Third Person POV

A couple hours later, Jamie wakes up with Sofia asleep on his chest. He rubs her bare back and looks over at his bedside clock.He notices the time and knows that the inevitable has arrived. He slowly slides out from underneath her and pulls the sheets up to cover her exposed body. He plants a kiss on the top of her head and gets into his uniform to leave. Once he's tied his shoes, he pulls the box holding the engagement ring out of his nightstand and grabs a piece of paper.

He writes: 'Sofia, I'm sorry. I love you mi amor. - Jamie'. He leaves the note and engagement ring on his nightstand. He turns around one last time and can't help the urge to jump back into bed and forget about going to Ukraine. He grabs his duffle bag and quietly shuts the door behind him.

Jamie arrives at the airport and gets through security faster than he expected. He pulls out his phone and looks at the picture of him and Sofia the first night he was back. He instantly made it his lock screen knowing that he wanted to cherish that moment and every moment after that more dearly.

The ringing of his phone startles him and Sofia's face covers his screen. He lets out a long sigh and ignores the call. He can't bear the thought of hearing her broken voice. He can't say goodbye to her again because this time feels different. This time feels like he won't be coming home.

Sofia's POV

The sun beaming through the blinds hit my face and cause me to wake up. I reach over and feel for Jamie, but his side feels cold. I sit up and pull the covers closer to my body and look around for a sign that Jamie is still here.

A piece of paper and a small box catch my attention. I grab the paper and box, and open the box first. I gasp as a beautiful ring glints with the sun coming through the blinds. I read over the note and a few tears escape my eyes.

I take the ring out of the box and slip it onto my ring finger. I hold it up and admire the beautiful piece of jewelry that I know cost Jamie more than I'd be happy with him spending on me. I grab Jamie's sweatshirt and throw it on, along with a pair of leggings. I hit his name on my phone and listen to it ring endlessly, going straight to voicemail. I pace the bedroom as I continuously redial his number.

"Please, pick up," I whisper before it goes straight to voicemail again. "Shit!" I throw my phone on the bed and run my fingers through my hair. "If he won't answer the phone, he can't ignore a text," I grab my phone again and go straight to my messages.

Sofia:
Please, answer the phone.
I love you.
Please,
I can't lose you again.

It's immediately read, but no response. A knock on the door brings me to my feet. I rush to the door and swing it open, hoping it's Jamie. My face falls when it's Paulina and I walk back to the bed.

"What's wrong?" Paulina asks and I just point to the empty jewelry box and note.

"Oh, Toots," Paulina holds my body and I can't help the wave of anger and sadness that hit me.

"I love him! I've always loved him and he always leaves," I say through the tears leaving my face.

"He was going to propose and instead just tells me he's sorry? Why can't he see that I'm not going to leave him or not marry him just because he's in the military?" I rest my head on Paulina's shoulder and she rubs my arm.

We sit there in complete silence and I replay every moment with Jamie. The small moments of just being in his arms, feeling protected. The moments where I felt his love and I poured mine out to him.

Then earlier, us just being with each other and feeling one another in the it most intimate of ways. A thing I haven't been with anyone else. We had fooled around as kids, but this was different. This was us being patient and slow with one another and basking in a moment we've never fully immersed in or allowed to happen. It felt like home.

About a month passed by and still no communication from Jamie. Kim nor his mom had heard from him either, so I took it as a sign that he was some place with limited communication. Paulina and I had headed back to LA, back to our lives. A song I did with Diane Warren was nominated for an Oscar and the press leading up to the awards show was about to become crazy.

I woke up the past few days not feeling well and pulled myself to buy a few pregnancy tests just to make sure I wasn't going crazy. I stand in front of the mirror and look down at the three tests, waiting for them to tell me whether I'm about to be a mom or if I'm just suffering from some stomach bug. My phone alarm goes off and I take a deep breath.

"Pau, can you come here?" I yell out the bathroom door and hear her come around the corner. Our dog Joey trotting behind her since she ran over here.

