trigger warning; mention of cervical cancer!

It was early in the morning when Happy was woken up by his daughter's laughter, which, as always, echoed loudly through the small house. The Knowles house wasn't big, but Happy was still convinced that he had made the right decision and moved in a little over three years ago for Stella's sake.

They had one bedroom, a small kitchen and a large living room. The house even had two bathrooms and an additional room that became Gabby's. What more did they need? As long as they wouldn't have another kid, everything was fine. And even if they did, a solution would be found.

When he stretched his arm out to the side, he only found an empty bedside, which meant that Stella was already up. With a grumble the killer got out of bed and quickly put on a fresh pair of boxers and jeans before following the laughter, finally ending up in their small kitchen.

"Morning, snuggle bug." Grinning, Happy ruffled the three-year-old's hair before placing his hands on her little head and placing a kiss on top of it. "You woke Mommy up early again, huh?"

"Well, she tried to wake you up too", Stella chimed in with a cheeky grin as she leaned back a little to reach Happy's lips.

"Besides, daycare starts soon. Are you home tonight?", she wanted to know from Happy while she filled Gabby's lunch box with some vegetables, bread and cookies they had made yesterday.

"Yeah, I should be home." Happy moved away from Gabby to put his arms around Stella from behind.

As he placed kisses on her shoulder after pushing her long black hair aside, a grin crossed his face at the thought of last night. Both of them had stayed up longer than they should have, after all both of them had to get up early.

"Good. By the way, Gabby asked for spaghetti for tonight. Be on time", she hummed before giving in and leaning against Happy with a pleasant sigh, tilting her head to the side so that he could reach her neck easier with his lips .

"Like I'm missing out on this." His even raspier morning voice reached her ear and made her shiver, warmth spreading between her legs immediately.

"Stop, I have to leave in a few." The words that were supposed to sound confident and assertive now sounded more pleading. "You know how difficult it is for me to concentrate for the rest of the day if you do stuff like that."

"And?" Happy's hands slid down her sides, his lips close to her ear. "Maybe that's my plan."

She could feel Happy's grin forming against her skin, then he sank his teeth into her shoulder for a moment, almost eliciting a moan from her, which the raven-haired woman quickly drowned out with a clearing of her throat.

"Hap!" Groaning, she gently pushed him away, but had to laugh herself. "Stay off me, I mean it!"

"Fine." Happy snorted a laugh before sitting down next to his daughter. "Promise me you'll behave at day care, okay?"

"I always do, daddy", Gabby sing-sang, smiling, her feet dangling off the chair.

He gave her a small smile as he pinched her nose. "Good girl."

Stella placed a plate in front of Happy. "Here, I hope it's enough for you, Gabby was pretty hungry today."

The smell of bacon and scrambled eggs hit his nostrils. Only then did he realize that he was actually hungry.

"Thanks, baby. Have you eaten yet?", he asked with a half-full mouth, his dark eyes resting on her. "We have to talk later, you know that."

"Hap, not now", she looked at him pleadingly. The young woman didn't feel like arguing this early in the morning. "I'll have breakfast with your mom later, don't worry."

"You better do." Happy only grunted before he continued eating. "And stop brushing me off, Stella. We'll talk tonight."

"Fine, if we have to." As much as she appreciated that Happy was worried, she wished that he hadn't noticed her condition. That just made everything more complicated.

"Are you two fighting?" Gabby's happy mood was gone, replaced by a serious expression. "Please don't. That's not nice."

Sighing, Stella rubbed her face before smiling intently. "We're not fighting, sweetie."

"Really not?" Full of hope, the three-year-old looked at her parents with her dark eyes. She wasn't used to seeing her parents arguing. So this was new.

"No, bug", Happy promised her with a serious expression.

Sighing, he put down his fork and unceremoniously pulled Stella onto his lap, his arm immediately sliding around her stomach in case she tried to get away. But that didn't happen. Instead, he grumbled contentedly as his wife snuggled up against him.

"And even if we argue, we would always talk it out again, sweetie", Stella explained with an encouraging smile, which also made Gabby smile again. "You know, even adults fight sometimes, like you sometimes do with your friends at daycare. But you always talk it out, right?"

With her finger thoughtfully pressed against her lips, Gabby nodded. "Yes, we do. Sometimes we fight and then we're friends again!"

"See", Happy winked with the tiniest of grins. "No reason to worry."

"Okay, drink your juice, we have to get going", Stella's gaze slid from her daughter to Happy, on whose lips she placed another kiss. "My shift starts a little earlier today and your mom is probably waiting already. Do you need anything from the grocery store later?"

"No, I don't need anything." Happy shook his head and rubbed his hand down her thigh until she stood up and reached for her bag that was standing by the kitchen door. "Take a Prospect with you when you go shopping and let him carry."

