The steel against steel clashes sounded so loudly it even reached Alyss and I, sitting comfortably in one of the bay windows with clear view on the training knights. Their silver armor glistered almost as brightly as the heavy sweat dripping down their foreheads. Their movements were fixed, trained from a young age, that much was clear. A group of young female courtiers had of course gathered, watching very intently and batting their eyelashes. There was one man  however that got no looks, who was practicing rigorously without break, his look focused on his opponent. So far none had beaten him. 

Pain rippled over my face as I observed him, and the red-head watching from a distance with the usual sourness. As if having a sixth sense, the tall blonde looked up from her book and immediately asked: "What's wrong?" 

I hadn't quite noticed how heavy my heart had been until she'd asked the question and it all rose to my throat. The tears seemed to spill themselves, I had no way of stopping them and I pulled my hand to my nose, as if it could hide the grief. No words came out, only a high pitched whine, which did not help my dignity. As if I'd ever had that. 

The first chance I'd had I had flung myself at the man I loved, knowing that it endangered a whole land. I did not want to tell my grandfather, to talk about such things with him made me very uncomfortable. Even mentioning his name around the old man made everything awkward. He did not what to do. I did have a chamber maid, but they are not known for their ability to keep secrets. They practically came out of the womb gossiping. Other than that I had no confidante except the young courier. If there was anyone who would not get it it would be Alyss, for her duty always came before herself. But it weighed heavy on my mind and I hoped that in sharing my secret the burden would ease.

I shook my head violently. "It's, I-... uh, we... kissed." 

Pure shame filled me up, she knew what kind of danger I'd put the country in. If anyone found out it would surely mean war. I was already preparing to listen to the long sermon on the dangers of it, but it never came. Instead Alyss put her book away and looked out of the window, knowing who I meant. She frowned, folded her hands in her lap, looked at them, then outside again, before resting one on my knee. 

"I think I would have done the same." The tall courier whispered gently. 

And just like that a bit of the weight slid off my shoulders. I looked at her carefully, as if anything I might do hurt her opinion of me. "Really? But you're a courier, surely you would never make such a mistake." 

"Oh I wouldn't have planned it, I would not actively pursue my person of interest while he's engaged to another woman. But if he came to me and stood close by, I think, no... I know I would slip up." She smiled sadly. 

I raised a brow, forgetting about the hurt momentarily as a grin formed on my lips. "Oh? Anyone in particular that could make you 'slip up'?" 

Her face formed that special, held back smile that revealed no secrets, but conveyed just enough emotion to scratch the surface. "There is. But I am not sure when I will see him again." 

"And what is he like? Tall, dark and handsome?" I teased, clearly being under the impression that Alyss' type was some kind of knight in shining armor. "Surely he would have a beard, right?" 

I nudged her with my knee, but she only rolled her eyes, then picked up her book again. She had bared her inner thoughts enough for that day it seemed. 

The rest of the morning bled into the midday and then afternoon, as suddenly I was needed by my old travel companion who insisted on taking a long walk through the forest. My grandfather was as stubborn as a donkey. After that afternoon tea was immediately served and I sat with him to read tales of old, but he begged to hear one he had never before. Finding a suitable tale had taken us till the end of the afternoon, at which point I had to leave as my appearance was required at the grand banquet for that night, to which all the wedding guests were invited. It wasn't like the dinners my grandfather usually attended alone, this was supposed to be the last grand feast, before the tournament would commence.

 When I got to my room my chamber maid, a well-spoken girl with dark hair and skin which was taken well care of, was waiting for me. She took great pride in being well-kept and didn't shy away from telling me when I had tied my dress wrong or had my hair in the wrong style. I hadn't been able to escape the long evening routines that came with being a lady of the court, every nights she would nag till I gave in. Her wit was admirable, but truly tiring.

"Good evening miss, you would best come quickly, we've no time to lose." Amara stepped forward as I walked through the door, her soft hand leading mine to the small bathroom attached to my quarters. A steaming hot bath was already waiting for me, and I willfully let the clothing be stripped off and stepped into the water. It just so happened that the moment I had gotten into the tub, a heavy knock sounded on the door. 

The woman rolled her eyes and expressively closed the door to the bathing chambers. I could not hear a lot of the conversation, but it was clear that it was a male, he said something about having a meeting urgently. The door closed and I assumed that she had sent the man away. I started scrubbing at the dirt still sticking to my skin and lavishly used the good smelling soaps my chamber maid had laid out on the floor. She had done my hair up quickly to avoid it getting wet, as there was no time to let it dry properly before the feast. A while went by and I became bored. Amara still hadn't come back and I could only so often let my soap fall into the water before it became tedious and would annoy me. So, I got out and put on my white undergown to see what she was doing, as she hadn't responded to any of the questions I had shouted. Most of the fabric of my dress clung to my body helplessly. There had been no towel, so I figured I'd use the dress to dry myself off.

When I came out I wasn't greeted by the dark-haired maiden that usually roamed through my chambers. Instead a tall dark haired ranger sat on my bed, staring at me with a hint of a smile on his lips. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want him there, or that his looks weren't sending shivers through my stomach. His eyes dragged over my face then lower and lower until he reached the floor where he frowned at trace of water I left. 

But of course the euphoria only lasted a second. My sensibility returned, or at least what I could muster up as I felt Gilan's gaze linger on my back as I made my way to my closet. The aching in my heart started all over again and the pain rose quickly to my throat. I scanned the closet for a proper dress, but I was a bit lost on what was deemed appropriate for such a big event. 

