𝕊 𝕆 𝕄 𝔼 ℝ

April 30th, 20xx

"So, what have we learned here?" my mother asked as she looked at me from across the table.

I sighed. She had been lecturing me all week. There was never a moment where she didn't bring it back to last weekend.

"That I should always call you, let you know where I'm at, and always come home before midnight."

"Good. And if you do it again?"

"You're not going to pay my tuition," I chuckled.

"I'm not. Okay, you're free to go."

She got up from the table and walked to the kitchen. I followed her to hug her from behind. It was during the little moments when my heart ached for our future. We would live in two different spots, rarely seeing or talking to each other, and it made me sad to think about it. So whenever I could, I would show her my affection. She deserved to know that I loved her and I was going to come back to her.

"I love you, I'll be back before midnight."

"You better!"

"It's the weekend but I'm being good for now," I reminded her.

Nodding, she waved her hand at me to just leave. I laughed and did what she signed. I almost walked back inside after getting hit with a gust of wind. As soon as I pulled my phone out to text Oakley I was on my way, it rang.

Change of plans, meet me at the mall he texted.

Kay, I'm going there now, see ya soon I replied.

It was nearing six o'clock but Oakley and I had been waiting to meet up after school this entire week. Since we started going to each other's homes, I felt like there was an empty piece when I went home alone this entire week. Oakley had become my other half.

Unfortunately, while being my other half, he also became someone that I had fallen for. I grimaced as this thought came up. I didn't want to like Oakley, I wish my feelings stayed platonic, but I was the kind of person to fall for anyone who gave me a second glance. I blamed it on Taylor. Or maybe my parents.

I knew I couldn't be with Oakley, it wouldn't work out the way I would want it to. Oakley didn't deem me as someone important to him. While I know that it was a stretch to think, I knew that I wouldn't reach his standards. Something about Oakley had me thinking he thought deeper than he believed, everything was placed into brackets.

A bracket for important people. A bracket for queer topics. A bracket for school. A bracket for his family. But there was no bracket where I belonged.

Maybe he had a spare friends bracket that I hadn't seen but then again, Oakley didn't talk to many other students outside of school. I was the only one and maybe that had to do with his family. Our families weren't the typical ones but that could be because we weren't technically made to fit the standards of the hetero world.

"Somer!" Oakley called me out of my trance.

I looked up from the floor to see him sitting in the small skate park. I raised an eyebrow but didn't question him. He was a strange person and even stranger now that the barrier between us had broken down. Something about that phone call that made him weep had changed him and it was a good one.

"Hey," I muttered as I sat down next to him.

"Wanna see a movie tomorrow?"

"Uh, sure? Why didn't you ask me this over text? I laughed.

"I was checking the times and everything. I got distracted. Anyway, thanks for meeting out here. My mom and I sort of got into it."

I sat down next to him as he sighed. For the past week, Oakley has been telling me about how his relationship with his mom had withered. Not so much that they became estranged but enough to where he had to walk on eggshells around her.

"What happened this time?"

"I didn't clean the bathroom. It's like, I know I have to clean it but can't I do it later? Not right as soon as I step into the apartment after waking in the heat? I still did it, much to my distaste and much to her happiness."

"You're not wrong. I'm surprised that your mom is actually like that. I thought Hannah was a cool and nice mom, not a mom who nitpicks after a single fight," I said as I reached for his hand.

It felt natural to do, for us to simply touch each other when we wanted without fearing it was too much for the other. I hated it. Though I knew that feelings couldn't be forced away, I couldn't find myself wanting to keep them. They were doing what I wanted, to wither, but I didn't like that feeling either. It was as if I was mourning feelings I knew could only fester and never grow properly. 

"You know, I've always been an anti-touch person but I like when we hold hands," Oakley chuckled after saying that strange line. "And, I-"

"Oakley, before you say anything, just know, I don't want this going any further. I want us to remain friends. Don't get me wrong, I like you too but I just can't find myself wanting to be with you. Maybe that's my aro side talking, and yes I forget to tell you about that, but I just can't see us in a relationship. I'm really sorry," I ranted so fast I could barely breathe. 