"Please don't start again", she pleaded with her soft voice, her head tilted to the side. "I'm fine, Hap. You worry way too much."

"You're so damn stubborn, woman", he grunted to himself and rubbed his face before he also got up and sent Gabby into the hallway with the order to put her shoes on.

He watched as Stella put the plates in the dishwasher after slinging her bag on her shoulder. Sighing, he wrapped his fingers around her upper arm, able to almost close his hand around it and he didn't like it one bit.

But he didn't want to get on Stella's nerves, he wanted to talk to her later when they had enough time. "I'll take care of the rest, I don't have to leave for about an hour."

"Really?" Thankful for his help, she closed the dishwasher and gave him another quick kiss. "Be careful. I love you, baby."

"I love you too, little girl", he told her with a grunt. When she was about to leave, he held her back again. "Tell Ma that I'm coming over with Gabby this weekend."

A smile crossed Stella's face. "I'll do that. See you later."

"Daddy!" Gabby ran towards him after she had out on her sneakers, standing in front of him with that sweet smile of hers, pointing down at her shoes. "Look, I put them on by myself!"

Happy crouched down, pride flashing in his eyes. "You did great, bug. I'm proud of you."

"See you later, daddy!" Without waiting for a response, the three-year-old was already on her way to the door.

"See you later. And babe, call if you need anything and take breaks", he called after his wife, but the door was already closed.

Shaking his head, he let out a sigh before putting away the leftovers from breakfast so he could clean the kitchen. He was a neat freak anyway, he was even before Stella. So the SAA didn't mind supporting her in that regard. It was his house, too.

Especially now, not knowing what was going on with his wife, he just wanted to help her out even moreᅳ which with club shit sometimes he couldn't do as often as he would like to.

ᚔ

With a sweet smile and an apologetic look, Stella rushed into Maria's room. Charlotte was already there too, just making the bed in the spacious room that Maria had given her touch to a long time ago.

"I didn't think I'd ever see the day you were late." Charlotte's tone held something teasing as she looked at her best friend. "I've already taken over the other rooms. You just have to distribute the medicine for lunch afterwards."

"You're an angel!" The black-haired woman placed a kiss on Charlotte's cheek before greeting Maria with a big hug. "Good morning. I hope you slept well. I brought croissants."

"Good morning, sweetheart." Maria patted Stella's back lovingly. As she stepped back, Maria's eyes lit up when she heard what Stella had brought with her. "My favorite pastry. You're too good to me."

"But don't tell the others", she whispered conspiratorially before chuckling, handing Maria the paper bag. "You're my mother-in-law, after all I have to spoil you."

"And with such a great mother-in-law you have to", Charlotte chimed in as she finished making the bed and plopped down on a chair. "My ex's mother was a huge bitch, sometimes I hoped she'd choke on her martini."

"Wow, I didn't know you had such a dark side", Stella teased with a grin. "But now you have a better one. Even if Gemma can be exhausting, at least she's not a bitch."

Even though everyone had a different opinion about that, Stella never had the idea of seeing Gemma as a bitch or horrible person. In addition to Luann, the matriarch had been a mother figure for Stella and had partly helped raise her. Someone like that couldn't be evil.

"Oh, I hope I can see Gemma again soon", Maria said from her chair as she enjoyed the croissant, putting a smile on Stella's face.

For Maria, small things and gestures like that were enough to make the older woman happy. And Stella had no plans to stop pampering her mother-in-law. "You're welcome to come along to a family dinner again. You know they take place every week now."

"I would love that!" Maria looked back and forth between the two young women and offered them a coffee, but both politely declined. "I guess you guys have to get back to work, huh?"

"Yeah, sorry", Charlotte sighed. By now she, too, had become quite close to Mrs. Lowman. "But we'll come back later."

"I would be happy about that", smiled the older woman. "I'll have water aerobics anyway in a few."

"That sounds good", Stella said eagerly.

For Happy, it was probably one of the hardest things he ever had to do when he dropped his mother off at the nursing home and Stella barely got a word out of him for days. But it was Maria's own wish and when she had made new friends after a few days, Happy also relaxed a little bit.

And when Stella started working there, when he knew she could check on his mom every day of the week, he finally made peace with putting Maria there.

At the same time, the women took a look at the clock before Charlotte dragged herself up and Stella squeezed the old woman's arm.

"Have fun doing water aerobics", she said with a smile before turning on her heel to follow Charlotte, only to turn around again and knock her flat hand against the door frame. "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to tell you from Happy that he's coming over with Gabby this weekend!"

"That's great, I can't wait!" The genuine joy in Maria's tone immediately lifted Stella's mood.

"See you later, Maria." With these words, Stella turned around the corner on the way to the changing rooms so she could change into her work clothes.

