86. CRAMPING TO END

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YOU

flip through another page of the digital manual on your tablet. On it, there are recommendations for ointments, creams, and other treatments to get rid of a cramp enough to get Kurona back in the game as soon as possible.

He sits on the bed with perfect obedience. Quiet—unlike some others in the same room as you are right now. A quick glance to the side tells you all you need to know—even without the pained, strained, and waning yells.

"BianCAAAAAAA—"

Sendou yelps like a puppy—though it soon turns into a scream of her name as she seems to pull on something she probably shouldn't have. "OW! FUCK—what the hell?! That hurts!"

"Well, maybe it wouldn't have if you didn't move." She snaps, with a sharp glare and snippy tone. Ubers' original goalkeeper, clutching his ribs, wheezes out with a laugh.

"Go easy on the kid, Bianca—he's not used to your physical remedies."

Once again, there's another pop of what you can only assume to be Sendou's joints, and another scream ensues seconds after, "BIANCA—THAT FUCKING HURTS!"

Kurona turns his head away from the cries of the salmon head on the other side of the room. Pink eyes blink at you, unmoving and wide with curiosity. "[name]? Is the check-up done?"

Not wanting to be dismissive, you hold up a finger as your eyes are completely glued to the screen. "Wait... I'm reading up on an article that says raw eggs can help out with the healing of cramps."

You falter soon enough—even more so when you glance up at Kurona's terrified face.

"... Nevermind. I'm just... going to get a hot towel." You sigh, plastering a smile on your lips. Kurona spares you a sharp, sharky grin and a small thumbs-up—it happens to brighten your day even in just the slightest.

After grabbing a towel—you walk out of the med-bay, and head towards the bathrooms. It's so eerily silent in your stratum, with the only noise being your footsteps. Even the doors were upgraded so they didn't creak. The funding that BLTV provided you all was truly incredible.

You stand in front of a basin and turn the knob all the way to the red side, and switch on the water. You wait a few seconds for the water to grow hot before soaking the towel in the scalding heat. 

You look up at the mirror plastered atop the basin, staring for a moment. 

You can't remember the last time you'd taken time to stare at yourself in silence. Something you used to do every single day, without fail, when you were finally free from being bedridden in the hospital and were allowed to use your wheelchair to get around.

You would just stare, for minutes to hours on end. You wouldn't pick at your skin or point out what exactly you thought was wrong with your face, but you would simply look. 

If you squint hard enough now, you could materialise the hospital gown you used to wear. 

You shake your head, turning off the water and ringing out the towel. Your palms sting a little and grow red with the sheer heat of the water, but it barely affects you. The towel is warm and damp, and you're done here. Kurona needs your help.

You glance upwards into the mirror once more, and there—you see you are no longer alone. In the basin beside you stands Bianca, curly brown hair styled to perfection and eyes deeply focused on soaking her own towel with boiling warmth.

You take a few moments to stare as she waits for her water to warm up. You only got a few seconds to stare before she caught your gaze red-handed. "What are you looking at?"

It's not said aggressively or in an antagonising way—but still, the embarrassment still pools in your gut at her straightforward question. "I'm sorry I—I was just going to go."

You shake your head and swiftly turn on your heel—ready to leave both this and her behind—before she grabs your wrist and you turn your head back in shock.

Her face is almost unreadable—except for the clear conflicting of different emotions you couldn't possibly pinpoint. Deeply staring into your eyes, she bites out something from a clenched jaw, "At first... I didn't understand what Mariele found so interesting about you, and I was surprised she liked you so much. But now..."

She spits it out as if it's hard to say. Like poison. "I... I think I get it. When that blonde man scored... you looked so astonished and... enthralled, it was almost dumb."

You couldn't tell if she was complimenting you or not.

"So..." She finally averts her piercing gaze. "Keep... doing what you're doing... I guess. If you end up winning... come by Ubers' sometime. Maybe you could show me just how you find soccer that interesting."