"Can you tell me I'm not seeing things?" I point towards the three tests and she gasps. She looks over each one a few times then looks at me with a big grin.

"Toots, you're not seeing things. All three are positive," she smiles and I instinctively put my hands on my stomach.

"I'm pregnant," I whisper and Pau's phone ringing pulls us from the short moment.

"It's Kim," Pau points and I look at her confused.

"Put her on speaker," I instruct and she answers the phone.

"Hey Kim, you're on speaker. Sof is here with me," Pau talks loudly and we hear silence for a bit on the other end.

"Kim, you there?" I ask and then a sniffle comes through the line.

"Hey, umm we just got word that Jamie's unit was attacked a few days ago. They weren't able to find any survivors," Kim sniffles again and I can tell she's really fighting back the tsunami of tears ready to be released.

"Jamie's gone," she barely gets out and my heart drops. I shake my head and grip the counter.

"Are you guys sure?" Paulina asks and takes Kim off speaker.

"No, no. He can't be gone," I look at myself in the mirror then down at my covered stomach.

"He can't be gone," I repeat and rub my stomach. "Your daddy is still out there. We won't give up," I whisper as Paulina comes back in.

"Sof, he's gone. They're doing a funeral and everything. His Commanding Officer told them his dog tags were in the rubble," her words fall on deaf ears and I refuse to believe her.

"No, they're wrong. It's like every movie, if there isn't a body then he isn't gone. He's out there and they just don't want to look for him," I let the frustration lace my words and Pau is the last person to let these frustrations out on. I take a deep breath and sit on the cool tile floor.

Paulina's phone rings again and she answers without seeing who's calling.

"Hello?" I watch her face contort from confusion to worry.

"Okay, okay. Mami, we'll be on the next flight," she hangs up and I look at her confused.

"Jamie's nan just got admitted into the hospital. She's had a heart attack and it doesn't look good," I hop to my feet and rush to pack a few bags. If there's anyone else who would share my same track of thinking, it would be nan. She wouldn't think Jamie is actually gone, would she?

We got a late night flight back to Miami and wouldn't be able to go see Jamie's nan since it was so late. I stared at the ceiling hoping that Jamie was okay wherever he was and that he'd come home. As supportive as both our families are, I don't want to raise this baby without their father by my side. The next morning, Paulina and I agree to ride with Kim to the hospital to see how her grandmother is doing.

I woke up not having any morning sickness but this weird gut feeling that something out of the ordinary was going to happen today. We pull into a parking spot and head into the hospital. I hug Maureen and feel her squeeze me a bit.

"Thank you for coming," she whispers and I smile at her.

"Of course, I wouldn't imagine being anywhere else," I move to give Edward a hug and he kisses the top of my head like Jamie usually does. We get updates from Maureen on how Nan is doing, and things seem to be as good as they can be.

"Have they given a timeline at all for how long she might have?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"She's stubborn, and the news about Jamie broke her. He reminds her so much of dad that it just broke her heart more basically losing dad all over again," Maureen sighs and I turn to biting my fingernails to suppress my nerves.

A man wearing a dirty military uniform comes running through the hallway, ignoring some security men behind him. He stops at the nurses' station and I can barely make out what is happening.

"I need the room for a Mrs. Garcia," his voice sounds hoarse and in pain.

"Sir, you can't be here. We're going to have to-" the security guard gets cut off by the nurse.

"Can I ask what your relation is?" The nurse asks and he clears his throat.

"I'm her grandson," with his words my body goes pale and I feel sick.

"Son?" Edward turns around to see what the commotion is and the dirty soldier turns towards us.

"Where is she?" His eyes are bloodshot and his body is covered in dirt, dry blood, and large lacerations. Edward takes Jamie to nan's room. I look at Paulina in disbelief and don't know what to do. Security comes back and asks to talk to Maureen.

They take her down the hall and I sit and wait. It felt like days passed before Jamie came out of his grandmother's room. Eyes still bloodshot and dirty tear stains on his face. His mom comes over to him and pulls him into his arms.

He walks past us and keeps his eyes forward. I watch him walk towards the elevators to leave. I can't stop my feet and follow him.

