76. THE MAGICIAN

note: song i was listening to on repeat while writing this was my kind of woman by mac demarco so you all can take that as you may

also ness is so manic. like he is so crazy and messed up and insane i like him for that. like he is so mentally disturbed. i love crazy bitches.
i feel like i need to add context to this whole thing — so when u see ness its straight after that whole thing where he's like clutching his fist and like mad asf that kaiser is interested in isagi LMAOO

˖*⋆｡˚𖦹࣪˖ ִֶָ⋆｡°✩

YOU

are abruptly (and quite frankly rudely) awakened from your softly sweet dreams by a shrill scream. This wake-up call was not very appreciated—it's loud, and ear-piercing, and you can hardly find yourself going back to sleep when it is a recurring noise that plays throughout the night.

You would've drifted off it was a curse that somebody would yell after stubbing their toe—or maybe a surprised shriek when one catches sight of a gross-looking bug—but this was completely different. This annoying, utterly distracting scream is blaring into your ears like a tornado warning—and it's so high-pitched you wonder if a fan had somehow broken into Blue Lock and began fussing over their favourite player.

Though, you aren't too sure why Mariele is not waking up.

You jolt up out of your sheets when the person screams for the tenth time that night. The pillow that was previously covering both your ears (the thin cotton did little to block out the distraught anonymous screamer) falls to the floor beside you and your eyes twitch repeatedly.

I'm so going to kill this person. 

One night is all you ask. One night.

Maybe you're asking a bit too much out of this rambunctious bunch. No matter what they say—if you reach for the stars, you'll surely fall to your death. 

You feel like death. You're sure you look it, too. 

You're really tired. It's dark—even more so than usual for an enclosed place like Blue Lock—and you're sure it has to be, at most, three in the morning. Mariele is still sound asleep like nothing is wrong with the world and she looks so peaceful you wouldn't dare disturb her.

Hugging her pillow close to her chest and blonde hair sprawled all over her silk pillowcase—she seriously looks like a Disney princess of sorts. Usually, a thought like that would've made you smile at the very least—but now, at this time in the morning, all you could feel was envy at her unknowingly deep slumber.

You slip on your comfy shoes—the menial amount of fluffiness makes you feel a little better—and, even as the cool air prickles the bare skin of your legs, you walk out. You're determined to find out which rude being had decided to start screaming like a headless chicken in the middle of the night and by God, you're determined to do it now.

You need to catch this criminal red-handed, in the act.

So, stalking through the dimly-lit halls of the Blue Lock facility, is how you're choosing to spend your morning.

You peek at the rooms you pass by—seeing the Blue Lockers all soundly asleep with this maniac screeching their head off is surely a surreal sight. You don't know how they all manage to be such deep sleepers.

You keep walking forward—further and further until you find your way to where all this racket has been coming from. It was not all too difficult, considering the sheer volume of their screams and how easy it was to follow the noise. 

You're pretty mad. You were very rudely awakened and, compared to yesterday, this was not a very welcome wake-up call. You'd much prefer to wake up to the sight of Mariele's face than... whatever this was.

You've tracked down the source of the noise in this one single room. A scream ensues from the inside again—right, you've really got it—which makes you cringe, face half-scrunched up. It's so loud. How do they have the energy to be this loud so early in the morning?

You raise your hand and slap around the metal walls for that damned button—goddammit Ego, why are you so stingy with the electricity bill?—until your fingers slam against it and the sliding doors open with that single tap.

Immediately—you're almost blinded by the flashbang that was the light that poured into the room. The fluorescent lighting in the training room was as bright as always, regardless of the hour, and you could barely see who was even inside from all that unnecessary lighting.

You have to physically force your lids open and shut in an effort to even see. Through slanted, squinted eyes—you manage to make out a head of messily dyed purplish-brown hair and wide, shocked—almost guilty—blank eyes.

You rub your eyes. You're glad you remembered to take off your makeup the night before because you really have to get in there to believe your eyes.

The one screaming, making all that racket, and responsible for awakening you at the devilish hour of three in the morning...

Is Alexis Ness, Kaiser's lapdog and humanoid pet.

What a world.

You could almost laugh at how stupid his face looks right now. Shocked, like a teenager being caught smuggling alcohol from their parents, and guilty, like a little child digging their grubby little fingers into a place where they know they should not be.

He looks really pathetic. It's not an unusual look for somebody like him.

But then again—maybe you're being too hard on him. You walk inside, and the doors slide shut behind you—the first thing you do, is look him dead in the eyes, and whisper out—

"Why?"

