∆ {3⁸} {CALM BEFORE THE METALLIC STORM} ∆ 

METAL WAS A strange thing. So many names, so many forms, so many variations, and yet, some things never changed.  Most were polished and refined when they were used, hardened and shaped until they exactly fit their job.  Hammered, melted, moulded, until they set in their final form, only being able to do exactly what they were made for. And Roxi was made to spy, to fight, to kill, and that would never change. On the outside, she was perfectly cold and controlled, set as hard as the metal she controlled. One thing that did seem to be changing, however, was her emotions. They kept twisting and changing, like a red hot pool of molten metal, shifting, folding in on themselves, sometimes becoming so large that they would create small bubbles and just pop.

Roxi was annoyed at herself. Before all of this, she'd been exactly what she needed to be, a cold assassin who rarely showed emotion. But now, here she was, exploding with an overload of feelings on her teammates. This sort of thing had never happened before. Sure, she'd felt stronger emotions, but she'd never felt the desire to snap as she had twice in the last few days. 

Everyone in the room was still looking slightly shaken by the way she'd reacted, Tony the most. His usually talkative demeanour had been reduced to nervous silence as Roxi sighed and sat down on a lab chair. Why couldn't she control herself anymore? She didn't respond to Clint's statement, not quite knowing how as she leant backwards in her seat, file in hand. She rolled up the file into a tube and tapped it minutely against her leg as she thought over her feelings carefully, her face scrunched into a soft frown. the whole room was deathly still, though Natasha and Clint were exchanging glances full of meaning only they knew. Roxi wondered about that for only a few seconds; the thought that they might be suggesting that she was unstable (which was simply how she felt), made her want to cringe away and curl up in a corner somewhere to wallow in her own self pity. She was being selfish, she knew that, bottling up all her emotions until they exploded, taking them out on the people around her. She needed to find a way to stop it, soon.

And then there was the matter of Natasha Romanoff. The redhaired assassin was as beautiful as she was deadly, and Roxi's feelings for her seemed to grow whenever they were in the same room. She's never sought out relationships, believing they'd get in the way of her work, but Natasha did the same job that she did, and could defend herself equally well. Perhaps there was a possibility? She shut herself down almost as soon as she'd thought it. Right now, she realised, she needed to focus on Ultron, not her overwhelming tide of emotion.

"It happened in New York." Roxi's voice was quieter than anyone expected it to be, sounding tired and slightly resigned, but in the silence of the lab, her voice was clear. Everyone looked straight at her as she stared at her rolled-up file, barely blinking as she spoke.

"Something to do with Loki, I think," she continued in her quiet voice. Tony frowned slightly as he listened, Roxi's eyes glazed over. She hadn't told Natasha quite like this, so the redhead was listening almost as intently as the others. 

"After I was hit by him, maybe the sceptre did something to me? I'm not sure, but when we were fighting the Chitauri, at one point I just... exploded, i guess." If she thought about it, it wasn't too dissimilar to what had been happening lately, except her powers had burst out of her much more dangerously than a simple threat could ever seem.

"There was just a circle of them around me," she admitted, her voice cracking slightly as it wavered from louder to quieter and back again, "crushed in their own armour." She let her grip on the file go, so it unfurled on her lap, still bent in a crescent shape as she straightened up, sweeping her black hair onto her back as she glanced around the room to gauge their reactions. Normally, she wouldn't care what they thought, but this was important. Natasha sent her a small nod and a soft smile. Tony had flinched ever so slightly when she mentioned New York, his hand clenching in its fist as he tried to supress his own overwhelming emotions. Partly to distract himself, and partly to try and clear some tension between him and Roxi, he spoke up.

"What is it exactly that you can do?" He asked in a measured voice as people began moving again, having frozen when Roxi had been in her pensive state, wondering about her thoughts. She thought over it for a split-second, taking a moment longer before answering.

"Control metal, I think. Crush it, bend it, throw it, probably more," She listed, trying to think of what she'd done.

"Is that how you picked up Thor's hammer?" Clint asked, smirking at her. That seemed to help put her at ease, because she smirked back and replied in turn,

"If that's what you need to believe to keep your ego in tact, then yes."

"On the contrary! I do not believe this would work on Mjölnir. Therefore, Lady Ryder must simply be worthier than the rest of you, like I," Thor denied, clearly trying to believe that his hammer couldn't be controlled by something so quaint as a mortal's power over metal. Roxi didn't mind though, widening her smirk at Clint before she stood up from her seat, file clenched tightly in her hand.

"Where did you say Ultron was?" She asked, keen to move off of the topic of her powers. Bruce took a moment to absorb what she'd said, before he spun around and faced his computer. A couple of minutes of typing later, he came up with a result. It made him frown slightly, confused.

"It's- it's an old salvage yard off the coast of Africa. He's still close to the mainland at the moment, but there are a lot of ships and wrecks there," Roxi wondered why Ultron was there of all places. She was sure she had his motives. She nodded after a short pause, before leaving the room to take a shower and get ready for the mission. 