You almost find yourself unable to speak—words lodged in your throat at her sudden burst of praise for you—for simply just at how you looked at Kaiser. "R...—right.

She lets go of your wrist and purses her lips, walking past you without another glance. Not until she gets to the doorway, and she glances over her shoulder—pushing chocolate curls back, "Oh, and... you were going to forget your towel."

You glance back at your formerly discarded towel on the basin with a surprised expression. You walk back over to the basin but then look towards the doorway. It's empty.

Bianca leaves without a trace, and for a moment, it is almost impossible to believe she was ever there in the first place. 

I still don't understand you.

And you don't think you ever will. But you guessed it's a good thing you seem to be in her good graces at last. You're sure Mariele will be happy to hear it.

You pick up the moist towelette, feeling the fibres beneath your fingertips.

It's cold.

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"Thank you, thank you, [name]."

Kurona nods with the warm towel spayed over his ankle, and his shoe-less leg resting atop the bed he sits on. 

You nod back, taking your place on the sheets beside him. It's quiet—less because you're unsure on what to say to Kurona—and more because you've found yourself growing lost within your own thoughts... again.

You don't know why this keeps happening. There's so much going on, that it feels like the equivalent of a boss level's difficulty to stay alert to reality and it's nigh impossible not to drift off in a silent room like this. Here. Where you are right now.

Kurona, on the other hand—feels rather uncomfortable.

Not for the reason that he doesn't like you or anything—he thinks you're rather sweet, actually—but rather that he feels the expression on your face is way too intense for somebody like him to handle. Your brows are furrowed hard, and your eyes are squinted down at a tile on the ground as if it had personally attacked you.

All in all—you looked pretty mad. 

... Was it his fault?

Were you angry because his minor injury forced you to stay away from the game—your job—and your one source of entertainment within the bleak, dreary life a manager like you must live?

Suddenly, he feels much more uncomfortable. He doesn't like the thought that you're mad at him. ... Even if you're not.

He still feels the urge to apologise.

After a few more seconds of quiet—even from the other side hosting the Ubers', where Sendou Shuto is napping peacefully and their non-nameable goalie is staring into the distance—Kurona decides that the imaginary guilt inside of him is eating him alive and he must speak before he is consumed.

"... [name]?"

Instantly, you snap up out of the trance that contained you, and you look back at him. A friendly smile is plastered on your face, and your tone is nothing less than warm—"You okay? Is your ankle still hurting?"

—but it feels pseudo to him. 

The towel that was once warm and comforting atop his leg now feels rather stuffy. He feels the crinkles of the un-ironed bedsheets below him and he sucks in a deep breath. "Sorry. Sorry...—sorry—"

God, why can't he just speak?

Every time he tries to say another word apart from sorry, he feels his tongue grow impossibly heavy in his mouth and he can't speak properly. He doesn't know what it is about you—that the thought of you being upset and him being the reason makes him so nervous—all he knows is that he can't speak straight.

You aren't bothered, though, when he stares at you. You aren't confused, nor do you have any kind of emotion on your face, really. You're just sitting there, patient, waiting for him to continue. You've always been patient with him.

Sucking in another deeply greedy breath, Kurona continues, "Sorry. [name], I'm sorry that you had to miss out on the match because of me. And I'm sorry if you're upset."

Your eyes widen in surprise when he purses his lips and stares down at the ground like he is defeated—like he has done anything wrong. "... Oh, no—I'm not upset at all. Did I seem mad?"

You don't wait for his answer before you continue speaking—deciding it didn't really matter in the long run, "I'm not upset about missing out on the game. I'm fine with it. I'll have to rewatch it later to analyse, anyway—so it's fine. Don't feel responsible, or anything. There's just a lot on my mind."

A weight lifts off the shark-toothed boy's chest and a small smile forms on his lips. "... Like what?"

Kurona isn't the type of person to pry, so you don't mind telling him what's troubling you.

"Everything is happening so fast. Sometimes it's hard to keep up. I try, but I'm not really good with feelings and emotions, and things like that." You look to the side. "I'm not scared of being left behind by the players I'd cared for. That's silly. I know how to let things go... at least, I do now."

