VALERIE

Time seems to have gone so fast today. It's already getting dark out here.

I'd been so distracted talking to Riley, I hadn't realised that the day was going, and that I also haven't eaten anything.

I didn't really have to leave. I didn't even have to get home early. I was dumb to cut our time together short, just so he couldn't see me cry even more. He made me feel terrible crying in front of him. He had been so apologetic. I forgot how that felt. To enjoy time with someone so much that it never seems like enough.

I wish I didn't have to leave him. Of course, my Mum never needed me home at a specific time. But I couldn't let him see me cry even more. It was humiliating. But I also wish he didn't have to bring up Fraya. No matter how hard I try, I can never seem to get rid of her.

As I approach the house, I remember that I forgot to take the key when I was kicked out earlier. So now I have to knock on the door. I don't think she'll answer, and to be honest I don't want her to. So I settle down on the front steps, wrapping my arms around myself once again.

I pull up my knees to contain more body warmth, and try not to think about how cold it is, or how hungry I am. I haven't eaten anything all day. Instead, I think about Riley.

Perhaps it's just my imagination, or the hunger talking, but...there is something otherworldly about him. It was a feeling I'd had in the back of my mind all day. It's like I'm speaking to him, but I can't feel his presence. He is right in front of me, but at the same time not really. He seems so down to earth, and yet so far away.

Wow, Valerie. You sure are getting poetic about some guy you just met. When did you become so creative?

Of course it's the hunger speaking. My mind has too big of an imagination. I laugh at myself, but the laugh comes out as a dry cough, stinging my throat. I'm probably coming down with a cold.

From inside, I can hear laughter. My Mum's and the laugh of another man. It doesn't sound like Timmy. Maybe I can guess who this one might be. Robert from the mechanic's? Or maybe Fred from across the street.

I hear the latch of the door click, and I'm illuminated by the dull light of the living room. I turn around to see Mum accompanying the man out the house. He's large and muscular, with a ginger beard that matches his hair. I know I've seen him somewhere before.

"So glad you could come round, again, Ben." She gives him a peck on his bearded cheek, and Ben holds the small of her waist, as he whispers something to her.

She smiles, and then her eyes dart in my direction. When they lock with mine, her smile immediately fades and she pulls Ben off of her. "You're back." She says to me.

Ben laughs in surprise. "You never told me you had a daughter."

My heart drops to my stomach as Mum rolls her eyes. "Do I need to tell you everything about me?"

"Well-"

"Go back to your wife. I'm sure she's wondering where you are right about now."

Ben frowns, before giving me a quick glance, and then striding down the street. We both watch him leave in silence, until he's less than a figure in the darkness.

I fold my arms, and look down at the ground, doing my best to avoid direct eye contact. "Another one?" I say, quietly.

"Really, Valerie? You're going to judge me now?"

"How many?"

"Go to your room." She replies dryly.

I look up at her, and feel the blood rushing to my face in anger. "You don't get to mother me right after you kick me out." I snap. "It's freezing out here. But you were too caught up trying to get laid you didn't even-"

"I am not going to have this conversation with you. How dare you speak to me that way."

Tears once again begin to start down my already tear stained face. I've been crying way too much today. It's extremely frustrating and I hate it."Well I'm sorry to judge your source of distraction, Mum. But...what about me?" My voice has started to crack, "What about my distraction? My sense of freedom, my small dose of happiness? I'm suffering too, you know."

I can see my Mum's eyes start to water, but she quickly wipes them away with the palm of her hand. She wants to say something important to me, I can tell. But instead she repeats the words, "Go to your room, Valerie. I can't deal with this right now. I'm not in the mood."

Not in the mood. She's never in the mood for me. For her own daughter. I'm the only one who cares in this house. Why am I still caring anyway? What's the point? I take a deep breath, before walking up the steps, and brushing past her in the doorway. Then a thought occurs to me, and I stop.

"Would it be easier for you if I wasn't here?" I ask her.

"What on earth are you on about, child?"

"Would it matter to you if I left? If I stayed somewhere else, and you didn't have to think about me anymore? You could have the whole house to you and all your boyfriends without having to think about any other distraction besides Dad. Isn't that what you want?"

"You have nowhere to go."

"And if I did?"

"You won't. You're not old enough."

"My point is that I can run away." I turn around to look at her, and she is still standing in the same place, with the front door open. "It's basically me kicking myself out instead of you."

"Stop trying to create drama. Why can't you ever just do as you're told?" Mum shuts the door, and I can tell the conversation is over. I spin back around, and walk into my room, slamming my own door behind me.

*****************************************

As I expected, I wake up the next morning with a gross cold. My temperature is high, and my nose is annoyingly blocked. I can't even taste anything.

But that's not stopping me from wanting to get out of this house. I shouldn't go into college today, but I will. It's better than staying here.

I layer up on jumpers and a jacket, before packing my bag with a blanket and food, along with my school books. Mum gives me a look when I'm about to leave the door.

"Your nose is all red."

"I have a cold."

"Stay in then."

"Please. We both know I'm not wanted here." I close the door before I can wait for a reply.

By the time I get to college, my head is pounding, and I'm a walking sneeze ball. Gina keeps asking me how I am in lesson, but I keep ignoring her.

