"FRAGMENTED"

A/N: Hello babes! Another chapter to go so hold on tight because now things will get fun. I hope with this one you'll be able to understand Colber's actions better as well as his intentions towards the bonds created ❤️

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EVREN's POV

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18PM, AFTER CLASSES, SAME PLACE. Got it. I nod with my head, reassuring I have another appointment at Rhys's apartment. My eyelids suddenly feel heavy once my feet touch the floor of my bedroom.

I stretch my dump body alongside the mattress of my cozy bed positioning my elbows to support my chin. My eyes close immediately as I sense the exhaustion tickling my skin, the loud excruciating noises battle inside my ears.

I should sleep more. I keep waking up too early, 2 to 3 hours earlier than normal me would, especially because of the classes. But when my bones discover the soft materials of the sheets I still take an eternity before going dark.

Getting back to this place really fucks me up. And the hardest part is, I can't prevent it from fucking me up. There's always something else lurking behind me, something stopping me from moving ahead, or some devilish being awaiting on the perfect moment to trip me up.

I wouldn't call it bad luck, no, I believe it's much more similar to "they way things are". Perhaps it sounds corny, but without a doubt, there's a lot of circumstances which I can't overthrown.

That's just the way the world works when it comes to me - it likes to put me on a test, challenges me, corners me now and then.

And, who knows, maybe that's my task: to keep enduring until things come to pass.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door, so I respond "yeah?", perfectly knowing it must be my roommate.

"Hey, Ev. Someone's on the door for you." I hear Evan say.

We have this thing going on with the "Ev" nickname whenever we see each other since we share the first two letters of both of our names.

Evan is five years older than me. He's finishing a post-graduate course in advanced technologic engineering. Needless to say he's pretty much of a nerd when it comes to programming and stuff. He has the brains for one, and is not much of a pain in the ass either.

"Oh." I mouth, jumping from bed, thinking it's kind of late for a visitor.

"It's a girl. She said something like you both need some, quote hermanas time?" As soon as I look at his complete puzzled expression, I burst out laughing in a second. Evan's truly not comfortable with girly activities or the mention of it, which makes him even more comical.

"Hum, yeah. That's gotta be Valerie. Don't worry though, we won't make a lot of noise." I stand, making my way through the corridor, while he just jokingly rolls his eyes.

"You know I go to bed super late anyway. Say hi to her from me." He calls, before entering his own bedroom.

My legs move automatically to the main door and I open it, revealing behind it a girl with long dark hair and a very pressed eyeliner, wearing a top showing her collarbones.

"Sooo, who's the guy with the cute voice?" She immediately questions, smirking to me.

"Evan. Interested already?" I taunt her, letting her in.

"Well, I mean, a little fun wouldn't hurt." Valerie's tongue's out when she laughs. I give her a bump on her shoulder telling her to shut up. Once we are at my bed once again, she comments,

"I'm sorry I didn't message you. I was riding my bike when a sudden feeling of depressing melancholy washed over me. You know it happens quite a lot." She jokes, pressing her lips forming a line, right before falling with her back down on the bed.

"Yap. I remember when you kept texting me and Colber on whatsaap all the time, until I eventually gave up on putting up with your ass." I joke back so I could get a smile from her.

"Seriously? God, you're still awfully bad at cheering people up!" She eventually smiles, though I could sense some discomfort judging by her body movements as soon as she brings her own hand towards her reddish cheeks.

"Alright then, what do you want to talk about?" I ask, casually bringing my knees to my chest, folding my arms around them.

But once I get a new glimpse of her features, that's when I noticed she's silently crying from one eye. "Hey... Val..."

I touch her with my right hand, massaging her cold naked shoulder.

"I'm cool, really. It's just-" She takes a deep breath,

"I really can't stop thinking about him, Evren. I mean, I try, I swear I do. But the last couple of days have been hell for me. I was so used to- just watching him talking to people in the corridors, seeing him eating his apples whenever he arrived with his motorbike at the campus- he's not there anymore..."

I watch silently as I first discover a wrecked Valerie Jordan collapsing in front of me. Valerie's always been a tough chick.

