In order to not worry my friend who's probably gonna read it, I would like to tell you all, that this is my depressed ass talking. I'm writing here when I'm at my lowest through out the day, in order to survive.
All I'm writing here is my rant/vent. I probably won't do anything harmful towards myself. These are just intrusive thoughts I'm working on with my therapist. If things would escalate I would either A) go to my therapist and ask for help; B) not tell anyone and just end it. But before scenario B would occur, A would happen several times.
If I wouldn't make it, please know that I'm very sorry that I failed you in surviving. I'm trying my best and I hope it will be enough.

In short, all I'm trying to say is don't worry. I'm gonna be fine.