{~}

THE WATER WAS as hot as any other time she'd showered, but now, strangely, she didn't seem to notice it as it rained down on her body and turned her skin red. All she could think about was the lack of control she'd had the last few days. If she didn't get a handle on herself, that scene in New York, the one that was imprinted fiercely into her mind, would become her reality. Again, and she wasn't ready for that. She wasn't prepared for the shock, the pain, the guilt, of simply wiping out a large group of opponents, crushing them in their own battle armour. She stepped out of the bathroom a few moments later, towel wrapped under her shoulders, covering her body, only to find Natasha sat patiently on her bed. The sudden chill of the air conditioned room made goose bumps rise on Roxi's skin, or maybe it was the fact that she was standing, pretty much naked, in front of Natasha Romanoff. That thought made her shiver slightly, as the redhead looked up. Her green eyes immediately went to the scarring on her shoulders, the three bullet wounds from her last mission in France. The sides of her burn would also be visible, reaching around the side of her upper arm in an angry network of white-pink lines and blotches.  The two womens' eyes met for a second before Roxi sat down next to Natasha, still slightly warm from the shower. The file was behind them on the bed, closed roughly, exactly where Roxi had left it.

"Did you read it?" Natasha knew exactly what the other meant and shook her head, listening to the faint sound of cars on the streets of New York below. Roxi seemed a little surprised, looking up at the redhead with slightly wide eyes.

"I didn't want to invade your privacy," the redhead explained, as quietly as Roxi had spoken in the lab.

"Oh. Thanks," Roxi replied in a similar voice, sounding resigned as she relaxed, her posture slipping slightly. Natasha looked at the other woman carefully. She looked so defeated, as if she'd surrendered to her emotions or thoughts, all ideas of Ultron going down the drain at that moment. The redhead considered what she was going to say, before deciding that she needed to tell the woman this. She swallowed the lump that came to her throat, and said what she needed to.

"I know it's hard for you..." She began,  immediately catching the brunette's attention, "but you need to be ready to let us in. And if not the team, at least me." Roxi looked down as Natasha spoke , her dark hair forming a curtain at the side of her face, still in dreadlocks as it was still wet from the shower.

"Natasha, it's not that simple," she spoke, her voice so quiet now that the redhead had to lean forward to hear her. When the other woman looked up at her, Natasha saw a layer that never normally showed in her ice blue eyes. It was a film of ghosts and memories, swirling in the black haired woman's brain, and the redhead knew at that moment that this woman was more haunted by her actions and past than she'd ever expected. But she still had to try.

"It doesn't have to be much. I just want you to know that you can talk to us. To me," Natasha explained, hoping desperately that she'd be able to help this woman out of the stew of boiling emotions and memories churning in her mind.

"The last time I let someone in, they died because of it," Roxi admitted. She wanted to let Natasha help her, but th truth was, she was afraid. She was terrified of what might happen if the redhead died because of her. And it was because she couldn't stand the thought of losing her, not because Natasha's life had been cut short. At that point, she recognised how selfish she was being, and looked down at her lap with a soft sigh.

"Is that what all of this is about?" Natasha asked, slightly surprised. This wasn't what she'd expected.

"That's part of it. There's, uh, more," Roxi confided again. It was a mark of how off guard she was that she has hesitated in the middle sentence. Usually she said what she meant easily, no beating around the bush. And there was more, layers and layers more, meters of film doubled back, made of photos and memories of her past, all stacked up on top of one another underneath the trapdoor. The one that seemed to be growing weaker with every passing day. Sooner or later, it'd be too weak for Roxi's liking, and she'd shut herself down, away from anyone she'd grow close to. And it all came back to fear. She was afraid of so many simple things that other people never thought twice about, that seemed as if they were never going to happen to anyone. But if it was going to happen to anybody, it would be her. Natasha was giving her a look similar to pity, being careful not to show the emotion on her face as the redhead knew she wouldn't take it too well.

"If you need to talk to anyone about it, you can. You know that right?" Roxi knew Natasha was trying to help, but it wasn't at the moment. She felt almost trapped in her own room.

"It's not like that. It's hard to understand it," Roxi reasoned, trying to block the redhead from getting too close to her.

"Then help me understand," Natasha pleaded, her voice cracking slightly as it got louder. Roxi decided the best way to deal with this was to deflect it. That was the easiest way, as normal, and she deflected things with sarcasm.

"As much as I like debating whether or not I'm going to explode with emotions again on a mission, we really should get ready for it," Roxi said sarcastically, her guard strongly back up. Natasha could see it in her eyes, a wall virtually slamming down on any emotion the other woman had been showing. Natasha gave her a sad smile and a faint nod, before leaving her room, feeling defeated, and more worried than she had walking in.

Roxi wasn't ready to deal with her emotions yet, and in theory, that was fine for now. Except when you added Natasha Romanoff to the equation, it became unbalanced and volatile, and that made Roxi even more unprepared. And with what they were about to walk into, that wasn't ideal.

{A/N:} So this one C's shorter again caus it's more of a filler but yeah. Next chapter is the shipyard scene (I have 3 pages of planning) so there will be drama. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

I just finished reading Bad Bitch by disorganisedchaos and it's literally so amazing I love it. I recommend it to you.

Also thank you for your support, just a reminder, please vote on my chapters, as it helps me and let's other people find the story. Thanks. Also I made a banner thing for my user, let me know if you like it. I also know what I'm going to do about Pietro now, but you'll have to wait and see ;).

2320 Words

Written: 28 / 11 / 2020

Published: 28 / 11 / 2020