People didn't accept her right away because of her unique emo-like clothing choices, the casual upfront yet slightly sarcastic personality so characteristic of her, the fact she steps aside those who are weaker, misjudged or misunderstood for some reason and hangs out with those peculiar faces who probably share common fears in regards of what the stereotyped society wants from them.

That's what got us close in the first place. I'm not great at reacting to injustices either, especially when it comes to bullies who laugh at those who can not defend themselves in order to boost their own egos. I had something to speak too and maybe it got to the point some geniuses wouldn't simply appreciate it.

One day I lost it completely. I couldn't stand hearing Sean Windsor and his mates talking proudly about how some are born meant to fit on a certain "social class" or level, to live a wealthier life while others are doomed to face the reality they can't accomplish their dreams. He said it, right in front of the history's class teacher in tenth grade.

Needless to say I stood on my two feet, and spoke with complete irrationality, which got me another detention. But it felt good, it felt nice.

Colber was part of the class too so he listened to what I had to say. I remember he was just sitting with his legs closed, firm posture and smiling to me, as if he had somehow noticed those words came from my soul.

He was the single one who took me serious, when in fact he could've actually been the perfect representation of Sean's fragmented vision of the "perfect guy with an outstanding life".

After the incident he got to know me, and never really left my side ever since. I was already friends with Valerie so it got us three closer than ever.

"More than anyone I understand you. Valerie, he was like a brother to me, you know that. You know I'm aching just as much as you are. Okay? You got me." I reassure her, knowing too damn well I'm not the best person to comfort someone. Truthfully, it gets me anxious.

"Gosh I just wish we could go back to when the three of us would play on being stupid kids and finding stupid shit hilarious." She answers, closing her eyes more rapidly as she fought her own memories.

Me too, I had the urge to say, but remained silent. God knows things were much more simpler.

"He was a lot happier back then wasn't he? And much more open too. At least he used to always have something to say." Valerie pushes, sounding partly upset.

"He didn't change, not in his heart." I answer with conviction, my voice although low.

She had a point too. I find hard to put into words how much of a unreal character Colber was, however, I believe he was holding on in the middle of too worlds incapable of choosing one and frustrated to having to do so.

He came from a rich family. His parents built a very big private pharmaceutical industry inside and out of town, and he was a lone child. Even in middle school people would always share their high hopes for him, teachers, family members, the outside crowd. He wasn't into science that much, but he'd get high grades anyway. And well, when it came to football, it was just meant to be.

What strikers me as a wonderful asset to his persona is the notion he didn't fit where people wanted him to fit. He loathed having to share his "social condition", to give satisfactions, to announce he's better than anyone else just because he's wealthy and known in the neighborhoods.

He loved this family, but in his own mind and at least to my comprehension, Colber just wanted to be left alone with a ball on his feet, no worries with the outside dimension or pressure, he wanted peace and tranquillity.

He wasn't snob, impolite, or controversial. He was good, fair and loyal, which led him to save a place in his heart for anybody. Without a doubt, his biggest mistake was to trust on people's good intentions and without even knowing it started to change him.

He grew self awareness about his popularity, making him unable to control the pressure put on his shoulders. He started to understand not everyone was as authentic as well as unbiased as he was, but his connections to his close friends had developed, so he felt he was trapped, he felt he would be responsible for doing me or Valerie wrong. Meeting us in private and planing low-key encounters after school became an habit of his.

But for Val, who knew little about the then on going emergence of the Golden Circle, it seemed unfair...

"Val, I want you to know his change of behavior had nothing to do with you, not directly. He cared for you, so much." The words fall out of my mouth in a smoothing manner, though I prevent myself from looking at her chocolate eyes this time,

"Yeah, like he cared for you?" Val questiones with irony,

"You've always been on a high level, Evren. He would've run errands for you, cross the Atlantic if he had to." She mentions, now eyeing me attentively.

I shake my shoulders showing indifference, "...and yet I wasn't the one who he liked, was I?"

Her reaction surprises me, since she used to at least blush, nevertheless she looks upset, "C'mon Evren, what's that for?"

"It's true. He was my best friend but Colber was never in love with me, it was you all along. Since the very first day we sat together on that coffee table. After all this time, you still don't believe his words?"

"Did it matter then?" She sits with her legs crossed, getting visibly irked. "He had his plans, and I was the back up one."  She says fiercely, though I know she's batting herself in her own heart and mind.