However, she didn't get that far. As so often in the last few weeks, a stabbing pain ran through her lower abdomen, but this time it was so intense that a loud gasp slipped past her lips in the middle of the hallway and caught Charlotte's attention.

"Again?" Worried, the blonde rushed to Stella's side after putting down her pen. She gently dragged her friend to the nearest seat after the dark-haired woman had just nodded in silence. "You need to see a doctor, Stella. This can't just be your period."

"I don't have my period", Stella admitted with a painful groan, her eyes squinted. "That was just an excuse not to ruin the family dinner."

The blonde cursed under her breath. She should've trusted her instincts. But blaming Stella now for making up excuses wouldn't help anyone. Charlotte determinedly helped the raven-haired girl get back on her feet, who let out a quiet gasp and clawed her fingers into Charlotte's arm.

"I'll let our boss know and take you to St. Thomas." Without giving Stella time to discuss, which surprisingly the younger one didn't do, she hurried down the hallway and knocked on the door of her boss's office.

If Stella didn't even try to start an argument about this, she must be feeling really bad and that's exactly what Charlotte explained to their boss. Fortunately, the slightly older woman reacted with understanding and dismissed both women for the rest of the day and asked them to take on a shift at the weekend in return, which both had agreed to.

"Why did you lie to me, Stella?" Charlotte asked with a sigh on the way out to the parking lot.

"Because I knew you would want to take me to a doctor..and then Happy would've found out about it", she answered meekly as she got into Charlotte's old car and let her head fall against the headrest.

"What's so wrong with that, sweetie? He should know how you're feeling", the blonde said as she turned on the engine and drove straight to the hospital.

"You don't understand", Stella said in a gentle tone as a sad smile crept onto her lips. "I'm not like any other Old Ladyᅳ like a strong one that he actually deserves. I'm not as strong as Gemma, as cheerful as you or as confident as Donna and Venus."

A little confused, Charlotte wrinkled her nose, her eyes on the road. "And? You're great the way you are, Stella. Everyone has their flaws, including us. And let's be honest, you're pretty strong for surviving all the shit that bitch and those two guys in highschool did to youᅳ and you're still here. But you can't help it if you're in pain, that's something you can't control."

"My point is that Happy has so much to worry about with me." Stella let out a sad laugh. "I see the worry in his eyes, in his body language, every time I slip into a depressive episode. Then the fact that almost everyone in my family died of fuckin' cancer. Iᅳ"

When Stella fell silent, Charlotte realized what kind of fear was brewing in the younger woman. She knew that Tara had cancer, but she didn't know Stella's family history. Clearing her throat, the blonde scratched her neck before daring to ask the question that was burning on her tongue.

"And now you think you have cancer too?", she asked cautiously.

"There's a chance, yes", Stella replied simply with a shrug. "If that's the case thenᅳ"

"Then you can do it together with Happy", Charlotte finished before Stella could do it, her tone firm and convincing . "And with all of us. But we won't even think about it as long as we don't know whether it's really the case. Maybe you just have a simple cyst that's causing you pain, who knows."

When Charlotte started listing things that Stella could have, she only smiled weakly. Nevertheless, the raven-haired woman had to face the factsᅳ it was possible that she could've cancer and the chance wasn't exactly small. And except for one relative, no one in her family survived this fight.

"Do me a favor and don't tell Happy for now, okay? Please don't call him while I'm in there", she asked her friend, who reluctantly nodded in return.

"Okay, but only because I don't want to make a fuss without having facts. Besides, it's your job to talk to him", Charlotte said diplomatically.

In the parking lot she killed the engine and turned to Stella. "Want me to come inside with you?"

Taking a deep breath, Stella shook her head and gave the blonde a strained smile. "No, I can do it. You don't have to wait here either."

"Okay. I'll quickly run some errands so that I have time for you afterwards. Call me when you're done", Charlotte told her urgently and was only satisfied when Stella promised to call her when she was done.

ᚔ

In the depressing hallway of St. Thomas, the dark-haired woman had been waiting for over an hour now. In contrast to usual, this time the pain didn't subside after a few minutes, instead she sat tensely on a chair in the hope that she would soon be pain-free again.

"Stella?" Stella's head snapped up as she immediately recognized the familiar voice.

A small smile made it to her lips as she looked into the green-brownish eyes of the hospital supervisor. "Margaret, hey."

"What are you doing here?" The woman with short red hair sat down on the chair next to Stella and smiled. "I haven't seen you around lately. How is Gabby? And Abel and Thomas?"

After Tara's death, it was Margaret who wanted to keep in touch with the younger Knowles, especially to honor Tara's wish to keep an eye on Stella. Margaret also wanted to know how Abel and Thomas developed.

