ALL I DO.
{ irl }

"it's a whole lot less crowded out here." niola says as she draws in a refreshing breath of outdoor air. she and matt sit side-by-side on the concrete surrounding the pool.

matt pulls his thighs to his chest, draping his arms over his knees. niola sits criss-cross beside him.

niola watches as people jump in the pool, splashing each other playfully. she smiles when someone laughs; her eyes widen when someone gasps; her eyes follow whichever person she's looking at during the moment.

while she watches them, matt watches her. he loves how easily her mood changes depending on how those around her feel.

it saddens matt to know that her sharp gaze and even sharper mind cover up how gentle she truly is inside.

"can i ask you a question?" matt asks suddenly, making niola perk up in interest. she nods, urging him to ask his question. "what do you think of me? truly."

this seems like a straightforward answer. she either enjoys his company or loathes it. but niola and matt's relationship is actually extremely complicated.

the thing is, niola is known for being the smartest student in her grade — and possibly even the whole school. this reputation can become a burden after a while of trying to withhold it. this can sometimes be tiresome and a bit annoying seeing as everyone expects her actions to resemble her academic performances.

for years, niola took her frustrations out on the only boy who it seemed reasonable for hee to do so. matt was the only one who could possibly prove to be of some competition to her. this is seen as reasonable because if she were to argue with anyone other than him, she would be deemed rude and stuck-up. but niola's rivalry with matt made sense to those around them. of course she would be hostile toward him of all people.

niola expected this distasteful relationship between them to last their entire high school career. she thought she would be arguing with matt for her entire life.

but that's clearly not the case.

after he agreed to being her fake boyfriend, niola's opinion of him changed. he suddenly wasn't just the obnoxious boy in her english class. he was an actual person who she's gotten to know. this random boy in her class that she always argued with? he's no longer just a face. matt is a boy who prioritizes his family and friends over everything else. he would give up literally anything for his brothers' happiness.

he has parents who love him, friends that laugh with him, teachers who tutor him, and a wonderful life overall.

one that niola wishes she had.

niola's parents don't care about her. she lacks friends, and the ones that she does have don't frequent in laughing the way matt's friends do. her teachers don't aid her in her classes — they expect her to maintain high scores and good grades.

maybe niola was able to hate matt so easily simply due to how jealous she was of him. and she wishes she could say that's he feels that way now, but that's untrue.

"i don't know." niola replies. matt turns to her, confused. he notices the way her head is pointed downward. he notices how she fiddles with her fingers. her notices the way her eyes dart around.

he notices everything that proves that she's scared. but he has no idea of what she's scared of.

matt places a hand on her shoulder, causing niola to lift her head and look at him. matt gives her a small smile, silently telling her that he understands— that she doesn't have to speak if she's uncomfortable with doing so.

"i might just be drunk and saying random shit, but," niola says. "even if this is all drunken nonsense, i want you to know that i care about you. i've never felt this way with anyone before, so i'm scared of my feelings. but i really do consider you a friend."

matt's face drops. everything she just said felt like it was leading up to a love confession. and then it all ended with her friend-zoning him.

matt buries his disappointment and smiles at her warmly. "thank you. your friendship means everything to me, niola."

"it felt nice to get off my chest." niola admits as she smiles back at him, flopping backward to lay flat in the grass. matt watches the way her hair sprawls out across the green scenery and he admired the way her eyes light up under the starlit sky. he shakes his head, ridding his mind of any butterflies that just errupted in his gut.

niola just said that you're only a friend to her. so it would be weird to sit here and take advantage of her feelings by convincing yourself that there's something more going on with us. because there's not. we're just friends. matt scolds himself in his head.

he knows that it'll take more than a some inner monologue to get rid of his crush on niola. he's liked her for years. but how is he supposed to expect all of his feelings to just leave on their own? exactly. he's not. he needs to do something about this one-sided love.

but what's he supposed to do?

matt stands up from the ground, brushing off his pants before saying, "i'm going to get a drink from the kitchen. would you like me to grab you anything?"

"i'll take some more beer." niola tells him, stretching her arms behind her head to use as a pillow before she closes her eyes.

