I'm too young for all of this shit. I'm crying myself to sleep. IM NOT EVEN 18 YET.

I can't stand my thoughts. I can't stand my body. I can't stand my mental state. I don't feel anything anymore. Soreness after biting my entire mouth till it bleeds? Nothing much. Scratching my body? It's normal. Sadness? Nope, haven't felt that in a while. Just a desperate need to feel something.

And you know what guys? I felt it. I felt an overwhelming need to cry. Because I realized that I'm paranoid. I have a new therapist. She told me I'm paranoid too. Only time I'm not paranoid is when im drank.

And it all scares me. My youth scares me. I lost all my happiness as a kid. My whole youth spent on keeping family together. On keeping my friends alive. On keeping myself alive. On trying to deal with all the harassment I was receiving. On all the overwhelming thoughts I was trying to mute out.

I snapped. One day I just snapped. And I'm gonna snap again if nothings gonna change.

And I snapped again. I did it. I cried. I wanted to kill myself. I still do, just, not as much. Back then, it felt so real to just go and overdose whatever's near me.