I looked over at Oakley to see him staring at me with his mouth slightly agape. There was no sign that I had hurt his feelings and for a moment I was relieved. Until I felt his hand loosen from mine and then completely leave mine. I suddenly felt like what I had said changed everything.

"I wasn't about to tell you I liked you. I was about to say that I was thankful that you make me feel safe but I guess we can go down that route. Was I obvious with my feelings?" 

"What?" My heart started pounding. Had I acted at the wrong moment?

"Well, you said that you knew my feelings. Isn't that what you meant?" 

"No, actually. I just thought...I mean...I don't know. You seemed to be getting comfortable with me and holding my hand or physical contact so I thought you started to like me. I'm guessing I'm not wrong since you said you thought you were being obvious," I tittered.

He sighed before leaning back on his palms. His blue eyes looked at the sun, looking brighter than ever, and then they landed on me. That was another thing I took as a sign, we were much too different in the sense of almost everything to ever last. I couldn't take it if our potential relationship would ruin everything between us as it did with Taylor and me. I needed Oakley more than a relationship with him.

"What do you mean you can't see us in a relationship? Do I seem like I'd be that bad of a partner?" he asked with a tilt of his head. His blue hair was getting longer, it covered the top of his eyes, and he had yet to buy dye to keep it colored. There was a small discolor with his roots and -

Somer, think straight for a moment. Almost literally. You just told the person you like that you like them, focus on that instead of roots!

I shook my head before replying with, "I don't think that but I do think that we wouldn't fit as well as we can as friends. I love you Oakley, but only as a friend. I like you but I don't want to. I want us to love each other as friends and strictly as friends. The thought of all of this changing," I motioned between us, "scares me. Plus, I don't think we actually like each other the way we should."

"Meaning?" 

"Meaning, what could we possibly gain from liking each other? You do the exact same thing as Taylor, you leave me when I'm not needed. Don't get mad about that, I don't mean to hurt you, but I mean it. I know you care for me, I do, but it's not how I would like you to. I mean, you barely opened up to me. What if we get together and you stop doing that?

I just...I see us being in each other's lives forever. Until time takes us to another dimension but not romantically. If in five years I'm wrong about this, I'll plead with you to be my partner," I laughed and Oakley did too because it was all we could do.

What else were we supposed to do when our feelings were out in the open and broken? My thoughts were mine alone. If Oakley wasn't persuaded by my thoughts and didn't believe what I said to be true, then I would be with him. But if he did believe them, then we would forever love each other platonically.

"But, a relationship isn't about what you can gain from each other, it's about love and tending to one another. I understand your fear, I left you when I, and you, needed someone and I didn't think about that and I'm not going to make excuses. I understand that Taylor left you scarred in love because he did everything a partner could fear but I won't be like that. I want to be with you." He took my hand in his.

"And what exactly do you like about me? With what's left of my broken heart, there's not much love left for the next person," I scoffed. Oakley, who knew that I was in tatters from my past relationship and had yet to experience my romantic side, liked me? I found that to be a silly concept. 

What was there to like about me? When I could think of no answer, Oakley easily answered for me.

"Well, I like that I can talk to you about everything easily. I like that I can feel comfortable being hidden in a cacoon with you. My family loves you as their own and there's nothing more I could ask for in that department. Every part of you fits with me. We fit together like puzzle pieces. You're my other half, I want to be with you because I like you."

"I just...I fear that this will ruin everything. What do we do then? I need you with me, I can't be alone in the world again." I felt a tad bit silly pouring out childish excuses and my true fears. "Not when I feel I've been alone since I was a child. I've gotten used to you being there and if our relationship ruins it all, how am I supposed to go on?" 

"The same way you did before. I'll forever be in your life," he intertwined our fingers, "and if we end badly, I say 'if' because I'm sure it won't ever happen, I give it two full days before I'm all over your ass again. Not in a romantic way either, I can't leave my best friend alone," he laughed.

"I like you and I wish I didn't," I whispered after a few seconds. "Not because I don't think you're a great person but because I can't find it in me to be in a relationship I know will tear me apart when we break up."

"Why are you speaking as if we are bound to break up? Or as if our relationship is dying? I mean, we could potentially last. There's a seventy percent chance we last until death."

