For just one moment, as Bill stepped forward to peer down the sewer drain where It had disappeared in order to make sure it was truly gone, Steph stayed back and felt her shoulders slump. Her head tilted backwards as she felt an overwhelming sensation of relief wash over her, and she nearly cackled from how relaxed she felt but she chose not to; she would be looked at as insane if she did so. But she was already insane, and she knew that since she could hardly get a grip on the craziness.

Her head lowering once more, Steph peered into a small pool of murky water; at first, she could only see the reflections of herself, Richie, and Beverly. She could tell that, even in the extremely dim light, that she looked like Death itself; she didn't really care about that since she wished that the Grim Reaper would collect her and take her away.

"I know what I'm doing for my summer experience essay..." Richie mumbled to himself but, unlike most situations in the past, nobody could bring themselves to laugh.

After taking another glance towards the water puddle, Steph was able to see another reflection standing directly next to her. At first, her delirious mind led her to believe that it was Pennywise returning from its phase of fear; but, looking more closely, she didn't see a face painted in white and red with a sinister grin. Instead, the face she saw was human and she almost thought she was looking at Bill.

The man with his hand on her shoulder had a young face but he seemed to be in his early thirties, and he was smiling proudly at what seemed to be her. His brown hair was a little grown out but not too much and his eyes matched hers, and that made her fully relax when she finally recognized him. And she even smiled slightly.

It was her father...

Jonathan Palmer was standing behind her with his comforting hand on her shoulder, and he was smiling happily at her.

(darling you did very well)

Tears stung Steph's eyes as she reached with her right hand to touch her left shoulder, wanting to feel her father's hand and to truly see him.

But his hand wasn't actually on her shoulder.

Peering back towards the puddle, Jonathan's reflection was no longer there.

The blonde could only sigh sadly as her good eye shut, but she was broken out of her temporary sadness by small arms clutching her waist. She looked down and saw little Amber glancing up at her with those grief stricken eyes of hers, and her heart broke as she struggled to kneel down to her level. When she did, though, she pulled her into a tight and protective hug. Her filthy hands combed through the girl's long hair as she held her fiercely; that was when she fully succumbed to the tragedy she had just endured.

Steph fully broke as she began to sob hoarsely, and she couldn't bring herself to let go of her daughter figure. She could no longer stay strong for the child, since memories of what had transpired no less than twenty minutes prior was enough to shatter her whole being and make her crumple into dust.

"I'm sorry..." she mumbled over and over again, feeling Amber's arms nearly crush her back with how tightly she was hugging back but she hardly cared. "I'm so sorry, kiddo... I'm sorry, baby..."

Amber wanted to reply to those words, to assure Steph that she did not blame her for Justin's death and that she never would... but she could not physically bring herself to speak to her. She pried her mouth open to let out something similar to a voice, but nothing could escape her. Instead, she just buried her face into her uninjured shoulder and whimpered dejectedly, feeling her heart break all over again.

All of the Losers could only watch as Steph held the small girl and cried hysterically.

Steph eventually pulled out of the embrace and placed her left hand on the right side of Amber's face; she didn't attempt to glance into the girl's mind, she just stared into her innocent green eyes and that only caused her to splinter apart even further.

"Steph...?"

Steph glanced upward and the boy she was looking at made her open her mouth to attempt to speak. "Bill..." she mumbled. "I... I-I... He... Juh-Justin...."

Bill didn't say anything in response, instead gently pulling Steph to her feet and bringing her into a gentle and comforting and loving hug. His arms wrapped around her torso as her own linked around his neck, and she buried her face into his neck as she continued to weep. He could hear her still attempting to speak, but he quietly assured her that she didn't need to talk about it; he just wanted her to let all of the tears out while he held her. He rubbed her back delicately, and he could sense the bruises that were on her shoulder blades from what he did to her. That made him wince internally as he frowned deeply, so he tried his best to be easy on her.