No words are spoken until we've reached the parking lot. "Sof, what are you doing here?" He keeps his back turned, not facing me.

"My mom told me about nan and I thought it would be good to be here," I cross my arms, making myself smaller.

"Sof you shouldn't be here!" He turns and yells at me, and if I could disappear into the concrete I would. "You should leave," he turns away from me, lowering his voice again.

"Please, Jamie don't push me away. I need you. I love you," I go to touch his arm, but he moves away.

"I don't want you here Sof, so please just stay away from me," his words are harsh as he looks at the ground. I can't help but notice the injuries across his face and the rips in his uniform.

"Jamie, I'm pregnant," I whisper out and see his motions stop.

"What?" He looks at me and that's when I see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm pregnant," a few tears escape my eyes and Jamie scoffing is the last reaction I expected.

"Well you and that English prick will be great parents. Wish you two nothing but the best," Jamie walks back towards the hospital and I stand there stupefied over what just happened. This isn't the Jamie I grew up with or spent weeks with a few months ago. This is someone different and I can tell he's internally screaming for help. He needs time and that's what I'll have to give him. No matter how hard.

Jamie's POV

The past week and a half of my life has been hell. My unit got separated during an evacuation and we ended up directly in front of the Russians. Since they knew we were American soldiers they executed several of my men before forcing me and one other to find our way back. The catch was they took all of our things and had a small group of their men following us to find out where our main base of operations was located.

I had picked up a little bit of Russian and quickly realized what their plan was so I led them away from getting anywhere near the main base. It didn't turn out so well for me. I got lost and with the temperatures dropping below freezing most nights, I barely had enough to keep warm. One night I was trying to find warmth, and the group of Russian soldiers caught up to me and recaptured me.

They tortured and beat me for several days. I wanted to die. I should've died. They starved me, drowned me, electrocuted me, but none of it was enough. I'm not sure how I got out but I woke up in a Ukrainian medical tent. They notified me of a refugee pick up location that I could hitch a ride on, but they had no clue who to contact since I had no identification on me.

That's when I knew I had to find the closet phone and call anyone to let them know I was alive. Of course the only person I could get to answer was my uncle, but he told me everyone had been in and out of the hospital since nan had suffered a heart attack. At that moment, nothing else mattered besides getting home to see my nan and to tell her I was okay.

Fast forward back to now and I stand outside Nan's door. Still in the same dirty, bloody uniform I traveled across the world in. Although nan is one of the strongest women I know, this heart attack really took it out of her. The doctor mentioned that it led to some underlying conditions to surface and they're causing her body to fight against itself.

"Jamie," my mother's voice rings through my ears and I snap back to reality. I look at her defeated figure and feel a wave of guilt rush over me.

"I'm sorry mom," I fall into her arms and lose it.

"Honey, there's nothing to apologize for. She's just lucky to have gotten to see you one more time," she rubs my back and the guilt doesn't go away. If I had never joined the Marine Corps, my family wouldn't be here right now. If I had decided to go to the University of Miami and played baseball like I was supposed to, we wouldn't be here right now.

~~

The following weeks passed by in a blur. Nan's funeral occurred quickly after her passing and after the funeral I booked a flight back to Oceanside. I had gotten in contact with my commanding officer and got orders to be on base for debriefing daily. After a while it became too much to relive the moments, so after each debriefing I went home and drank myself into a stupor. The alcohol cleared my memories and helped drown out the noise of the multiple gunshots ringing out.

I stopped answering my phone since every call or text was checking on me and making sure I was okay. I wasn't okay, but no one would understand. Men I was supposed to protect that day were murdered without a second thought, and my grandmother died because she thought I was killed. No one's 'everything's going to be okay' messages or phone calls were going to change that. Banging on the door sparks my attention, but I choose to let the room continue spinning as I lay on the couch.

The door swings open and loudly shuts just as fast. I squint over and see Paulina's silhouette. I notice her take in the appearance of the small home. Dirty dishes piled in the kitchen. Various empty liquor and beer bottles scattered.

