SYNOPSIS — Falling in love with Sae Itoshi brings out a lot of different emotions within you. Particularly misery, when, under the sparkling snow, he's leaving to grow up—to make all of your dreams come true.

note: im such a lazy bum i couldnt be bothered to write anything so this is taken off my tumblr lol. i dont even like sae that much its just he has too much angst potential

YOU'RE NOT SURE WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.

You've been by Sae ever since you can remember—and now, only now, he was leaving. You haven't been alone for so long, and now you're going to be forced into it. You don't know what to feel.

You're pissed at Itoshi Sae—no matter how selfish it is of you—for leaving you like this. In love. Alone. Miserable. You're also pissed at yourself for being mad at him—because you know this is for the best, you know it's for his bright future as the star you always knew he was—but deep down, you wished he would stay, even if just for you.

Walking through this park with him by your side—the moon shines down and creates ripples in the sky's vast ocean, painting the world with a honey-like glow. It smooths over Sae's face like the moon itself is kissing him goodbye—like the world itself is miserable with his parting. You sure know you are.

Your hand is clutched tightly within his, and you don't ever want to let go of this warmth. Your stomach twists into knots, and you can't even savour this moment of affection because of how much you're dreading it. Him leaving for Spain—a place across the globe, so far you're not sure your phone will be able to handle a five-minute call without lighting on fire.

The silence might feel even worse than this sense of impending doom, actually. Neither of you said a word since school ended—a perk of knowing Sae Itoshi for so long, is that you can tell what he's thinking with just a glance.

People say that getting a read on Sae is hard.

You don't think so.

You just have to look for the little things.

You've always looked at him.

"I'm leaving for Spain soon," Sae says, shattering the quiet and his voice buzzes in your ears like static. Will you ever hear this voice again? You pray you do. "For Re Al."

You already know this. Why is he telling you again? Does he find it amusing to see you blink back hot, wet tears and sniffle like a baby?

"You're going to just be with Rin now." He pulls up his red scarf with his free hand, breathing out slowly through his mouth and causing a puff of smoke to escape his lips. It's beyond freezing out here, and you can feel your lips shake. Though, you're not as sure that it's from the cold, as it is from holding back sobs.

You know that you'll have Rin. You've known Rin as long as you've known Sae—but it won't be the same. You won't have late-night talks, or walks around the school when he isn't practising—nor will you even see him at practice. The only reason you became a manager for his team was so you could spend more time with him, and watch how incredible he was.

Now, what is there for you?

You hadn't realised when your life had become so dependent on his presence—perhaps it was the moment you had fallen in love with him, or maybe even that day you first met, ten years ago.

Your life is so enveloped by Sae, that the mere thought of him not being here sends tears welling up in your eyes.

You're pathetic.

You're pathetically, and miserably in love with him.

You grip his warm palm harder, snow fluttering around you. It's cold. He's your sense of warmth. You don't want to let go. "Sae..."

You're positive he can feel your grip tighten, and there's an undeniable wobble in your voice. Sae is too intuitive to not have picked up on this—but still, he does not mention it with a word. He lets you grip him as tight as you wish, and lets you dig your nails into the back of his hand. "Rin's going to be alone, and I want you to take care of him. Our parents don't get the whole football thing..."

He pauses, stopping in his tracks and by extension, stopping you too. He looks down at you, snow fluttering into his red head of hair—it takes everything within yourself to not reach up and swoop it out of the bright fire because you know it will burn your fingertips, "But I know you do. I ask only one other thing of you... Watch me become the best in the world."

Your heart speeds up. It beats so fast you fear it may go flying out of your chest. Your stomach does knots and you want to lean closer so bad your chest hurts. Fuck.

Sae... you're the worst in the world. I hate you.

You feel tears fall down your cheeks and you let out a muffled sob, wracked into your hands when you slap them over your face. You don't want him to see you like this—a mess without him holding you together like glue.

He wraps his arms around you, tugging you close and resting your head in the crook of his neck—buried in the red scarf—and you can only sob when he draws lazy circles on your back.

I hate you, Sae Itoshi.

You clench your fingers into the back of his shirt and clutch him tight, as if he may disappear within your grasp—and soon, he will.