I laughed at his inaccurate calculations. I laughed so hard that I started crying. Something about the topic had me in shambles but also in relief. Our feelings were mutual; relief. My feelings were fading away; in shambles. 

While I cried, Oakley hugged me because it was the only thing he could do. It was all I needed him to do.

******

"Shh," Oakley whispered as I was led inside by him. 

We had stayed out a bit later than he was allowed but he invited me over to his. I had already texted my mother that I would be home still within the next two hours. Hannah was supposed to be asleep too and lucky for us, she was.

Well, that would be unless one of us made a noise too loud. We had spent the rest of the day not talking about our feelings but simply enjoying a half-date. Oakley and I agreed to a half-date to test the waters if we could work. Luckily for him, unfortunately for me, it was a fun day out. 

"Sorry, c'mon. Hurry!" I whispered back. I quickly walked to his room as quietly as I could.

As we got into his room, we were a giggling mess. It was different for me to be in his room as a potential girlfriend. The word made my stomach twist. It was a different feeling from when my stomach twisted when my relationship began with Taylor.

With Taylor, I was naive. I trusted him too much to never hurt me, to never leave my side, and yet he did. My stomach twisted because I knew it would end horribly between us then too but I was too blind by Taylor to even care about it. My stomach twisted because someone had told me that Taylor and I couldn't last.

"So, what do we do now?" I whispered as I sat down next to him.

"Well," he started, "I say that we lay down and not talk. Lay with me until I fall asleep, I promise if I don't fall asleep in the next ten minutes, I'll walk you home." Oakley brought up his pinky to promise me.

I hooked mine around before tugging his. We softly chuckled together before I tucked him into bed. He patted the space beside him, signaling he wanted me there, and I did. A sense of calmness covered me like a warm blanket. 

"Don't let me fall asleep," I whispered to him.

"Don't fall asleep then."

"Easier said than done. It's almost eleven and I promised to be home by twelve."

"You can leave now if you want. I don't mind."

"But you said-"

"And if you don't do what you promised, we can't spend more days together. You'll be grounded longer," he said in a songy voice.

I nodded in agreement. He was probably right, I should just leave. But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay in the calm bed with Oakley. 

"Okay, I'll be leaving."

"I'll walk you to the bottom of the stairs," he said as he sat up.

"Don't, I'll be fine. Just lock me out."

We silently walked back to the door. I was a bit sad that I didn't get to spend more time with him in a closed environment, it was probably only ten minutes in his room, but I was glad that we had created more memories. When we reached the door, I unlocked it and turned to face him once I stood on the opposite side.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I questioned.

"If you want." He cheekily smiled at me. Oakley was probably getting a kick out of me showing him I wanted to be near him.

"I do want. Okay, bye."

"Somer?" Oakley's voice was so urgent that I turned around before he even finished saying my entire name. "Can I just..." But he never finished his question because he did before he asked for permission. "Okay, see you."

He quickly went to the door and locked himself inside the apartment. My face was flushed, I lifted my hand to my forehead, and let out a little gasp. How did he know I was a sucker for forehead kisses? With a very big smile on my face, I walked home in a daze. I was already in my room before I registered I was even home because of his sneaky move.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and texted him. Satisfied with my text, I put my phone on the charger and went to bed. I didn't even check the reply he sent.

Because of your sneaky actions, I've deemed you unworthy to date for you have stolen a kiss from a maiden

I should've asked, my fair lady...but you looked awfully lovely in the pale moonlight

******

A/N:

So...confessions! I do want to say, this chapter was originally for confessions but not with these two confessing to each other...I'm not saying who was actually supposed to confess. They'll get there soon enough.

But what did we think? I find this version my favorite because I tried different ways and this one just fits perfectly. (Like a puzzle piece as Oakley says) But I hope you guys enjoyed this because, on my end, I know they like each other but I feel like I haven't portrayed their feelings perfectly for you guys. Sort of as if I have sprung them up for the plot to continue but, if it does feel like that, I never intended it to.

Somer and Oakley have a kind of buzz between them that is something sweet and childish. It's a slow but bright love between them and I'm so happy that I can start to write about it. But first, we have to get the real confession out. Until next time!