trigger warning ⚠️
self-harm, slightly detailed!

Blood flowed from the narrow yet deep wounds down Stella's thigh, drenching her leg a deep red as a small, really small puddle formed on the cold tile floor beneath her with every drop that fell from her leg.

A soft gasp escaped her lips as the sharp side of the razor blade danced over her delicate, tattooed skin. For the first time in days, since her diagnosis that had turned her entire life upside down, she could think clearly again. Her head was clear, her thoughts no longer penetrating and intrusive.

Stella knew that this was the effect of the pain she had just inflicted on herself. Self-harm had always been her last resort when everything became too much for her. It was Happy who usually caught her, was her rock, and kept her from hurting herselfᅳ but Happy wasn't here.

Instead, he was trapped at the police station, probably being treated like a felon, and Stella couldn't do shit about it. She felt absolutely useless.

Not knowing what would happen to her husband, the fear of having to go through the surgery and all of that without him, whether she would be okay or not. Then the pain in Happy's voice and eyes when he finally dropped his mask earlier, letting her see his vulnerable sideᅳ all of this caused the former Knowles to lose it, to do what she had just done. 

Now she sat alone in the bathroom, always in front of the door so that Gabby didn't have a chance to just barge in. Her baby was traumatized enough, Stella didn't need to add anything that would scare the three-year-old even more.

But Stella had to release pressure before she lost her mind.

With a dry sniffle, she wiped a single tear from the tip of her nose with the back of her hand before it could fall, her eyes fixed on her leg as more blood came to the surface with each new cut. Since her legs were bent on the floor, the blood slowly flowed to her panties and soaked some of the black fabric in blood as well.

Her skin was ruined once again, it would be weeks before her thigh would look normal again, until the cuts would fade and the tattoos would be more contrasting again. At the moment, however, her skin, even if it was only a small part of her thigh, just looked ravaged and destroyedᅳ a familiar sight that Stella remembered well enough from years ago.

Happy would flip if he found out. It would only increase his concern for her and immediately Stella felt a wave of guilt hitting her, her body once again consumed by guilt and fear that Happy could be disappointed in her.

But could she hold it against him? Fuck no. She had no right to cause him so many problems and yet she knew that this was an addiction, a coping mechanism to relieve pressure. But this wasn't an excuse.

Disgusted and angry with herself, Stella let out a bitter snort and pulled herself up, immediately throwing the blade with blood on it into the small cosmetic waste bin. Thanks to the fine blade, she didn't feel much painᅳ that was the reason why many people who cut themselves needed it so often. The pain many needed to feel only existed as long as the blade glided over the skin, no matter how deep the cut. As long as it was a clean cut it never hurt much afterwards.

With a deep sigh, she grabbed a fresh towel from the shelf, held a part of it under the tap and soaked the dark green fabric in warm water before cleaning the blood from her leg until no red stains were left. Before new blood could come out of the few cuts, Stella quickly rummaged in the cupboard under the sink for the first aid kit and rolled the bandage in around her thigh a few times, applying pressure around the affected area to stop the bleeding faster.

After putting the first aid kit back, she slid to her knees and cleaned up the mess on the floor before throwing the towel away as well.

Closing her eyes, she sat back on her heels and allowed herself to take a moment to breathe deeply, running her long fingers through her long, black hair that, as always, fell straight down her back.

"Fuck this", she whispered, so quietly it was almost just a movement of her mouth, before she stood up again and washed her hands.

Ten minutes later she was dressed and had a face full of makeup. Eyeliner, mascara, blush and her dark lipstick, as always. The hairbrush slid through her hair before being placed back on the shelf above the sink.

Looking into the mirror, Stella forced a smile onto her lips. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards slightly, but she found it difficult not to let them curve down again. But she had to think positiveᅳ for Happy, for Gabby and for herself.

Startled, she jumped and sucked her teeth when there was a knock on the door. The young woman rushed out of the bathroom, down the hallway and opened the door before Gabby would wake up from all the knocking.

"Jax, hey!" Relieved that her best friend was finally there, she stepped aside and found herself in his arms a moment later after Jax' had stepped foot into the house.

"I'm sorry I haven't had time for you yet", Jax murmured against her dark hair, his embrace bone-crushing while his hands cradled her body tighter.

Jax felt horrible because he hadn't found the time to really be there for Stella yet. The woman was like a sister to him; she had taken Kate's, his actual sister, place a long time ago and he couldn't even find ten fuckin' minutes to ask her how she was doing.

The fact that she had cancer threw him off track and scared the shit out of him, bringing unwanted flashbacks of Tara's last months backᅳ no one wanted to lose her Stella the same way.