Steph eventually pulled back, but only enough to rest her forehead against Bill's. She could feel his thumbs coming up to her face to wipe the tears away and cautiously caress her cheekbones and avoid the gashes and bruises. She couldn't help but lean into his touch, knowing she absolutely needed this right now after the significant loss she had suffered through. She returned the gesture, placing her bloodied and disgusting hands on his face, which he welcomed instantaneously.

She could sense that his heart was galloping in his chest when she also caressed his face. For just a moment, they were so close to one another that their lips just barely brushed together; they both knew that they wanted to share that inevitable kiss, but the grief was too strong for them to take that step further. So they were fine with this for now.

"Guys..." Eddie spoke up meekly, making the two of them along with everyone else glance at him. "The kids are all floating down..."

Steph peered upward and saw that Eddie was correct, since she noticed the dozens of bodies slowly drifting downward. She tilted her head out of wonder as she stared at the sight, and she was curious as to how this was working. Later on, she would understand this further but, right now, her cracked mind couldn't process what was going on and she was entirely convinced that what she was seeing were figments of her imagination. She had the sensation that she wasn't all there and that she was dreaming, and she wanted to be snapped out of that. But she was too far gone to be brought out of it....

At the same time, the eight others in the room felt another presence in their minds. All of them could hear a new voice intrude on their already present thoughts: for Beverly

(i'm a little unsure steph that it's really steph over it sounded steph like it was steph dying)

and Mike

(i feel that steph it might be going back steph into its steph slumber)

and Eddie,

(it's dead for sure steph i know it steph i can feel it steph i could feel the monster passing steph away)

the voice was mainly quiet.

But, for Ben

(is it STEPH really over STEPH i think it could STEPH be dead STEPH possibly)

and Richie

(if it comes STEPH back i'll STEPH kick its ass until STEPH it's unrecognizable)

and Stan

(what's going on STEPH what is that STEPH is it pennywise or STEPH something else STEPH who's voice is that STEPH it's not mine)

and Amber

(steph is that you STEPH is that your voice STEPH that i am hearing STEPH boy you've really STEPH lost it haven't you)

and Bill (who could hear it and sense it the most clearly),

(steph please stop that STEPH it's over please STEPH this is real and you're STEPH please don't keep STEPH doing that)

it seemed to be getting louder with each thought that they conjured up in their minds.

For a second, they went to cover their ears as they all turned to stare at Steph but, just as they did, the voice quieted down and came to a discordant halt. Meanwhile, however, the dying blonde girl had a mental battle going on in her own subconscious that none of them – with the faint exception of Amber, since her brother had the same power – could possibly know about.

(!!!!!STEPH THAT'S ENOUGH STOP SCARING THEM YOU'RE JUST MAKING IT WORSE!!!!!)

(!!!!!I CAN'T IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO STOP IT WHAT'S HAPPENING AROUND ME AM I DREAMING AM I EVEN FUCKING ALIVE JUST END THIS END IT ALL!!!!!)

But the feeling of Beverly gently grasping Steph's wrists to get her to look at her finally broke her out of it.

"Steph, hey, look at me..." the redhead mumbled, looking at her destroyed, but strangely still beautiful face. "Snap out of it, okay? I need you to come back to us."

"I can't..." Steph whispered in an almost deranged murmur, shaking her head repeatedly as she tried to break out of her friend's grip.

"You can and you will, honey..." Beverly assured her, carefully shaking her shoulders but making sure to avoid the stab wound just above her left collarbone. "Please come back to us, we need you to be here, not wherever the hell you are..."

Steph sighed shakily as her eye shut tightly, her head falling onto her best friend's shoulder as soon as the voices in her mind came to a discordant halt. She didn't say anything as Beverly hugged her back carefully, neither of them noticing for a long moment that Bill was slowly walking towards the giant pile of toys scattered about; but they were able to hear the metallic clanging sound of the pole clattering against the filthy concrete when he let it slip from his hand.

That sound was what grabbed Steph's attention as she lifted her head from Beverly's shoulder and she spotted him kneeling down and picking something up from the muck. She carefully limped over to Bill to glimpse what he was intently staring at, only able to see a yellow object. Cautiously sitting next to him, trying to avoid the bullet wound in her leg, she finally made out the dark writing done with marker on the name tag of the bright raincoat: Georgie Denbrough.