"i'll get you a bottle of water." matt tells her with a laugh.

he turns around and walks away from niola, straying away into the cabin. he had nearly forgotten how crowded this party is while he was outside, enjoying the luxury of not being squished between sweaty teenage bodies.

matt's breath begins to quicken as he's being pushed back and forth while trying to find the kitchen. but the more he walks around, the farther away he feels like he's getting from his destination. just as he's about to ask someone for directions, he gets the sudden urge to vomit. everything happening around him is starting to become too much to handle.

matt stands still in the sea of bodies, trying to focus on his five senses.

all he can feel are people swarming around him like bugs around a bright light. all he can taste is wanting to vomit. all he can see are the backs of people's heads. all he can hear is music blaring and voices of strangers. all he can smell is food and body odor.

after a few minutes of standing in the middle of nowhere, trying to catch his breath, there's a clearing in front of him where he can see a clear path that leads straight to the bathroom. matt begins to shove through anyone in his way, getting to the bathroom as quickly as possible – wanting nothing more than to be all alone in the most secluded room in the building.

suddenly, when matt is only a few feet away from the bathroom door, he feels a tap on his shoulder. he turns around, expecting to see a drunk stranger being annoying and weirdly touchy.  but instead, he sees three people who are definitely not strangers.

"matt?" nick asks. "are you okay?"

"yeah, man, you look kinda freaked out." chris agrees from beside him. matt immediately notices that chris' arm is slung around camille's shoulders. they both look comfortable and happy to be in each other's arms. something about their intimacy makes matt remember niola. more specifically, the things she said to him.

'i want you to know that i care about you. i've never felt this way with anyone before, so i'm scared of my feelings.'  but before he can feel any positive emotions regarding that memory, he's reminded of what she said afterward. when she said that he's just a friend to her.

"matt?" nick says, trying to get his brother's attention. but matt looks like he's seen a ghost. like he's just watched something horrible and life-changing. nick quickly becomes worried, so he waves his hands in front of matt's face. "matthew!"

"huh? what?" matt finally responds, looking up at the trio with wide, glossed-over eyes. chris and nick notice the way his breath comes out quick and ragged.

"what's wrong? are you okay?" chris asks him, stepping foward and letting camille go.

"uh, yeah." matt responds, taking a step back away from him. "i just need to use the- uhm, the bathroom. you guys just go back to the party. i don't want to worry any of you or anything like that."

"of course we're worried, matt." nick tells him, walking up to matt and placing a hand on each of his shoulders. the touch reminds matt of how he had his hand on niola's shoulder when she told him that he was a friend.

a part of him feels guilty for freaking out like this, but he can't control it. he wants to respect her boundaries – and he does – but he's not sure how to erase his feelings for her. especially when these feelings have been building up for so long. at this point, it would be like trying to knock down a castle made of emotion and sentiment.

matt blinks a few times before shaking his shoulders to make nick let him go. nick quickly understands that he doesn't want to be touched, so he immediately releaces his hold.

"it's nothing important." matt tells him, quickly glancing back at the bathroom – which is now occupied by someone who stole the room before he got the chance to. "i'm just being dramatic and this party is super overwhelming, so it's amplifing my nerves."

"it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling, matt." chris tells him with a small grin. "whatever is going on in that stupid head of yours? it's fine by me. you can open up to us and i promise we won't call you dramatic."

matt's heart clenches at their words. somehow, chris and nick knew exactly what he wanted to hear. he takes a deep breath and begins to explain everything. he tells them the story of how niola friend-zoned him, how he ran off to come inside and get his mind off of his disappointment, then how everyone in here made him go insane.

"you're not insane for having a panic attack." chris assures him, shooting matt a quick smile.

"wouldn't it be an anxiety attack since there was a cause?" nick points out.

"uh, no. it's not a reoccurring cause for him." chris argues. "you're so stupid and-"

"whatever it was, we understand." camille interrupts them to console matt. "the point is to help your brother, not diagnose his issues."

"she's drunk anyway, dude." chris tells him. "not to mention, she told you that she's scared of her feelings. which means that she might not even fully understand them yet."

"niola is the smartest person i've ever met. i mean, she's a fucking genius!" matt says, wanting to rip all his hair out from this stress. he takes a few steps backward, causing his back to lean against the wall that he didn't even know was behind him. "how does she not realize that i'm in love with her?"

"do you see how long it took chris and i to realize that we were meant to be?" camille asks, gesturing between her and chris as she rests her head on his shoulder. "niola might not know it now, but you two are literal soulmates."

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a/n : honestly? gravity falls is a fucking MASTERPIECE idc what anyone says 🙄🙄
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