"Jamie Angelo Hamilton, if you don't snap out of this right now, I will personally rip your balls off and staple them to your forehead," Paulina stands over me and as silly as her words sound, I'm afraid that she actually would.

"I know you're hurting right now. Nan and you were super close, but you can't push everyone you love away. Sofia has been worried sick about you. While she's supposed to be focusing on her career and Oscar-nominated song, she's worried about whether you've been taking care of yourself," she looks around the room again,

"which you obviously have not." I sit up, but quickly regret it.

"I don't need to hear any apologies or words you want to spew at me right now. What I want you to do is fucking pull your big boy pants on and be the man nan raised you to be. Sofia is pregnant with your child and that child deserves his father to be in his life," Paulina's words make my head snap up.

"It's a boy?" I question and she shrugs.

"Sofia couldn't wait so she had bloodwork done. She thought if you knew whether you were having a son or daughter, it would make it more real," she sits down on the coffee table.

"Jamie, Sofia needs you and you need her. Your son needs you," she sighs and hands me an ultrasound picture.

"Sofia is performing at the Oscars tomorrow. I'm sure you haven't been the best lately, but it would mean a lot to her to see you there supporting her," she hands me a slip of paper and I look at her confused.

"The number on that card is to a friend. If you call them, they'll bring you a tailored suit and even come over and clean up your face," Paulina smiles.

"I love you, but you need to get your shit together before it's too late," she stands up and makes her way to the front door.

"Please don't screw this up," she shuts the door and I look down at the card. I pick up the ultrasound picture and my heart sinks to the floor.

"I'm going to be a dad," I whisper into the empty room. I look around the space and feel a sense of disappointment. This is no way a man who's about to be a father should be acting no matter what walks of life they come from.

"I'm doing this for me and you, son," I kiss the ultrasound picture and get started on cleaning up my place.

The next morning I do exactly as Paulina said and call the number on the card she left me. The man on the other end tells me they'll be here in a few hours to help me look my best for this Oscars ceremony for Sof. I grab a bottle of water from my fridge and plop on the couch. I scroll through the channels mindlessly until I stop it on the news. Images of Ukraine flash across the screen and I feel a cold sweat building on my forehead The wounds I endured have healed but the scars across my body will always remain.

Watching my men killed in front of me are images I can't unsee. I want nothing more than to replace them and have them be home with their loved ones. I get so lost in thought I barely hear the knocking on my front door. I hop up and answer the door, greeted by two women and a man.

"Is this James Hamilton's address?" The man asks and I nod my head.

"Yeah, you can call me Jamie," I open the door wider and the three make their way inside. The two women have two black carts and nerves run through my body.

"Now, Jamie, we're going to make sure you look amazing for tonight. Paulina already told us to make sure that you're not fully clean-shaven, but that your hair needs to be cut. We'll also make sure that your suit looks perfect," the man says and I just nod along. They set up in my small kitchen and I watch them pull random things out that look like torture devices.

"My name is Chris and these two lovely ladies are Ivanka and Priscilla. We work closely with Sofia's team, so we already know what she'll look like tonight. Have any questions?" Chris asks and I shake my head, still at a loss for words. "Alright," his clap startles me a bit.

"I'm sorry, forgot that Paulina mentioned you got back not too long ago. I'll make sure to keep myself in check," he smiles and pulls out the chair.

"Ivanka is going to be doing your hair, while I focus on your facial hair. Do you have a preference for your hair or how you usually keep it?" He asks and I pause to think.

"I usually just keep it short and tight since it's a requirement," I look at Chris and he nods his head.

"We can do that, no problems. You sit back and relax while we make you look amazing," he puts the drape over my body and I do exactly as he says. I try relaxing as best I can with three strangers in my home.

~~

Just as expected, Chris and the girls are done about two hours later. I look myself over in the mirror and can't believe I have a tailored suit on that isn't my formal dress blues. I grab my phone, wallet, and keys. Paulina messaged me the address of the hotel they were staying at to be near the theater for the awards show and after party. I let Paulina know I'm on my way. I haven't seen Sofia since I made my way back home and I have no clue whether she's going to yell at me or hug me.

