I found my body resting on soft silk and before I knew It, I heard a very gentle voice mocking me. "I thought you were a powerful Saint not a weak princess." The voice sounded amused and dangerously familiar. I opened my eyes to see the Darkling standing over me. Pushing myself onto my bed, my eyes darted from the door to the bed. I didn't realise I fell asleep on the floor.

I rubbed my eyes,"How long have I been asleep?"

"A couple hours, you were exhausted from all the crying you did." The Darkling said sitting on the edge of my bed. He was obviously watching me in the shadows. He saw me breakdown for Nikolai. My mind wondered over what Nikolai said from my door.

"Alina... I-" His voice, so gentle and so heartbreaking.

"I know."

He confessed he loved me. "Did you hear him say?"

I started to ask, if the Darkling heard Nikolai. "Yes." His voice nearly broke. "The sobachka clearly has feelings for you."

"Do you?" He asked raising a brow, looking deep into my eyes. I blanked out for a second, then remembered who was sitting in front of me. "It is none of your business!" I snapped, getting off the bed. He followed me. I sighed heavily, turning back to face him. "What do you want? Why haven't you taken me? Why haven't you killed my friends? What are you up to Aleksander?"

His face took a strangely familiar expression. His false sympathy. "You haven't called me by my name for months!"

My eyes darted, briefly reflecting over my words. "I guess I haven't." I whispered, clutching my necklace.

I looked into his eyes, as he did mine. But felt nothing. "Do you love him?" He asked coming closer. I saw shadows surround us. I didn't dare to cut them down or absorb them. "I- uh." I started to stutter, my heart hammered inside my chest. "Darkling, y-your scaring me." I whispered, feeling my back hit the wall.

The shadows became more intense and like the pouncing lion, it immediately swallowed us up. Darkness. All I saw was the darkness around me. This must be what blindness was. Nothing infront, or behind you.

"Use your light." A voice called out. "What?"

"Summon the sun Alina." He said in a more stern tone. I inhaled a frightened breath then remembered my tether. I remembered Nikolai's face, his words, his touch. The night we slept together. All of it. The way he caught me from falling as Sturmhond in the Darkling's camps. The way he kissed my hand. The sunshine of his hair. His gorgeous blue irises staring into my dull brown ones. His every helpful word.

Our training. The moments we've spent. Him as a Volcra, wingless now but nevertheless a beast on the outside. But was my beauty in the inside. I helped him get over any insecurities of the Volcra side. The mysterious bond between us, strictly began from the Darkling's mutation. My memories wondered over to Mal. His last night with me in the dungeons.

"I hope you find love with Nikolai."

My eyes shot open and suddenly found myself gasping for air. The Darkling was holding me up in his strong arms. I glanced around, seeing no shadows in sight. "What happened?" I panted.

The Darkling had a concerned look on his face, before I knew it he had me in a proper embrace. Confused, I let him hug me. Feeling a sense of relief and joy through our bond. He pulled apart and allowed me to stand on my own feet.

"You started to panic, you continued to whisper the Sobachka and the trackers name. It was as if you were dreaming."

Wasn't I? So Mal wanted this from the beginning. He wanted me to wed Nikolai. He thought I would be happy and at least i wouldn't end up with the Darkling. Mal wanted a strong and united Ravka, not a dark and feared one.

"I'm in love with Nikolai." I said out loud. "It was always him."

The Darkling's face went blank, he was stumped by what I said and maybe he was speechless.

"You choose the sobachka?" He asked, sitting down on a chair. I sat on the edge of my bed. "I think I've always chosen him, Mal knew too– somehow." I whispered the last past.

"Hmm." The Darkling made with his lips, I think he was angry, maybe jealous but I shook my head. He was incapable of feeling any human emotions. But I changed the subject, thinking about what dastardly plan he was concocting to exploit me and kill my friends. I needed to gain the upper hand. "Moi Tsar." I mocked getting his attention, his brows rose up. "Yes Princessa Alina."

I rolled my eyes, "We need to talk about something other than my love life." He looked intrigued.

"It's time we make a deal!"

***
Nikolai opened his door for me, as night was falling. I decided to talk to him before the morning. He was dressed in a white lacey shirt. He draped a blanket over his shoulders. Without speaking a single word, we both sat on the couch before the fire place. Awkwardness and tension rose in the room. I had to break the silence. "Last night." I caught his eye, he observed my face glowing in the fire. "You were about to say-"

"I meant it!"

"That night-in the palace, when I first visited you through the bond I told I love you. And later I said it wasn't true." He took my hand in his. "But it was."

"I love you Alina. I've loved you the minute I laid eyes on you. I've loved you at every dance, at every battle, all the moments we've been together. The night we spent together. You were so beautiful and we have both slept with others. But I would love it if I could see your pretty face every morning I wake up-" He cupped my face and brushed away the tear that rolled down my cheek. "And every night I fall asleep. I would make you my Queen because I want you, I want you all the time." He whispered, capturing my lips. It was a slow and tender kiss, but it felt right. He was making me cry and I let him because I loved the effect it had on my heart and even though I knew who was watching, I let him continue.

"I would choose you Alina. As my Queen, as my friend. As my bride."

"I told you before love, I will always be by your side and I know Mal has a special place in your heart. I do not wish on taking that away. I only wish that perhaps, one day, you could choose me."

"I can be your husband, will you have me?"

He finished watching my face, I was stumped but I clasped his soft hands in mine as tears soaked my dress.

"Nikolai, in return all I can say is-that I love you too. I love everything about you. After Mal's death I thought I could never love again until I met you. You make me breathe, make me want to live. I don't want you because your the Prince. No princely title, or power could make me stop loving you. Your heart makes me want you. I want you by my side, however long it takes."

"But there is a chance that I will live longer than you." I admitted, remembering the Darkling's words. "Then I will love you from my grave." He said with a smile on his face. "I may love you Nikolai, but I feel like I'm betraying Mal."

"I'll wait Alina. No matter if its till we're 95 and I'm on my death bed." He joked, I quickly covered his mouth with my hand. "Please don't make jokes like that. I can't bear it." I retracted my hand.

"What about Alyona?" I asked, knowing I could never betray a woman like that. She was a woman and we women must stick together.

"She already knows."

"What?" I questioned surprised. My wide eyes made Nikolai chuckle. "We haven't exactly made our relations discreet."

"Saints, Genya." I laughed. "Yeah that woman gave me a piece of her mind. Then Zoya did, then Alyona did."

"The women in my life like to control me."

I slapped him lightly on the arm. "Hey, they're my ladies and I love them. Even Alyona."

"I guess that's why I love you. You have a big heart." I smiled lightly at his words. "Are you always this charming?"

"Pretty much." He nodded, smiling with his eyes. I giggled, then behind his head, in the corner of the room I saw a block of shadow waiting for me. It spread over a wall. I couldn't let Nikolai see it, I knew the Darkling wanted me to hurry this up. But pissing him of was very amusing. Nikolai's face turned to a different expression. It was more of a serious face.

"How could you send me to another Alina? When you knew that I had feelings for you?" He asked, getting serious but I could see the pain behind his eyes. It must have been difficult for him to go and nearly wed another. I cupped the side of his face. "Because I love you Nikolai, and one of us deserves to be happy."

"And because I love you I have to let you go." I kissed the side of his cheek and made my way to the door, It was heartwrenching to not look back and go wrap myself in his arms. But remembering the deal I made with the Darkling, this was only a small part of it. The shadows on the side of the room, vanished completely.

***
Published: 23:15pm 01/04/2022