"I need to get checked out. I should've done that weeks ago." This time Stella decided to be honest, after all Margaret knew the back story of her family through Tara.

Concern crossed Margaret's expression. "Don't tell me you're affected too?"

The older woman didn't have to say what she meant, Stella knew it. "I don't know, that's why I'm here. I hope I can see a doctor before I have to pick Gabby up from daycare."

"Why didn't you come to me right away?" Sighing, Margaret stood up and knocked on the door next to them. Shortly afterwards, a slightly older man poked his head through and had a quick chat with the hospital supervisor before the redhead walked back to Stella.

"You're next", she let Stella know, tilting her head in surprise. "Are you here alone?"

"Thanks Margaret, but you didn't have to do that." Nevertheless, Stella was eternally grateful. Waiting while being in pain was pure torture. "Uh yes, I wanted to do it alone."

"Mrs. Lowman?" A deep but friendly voice called out, the same man had stuck his head out the door again. "I have time for you now", he announced after letting his previous patient slip out of the room.

"If you need anything, you can find me in my office. It's Tara's old office", Margaret let the young woman know and squeezed Stella's arm encouragingly. "Everything will turn out just fine, I'm sure of it."

"Thank you Margaret", Stella murmured politely before she walked into the examination room where the doctor was already waiting.

ᚔ

From the moment she walked in the room until the ultrasound, Stella felt like her heart could jump out of her chest at any moment. She was so nervous. And when the doctor contorted his face and gave it even more wrinkles, she knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong?", she asked directly, her voice shaking.

The vaginal ultrasound was already unpleasant and painful enough, but now she would probably also have to cope with unpleasant news.

"Do you see that?" The doctor turned the screen and pointed at some darker spots that Stella could see but didn't know what to think about them.

"Yes? What about it?", she asked, frowning. "Is this a problem?"

"Could be, yes." Sighing, the doctor removed the ultrasound wand and asked Stella to stay as relaxed as possible. As he prepared a few things and wheeled his chair around the room, he continued to explain. "It looks like cervical cancer, but I have to do some testing first. I'll send them to the laboratory to be able to make a diagnosis."

Stella stared at the doctor with parted lips. She couldn't say anything, she couldn't even move at the moment. Her body felt stiff, her muscles so tense that she would probably be sore tomorrow. In addition, she barely managed to take a proper breath.

She had expected news like this, why was she so shocked now? So deeply shaken? Her whole fucking family had cancer, why should she be an exception?

Because of the shock, she didn't even notice the rest of the painful examination; she was too lost in her thoughts. Stella felt her cheeks getting wet, probably from the silent tears rolling down them.

She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand before the tears could ruin her make-upᅳ even she now snorted a laugh. As if make-up was important now. The doctor just gave her one of those pitying smiles that just made her angry.

She didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her or worry about her. She also didn't want to have cancer that would slowly suck the life out of her bones. In what freakin' universe was that fair? She wasn't even thirty yet and maybe was already dying?

"Mrs. Lowman?" The doctor's now much softer voice broke her out of her paralysis. With a dry throat and watery eyes, she looked at the older gentleman, still unable to say anything.

"You can get dressed. The samples will be sent in immediately. Since I insist on urgency, the results should be here in two days", he informed the visibly shocked young woman. "We're about to discuss the treatment options available if it actually is cancer, which I believe it is."

The man smiled sympathetically again, then stood up and sat down at his desk, his head hanging over some paperwork to give Stella more privacy while she got dressed.

Almost robotic, Stella slid off the uncomfortable chair and slipped back into her black leggings and her black platform boots, which were quite eye-catching with silver buckles on the side.

When a wave of nausea hit her, presumably from the shock, she stormed out of the room and to the toilets. However, she only managed to grab one of the gray plastic trash cans in the toilets and emptied the contents of her stomach there.

She didn't even notice the door opening behind her. Only when someone gently pushed her hair back and held it in place did she dare to look to the side. And only when she spotted Margaret did she burst into tears.

Stella wiped her lips as she started sobbing, then she was pulled into the arms of her late sister's former friend. With calming hand movements, Margaret let her hand circle over Stella's back without saying a wordᅳ for which the dark-haired woman was eternally grateful.

How the hell would she ever explain that to Happy? Let alone Gabby. How do you explain to a three-year-old that her mother might soon be gone? The thought alone brought more tears and for the first time since Tara's death, Stella suffered one of those breakdowns that she only had in life situations in which she could no longer cope.

If Margaret weren't here, Stella wasn't sure about how she would have survived this news.

"You can do this", the woman whispered soothingly, still rubbing her hand up and down Stella's back.

Stella, still unable to speak, just buried her face on Margaret's shoulder, trying to somehow deal with the anxiety that was stronger than ever. The worst part was, she had to break the news to Happy later.