77. TO BELIEVE

note: oh my godddd bro kai[name] is so dark red coded what the fweak. im gonna give a new song rec every chapter atp

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"SO,"

Mariele starts, looking over at you with a tilted gaze. "Ness woke you up in the middle of the night? Huh."

You laugh a little, nudging her with your elbow and staring with your head turned towards her, "Do you not believe me?"

She shakes her head, but not as an answer. "No, I didn't mean to insinuate that. It just doesn't sound like something Ness would do—even for such a character like him."

You can't say you disagree with her. From where she's coming from—it does sound a bit extraordinary. Nevertheless—you can't deny your own eyes, and you certainly cannot deny your own heart.

His words ring heavy through your head and even heavier throughout your consciousness. It would be a lie to say you have not spent every waking moment recounting his words.

"I understand. It was hard to believe it even when it happened, but..."

You pause, gaze trailing down to the ground.

You don't know what you want to say. Do you want to tell her that, ever since she's made that clear-cut comparison between Kaiser and Isagi, you've been questioning yourself since? Do you want to tell her that your eyes have wandered towards somebody you swore you'd never stare at? Do you want to tell her that you just can't seem to pull your eyes away from Michael Kaiser?

No, not really.

You don't want to tell her that, so you don't.

"It really did occur." And you laugh like nothing is wrong and like you are completely, and utterly fine.

You catch sight of Ness, and you think your heart almost drops to your ass.

You never thought that the mindless, blank look Ness would always have plastered on his face would feed you such negativity. It's uncanny, and so is his expression when he meets your gaze. After last night—it's like it's become simply impossible to get a good read on him.

Mariele blinks. She looks between you, and Ness—eyes lowering and smile fading to nothingness. She tilts her head away so you couldn't see her expression. "Is that so?"

The smile sends you is wonky and nothing like the giddy one he has on his face when he catches sight of his beloved Kaiser—but it's a half-smile all the same. Your eyes widen when you see this expression—no longer guileless or bland, but perhaps Ness has picked up a thing or two.

With that look, you think that, perhaps, even if just for a second, you might have misjudged Alexis Ness.

But that thought dissipates in seconds once you raise your gaze and find electric blue eyes boring into you and your entire being. 

Your eyes snap away and so do any thoughts of Alexis Ness—the prospect of being caught makes heat crawl up your neck and you turn your head to the side.

Once again, Mariele finds herself staring at you—blonde brows furrowed and a confused gleam in her bright green eyes.

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It's been a while since you've gotten food like this. 

Of course, you eat every day, and you do not skip meals because you're just not that kind of person—no matter how stressed you are, you always make time to eat—it's relaxing and one of the moments you look forward to every day.

But preparing for the Manshine match, dealing with Isagi's sudden pass-out, organizing training and even having to prepare the food you are holding right now—it's all become a huge block in the natural part of your life that involves winding down alongside a meal. 

They had become rushed and the frozen, microwavable meals could only be enjoyable for so long—you decided, with this ten-day long break, the first thing you would do, is slow-cook a nice, warm, homey meal.

Despite everything, you do miss your mother's cooking. It has a distinctive taste (that perhaps may be only mental—that only your mother could make food so good) and a cozy feel that nothing could compete.

You sit down, at an empty table. Apart from two German players you did not recognise sitting at the lunch table across from you, nobody else is inside the cafeteria. It's quiet—just how you like it—and a great distraction from the jumbled mess that has become of your life.

Chores. Kyouka. Mariele. Bids (yours had starkly doubled after the Manshine match—but you didn't pay it much mind). Training. Food. 

You don't even want to get started on your love life. Just the thought makes your head hurt.

At the very least, it entertains your manager friends. They seem to find comedic humour in your endless male suffering. Except Komi. She always has the look of one who bit into a lemon whenever you mention something like that.

Social media finds it amusing too. Apart from the weird comments about wanting those men to perish—they actually seem to like this kind of thing. You think you even saw fanart this one time, but that's a whole can of worms you do not wish to dig through—at least, not right now.

Sitting here, eating food all alone—this is your sanctuary. This is your much-needed alone time, and nothing could ever break that—

"Well, well, look who we have here."

Except for Michael Kaiser, of course. You could slam your forehead directly into the metal of the table from how your head starts to pound at the mere sound of his gleeful tone. You could recognise his voice from a mile away—but you shake your head at that passing thought because you soon start having questions that you don't want to think about right now.