"Why don't you go home?" She has literally followed me out to the corridor, as I'm on my way to the snack bar. If I didn't feel like such a mess today, I would've been bothered to shout her down.

"Leave me alone."

"But you're sick."

"And you care because?"

"Hey guys...is everything alright?"

I let out a frustrated huff, when I hear the voice of Fraya as she walks towards us, a worried expression on her face. Just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse.

"I'm completely fi-" my voice breaks off with a series of coughs, and the pain in my head hammers even more.

When I look back up at Fraya, her jaw is clenched, and she looks hesitant.

"What?"

She lets out a sigh. "You're sick. Go home."

"No..." I look back down at the ground. She of all people should know I can't go home. Or has she forgotten that easily?

"Then come with me."

"Hell no. Why would I go to that place again?"

"Stop being stubborn, I'm not taking you to my house. There's a place you can rest in the sick bay. They have stuff for colds too."

I frown at her, before rolling my eyes. "Fine, whatever."

The two of them lead me to the sick bay, and ask the nurse for cough sweets, before finding me a bed.

"I can get you some tea if you want." Gina offers, and I grunt a yes in response.

Fraya sits down on the bed next to me, where I'm sitting up with some blankets over my shoulders.

"Why don't you head home, Valerie? It might be more comfortable there." The nurse suggests.

"Her parents aren't home," Fraya replies for me,"Besides, it's probably best if she doesn't go out right now."

The nurse nods. "Alright. But I still need to let your parents know about this. I'll be back alright? Fraya, I know you'll take care of her."

"Sure."

We watch as the nurse heads out of the room, leaving the two of us together alone. We haven't been alone in a room together for a very long time. I shake my head, reminding myself of the very reason we haven't been together.

"So things are still the same at home, huh?" Fraya asks.

"I don't need you to take care of me. I'm not a child." I avoid her question, making it clear I want to change the subject.

Fraya looks at me, her eyebrows creased with annoyance. "I know you don't. But the nurse told me to."

"I don't want to be around you, right now. Or ever for that matter."

Fraya sighs, and runs a hand through her luscious platinum hair. It looks so good on her. I would never have imagined a better choice of dye.

"We still need to talk about that, you know?" She says, quietly. "It's been two years. We can fix things."

"There's nothing to fix. You made things very clear when you left me behind, along with everyone else. I thought you were different. I thought we were best friends."

"No. No..." Fraya shakes her head, a snort escaping her mouth. "I never left you behind, Valerie. You pushed me away. You pushed me away, because you were scared, and everyone else you thought cared about you had left you behind. You expected me to do that too, and that's not your fault. But I didn't. I didn't want us to end anything."

"You're such a liar. You were a liar then, and a liar now. And you're doing what they all do. Blame everything on me. I'm at fault. It's my fault my life is like this right?" My throat burns from raising my voice, but I don't care. She can't just get away with constantly hurting me like this.

Fraya leans forward, and I catch a whiff of a light flower scented perfume. One I recognise. She always used to buy these symbolic perfumes online. This one was lilac. Magenta lilacs symbolise love, she used to say.

"I'm not blaming anything on you," Fraya whispers softly, bringing my senses back to the present, "I've never done that. And I never will. Even if you don't want to ever talk to me again, Valerie...just know that I never wanted to leave you."

My head is still pounding, but now I realise that my heart is pounding hard as well. She is so close to me.

"How can I believe you?" I ask in a whisper.

"I don't know. It's your choice, I guess." Fraya shrugs. We're both silent for a little bit longer, before she says, "So is that what you tell yourself all the time? That we used to just be best friends?"

"Weren't we?"

"I think we both know that's not true." She looks at me now, and her voice lowers, as her eyes trail down to the red scarf wrapped around my neck. "You kept it."

I say nothing, as my eyes travel down to her lips, and I notice them curve up into a small smile. She reaches out and lightly touches my cheek. I feel her leaning closer to me, and I don't move closer or move away.

But then she stops, and leans back, letting out a sigh. My insides are crumbling, and I just want to grab her and kiss her myself. But I hold myself stiffly back. She seems to notice this, and quickly looks away from me. "Why didn't you push me away?"

"Why did you come close in the first place?"

"I'm sorry. It was in the heat of the moment."

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

"I can't, Valerie. I'm not going to kiss you."

I want to ask why, but then she'll know I want it.

"Hey guys. Sorry I took so long." Gina walks in, carrying a tray of three Starbucks cups. "There's a long queue downstairs."

"Thanks, Gigi." Fraya takes a cup from her gratefully, and then pauses as she suddenly seems to realise what she has said.

"Gigi?" I repeat, the word tasting bitter on my tongue. "Since when were you two so friendly with each other?"

Fraya looks down guiltily. "For about a year."

I look over at Gina, who is glancing at Fraya worriedly.

"I thought we hated Gina." I snap at her.

"Things change. You of all people should know that."

My jaw clenches, and I get out of the bed, flinging off the blanket. "My cold has calmed down now."

"What?" Fraya stands up.

"I'm going home."

"Are you kidding me right now, Valerie? You're being childish..."

I swing my bag over my shoulder, sniffing again. "I don't know why I thought for a moment we could be together again. You're just a whole shit load of disappointment, Fraya. This is exactly why I can't be around you."

I don't want to hear anything else she has to say, and storm out of the infirmary, now knowing for sure that I never want to see Fraya again.