"But you're worried—worried about the future?" He asks with wide pink eyes.

"Kind of? It's less worried and more that when I start to think about it—it's hard to stop. I don't know what I'll be like, because everything's changing so fast. I mean—I've felt things towards people that I'd never ever felt before. All because of this stupid..." You sigh deeply. "This stupid job."

Comparing Kaiser to Isagi... being freed from everything... watching as Mariele slowly became more soft... Kunigami and his hard stare... Hiori being exactly what you hoped, begged, and prayed to be for so long... 

It's all so much.

"I just want to know what my future holds. You get it, right?" 

With your words, Kurona nods. "I do. If everyone could, they would want to know what future they have. That's why fortune tellers are so popular, right—right? But maybe it's a good thing that people don't know what future is laid out for them."

"Because if something like that existed, then that means their fate is already laid out for them, and they can't change it." He pokes at his teeth. "People don't know what their fate is, so it means they're free to choose how they live their lives. I like braiding my hair. Not because my future—future is telling me I need to... I do it because it makes me very happy."

He stretches his lips wide in a grin, and your heart skips a beat. "I like doing things that make me happy. I think that's how everyone should live their lives. I think about what might happen in my life sometimes, but it also makes me happy that I don't know what to expect. I can choose who I want to be. I think that—that is the thing that makes me happiest."

 * "Yoichi is the one who is proving himself. It is that simple. The quote-unquote "stronger ones" are all the same. They can have different faces, maybe different skin colours, or even differing personalities—but in the end, they are all born the same way. There is no future where the weak becomes stronger than the one born with the talent and the ego—there is only a future where somebody who is already strong overcomes such an obstacle. Such is life."

For a little longer, you look at Kurona's smile.

I don't think Mariele was right. 

Hearing his words now, and hearing how he perceives his life and whatever his future holds—you're starting to believe maybe Mariele was looking at this from far too "black-and-white" perspective.

There is no set future, for anybody. There is no world where a person's fate is set in stone and they must do everything in their power to live up to it. Everyone has the capacity to change if only they wish to.

You never would've changed if you truly didn't want to. Isagi may have been the factor that triggered your sudden, spurred realisation—but maybe you had a little more to do with it than you thought.

It's all your choice. Nobody else's. It's always been you.

"Kurona... you have a good head, filled with really good thoughts." You smile at him. Even from here, you can hear the loud bellows and cheers that could've only come from your team. Because you know that they chose to win—to live on and survive another time. "If everybody thought like you... maybe life would be a little easier."

Kurona shakes his head and gives you a froggishly cute nod. "Maybe. But it's more that I just like to look at it through a bright lens."

"That sounds about right."

You stand up, giving him a quick goodbye over your shoulder before walking out. There's a team out there waiting for you... and it's your choice to come and greet them as both how a dutiful manager should, and how you—as yourself are proud of them.

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* 72 — THE 44 PANTHER

note: hai. introduced the concept of choice and how she's realising hey this was lowkey all my decisions because nobody can really force me to do anything!!!! like i luh isagi but she was lowkey putting him on a silver pedestal... and it was intentional!!!! i mean obvi i wasn't planning this out from chapter one but i was thinking of a way for her to stop GLAZINNNGGGUH. she obviously still respects him and all but she'd now starting to think more about herself—which... heh... will bring in kaiser.... be prepared...

only lives read my kaiser kiss scene rn i think but its very very very UHHHH. uhhh... yeahhh!!!!! be prepared i whisper

also!!! i got a few comments on how mariele's comment was very disheartening and hi. so. it was intentionally very disappointing because that's how she views life!!! shes a very black-and-white person, and that's why she thinks like this. it ended up even influencing reader in a way, where she started viewing things as being simple and easy to understand like that. unreliable narrarators hell yeah.

don't worry guys I'm lowkey still bullshitting and trying to cook in the kitchen but :)))) hey.