(Jamie's look for the Oscars^^)

LA traffic isn't too bad and I make it to the hotel pretty quickly. I splurge and get my car taken by valet to allow myself time to get up to Sofia's room before they need to leave for the red carpet. I look over my messages to figure out which room number it was and I hear my name across the lobby.

"Jamie?" I turn and see Laura standing near the elevator. She's wearing a beautiful dress and I adjust my suit jacket.

"Hi Laura," I give her a sheepish smile and she holds my face.

"Oh, she's going to be so happy you're here," Laura kisses my cheek and puts her arm through mine.

"How is she?" I ask as the elevator takes us up to the highest floor.

"She's about as alright as an early pregnant woman can be not knowing what's going on with the man she loves and being busy making sure her career continues to grow," Laura's words send a ping of guilt through my body.

"I know I messed up and that's why I'm here. I have to make things better for her and the baby, and myself," I stumble a bit over that last part and Laura pats my cheek.

"You're not alone," the elevator door opens and we walk a few feet to the door. I release a puff of air and feel like a teenager about to see his prom date

Laura opens the door for us and laughter fills the room. Sofia's grandmother sees me and waves me to come to her. I don't see Sofia, but can hear her angelic voice coming from somewhere in the room.

"Hi abuela," I whisper and kiss her cheeks. She holds my face like Laura did moments ago and stares deep into my eyes. She kisses my forehead and points behind me.

I turn and see her pointing towards a set of doors that lead to another room. I smile and nod knowing exactly what she's telling me. I walk towards the room and the laughter grows louder. I see Paulina sitting on the edge of a bed with curlers in her hair. She sees me and beams the brightest smile.

"Pau, how do I look?" Sofia comes around the corner and I nearly faint at the sight. She's dressed in a beautiful white dress that looks like something a princess would wear.

"Jamie," Sofia whispers and I smile.

"Hi," I give her a small wave and step a bit closer.

"We'll give you some space," Paulina gestures to a few hair and make-up artists to follow her out of the room.

"You look beautiful, Sof," I step closer and reach for her hand. I notice her wearing the ring I left and my heart swells.

"You kept it," I admire the way the diamond compliments her hand.

"I never gave up," she whispers and I look up at her.

"Sof, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Pau told me about the baby and this is me not running anymore," I touch the dress over her belly and suddenly reality hits that our child is growing inside of her.

"Jamie, how can I trust that you won't?" She steps back a bit and I don't blame her skepticism.

"Because I'm here. Because yesterday was the first day I actually felt like I was losing something great. Before I was scared, and now I'm terrified but for a whole different reason. I'm terrified that this baby is going to grow up having my ugly mug or your beautiful smile. I'm terrified that I may not be here whenever they decide to come into the world. I'm terrified that your life is too big for me and I won't ever fit in it," I sigh and shove my hands in my pockets.

"Sof, I'm broken. I've seen things that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can't promise you this life with me will be perfect sunshine and rainbows, but I can promise that I will always be here for the two of you," I look up and see her dabbing a few tears away.

"Jamie, I love you," she closes the distance between us and I open my arms for her and breathe her in. Remembering that she's the reason I came home. I fought to be here with her and can't throw it away anymore.

"I've always loved you, Sofia," I capture her lips and chuckle remembering she has lipstick on. We pull apart laughing and she wipes at my lips.

"We're going to have to fix that," the make-up artist complains and we all laugh.

The rest of the evening leading up to Sofia's performance was a whirlwind. I had grown up loving movies and the process behind them, and to be in the same room as some of the greats was a dream.

As they announced the next film nominated for 'Best Picture' I felt the cold sweat starting to form down my neck. Scenes from World War I filled the screens around us and my mind went back to that night in Ukraine.

Although so many good things happened in Ukraine like us helping so many successfully evacuate, me losing men in my unit has been the only part my brain will hyper fixate on. The scenes showcasing the brilliant film making are lost to me and instead cause me to feel like the walls were closing in on me. I move out of our row and into a nearby hallway. I slide down the wall and drop my head against my knees.

