∆ {3¹²} {DREAMING A NIGHTMARE} ∆

THEY HAD BEEN out longer than either of the women realised. By the time they arrived back at the house, the sun had set, and the cloak of night had fallen over the farm. Crickets chirped in the long grass beside them as they walked, hand in hand. Roxi's long, black hair sat on her shoulder and upper back as Natasha's bobbed with their movements. It was so tranquil, just the two of them, in a form of sanctuary. 

This hadn't happened to Roxi; at least, not in a long time. This feeling of being safe, protected, it was so rare that she didn't recognise it at first. She'd walked along beside the redhead for a few minutes, a soft smile on her face as she tried to recognise such a positive feeling. For a few minutes, she forgot the feeling of the blood, and the way Natasha's had sunk into the page of her black book, in the shape of her name. And then she did remember, and her smile dropped slightly. They approached the house not long after, the kitchen light still on, and Laura's figure visible through the window. 

Natasha stopped, bringing the other woman around to face her. In the dark, she could barely make out Roxi's features, but the light from the farmhouse sent eerie shadows over her face. It was only then that Natasha realised that the dark haired woman had bags under her eyes, and that the gentle smile she'd had before, was now gone, melted away as if it were never there, simply leaving the stone cold mask that was normally on her face. But, as their eyes met, Roxi's face softened again, and Natasha could see the vulnerability in her eyes. The woman was opening up to her, allowing her to see her weak as no-one else could, so Natasha spoke.

"Thank you." It was completely sincere, no tone of teasing or sarcasm, that the two women frequently spoke in. The smile painted itself back onto Roxi's face, and the action made the redhead feel warm inside. And then Natasha felt a pair of arms wrap around her, taking her by surprise initially, before she realised that Roxi Ryder was hugging her. It was a good hug, but she hadn't expected it, at all. After her initial moment of surprise, Natasha returned the gesture, and the two women stood there for a few, relaxing and revelling in the comfort they found in each other.

Roxi wasn't sure what's inspired her to hug the other woman, but she had realised that she hadn't provided much support to Natasha after the redhead had listened to her, and it'd made her start to think again. Thinking had never resulted in anything good for her, at least. At that moment in time, she'd simply wanted comfort, and Natasha seemed to be the only one who could bring her it. It was so tranquil, so desperately calm, that for those few moments, she forgot all her worries. She forgot Ultron, she forgot her team, she forgot the horrors of the past and how they haunted her so vividly that she could paint them. 

And then the world became real around her again, in focus properly since before the mission. She felt how cold the wind was, saw how dark it was outside, smelled the smoke from Clint's chimney, realised just how tired she was.

"Natasha," she said softly, voice cracking slightly with emotion, and due to the chill that she was only now beginning to feel. The redhead pulled away slightly, looking up at the other woman, who was only a few inches taller than her. Again, their faces were very close together, and Natasha had to keep her eyes from flicking to the other woman's lips.

"Yeah?" She asked in a quiet voice, their eyes still connected, and Roxi had to suppress a slight shudder. 

"It's getting kinda cold," Roxi explained, her voice low and quiet, looking into the other woman's eyes, trying not to look anywhere else. A smile spread over Natasha's lips as she looked down, putting her forehead on Roxi's shoulder, letting out a light chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess it is," she mumbled, the smile still etched onto her face. Even with their short conversation, they stayed as they were for another few minutes, just enjoying it, and when Natasha reluctantly pulled away, she reclosed her grip on Roxi's hand and they walked to Clint's front door together. 

{~}

CLINT HAD STARTED to worry about the two ex-SHIELD agents. He knew that they could defend themselves against any physical threats, but that wasn't what he was nervous about. Both of them had seemed quite shaken up by whatever Wanda Maximoff had done, and it was possible that they hadn't spoken about it and had simply stewed in their troubled, which was likely with both women, one more than the other. But then, they'd walked in through his wooden front door, both with soft, genuine smiles and holding hands. Natasha's face was flushed, from the cold or something else, he couldn't tell. He smirked slightly at them, which they both ignored, and called Laura through from the kitchen where she'd been washing up dishes. 