With a small smile, she nestled into Jax' embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck, her face slightly hidden on his shoulder but only so that she wouldn't smear her make-up onto his kutte.

"It's okay", she mumbled back before breaking away from his embrace, gesturing him to follow her into the kitchen. "I need to talk to you, and this has nothing to do with meᅳ it's about Happy."

"Happy? What happened?" Confusion crossed Jax' face as the blonde sat down on one of the chairs and followed Stella's steps with his eyes until she was seated too. Her smile fell and he didn't have to be a genius to notice how upset his best friend was. "What's wrong, Stella?"

ᚔ

Jax, along with Stella who was close behind him and had Gabby in her arms, stormed into the clubhouse excited, whistling through his fingers.

"Get your ass out of bed! Church, now!", he hollered through the still empty room. Not even a prospect was awake yetᅳ which didn't interest Jax. He wanted all of them awake, now.

After he heard what had happened and where Happy was at the moment, he immediately and without hesitation made his way to the clubhouse with Stella and Gabby to call an emergency meeting. He had called Ope at Stella's house already and told him to come, but he knew that the others had to be here already.

"Sit down. I'll have a prospect make breakfast for you and Gabby." It was more of an order that Jax gave the raven-haired woman. Now that Happy wasn't there, it was up to him and everyone else to keep an eye on Stellaᅳ especially because of the cancer.

"Jax, I can make my daughter breakfast myself. You don't have to wake up the poor Prospect to do that", Stella scolded with a gentle expression. Deep down, she was grateful for the support, but no one had to treat her like a raw egg. "Do you think we can bail Happy out?"

"I don't know, Stella..I really don't know", Jax replied as honestly as possible. Giving her unnecessary hope wouldn't help him or her. "But we'll find a way so that Happy will be out again by tomorrow at the latest. They can't prove shitᅳ especially if it really wasn't him."

"But he told them it was him. That's a fucking confession, doesn't matter if he did it or not", Stella hissed as quietly as possible so as not to worry her daughter while she was still sitting on her hip and half asleep.

"Fuck", Jax groaned as he rubbed his hands over his tired face. But he needed to keep his shit together at the moment. "We'll discuss this with everyone in Church. Mom should be on her way so she can watch Gabby while we discuss everything."

"Okay, thank you." There was unrest in Stella's brown eyes as she let Gabby slip from her hip and took a pencil case with crayons and a pad from the small backpack that hung around Gabby's shoulders to spread out on the table. Running her hand over Gabby's head, she pointed to a chair.

"Sit down, baby. I'll bring you something to eat in a minute", she said with a small smile, trying to stay strong for the three year old.

"What about daddy?" With her little feet firmly planted on the ground and her arms crossed, the little girl looked up at the two adults. "I want to see daddy!"

Stella looked at her best friend for some help, who was just as clueless and overwhelmed as she was. Sighing, she crouched down and stroked Gabby's cheek, her head tilted to the side.

"Daddy had to leave early this morning, but he'll be back later, okay?" Stella's voice became increasingly thin, with nervousness reveling in it, but she regained her composure and smiled at Gabby. "How about you make a picture for daddy, hmm? You can give it to him later, I'm sure that would make him happy."

Still too young and gullible, the three-year-old nodded, a smile back on her tiny face, before climbing onto one of the chairs, Stella always next to her in case she slipped.

"I can do that, mommy", Gabby sing-sang as she reached for the purple crayon and started scribbling across the page.

"Oh, that looks amazing already", Jax winked at the little one that he treated like a niece anyway, and raised a corner of his mouth. “Can I get a picture too?”

"Yes!" Gabby nodded eagerly, smiling sheepishly as she was praised even though she hasn't done much yet except for drawing a purple circle.

Stella gave the blonde a genuinely grateful smile as she took a moment to breathe in and out deeply before the first people began to trickle out of the back hallway, most of them not even fully awake yet.

"It better be something important if you get us out of bed so early, asshole", Tig murmured, sleep still clearly audible in his voice as he stretched his back and yawned. "Is coffee ready?"

"You don't need coffee right now", Jax said seriously, pointing to the large wooden doors. "Wait inside. We just have to wait for Ope, then Stella and I be with you."

"What's goin' on here, brother?" Chibs was wide awake when he saw Stella but Happy nowhere. And it wasn't usual for an Old Lady to sit at the table when the guys had something to discussᅳ that could only be a bad sign. "Where's Hap?"

"Shit, something happened?" Juice's eyes widened with concern as he met Stella's gaze.