My erratic breathing continues and the only sound I make out is the beating of my heart. Hands lightly touch the top of my head and without evening looking to see who it is, I already know it's Sofia. Her touch brings me back to reality every time. I look up and she's kneeling in front of me.

"Jamie, what's wrong?" She searches my eyes for an answer and my shallow breaths make me unable to form words. Sofia realizes this and places her hands on my cheeks.

"Jamie, I need you to look at me and follow my breathing," she takes a deep breath in, holding it a few seconds and then releases it slowly. I'm quick to follow and can feel my heartbeat slowing already.

She helps me up and pulls me into her. I rest my forehead against her bare shoulder and continue breathing slowly. I kiss her skin and stand upright.

"I love you, so much," I rest my forehead against hers. "And I'm sorry," I apologize but I feel her shaking her head.

"Don't you ever apologize. I don't know what you saw out there or faced, but just know that I will always be there for you," she brushes her thumb over my cheek and I kiss her palm.

"You look gorgeous," I sigh, "I'm so proud of you, Sof."

We stay in the hallway until it's time for Sofia to perform. She held my hand, keeping me grounded while various things that might trigger me flashed on the screens.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

I make my way back to our seats while Sofia is on stage performing. I hadn't seen her perform before and her voice could bring tears to your eyes. Her words are so strong and powerful. Once the song ends, everyone applauds her and Diane.

I whistle loudly and catch her smiling in our direction. She blows a kiss towards us and I act like I steal it from Paulina making Sofia laugh.

~~

The night slowly comes to an end and I opt to go back to the hotel with Laura and Sofia's grandmother. Her and Paulina head to the Vanity Fair after party to catch up with some old friends and enjoy themselves.

I wanted Sofia to celebrate her night even if her and Diane's song didn't win. The nomination was good enough in my mind. We get back to the hotel and Laura gives me access to the suite, telling me to make myself at home. I hadn't really packed to stay the night, but was lucky to always have an extra set of clothes in my car just in case of emergencies.

Marines are prepared for everything. I head into the large bedroom and head to the bathroom to draw a bath. After tonight's episode, I already know a hot bath will fully relax my body. I set the tub to fill and head to my bag on the bed.

I take out what I need and grab my bottle of anti-anxiety meds and take out two pills. After my first deployment, I was diagnosed with anxiety. Since my talk with Paulina, I scheduled an appointment with my therapist to get my PTSD under control.

I pop the pills into my mouth and undress from the amazing suit I get to keep. Once I'm undressed, I settle into the hot water and let the heat consume me.

Before long, I feel my eyes start to feel heavy. My head falls forward and I close my eyes. My brain wanders in and out of memories trying to find the next thing I'm going to fixate myself on. If there's anything my anxiety meds trigger are nightmares and deep sleep.

Third Person POV

Sofia walks through the suite, eager to be in bed with her soldier. She already had her heels in hand, her feet were killing her all night. She walks into her room and doesn't see anyone in bed. A faint glow peaks under the bathroom door. She makes her way towards the bathroom and the sight before her startles her.

Jamie is partially submerged in the water and not moving. Sofia bends down and quickly pulls the drain. She grabs Jamie's head and starts smacking his cheeks lightly to wake him up.

"Jamie, wake up," her voice frantic.

"Babe, please," she starts to choke on her words,

"Please wake up." She begins to worry more and tries grabbing him without hurting him or herself. She gets him on the bathroom floor and rolls him over on his side.

She hits his back a few times and hears faint breathing. She continues until Jamie gasps for air and coughs up some water. Relief washes over her body.

"What happened?" Jamie looks at Sofia and she scans him over to make sure nothing looks out of the ordinary.

"You were under the water when I just got back. How long have you been in there?" She asks and he looks at the time on her phone. He releases a breath and closes his eyes.

"Probably an hour max. I'm so sorry, Sof," he pulls her into his lap, holding her. In that moment, both just happy to be alive.