Even though she could no longer bring herself to cry, she soothingly put an arm around Bill's shoulders when she heard him sniffing. She peered at him and saw the dozens of tears coursing down his face, which made her heart shatter further as she rested her head on his shoulder. Hearing him sob hysterically as he truly came to accept his little brother's loss made Steph want to break but she gathered enough strength to be as comforting as she could be.

She felt the presence of her friends slowly approaching them and the sensation of little Amber hugging her from behind brought her a sliver of peace. She used her other hand to hold hers as the others hugged them, especially Bill. It became a whole group embrace as Bill continued to cry, and he was grateful that he didn't feel alone at the moment. He and the others had been through way too much for one day and they, especially Steph and him, had lost more than enough.

He vowed to help Steph and Amber as the days passed by, knowing that they were hurting way worse than he currently was at the moment.

As all of them stood up after a while, Steph limped over to Justin's corpse and bent down to try and lift him up.

"I've got him, Steph," Mike spoke up as he placed a hand on the girl's shoulder, not wanting her to push herself to her complete limit.

"No, I want to carry him..." the blonde mumbled almost silently, managing to scoop the lifeless boy into her weak arms. She held him close as she examined his peaceful face and his shut eyes, caressing his face to offer the last bit of solace she could to him. "It's okay now..." she whispered to him, her eyes welling up with additional tears. "It's okay, baby..."

"Are yuh-you sure you've g-g-got him, Steph?" Bill asked in a trembling voice with his eyebrows raised.

"Yes," she weakly snapped at him, glaring in his direction with her one good eye. But, when she noticed him shrink away just a little bit, she softened significantly. "Yeah, I've got him, Bill... Sorry..."

The group eventually found a completely new way out of the sewers through a large pipe leading directly into the Kenduskeag River. Although the freezing cold water seeped through their shoes, none of them minded and only admired the fresh air that hit their faces. Stan had his arm around Steph's shoulders as she stumbled onto the grassy area beside the stream. He held out a hand to catch her but she didn't fall onto the muddy ground, much to all of their relief.

A few seconds later, unbearable waves of pain coursed up Steph's wounded leg and she cried out from the agony before crumpling to the ground, still holding Justin's small body close to her. The groans that left her were out of desperation for the pain to just come to an end, she just wanted to die at this point. But she couldn't give up, there was no way that she would now. She had to get this boy's body to his mother before finally letting go and falling into the abyss.

"Oh, fuck..." she whimpered as she squeezed her eye shut, trying to take deep breaths as everyone else gathered around her and placed a hand on her shoulders to comfort her.

"Steph, let me carry him," Beverly said gently, reaching out to her. "You're too hurt to hold him."

"I said I've got him," Steph said, shaking her head furiously. "Just let me carry him, please. If it's the last thing I need to do, then let me do it. I don't care what happens after this."

"Don't say that," Stan began, sighing heavily.

"But I'm saying it," the young girl breathed out, staring at him. "There's no hope left for me anyway. Just let me get him to the hospital, okay?"

The rest of them, especially Amber, were about to protest, but her stare was enough to make them relent as they helped her back to her feet. The blonde's determined expression nearly frightened them but they were aware that this was a new, reborn Steph that didn't want to be messed with. She had already been messed with too many times and she was finished. If anyone came near her with harmful intentions, there would be hell to pay and they all knew it.

Stephanie Palmer was absolutely done with this horseshit. The only thing that mattered now was getting Justin and Amber to their mother and then she would be with her father.

As the group of nine made their way to the front of Neibolt house after what seemed like many, many hours, Steph rested on the front porch stairs of what was now just a normal house instead of Pennywise's lair. She rested her head on the rotted railing as she was tempted to sink into the darkness for good, but she continued to hold Justin tightly in her arms.

I'm not leaving you down there in that devilish place, she thought to herself as a shaky sigh left her mouth. You'll be buried like you always wanted, next to your father.