He twists and turns his head around, as if there will be anybody around that could save him—he seems to be shaking like a wet cat, at least, from what you can see—and his eyes blare with intense panic. You don't know why—but it might be the look of extreme exhaustion paired with absolute indefinite shock, that makes him scream out once again.

"I... I—I..."

He sucks in a deep breath—chest heaving like he's either going to vomit or have a mental breakdown—and his fingers grip the brown roots of his hair as he yells, very loudly (even though you are right there—the ringing in your ears makes you wince).

"I... I HATE YOICHI SO MUCH!"

It's a sudden, abrupt confession that makes you jolt back and furrow brows. Though not exactly a secret—it's still surreal that he's just shouted, right in your face, that he hates Isagi—with no provocation, or questioning, or anything. 

Maybe he is more disturbed in the head than you originally thought. His breathing accelerates even more, and his face is so pale you think he might actually topple over and pass out any second now.

You stare at him dumbly—clad in your stupid-looking pyjamas and wearing your puffy pink slippers—and all you can manage to mouth out is, "Wow. You have problems."

Ness does not seem to hear your words, because a moment later, he falls to the ground and starts hyperventilating.

˖*⋆｡˚𖦹࣪˖ ִֶָ⋆｡°✩

Somehow—you had managed to calm him down before he had a mental episode. It took a lot out of you, especially at the grim hour of three in the morning. With sheer willpower and determination, you managed to do it. 

Go you.

Now, you find yourself sitting in very awkward silence on the parted grass alongside Alexis Ness. He's twiddling with his thumbs like a socially awkward idiot and you'd be a liar if you said you weren't doing the same. You are. What else can you do? What can you say, after that?

That mental breakdown was something, all right. Something you do not wish to witness again.

You practically watched the man go into tears about how much he hated Isagi. There's not really much you can say after that. All you can do now is wait patiently for him to make the first move, and hope that he doesn't end up taking you out right here and now out of sheer embarrassment—

"I..." Your head practically snaps toward Ness when you hear his small, shaky voice begin to talk. He's avoiding eye contact by staring at the spot on the ground where he fell and he's jittering all over, "I... meant what I said... I hate Yoichi. I really hate Yoichi. I hate him so much."

He spits out Isagi's name like it's venom in his mouth, and you can't even find it within yourself to be angry, because you just want to know what this man did to make Ness so mad. From how he's speaking, you'd be inclined to believe Isagi assassinated his entire family.

You feel like a broken record, but the only thing you can possibly mentally prepare yourself to say is, once again, "Why?" One-word answers have truly become your forte.

Another set of intense jitters runs through Ness' body. He trembles like he was just shocked, or like he's just been electrocuted—his eyes are wide and he turns to you, frantically, like he feels a need to defend himself, or his honour or something, "B—Because! Yoichi he... he...!!! He's... terrible! He's horrible! I hate him! Kaiser... he..."

Ness starts to hyperventilate again. You place a hand on his shoulder, and his lips shake. You don't want to get too close, because you think he might just try and throw you across the room if you do.

You're not surprised at all to learn that this, once again, has something to do with Kaiser. You're very unsurprised, in fact. You could even say you expected this. It's sad, that you did.

"Kaiser... is interested in somebody else... other than me..." One of his hands tugs at his hair—the other gravitates toward your hand, laid on his shoulder, and tugs on your wrist. You doubt he's in a clear enough state of mind to really process what he's doing, so you don't object. "I... I hate Yoichi so much... it's not fair...!"

With his fingers dug deep into your wrists, and manic purple eyes bearing into you—you decide you've been given a lot to think about—including the words you heard on that day.

* "Yoichi is the one who is proving himself. It is that simple. The quote-unquote "stronger ones" are all the same. They can have different faces, maybe different skin colours, or even differing personalities—but in the end, they are all born the same way. There is no future where the weak becomes stronger than the one born with the talent and the ego—there is only a future where somebody who is already strong overcomes such an obstacle. Such is life."

Ness' rambles about Isagi fall on deaf ears. The only words that possibly make it through your ringing ears are the mentions of Kaiser and Isagi themselves.

To believe in Isagi is the same thing as believing in Kaiser...

You stare at Ness a little longer. He mouths something you don't quite catch, but you're sure is another jab at Isagi, and a praise sung Kaiser's way.

There is such a thin line between hate and love.

You wonder is Ness knows such a fact.

You aren't too sure when, but at some point—Ness' hands had found their way onto your shoulders. He's shaking you slightly, and it's dizzying—but it stops abruptly when you place both your hands atop him and stop him, by speaking firmly, yet softly.

"Hey, Ness."

He stops, staring at you with big, glossy eyes.

"We don't know each other that well."

He blinks. 

"... So, why don't we get to know each other? I... want to know more about you. Is that okay?"

