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NNENNA'S POV

Groaning in despair when the alarm went off for 5 O'clock this morning, realizing it was time to start getting my siblings ready for school.
On some days, I would wake up wishing that everything that happened over the last month was a dream. Mom's death, the wake, and burial were the most agonizing days of my life.

Mom has one elder brother and he was married to a northerner, they have two girls only. Her brother, uncle Ikemefula and some other relatives had decided that her burial would be done without wasting a lot of time so that everyone can move on with their lives. They were worried about moving forward with their lives, what about me and my siblings?

Will we ever move on from this?

Aunt Zainab has been staying with us since the day news got out that mom was dead. She flew in with her husband, but uncle left as soon as the final respect to mom was made. He decided to go back to Kano and stay with his children until his wife came back. Someone had to stay to look after their little kids.

I wanted to break down, I was tired of everything. It seemed like I was breathing everyday but not living, that feeling of joy has become strange to me. But whenever I remembered what my mother said, I knew I have a reason to keep fighting.
I headed to my siblings room, I have to get their uniforms and footwears in place then repack their books before I got set on breakfast. After breakfast, they would have their bath and viola! They were ready to go.

This has been the routine for the past few weeks.

I must admit aunt Zainab was helpful in these times. She stayed behind after the burial of my mom and has been filling the gap mother left behind. She made sure food was available at anytime, Tochi and Stephanie's clothes were washed and ironed, and we were not harassed by anybody.

As I got closer to their room, I heard Tochi screaming.
‘Not again!’

I was tired of dealing with that. He has been throwing tantrums regularly, especially after mom's demise. He would insist on seeing mom before he left for school in the mornings, then in the evening after he came back, he continued from where he stopped. The regular wailing and crying has given him a headache and night fever, yet he would not give up.

Stephanie on one hand, understood that she would never see mom again as she was now in Heaven. However, she has been acting indifferent lately, always keeping to herself and saying very little words. I wished she would open up or at least be the cheerful little girl she used to be, I missed her old self.

I huffed bitterly as tears rolled down my cheeks. Who was I kidding?
I missed my old self as well. I do not know how I would overcome this difficult times, I never prepared for this.
Never in my life did I think we would become orphans this early in life. Every time I thought about the future, I saw my mother in it, now I was to imagine a future where she would not be present.

I wiped the tears away before aunt Zainab saw me.

“Good morning, aunt”

“Morning my dear, how are you this morning?”

“I'm fine,” I responded.

“Nne, I don't think Tochi can go to school today. You've seen the way he's behaving,” she announced.

“But they're writing exams...” I informed her.

“Oh? How are we to do this?” she said to one in particular. “Okay, I think I'll take them to school this morning and stay around until he's done with his exams. Perhaps his teacher would let him write ahead of the rest so he can begin treatment fully,”

I shrugged and turned to my sister who sat quietly beside them, “Steph,”

“Yes, sis”

“How are you doing this morning?” I asked.

“I'm fine,” she answered dryly.

“Okay. Aunt let me start preparing breakfast,”

She nodded, still trying to pacify Tochukwu.

In the kitchen, I tried encouraging myself because I knew I needed to be strong for my siblings, mother was no more did not mean our lives must come to an end.

By 7:30 am, Tochi and Stephanie were set to leave for school. I applaud aunt Zainab on how quickly she got Tochi dressed up even though he was being difficult. She has two kids of her own, therefore must be used to dealing with tantrums like this.

She offered to take them to school which left me to continue with my chores. After sweeping and dusting, I started on washing the plates. Once I was done with them, I would have to start packing my things to go back to school.
Having missed two weeks of lectures, I had a large ground to cover concerning my studies.

Without Adunni and Helen's help I had no idea how I would have pulled through in my studies. As soon as she was informed about mother's death, she quickly came down to my house with Helen. They brought fruits along and gave their support during her burial. I felt blessed having them as my friends.
Adunni promised to send me pictures of her lecture notes as soon as lectures commenced and she has been making good of her promise.

I would have gone to the market to buy a few things I needed to go back to school with, like beverages and foodstuffs for instance. However, Helen has taken care of that, she simply instructed me to pack only my clothes and notes, stating that a surprise was waiting for me when I returned.
Heeding to her instructions, I simply packed my bags with my clothes and some books. Whatever surprise she has planned better be worth it.

“At least that part is settled,” aunt Zainab concluded after telling about her experience with Tochi in school.

They did not get home as early as I expected, she explained that she had taken them shopping after they were done with their exams to celebrate the last days of the term.
But the thought that this was also to create memories of the last days they would be spending here in Lagos, lingered in my mind.

Three nights after mom's burial, we discussed about the accommodation and living arrangements. I found out from the caretaker of the house that the house rent was due by the end of the year which would be in eight months time but we reached an agreement that when a new tenant paid the annual down payment, I would come back for the rest of the money as my family would not be staying at the house anymore.

Aunt Zainab and uncle Ikemefula offered to take in Tochi and Stephanie and train them through their education. The condition however, was that both of my siblings would live with them in Kano. They also said I was welcome to stay whenever I was on holidays but as I was already living in a hostel considering the distance between Lagos to Kano state, it was wise for me to stay behind.

After thinking about their proposal throughout the night, I gave my consent. Besides, Tochi and Stephanie's life would be better with them than with me. I had nothing to offer to them at this stage, I needed to get my life in order first.

“So... We'll be leaving for Kano next week. I've spoken to your uncle and he's expecting them, your cousins are too. I know this decision was not easy to come to and their early days in Kano might not be a pleasant experience either,” she wrapped her palms around my hand, “but it's best for everyone. Your siblings might not like what's happening right now but someday they'll be glad that you chose the right path no matter how tough it was...” she sounded empathic.

I felt the tears brimming to the surface and blinked multiple times to stop them from falling.

“Come here my love,” she said, opening her arms for an embrace.

I went into her arms and let the tears flow. For the first time, I allowed someone else console me who was not my mother.

I boarded another bus heading to Akoka after I accompanied them to the airport, it was heartbreaking to see my siblings in tears not knowing what was going to happen to them after this moment. I hated how weak I was, how helpless I was in this situation because I had no idea how I was to help us all out of this.

‘I need help, any help will do Lord,’ I prayed in my heart.

I do not know what the future had in store for me but I knew that I would not back down easily, life has already pushed me off course the only way that I would be defeated would be if I breathed my last.

This was my promise to myself.

★★★

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