"Not one time- Not one time did he ever visit me after you left, after the scenes you both did. If we had something, it meant nothing."

"And I was to blame." I intervene immediately.

Truth is, it was my fault. The scenes she's mentioning, Val's referring to when everyone in high school found out about Colber harassing his girlfriend, meaning- me.

He told me later we were both the center of the discussion for two weeks in a row, and sure it made sense.

Colber Foster was the sweetheart of all students, so of course the news came out as a bombshell to most people. Had we thought about the consequences of what we were doing? No; we were both prisoners of our own choices since the beginning and I can now clearly see why.

"No, it was his choice in the end." She shakes her head and leans over, a hurtful expression painted on her face.

"No, Val. It started with me. You deserved an explanation then and I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you. We left you in the dark and I blame myself for that."

Valerie and Colber had a thing; I mean, they had developed feelings for each other over the weeks we spent together. It was summer so Colber didn't have to constantly reunite with his mates.

I started noticing my role was conditioned to a third wheel once I saw his focus laid mostly on her, whereas her eyes never left his.

Sincerely happy for his new found interest, I remember I wished things to cool down, at least for him to enjoy happiness.

But he never had peace, and for all it matters, I was the reason he had to take extreme measures. I ruined his moment of joy. I might've ruined his chance at love. All because I had a fucking situation and cowardly did nothing useful.

"I was in a very bad place, deep shit really. Colber found out and he- he wouldn't leave it behind. Eventually he came up with a plan and yeah, I had to leave..." I start by saying, although embarrassment is what I feel for having to expose my burdens.

"...but, in the end, it took a toll on him. I guess he didn't want to let you get caught in the middle of it."

"-Evren, I never had any intention to pressure you to tell me your problems", she interrupts, "Not even then.  When I heard you were his girlfriend, and he had- touched you, I- I knew it was all lies. What hurt me was finding out things wouldn't be the same after that day."

Lies, of course, that's all we ever told, all of us, in every rotten situation we found ourselves in. We did not learn, and now I can see where it took us from there.

Valerie was the only person capable of identifying and distinguish lie from truth owing to the fact that she had been a good friend for a bunch of weeks.

We had to make a show out of it so people would believe it, especially the Circle members.   I had found out a secret potentially harming that could cost Colber a loss of hundreds of dollars. As a consequence, I was beaten up in the way home.

Colber blamed himself for it, he took the blame, creating a whole idiotic scenario of him and I dating and him being abusive, as a reason for me to go missing and leave the town, when in fact I was leaving because it was dangerous to stay.

"It was my father.", I finally gain strength to let the words out but ignore her gaze purposely.

A moment of weird and heavy silence follows, we can only listen the sound of the cars passing by.

I hear her sigh, "Well it makes sense now..."

I nod, but her face's still contracted in pain, "I want you to understand the reason Colber had to distance himself from you it's because he wanted to protect you all along."

"Gosh, you don't fucking protect people, you don't help them by faking they're not there." Val practically shouts, while I feel my chest tighten.

"Our situations were different. He could have at least texted me." She continues, as dark tears fall from her smudgy eyes,

"Do you have a clue how much I was hurting? When I looked at him in school and he looked away, or when I visited you and you weren't there. For a long time I was hoping things would get back to normal,"

"And that's why all this hate has been inside me. I hate him for lying to me when he said we would be back at that freaking coffee shop another wholesome freaking epic summer. He said things he knew he couldn't promise. He let you go first, then let me go."

Her words cut right through me, because I partially feel the exact same revolt building up, even if it's not for the exact same reasons.

His choices were hard to make, I can tell by knowing his heart, it must have destroyed him, yet at the same time, I can never blame her for not forgiving Colber.

I too can barely manage. He's not coming back, no matter what I do, no matter what kind of temporary resolution I might find. When the world hits you, it fucking hits like a tsunami...

"Now I see how blind I was and it hurts like Hell, it fucking hurts. He's gone- I still love him, Evren, and it's crushing me, I can't breathe.",

she's not hiding in a shell anymore, I think, as soon as her hands are back to cover her face. If she'd known how much I cried too...

"I know... I'm sorry," I hug her shoulder. Fragmented, that's all she is,

"I'm so sorry."

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