His tongue went over my clit. I released a loud moan and when he stuck a finger in me, I thought I was going to die. He stuck another one as he kept a continuous hold over my legs. I then remembered everything he had done to me and immediately shut my legs and pushed him away.

He looked puzzled for a second. "You can't continue further."

"It isn't right."

"Oh it is. And maybe you will actually let me fuck you. But maybe next time, for now I enjoyed your exultant moans Alina. I'll leave you to sleep the night away perhaps tomorrow you'll be begging for more." He said seductively, "Goodnight Princess." He whispered in my ear and suddenly he was gone.

I jolted open from the uncomfortable nightmare. I looked down to see I was in my white nightgown not the black one. Looking over to my side, I saw my drinks on the night stand, they must have made me fall asleep and the Darkling was the last thing in my mind.

Thank saints it was only just a nightmare. A horrible, steamy nightmare. These dreams were the result of my lonely conscience, maybe because Mal wasn't next to me or maybe because I knew Nikolai was to marry Alyona and I still felt something for him. But it wasn't relevant and tonight was their engagement, well I guess re-engagement.

It would only be a small party in the hall and Genya was very adamant about it. We shouldn't be wasting our time partying, we should be spending it making strategies to defeat the Darkling.

But I guess that wasn't tonight.

Genya soon came bursting through the doors with a dress folded in her hands. "Okay come on 'Lina, let's get you ready."

"Do I have too?"

"Yes Sunshine, I need to get that Bush you call hair, straight and flawless again." She remarked opening her tailoring kit. I ran a hand through my messy braid and took a peek in the mirror. I did see it was all messy and lose.

I sat down at the table and let Genya do her work.

***
I ascended down the stone stairs to see Nikolai sat next to Alyona–who looked radiant in a red gown. I looked on from the railing. He caught my sight. I then realised he was dressed in a black overcoat, embroidered with intricate silver designs. He looked better in gold but it clashed with his hair, either way he looked really handsome.

I quickly caught my breath and stood next to Zoya who was gorgeous in her royal blue dress. "So how are you feeling?" Zoya whispered, leaning to my ear.

"I'm fine, they look lovely together." I complemented, feeling pain cracking through my smile. It was hard to keep such a small facial expression. Zoya gave me a small look, she didn't believe me.

I didn't believe myself either. "I have to be fine." I quietly told myself. "You and your man drama, we should be planning our next move not getting engaged."

I sighed, "I know, but let us enjoy this tonight as tomorrow we will be heading to Novyi Zem for the second amplifier."

"Hmm. It's a good thing Nikolai has more than one ship." Zoya agreed picking up a wine glass from a tray nearby.

The exchanging of rings and early vows came by. I saw Alyona slip a ring onto Nikolai's finger. Then I saw him do the same thing but as he did, his eyes were focused on me. An unreadable emotion danced in his eyes. I think it was regret or maybe sorrow.

He slipped the ring on and hesitantly kissed Alyona on the cheek. I turned my face away from him, not willing to look on anymore. "Zee, I'm going back to my room." I said, knowing I gave her a nick name.

"Okay."

I paced myself back to my room where I locked the door behind me and tried to ignore whatever the burning sensation in my heart was telling me. I chocked as my felt that burning continue. It was heartache, something I felt when Mal was alive and away from me in the palace. I could never question the love I had for him but perhaps I... Maybe loved Nikolai?

I shook my head of the ridiculous thoughts, I couldn't be in love right. But then what would explain the pain I was feeling.

A knock on my door disrupted my thoughts. "Go away!" I snapped.

"Love?"

It was Nikolai. "What are you doing here, shouldn't you be with Alyona?" I clasped the handle of my door as Nikolai tried opening it. I felt him place a hand on the back of the door. "Alina please come out, we need to talk."

"Talk about what Nikolai? That you and Alyona are re-engaged. That I'm not to marry you. That she will be your Queen. That I can't marry you even though I feel..."

I stopped my words when I realised what I was about to say.

"I never meant to hurt you Alina." He said quietly. It was sadness that laced his tone. I hated hearing him in pain, even though I was the one who's tears were slipping out. "P-please just go." my voice cracked.

Moments went by and seconds turned to minutes. I don't know how long both of us placed a hand to the sides of the door and spoke nothing. What was there to say? I wanted him and at the same time couldn't have him for a multitude of reasons. He finally said something, breaking the silence.

"Alina... I–" His voice, so gentle and so heart-breaking.

"I know."

I heard footsteps depart from the door. Knowing that this was my fault to begin with, I sighed heavily into my hands and soon felt my chest trembling in pain.

My legs lost their strength and my back began to slide down as I landed on the marble floor. I didn't want to cry and it hurt that I did.

Nothing was this complicated between me and Mal and nothing like this would be felt between me and the Darkling.

***
Published: 20:17pm 27/04/2022