All Steph could think about at the moment was how absolutely exhausted she was and how much sleep she needed after all this mess happened. She desired to be back in her bed at her house and to sleep for fifteen hours or more, but she knew that was impossible now. It would be a miracle if she ever got out of the hospital after this, and she nearly laughed at the concept.

She just prayed that her mother was okay as all sense of pain vanished and her wounds became numb again, and she even smiled gently. Her eye nearly closed but she shook her head to keep herself awake.

"Steph, someone's gonna take you to the hospital," Ben told her carefully, helping her stand up. "We got a neighbor to help us."

All Steph could do was nod as she struggled to walk to the light blue pickup truck parked in front of the house. She noticed the elderly woman in her mid-sixties sitting in the driver's seat with a horrified and concerned expression on her face. But that didn't bother her way too much and she just looked at her friends, who stared back at her with sympathetic eyes.

She suddenly reached out to the first person she saw and pulled Stan into a tight hug when she noticed the tears in his eyes. "It's okay..." she whispered to him, patting his shoulder to comfort him before pulling back to continue walking.

Beverly walked next to her after picking Amber up and noticing the little girl about to doze off in her arms.

Eddie began to sob as the trauma hit him in full force, especially when he saw Justin's lifeless body in full view in broad daylight. He didn't know the kid very well, but seeing him dead broke him entirely, especially when it came to the reactions of Steph and Amber to what had happened. Although Richie hugging him a few moments later brought him comfort as he leaned into his embrace, he still couldn't stop crying.

Mike and Bill reached out to try and assist Steph to the truck but she lightly shrugged them away. "It's alright, I've got it..." she said quietly.

Beverly helped the blonde step onto the bed of the truck moments later and she sat down on the metal, resting her back against the windows at the back of the vehicle. Her arms held Justin as if he would still break despite already being dead, and she turned to look at the redhead and Amber. She tried to smile, but it was completely blurred and warped. There was no happiness in it, there was only hopelessness in it.

As the truck took off towards the hospital and the rest of the group followed it on their bikes that had been left, Steph held Justin closer with her bloodied hands. She leaned down and planted a final kiss on the boy's forehead before cradling him like a baby. "Everything's gonna be okay..." she murmured almost insanely, her expression becoming a vacant stare. At least it was over. That's what she thought, anyway.

Beverly turned her head to look at her best friend with sad eyes, aware that Amber had fallen asleep from sheer tiredness and her head was against her chest. Her heart completely broke for Steph and she wanted more than anything to hug her for many years, but she knew that she would just be pushed away because of the girl's mental state. She respected that, not wanting to push her buttons even more than they already were thanks to It, but she did want to help her get better; not only from her injuries but from the emotional scarring she was definitely going through.

When she felt Steph resting her head on her shoulder, she didn't hesitate to slip an arm around the dying blonde's shoulders to comfort her in any way she could. Both of their guards were still up big time and they refused to be vulnerable, especially Steph (who had been through enough for one lifetime... or even a million of them). There would be time for that later.

A few minutes later, the crowded hospital came into view and Steph noticed the dozens upon dozens of cars in the parking lot. She even saw a few news vans parked in front of the building, and she shrank down in the bed a little bit.

_____

Bill's POV

The teenage boy jumped off of Silver and dashed over to the back of the pickup truck, lowering the large trapdoor. He heard the other boys running over to the truck as well as he reached out to the girls. "Cuh-Come on..." he said in a shaking voice. "We need to g-g-g-get you guys inside."

Steph was about to get up with Justin still being held but she hesitated greatly before glancing at Bill. "Wait..." she whispered. "Bill... Can you take him inside?"

Bill raised his eyebrows as he reached out to take Justin's body into his arms, frowning deeply. "Steph, luh-let me help you, too..." he replied.

"No, I'm fine." The blonde shook her head as she placed a hand over his. "I'm alright. I can get inside on my own, really. Just take him to... to his mother." She didn't want to admit that she was finally beginning to feel faint.