"Hey," Laura greeted warmly as she saw the two women, taking note of the smiles on both women's faces.

"Hi, Laura," Roxi replied, the smile not dropping, even though in the warmth, she felt instantly more tired than she had outside. Her tone seemed to surprise the mother of two (soon to be three), but Laura shook it off quickly. 

"How are you?" She asked, trying to make some conversation to fill the quiet air. 

"As good as I can be," Roxi answered, her voice sounding lethargic as she tried to sound as honest as she could. To be truthful, there was a lot that could be better, but right now she wasn't thinking about it, for once. There were enough important matters on her mind, she didn't need to add to that load.

"Well, you two should go and get some sleep," Clint suggested, a glint in his eye as a smirk drove the edges of his lips up. Both women sent him almost identical glares, and for a moment, he almost felt as if he's have to back away from the force of them.

"Goodnight, Laura," Natasha said, her voice calm, moving her piercing gaze from Clint.

"Have a good sleep," the woman replied, smiling down at the plate she'd gone back to washing. Roxi rolled her eyes and made her way almost silently up the creaky stairs, Natasha following not far behind.  She'd made it to the landing before one of the doors opened and a small body burst into her with a slight squeal. She stumbled back a little, catching herself by flinging her out to the wall for support. After a moment, she realised that Lila had aggressively tackled her legs into a hug.

"Hey Lila," Roxi said softly, ruffling the girl's hair as she waited for the death grip on her legs to become less strong. Natasha smiled at the scene, although she could barely see it in the dark. The dark haired woman crouched down a moment later, a smile on her face joining the redhead's and she gently spoke to Clint's young daughter.

"What are you doing up so late?"

"I wanted to see you," Lila barely managed. She was still young, and the weariness she undoubtedly felt wasn't helping.

"Alright, well, I'll tell you what. Me and your Aunty Nat need to talk for a bit tonight, so you've got to go to bed, but I'll say hi properly tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Lila agreed, nodding slightly, before trudging back into her room tiredly. Roxi stood up and turned back to Natasha, both still with the smiles on their faces.

"You're good with her," the redhead commented.

"Come on, Nat, like I'll ever be one for a happy family," Roxi said, and the statement made the other woman think heavily as the two walked into the room they were designated to share. The first thing was the nickname. It was the first time Roxi had talked to her in such a way, as a friend, as a person she fully trusted. The second was the recognition that the other woman was attempting some form of joke at her own expense. But the last, third thing stood out the most. It made it sound as if Roxi never planned on settling down, as if she intended to the live the rest of her life shifting, moving, as they had been the last few years. But most importantly, it made Natasha begin to doubt herself for the first time in many years. Did Roxi not harbour the same feelings as Natasha herself did? Had she been reading everything wrong? What happened now?

Roxi turned on a dull light in the room, drew the curtains and shut the door as she picked up a pair of Laura's pyjamas from where they lay on top of a chest of drawers. She pulled a slight face at the pink and yellow flowers on them, showing them to the redhead. Seeing the look Roxi was giving them, Natasha sighed slightly.

"It's one night, they won't kill you." Roxi looked at the clothes for a few more moments before she sat down on the far side of the bed, her back facing Natasha, and began to take off the catsuit she hadn't had time to change out of. It was as she'd grabbed the floral top that she felt Natasha's slightly cold fingers make contact with the skin of her back.

Roxi almost flinched away, before realising that it was Natasha, so instead, she let the redhead trace the burn scar that covered most of her back, turning her head so she could see over her shoulder, looking at the redhead's face. It was etched into a slight frown, her eyes fully focused on the mess of pink and white that knotted itself over Roxi's skin. It continued for a few minutes, until Natasha seemed to realise she'd almost been in a daze and snapped backwards, nearly recoiling. She cleared her throat, beginning to blush again slightly,

"Uh, sorry."

"No, it's- it's fine." Roxi slipped the pyjamas on, wondering just how long she'd be able to resist the desire to spin around and open up her feelings to the beautiful redhead that sat behind her. But somehow, she managed, and the pair of them fell asleep side be side, hand in hand.