His hands fall back to his side, and his breathing slowly reverts to a normal pace. He hardly realises it. You stare at him like it's the most natural thing in the world and like he is something.

He speaks, but it does not feel like it is himself that is saying such words. An out-of-body experience—ears ringing and vision blurring at the sides—is the only way he could hope to describe it. "O... Okay."

There is a stark silence between you both. It is not uncomfortable, rather, you choose to bathe in it. Ness looks a lot calmer than before. At least you did that right. You stare forward, at the soccer ball in front of you. It lay inside the goal, sitting snugly on the grass.

"Why do you choose to believe in Kaiser?"

A question you've been wanting to ask ever since you heard those words from Mariele herself—a woman who truly despised the man's personality and yet had nothing but praises sung out for him—you wish to know.

So that maybe, you can experience what it feels like to believe in him, too.

You don't know why it is that you are so curious to know—but Ness answers without an inkling of hesitation. "Because... Kaiser... is magic. His shots are magical. I can trust him with anything, and he'll make it... and he... is incredible. I'd do anything to help him win. I will do anything to make him win."

You do not speak, so he continues, head tilted upwards and gaze focused on the ceiling. "He makes the impossible a reality. His dreams are my dreams. I trust him with everything I am... and Kaiser... is the reason I still believe in magic."

He speaks the words with such fondness and love that you wonder what is it you will see when you look into his eyes. He moves his line of sight towards you—wide eyes blinking with curiosity, "Is that answer sufficient?"

You smile. "Very."

Ness looks surprised to see you smile. He does not know what to say, to such a joyful expression. And for this moment—this vulnerable, tender moment—he finds himself wanting to know exactly what goes through your mind, too.

Even if just for a second, Ness wants to get to know you, too.

He shuffles around a little on the grass—crossing his legs and staring toward you. "Why... do you believe in Yoichi?"

You smile, a hauntingly small smile that gives him the impression that you expected he was going to ask you that. It makes a shiver run down his spine.

He stares at your face—and the way your eyes light up when you stare at the lights on the ceiling—he's hopeless, and he can't tear his gaze away.

"Isagi changed... everything. Everything I am. He helped me let go of the thing I loved the most—and in such a moment... I've never felt more free. He gave me the freedom I wanted so much. That moment, where it all finally hit me..."

You pull your knees up your chest, and Ness doesn't think he has ever seen you so happy talking to him. "It was magical. That's the only way I could put it. "

Such a feeling of nostalgia hits him like a bullet train, and the way you stare up with misty eyes—he knows that exact feeling, with full clarity. 

Alexis Ness has never really seen you, until now.

He hadn't liked you. He still doesn't like you. Kaiser is far too interested in you for his liking.

But now... even if just in the slightest—you appear just a little more human in his mythical world.

"That... sounds..." He speaks, without knowing what he truly wants to say. He doesn't know how to finish his sentence—so he is pleasantly surprised when you finish it for him.

"Familiar, right?" You lean back, onto your palms. "Maybe those two are more similar than you thought."

Ness has to bite back the urge to shake his head vigorously and gag. No way. Despite all this—Ness' strong feelings for Isagi Yoichi remain the same.

"Still," your shoulders lower and you stare at him through half-lidded, tired eyes that are bleary with sleepiness. "They're still pretty different in a few things. They're on different levels... right now."

People sometimes say that others are the most honest in a drunken or tired state. In such a state, they can't hide their feelings or do anything of the sort. Ness had never really given this saying much thought—at least, not until now.

"Kaiser Impact... is the most beautiful shot I've ever seen."

Burning jealousy does not gnaw at Ness' chest—not because it is you, or anything—rather, the way you say those words, with such earnestness and fondness—

You look simply magical.

Ness doesn't say a word.

A yawn interrupts your words, and you cover your mouth with the back of your hand in an instinctual response. Tears bead at the corner of your eyes, and your lids flutter shut. "I... might just go back to sleep, now... I hope you can get some, as well. It's not good to stay up so late."

"... Right."

You smile at his meek response. It is a lovely smile. "Goodnight, Ness. It was nice talking to you."

"... Goodnight, [name]."

He doesn't think he has ever said your name before this moment—at least, in a way that he would remember.

You walk out without another word—footsteps pattering on the faux grass in light motions. He is left to his own thoughts once more, but this time, he does not spiral. He is simply left to think.

Alexis Ness sees you. Not as Kaiser's manager or the latest apple of his eye. Not as Mariele's little assistant, nor as Yoichi's latent believer.

Ness sees you as [name].

Maybe you two had more in common than he thought.

˖*⋆｡˚𖦹࣪˖ ִֶָ⋆｡°✩