Bill wanted to protest more but Steph's stare made him back down and nod his head, carefully carrying Justin towards the double automatic doors of the hospital. The boy was very heavy but he did his best to ignore it, taking deep breaths to prevent exhaustion from creeping up onto him. He felt sick just holding the dead boy in his arms but he was doing this for Steph, for Amber, and for Rachel. He'd do anything for them because he cared about all of them.

Stepping into the building, he raised his voice to call for help. "Rachel!" he shouted as loudly as he could. "Rachel!"

All eyes were on him and they all seemed shocked and very confused, especially when they saw the lifeless child in the teenage boy's arms. Bill did all he could to not focus on the stares, only paying attention to the middle-aged woman walking out from Dr. Mixter's office with raised eyebrows.

Once she recognized him and who was in his arms, she rushed over to him. "Bill, thank God!" she said. "Where's Amber?"

"She's outside with Beverly a-a-a-and Steph," Bill answered in a miserable voice. "Sh-She's alright... but Justin..."

Rachel glanced down at her little boy and grimaced at the huge gash in his temple, her heart completely vanishing all at once. She could tell almost right away that Justin was dead and that he had died sometime ago, and her lips quivered as she battled the tears. She grabbed a hold of him and pulled him out of Bill's arms and into hers, sniffing quietly. She couldn't believe this was her reality, that she had lost both her husband and son in only a few months. This wasn't true, it was practically impossible.

"Thank you..." she whispered weakly, grateful that Bill had brought her babies back to her, even if one of them was gone for good.

His heart shattering for the older woman, Bill nodded slightly before going back outside to help Steph inside.

"Bill, help us out!" came Richie's terrified voice from the truck as his eyes nearly bugged out of his skull.

"She's dying!" Eddie screamed horribly.

"She passed out!" Beverly cried out, trying to lift Steph up but the blonde was dead weight.

Steph had collapsed from the bed of the truck as she tried to climb down from it and had hit the ground extremely hard. Doing so had caused the stab wound in her left shoulder to tear open even more and blood was gushing out of it and soaking the gauze that she had placed on it the night before.

"Sh-Shit!" Bill yelled as he sprinted towards his love to lift her up, despite how much of a great struggle it was. He looked up and saw several hospital staff members exiting the doors at the sound of the commotion. "HELP!" he bellowed towards them. "HELP US! SHE'S DYING!!!!!"

_____

From the Derry News, August 10th, 1989 (page 1):

MISSING CHILDREN FOUND, TWO ALIVE, ONE DEAD

At approximately 3:00 P.M. today, a large group of children arrived at Derry Memorial Hospital claiming that they had found the three missing children from last night. After a closer look from the hospital staff, it has been confirmed to be the same children that have been found. Stephanie R. Palmer, who went missing as of 11:30 P.M. last night, has been found barely alive with multiple severe injuries and severe hysterical shock. Amber E. O'Connor, who went missing as of midnight, has been found alive and seemingly unscathed, although in a complete catatonic state. Her older brother, Justin D. O'Connor, was also found but he was pronounced deceased at 3:31 P.M.

Everyone involved in finding the children have denied questioning and have wished to remain anonymous.

_____

From the Derry News, August 10th, 1989 (page 2):

OBITUARY, O'CONNOR

JUSTIN O'CONNOR, 9, passed away August 10th, beloved son of Rachel O'Connor, loving brother of Amber O'Connor. He was preceded in death by his late father, Daniel O'Connor. A private service will be held at the Derry Funeral Home on August 17th, and he will be buried at the local Derry Cemetery on the 18th.

A/N: well, that chapter was just sad, wasn't it?

anyways, thoughts on this chapter? what did you think of it?

did you like all of the moments between steph and amber?

what about the small moment with her and bill towards the beginning?

what about when she insisted on carrying justin's body out of the sewers? she's a warrior, for sure!

what about the moment where rachel takes justin from bill's arms? that part was just sad...☹️

what about the ending? it's quite scary, that's for certain.

predictions for the next chapter?

be looking forward to the next chapter, as it's slightly more uplifting!

-denbroughswife