{~}

SADLY, THE BLISSFUL sleep that Roxi had found for the first time in months didn't last long. They were soon invaded by nightmares, demons clawing at the edges of whatever dream she might've had, eventually drowning in her whole mind in blood, gunshots, water, and the blackest shadows she's ever seen.

Roxi wasn't afraid of the dark, but as she shot up, suddenly awake after a particularly nasty terror, she couldn't find herself calming down. Her breath was racing her heart in a bid to run the fastest, her hands shaking feverishly, a cold sweat making her feel more trapped. It wouldn't come off. She could feel it crawling down her face, drying, cracking, only to be replaced. It flowed down her arms and pooled in lakes her palms, and coated her calves so vividly that she started trying to claw it off.

The blood was everywhere. With a jolt, she jumped unstably from the bed and hobbled over to the sink, hot tears beginning to join the mess on her face, and she turned the taps fully on, not even feeling the burning sensation of the boiling water as she tried to get it off. And the book- she stumbled slightly from the bathroom, hands dripping water as she searched for it, snatching it from under her pillow when she did. She didn't notice Natasha sitting up, fully alert. Instead, she went straight to the bathroom and turned the harsh light on, flicking through the book until she reached the latest page, letting out sob of relief as she sunk to the floor in a puddle of tears, sweat, water, and frighteningly, fresh blood that trickled down her calves from where she'd broken skin trying to get the old blood off.

Natasha entered the room not a moment later. When she saw Roxi, a mess on the floor, her stomach dropped and she sat down on her knees beside the crying woman, trying to gently prise her hands away from where her fingernails were scratching at her skin.

"Roxi?" She asked, trying to keep her voice as reassuring as possible. The woman didn't stop crying, but her hands did suddenly stop trying to pull away.

"It was you," she whispered, her eyes wide, causing Natasha's brow to furrow in confusion, "instead of him." And now, Roxi met her gaze, the icy eyes filled with torrents of emotion, surrounded by bloodshot whites. In that moment, she looked so scared, so desperate, that Natasha pulled the woman as close as she could, trying her best to ignore the blood and various kinds of water she was sitting in, trying to fix the situation.

"I saw it," the woman whimpered, taking Natasha by surprise, "I killed you instead of him." This woman was the strongest one that Natasha had ever met, yet her she sat on her friend's bathroom floor, whispering her nightmares to the woman she liked, who was simply better at dealing with her issues, surrounded by tears and blood and torn shreds of nightmares that were slowly starting to stitch themselves back together.

"Hey," the redhead said firmly, trying to gain the woman's focus, "I'm here. You didn't kill me, okay? It was him you killed, it's just what the Maximoff showed you." It didn't seem to help much, so she tried again.

"I'm here, I'm alive. You didn't kill me, I'm not dead. You killed him; him, not me. It's just what the girl showed you," it seemed to have more of an effect this time, because Roxi focused on Natasha, before hanging her head, her forehead landing on the redhead's shoulder as her sobs began to subside and she calmed down. After a good half an hour, Roxi looked back up, meeting Natasha's pleading, determined eyes, with her own, icy, vulnerable ones

"Natasha," she said in a broken whisper, her voice cracking with pure emotion, "I.. I, uh-. I like you." It wasn't what the redhead had expected, at all, and the way the woman struggled to say it showed Natasha just how hard this was for her.

"Roxi," Natasha replied softly, pausing to consider what she was going to do, but decided just to go for it. So, she brought her face to within an inch of the other woman's and muttered a brief

"I like you too," before their lips connected. It was short, but both women savoured each second of it. Natasha stood up, helping Roxi to her feet, taking her back through to sit on the bed as she tried to find another set of pyjamas for the woman to change into.

The was one thing Natasha was certain of as she trundled around the room, in the dark. The Maximoff girl had hurt her Roxi, and the was no way in hell that the redhead was letting her get away with it.

{A/N:} So.. Surprise? I have no idea if you were expecting this lol but here you go, after 32 chapters, I've finally done it. I meant to publish this yesterday, but hey, it's only an hour and 7 minutes late, it's not that bad.

Please vote and comment to let me know what you think and I'll see you next update.

2650 Words

Written: 24 / 12 / 2020

Published: 24 / 12 / 2020