I hate you more than anything in the world.

It takes a little longer for you to stop breaking down—you hiccup a little, and step away from his arms (as much as it kills you to do so) to wipe your eyes, curled lashes now completely fallen by now, from the wetness of your tears. Your eyes feel red, and you look like shit.

Still, Sae looks at you like you're the only thing in the world, and you can't help the hotness that falls over your face—despite the winter air that surrounds you.

I hate that you made me love you.

The silence that ensues between you both isn't as excruciating as before. It's nice. 

Almost comforting. 

Within those seconds, you feel a little more willing to let him go.

"... Are you okay, now?"

There it is—the sense of concern laid in his tone and it all comes crashing back down to you again. This time—you do not cry like a baby, and you only swallow thickly and nod.

"... Yeah."

Your voice is quieter than you remember. Everything is different to how you remember. That's how it is, when you grow up.

Silence fills the space between the two of you once more. You're cold. Your fingernails are a pale purple and red dusts the apples of your cheeks (though, you're not too sure whether it's from said winter or the burning fire that stands in front of you).

He stares at you, almost uncomfortably quiet, for a little longer. If it were anyone else, they'd just think Sae was a little weirdo who didn't know what to say. You are not anyone else. You know Sae is a little weirdo who doesn't know what to say—but you also know that he is considering something.

The furrow of his brows—the squinting of his eyes—it's all so vivid to you.

You want to throw up when he slowly removes that bright red scarf from around his neck. The pale skin on his face grows slightly redder with the loss of such a warmth the cotton brought. He does not look bothered by such a loss.

He brings his arms up and wraps the red around you, instead. Instantly—it is second nature to you—your fingers dig into the material and you stare up at Sae with wide, bright eyes.

"... Sae..."

Your voice is still quiet, but it is almost seeming to sound hopeful. Hoping for what? You yourself are not too sure, either.

"I know this might be a lot for you, [name]." He begins to talk, with a lower tone than you've ever heard from him—like he's worried that, even in a snowy, empty park, somebody else will hear the words only meant for you. "But I'm doing this for us."

For... us...?

Your breathing picks up as his gloved hand places itself lightly on your cheek. "We're growing up, [name]. We aren't kids anymore. Your dreams—our dreams—they can become a reality if only we try."

You've never heard Sae sound so assured in himself. Or maybe you have—but you've just never listened like you have now. He is so warm in front of you. Your heart beats so hard you think it may just go flying out of your chest.

"I promise I'll make all your dreams come true."

A small, harmless-sounding promise—it would've been so if it were anybody but Sae Itoshi. If it were anybody but the man you loved so dearly. If it were anybody but him—you would've thought so.

This is Sae Itoshi.

You place your hand over the back of his—where it rests on your face—and tilt your head into his touch. He looks pleased at this action and leans in a little closer. His breath is warm and misty, fanning your cold face.

"Sae..." You mumble, mouth shaking with every word. He is listening, intently. "We're going to be grown-ups soon, right? I... don't really want to grow up. It sounds so scary."

He doesn't say a word, so you continue. "But... if it's with you... then it won't be so bad, right?"

A snowflake flutters onto the tip of his nose and melts as soon as it makes contact with his cherry-kissed skin.

"So... how about one last kiss... before we're all grown up...?"

Your voice was lowered into a soft whisper that only he could possibly hear—but it did not matter, because right now, the only two people in existence were you and Sae Itoshi.

Your parents, his mother, Rin, his teammates—nobody else mattered at this moment when Sae leaned in slowly and your lashes fluttered shut against your cheek. Nothing in this world mattered, except for Sae Itoshi, kissing you under a streetlamp that showered gold onto you like it were honey.

Your heart explodes in your chest and you've never felt more love than in this moment. You aren't too sure what kind of love, yet—but you have all the time in the world to learn.

The moonlight makes him look ethereal, you think. The snow that has gathered atop his hair gives it a cool white sheen and you giggle as you brush it out of the blazing fire once more. Your fingertips burn a bright red.

To grow up—you're willing to do so—so long as Sae Itoshi promises to make all of your dreams come true.