ALL I DO.
{ irl }

"can i wear this one?" niola asks after digging through matt's closet and pulling out a light green sweater with little dinos on it. she's aware that it'll fit weird on her, but it's cute and it feels really soft and comfortable. so who cares if it'll fit weird?

matt doesn't even look at her before saying, "you can wear whatever you want, silvers."

niola smiles like an excited little kid before setting the sweater aside and looking for some shorts to put on under the shirt. she scours through his clothing, looking for some pants that might fit her. then, she finds some black-and-white plaid pamaja pants, with an adjustable waistband.

the outfit will probably look goofy together, but she doesn't really care. all that matters at the moment is finding some comfortable clothes and changing out of her wet ones.

"i'm going to the bathroom to change," niola informs matt – who has already changed into dry clothes and is now laying across his bed, texting someone on his phone. matt doesn't answer her. he just continues typing, seeming to have not even heard her say anything.

niola is about to repeat herself, when she decides against it and just walks out of his room and toward the bathroom. once she's closed the door behind her, niola notices a pang of jealousy has made its way into her gut.

niola knows that she has no right to be jealous because she's pretty sure that matt is probably just texting his brothers. but then again, she knows that matt never texts her like that. if you were to go through matt's and niola's texts, all you would find are messages about him driving her home from school every day. other than that, they've had like a total of two genuinely enjoyable conversations.

she also can't shake the feeling that maybe, since she just confessed her feelings to him, he's gotten bored of her.

niola has never been loved anyone else the way she loves matt, but she's heard of guys getting sick of girls after they've gotten what they want – attention. she knows that matt probably isn't one of those types of guys. but regardless, she can't help but worry.

everything about this situation makes her feel sick.

like, literally sick.

oh fuck. niola thinks to herself before lifting the toilet seat, kneeling down on the bathroom floor, and vomiting onto the toilet.

matt's sprawled out on his bed, texting nick about what they're having for dinner, when he hears the sound of someone puking from the bathroom. he glances around, looking for niola. but she's not in his room anymore. he could have sworn that she was still in here, digging through his closet. but he must be wrong, since she's clearly not.

he jumps out of bed and rushes to the bathroom, gently knocking on the door. he could never say this out loud, but he's hoping it's one of his brothers and not niola.

"are you okay in there?" matt asks, putting his ear to the door so he can hear the person's response better when they answer.

matt's heart sinks when he hears niola's voice reply, "mhm. i'm fine."

"what's wrong?" he asks, wanting to go inside but not wanting to be invasive. "why are you feeling sick?"

"i think the rain made me catch a cold or something." she says, her voice coming out groggy and rough. "i'm fine though, you can go back to texting."

"go back to texting?" matt repeats, not understanding why she said it like that.

"nevermind. forget i said anything." niola quickly says, sounding a little embarrassed. "it doesn't matter. just go away, i'm fine!"

matt's eyes widen as he realizes what's going on. "oh my god."

"go away!" niola shouts, but they both know she doesn't mean that – she's just extremely embarrassed now that he knows why she's acting weird.

"silvers," matt says in disbelief, "are you jealous?"

"what? no!" she lies.

"holy shit, you totally are." matt laughs.

niola opens the door, welcoming matt with a glare. he notices that her skin is a little pale, her eyes a little droopy as well. despite his teasing, matt is still very worried for her because of sickness.

she changed into his clothes, wearing an old pair of plaid pajama pants and his favorite dino sweater. the sight of her in his clothing makes his heart speed and his cheeks heat up a little, but he ignores it as soon as he notices that she's shivering.

"are you okay?" he asks her, worry laced in his tone of voice.

niola wants to push him aside and walk down the hall without him, refusing to accept the way she feels around matt. but it's too late. she's already confessed to him and he basically said that they would make everything work out against all odds.

but after so long, it's still hard to be open about how she feels.

truth is, the rain did get her sick and her stomach feels queasy. but what triggered her to vomit like that was the stress put on her.

her mind was racing at a million miles per hour, trying to make sense of everything in her life. then, her body tried to get rid of those thoughts by puking them out – which didn't work, of course.

she wants to tell matt that she's not okay. she's confused, she's sick, she's in pain, she's tired, and most of all she's complete and utterly in love with him.

but she doesn't say that because she thinks that saying it out loud will make all of her emotions more real.

when she confessed in the rain, she thought that maybe the rainwater would act as a shower. it would wash away all of her anxiety. it would wash away her words, allowing her to get the weight off of her chest but still be ignorant to her own feelings.

yes, the rain made it easier for her to confess, but as soon as she became face-to-face with matt after exiting the bathroom? all of that confidence disappeared.

but she's sick of running from herself; she's sick of ignoring everything. she owes it to herself to admit that what happened was real. to admit that her love for matt can't be disregarded. but more than that, she owes it to matt.

she's been trying for so long to make him hate her. and in the process, she convinced herself that she hated him as well.

truth is, she's been in love with matt ever since he transferred to her school. she liked his appearance, sure. but what she fell in love with was his mind – the way he wasn't scared of being himself, the way he talked to niola like she was a normal person rather than some brainiac genius.

i can't act like what happened on the porch wasn't real. niola tells herself. i need to tell him that i'm not okay. that i want us to be more than friends who are in love with each other.

"yeah, i'm fine." she says instead.

"do you need me to do anything?" matt asks. "if you need to lie down for a bit, you can use my bed. or if you need help with rayne, i'll do whatever you ask me to."

niola's heart speeds.

"uh, no." she says. "no, i think rayne and i will just head back home now. it's getting pretty late."

"oh okay."

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a/n : ig u guys will have to wait a while longer before they acknowledge everything that happened 🥱
did u rlly think that js bc they confessed, i would give u a happy ever after? ofc not 🙄🙄
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