He was one of the few who could truly feel the pain and fear reflected in her eyes. He immediately noticed that Stella was anything but stableᅳ probably because he had been at that point often enough himself.

Depression and anxiety were nothing foreign, nothing unusual for the Puerto Rican. That's why he was able to put himself in Stella's shoes so well. But unlike her, he couldn't show his real feelings, it would make him seem weak among all the othersᅳ it just didn't fit into this life.

"I'll tell you everything as soon as Gemma gets here and can watch Gabby", Stella declared with a faint smile, her arms crossed tensely.

Everyone understood her pleading look not to ask any further questions in front of Gabby. That would only worry the three-year-old, but now everyone knew that something must've happened.

As Jax requested, everyone gradually dragged themselves into the large room and took their usual seats. Almost at the same time, Ope and Gemma finally arrived. Gemma immediately rushed towards Stella and Jax, something about her seeming off.

Gemma seemed freaked out, excitedᅳ at least that's how Jax felt. And Stella also let her gaze slowly slide down Gemma's head to toe before her eyes rested on the matriarch's neck.

Three thick scratches extended from the right side of her neck down to her chest, causing Stella's eyes to almost pop out of her head. After the matriarch's determined departure yesterday, then the news this morning that Jessie had been found dead, the former Knowles no longer needed evidence to put two and two together.

"Jesus ma, what happened to you?" Jax pushed some of Gemma's hair aside and looked at the scratches with concern. "This doesn't look good."

"Oh this?" Clearing her throat, Gemma scratched the uninjured side of her neck. "It's nothing, just a stupid accident."

"Bullshit", Stella exclaimed, followed by a scoff as she ran both hands through her hair, swallowing. "It was youᅳ you killed Jessie", she whispered-yelled at the woman.

"You?!" Now Jax was also staring at his mother, who was shifting nervously on her feetᅳ something that didn't look like Gemma at all.

"I snapped, I lost control! That wasn't planned, I just wanted to talk sense into her, scare her a little", Gemma defended herself, hissing, before she started pacing. "That bitch ruined everything! She took my daughter away from me, turned her into a heartless bitch just like she was and humiliated you againᅳ in front of your daughter! She deserved it."

"No one says she doesn't deserve it", Stella hissed back desperately. "But Happy got arrested for it this morning, Gem! He could do some serious time for that shit!"

Gemma stared at the young woman like she had three heads, her heart stopping for a moment and causing a tight feeling in her chest. Genuinely shocked, Gemma slapped a hand over her mouth and looked frantically around the room before looking at her son, who just shook his head.

"What do with you, mom?" Sighing, Jax pushed back his hair and tried to think clearly for a moment. "This is a huge shit show."

"Guys, what's going on here?" Ope looked between the two women and his best friend, nothing but confusion in his eyes.

"I'll explain everything at the table", Jax assured him before pointing a finger in Gemma's face, looking at her dead serious. "Sit down, watch Gabby and it's best you just don't do anything else until we find a solution, understand?"

Gemma swallowed hard as she realized how much she had underestimated the consequences of her actions. "Jackson, Iᅳ"

"Do you understand?!" Jax shouted, making Stella and Gabby flinch slightly, his nostrils flaring. "You've done enough, mom. Just listen to what I tell you for once and stay out of trouble!"

"Yes, yes, I understood you", said Gemma sheepishly, an image they didn't see very often. Then she slid into the chair next to Gabby and shot Stella an apologetic look. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I'll take the blame if I have to, baby."

"Please just hold back until this shit is sorted out", Stella asked with a sigh.

The thing was, she couldn't even be mad at Gemma. Jessie had ruined the matriarch's life just as much by taking Kate away from her. And yet Gemma should've thought about the consequences more. The biker queen should've been aware that the murder would fall on her since she had the most problems with Jessie in the past.

"Mommy!" Gabby's quiet whine sounded as Jax gently pushed the raven-haired woman towards Church, causing the woman to turn around again.

"I'll be right back, baby. Gemma is staying with you, okay?" Stella felt bad to leave Gabby slightly scared and confused again, but she had to find a way to get Happy home today.

"Please hurry up", the three-year-old pleaded with her squeaky voice and puppy dog eyes.

"I will", Stella promised with an encouraging smile that took a lot of effort before she was the last to enter the room after Jax and Ope and stood behind Happy's seat, her black nails drilled into the wood before she came to the point right away and told everyone what had happened this morning, to which Jax added what they had just heard from Gemma.

It was going to be a long day that would hopefully end with a happy end. Especially for Happy and Gemmaᅳ with a solution that would work for both of them.