The distinct sound of a tray hitting the metal table right beside you is unmistakable. "Looking so lonely—where is your dear Yoichi when you need him?"

He tuts and you can practically hear the way he shakes his head, wiggles his fingers, and smirks. Not a regular, prideful smirk, but one of those shit-eating ones that make him ten times more punchable than he already is.

You opt to chew your food rather aggressively in an attempt to distract yourself from the flamboyant peacock beside you. It does not work.

"You've thought about it, right?" He smiles down at you, all pearly teeth and mirthless. "Joining me. My side. As my manager."

You could slam your head against the table, once again. "No. I haven't. And I don't want to. Why do you have to make it sound like I'm just a bargaining chip? It's strange."

When you glance upwards at him—you're a little shocked at the expression he has on his regrettably nice features. Wide eyes and furrowed brows, slightly parted lips like he wished to say something—but whatever words had formulated in his mouth seemed to die in his throat.

His nose scrunches up and he narrows his eyes down at an odd shiny spot on the table. He was silent. 

Kaiser didn't reply to your quip—picking up his fork and stabbing it into his food. Taking this as a sign of the (much appreciated) end of the conversation—you pop some of your own food into your mouth. You scrunch your nose up slightly. It's beginning to grow cold.

You both eat in, admittedly uncomfortable silence for quite some time. It surprises you how weirdly Kaiser is acting—but as long as you get to enjoy your food in peace, you couldn't care less.

(That was a lie, and you feel sick to your stomach just sitting beside him. And for once, it's not the type of sick where you want to puke all over him—it's more of you think you may explode if you even glance at him for a second too long. God forbid you two meet eyes. You're not too sure if you'll be able to take it.) 

You glance beside you—a tepid, momentary glance that you hope is not caught by him. You cannot tell if it or not—but regardless, he opens his mouth to speak anyway.

"I heard you talked with Ness yesterday." Kaiser chews on something you do not recognise. It's probably a German food that he, once again, asked Mariele to make especially for him. There's a fifty-fifty chance it's either been spat in or poisoned.

You don't hide your small scoff at the statement—his eyes fall on you. Of course, he knows. Why wouldn't he know? His little loyal guard dog would report back to him on anything and everything. And to think you actually made progress—your mood has been soured slightly.

However, you can't help but think you would've been a little more upset if you did not know how deep Ness' feelings stretched.

Your expression has unwillingly softened.

You think your silence was taken as something bad by him, so he quickly swallows whatever it was he was eating, and places his fork down before speaking, once more knocking you out of a trance, "I'm glad to know you think my shots are beautiful."

The prideful lilt in his tone, yet the strange genuineness that comes along with it—it's all so him, that even with those strangely appreciative words, you could recognise the chortle he lets out any day.

You aren't too sure how to reply to him. Heat crawls up your neck, and you hope it has not reached your face by the time you say your piece, "I'm not a liar. I... don't like you, but... I give credit where it's due."

Your tone lacks any sort of bite. He smiles, like your words were endearing, and rolls his head back. "I can live with that."

Another silence ensues between you both.

It's broken much quicker this time—you are suddenly beginning to find his uncharacteristic words unnerving and you'd rather not give him time to think and recoup more of this strange behaviour.

"What are you eating?"

It's the first question that comes to mind—the food you are currently staring at looks almost like square-shaped dumplings.

"Maultaschen," he replies, without a single hitch of his words. He places another one of the pieces into his mouth and stares at you from the corner of his eye. You do not look back. It takes a good minute of chewing before he says something more, "What about you?"

Something that was so common to you, that you would eat almost every week was completely new and foreign to him. You'd almost forgotten how different you two were.

How different your lives must have been, and how different everything has turned out.

"Just something my mom would cook for me, before Blue Lock." You poke at it with chopsticks mindlessly, cheek falling into the palm of your hand. "But it's colder than I remember."

Kaiser takes a long sip of water, and his expression is indiscernible. "Is that so?"

You nod. "Yeah. It just has a homely feel. You know what I mean, right?"

There is another stark moment of silence.

"Not really." 

His tone is bland, and nonchalant—so extremely so, that it felt more like a crumbled mask.

You have a feeling he wishes to say something more—but he doesn't, so you don't ask. You aren't too fond of prying, because you know how annoying it is when others do it. Whatever the case with him was—you decided it was just none of your business.

"Well, even so..." You stare down at your plate with a lowered gaze and half-lidded eyes. "You should enjoy your food while it lasts. I don't think Mariele will be too kind to you in the future."

He snorts, but it lacks any real humour or amusement. "Really?" If you couldn't hear his tone, you could've mistaken it as him being surprised. His voice is so blank and rhetorical that he's practically screaming the word sarcastic into your face.

"No matter how incredible your goals are, it won't save you from Mariele's wrath."

You almost smile at the thought. He doesn't share this same sentiment.

"No matter how beautiful they are?"

You pause, expression falling. But not in a bad way. You simply opt to look down—perhaps to shy away from his gaze, but that doesn't suit it quite right. So, instead, you quickly look up—for this first time today, you meet Michael Kaiser's electric blue gaze and a spark zips down your spine when his eyes widen.

"No matter how beautiful they may be."

And with those words—eyes meeting yours—he smiles. It stretches across his cheeks in a nice grin, and he gives you a look you cannot hope to decipher.

From a measly manager to a love interest, to whatever the hell he sees you as now—you can't help but wonder where you will find yourself with Michael Kaiser down the road.

Your mind flits back to Mariele's words, and you think you finally start to understand what she means.

* "Yoichi is the one who is proving himself. It is that simple. The quote-unquote "stronger ones" are all the same. They can have different faces, maybe different skin colours, or even differing personalities—but in the end, they are all born the same way. There is no future where the weak becomes stronger than the one born with the talent and the ego—there is only a future where somebody who is already strong overcomes such an obstacle. Such is life."

Isagi... and Kaiser... really are similar.

Your eyes glaze over with an emotion you had never felt toward the blonde beside you, ever, before today.

Mariele's always been this sort of strange mystery to you—but today, you think you've finally understood her. Even if just a small, minuscule part. But she slips your mind quite as easily as she appears—when Kaiser's perfect pearly grin is in your line of sight once more and he speaks in his smooth, low tone.

"Are you capable of believing in me, now?"

Are you?

You've finished with your food. You don't have anything else left to eat, so you don't see any point in staying here and continuing such a conversation.

Still, leaving him hanging wouldn't be too nice of you, so you decide to at least humour him with a response. A smile crawls onto your lips. It is happier than you've ever felt while being engaged in a talk with Michael Kaiser.

"It's not something that can be gained overnight, you know." You abruptly stand up, chair moving back with a loud screech behind you. Kaiser's eyes follow you and each movement you take with scary intensity. "Do you think you've given me a reason to believe in you?"

With Kaiser's thoughtful expression that comes as a result of your words—your mind begins to wander.

* "Kaiser Impact..." You mumble, completely and utterly entranced. You do not realise what words are escaping your lips until you actually say them. "I've never seen a shot more beautiful."

The glazed-over expression, the starry-eyed gaze, the whisper of wonder—it is all so similar.

* Isagi screams loud in joy, chest heaving and pupils blown wide when practically everyone crashes into him, and Chigiri says something with a breathy tone—but you don't even notice it. All you can look at is the look on Isagi's face—the joy of scoring the most incredible, winning goal.

It is... just like you, Isagi.

I feel like... it's just like when I'm with you.

You two... really are too similar.

Kaiser does not seem to have formulated an answer—only coming up with another question of his own. "Have you looked my way?"

You pause, once more. A stark, silent pause that makes you thrum your fingertips against your thigh and the world around you both seems to just stop as you speak, "Yes. But not as your love interest, or your manager, or whatever else... it's only as me. That's all I am."

You take hold of your tray and walk away—without so much as a glance over your shoulder. You place your dirtied dishes in the sink, head held high.

He's so strange, is all you're thinking.

But still...

You can't help but feel like you've seen another side of Michael Kaiser—or perhaps, it is you who has shown him such a side of yourself that was previously only reserved for Isagi Yoichi.

Nevertheless—you think you've thought a little deeper about God's chosen Emperor—and he's not all that bad.

You guess.

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* 73 — THE PERFECT PRINCE

* 72 — THE 44 PANTHER

* 53 — FREE

note: guys im tired and delirious while writing this so if this is a little fast my bad gang... but lowkey im rlly pushing the kai[name] agenda.

she's comparing him to the most important moment in her life like cmon. ur cooked lil bro.