"Where is Amara?" I asked, holding the doors of my closer open, pointlessly picking up clothes and putting them somewhere else, so I wouldn't have to look at him again.

"I told her that Sir David urgently needed to see her," he told me calmly, "because there was something I needed to discuss with you without anyone listening in." 

"And that couldn't wait till I was decent?" I raised a brow while turning to him and pulling my hair out of the bun. The hair hung loosely over my shoulders.

His green eyes were focussed on my face, and by the look in them I knew what he wanted to say was urgent, Ranger matter. So, I went back to him and crawled onto the bed. I leaned into his neck, whispering: "What is this about?" 

He clenched his jaw and cleared his throat suddenly, handing me a piece of paper. "I want you to look at this. It seemed familiar to me, but you have a better memory than I do."

I looked at a badly scribbled circle , with half of it having a moon shape, it was pierced by four overlapping lines. I frowned at the look of it, feeling in my gut that it didn't mean anything good, but knowing nothing of it. 

"I'm sorry Gil," handing the paper back, I mumbled apologetically, "I've got nothing." 

While taking it back he looked over his shoulder again, locking with my gaze just a little bit too long. "Well, you tried." 

"Where is it from?" I laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

"I thought I saw it on Enox' neck, but I couldn't see it clearly and it's been some time since I've seen it." The tall Ranger ran a hand through his hair. 

I rolled my eyes, to hide the pang in my chest. "A wedding night, so soon?"

He turned around placing a hide behind him on the sheets for support, a smirk dancing on his lips. "Well no," he snorted. "Why, are you jealous?" 

Narrowing my eyes, I was ready to make a remark, when my eye fell onto the back of his hand. It was riddled with scars, some I knew, but a few were new. I shot up, a different pain filling me up as I took his hand and stroked over the red lines. They weren't tended to, even though they were deeper than normal training wounds. It almost seemed as if someone had dragged something across his hand slowly and as if it had hurt immensely. I looked up, but Gilan was avoiding my gaze. His head was lowered with child-like shame.

"These weren't there before." I remarked in a low tone, rubbing circles on his hand. Surprise washed over me when he sharply took his hand back.

"Maybe you just remembered wrong." He got up, heading towards the door. However, he did not get the chance to go through it, because I slipped in right before he could and pushed it close.

"Who did it?" I lifted my chin and stared right at him, if there was one thing I wasn't going to do, is to let him be hurt. But, he did not look back. "Let me go." He hissed.

"No," I shook my head violently. "If I'm not allowed to love you, at least I let me help you. These aren't just some scratches, because you're acting weird about it. You're ashamed."

And finally, the tall man looked into my eyes, but at that point I'd rather he hadn't. A great emptiness rested in them, they'd turned glazy and lifeless. The green seemed almost grey.

"But you can't now, can you?" he whispered softly, desperately, "what could you do against all the might of Picta?" 

"You sent me there tonight, and I'll have them at my feet in a year." I said decisively, as if I was sure of that. His message was clear, but I couldn't help but to feel helpless, so it was all the comfort I could give. 

He leaned in. "You know what the worst part is? I could too. Hell, I've been practicing to kill and overpower since I was twelve. My father always said I had a choice, but when it comes down to it he sells me off to the highest bidder like a slave. I don't get to choose who to love, it's been decided. I've got to leave everything and everyone I actually love behind to marry a woman who hates me. For a treaty. Somehow the weight of the country has shifted to me, and I just don't believe that it can. Something's off and I can't put my finger on it." 

There were no words I had for an answer, so instead I pulled him close. I traced his back muscles as I pressed him tightly to my heart. "I'll find something, Gil. I know there's something they're hiding." 

A knock disturbed the peace and I groaned, knowing the realities of how this situation would look. We looked at each other, both thinking about the same thing probably. Gilan hurriedly pulled a decent robe from the closet within seconds and handed it to me, grinning. 

I stuck out my tongue, like a proper maiden. He knew I could've found something decent quickly, but decided to prance around in my quite improper under gown. 

We let Amara back in, who shot a furious look at Gilan, for he had tricked the poor woman. She had indeed been needed, but it was also her task to make sure that no unexpected visitors entered my bed chambers and he happened to have escaped her sight. She scolded him for a hot minute, then allowed him to leave unscathed. He bowed slightly to us, then wished us luck on getting ready for the feast. 

We proved to need every bit of fortune that the gods could grant us, because we did not have a lot of time left and there was still heaps to be done. But Amara's quick hands worked wonders. My hair was braided in a more difficult way than I'd every had it, some strands of hair were looped around my ears, a different one was used as a head band, but the back was left loose, draping over my shoulders. The dress was a whole different challenge, as it required a lot of effort to get into the corset, but it was the lacing up that took the longest. Then over that came a white petticoat, which my chamber maiden had to stop me from spinning in the whole time. After so many years in the wild, sleeping on the ground, and being covered in mud all day, it felt nice to be pampered and get nicely dressed up. 

It had been a while since I had truly felt beautiful in my clothes, but ever since coming to the castle it had been a non-stop experience. The piece for the feast was my personal favorite though. It was made from a dark green fabric that glowed in the candlelight, embroidered with golden flowers on the bodice. They leaked onto the skirt, seemingly growing from the corset. The shoulders were also laced with the golden details, making them seem more elegant. The neckline was square cut, with a strap of golden fabric overlaying the exposed skin. Around the elbows were golden decorations as well to finish it off.

"Not my best work, but it'll do," the dark lady firmly nodded, spinning me around one last time. 

She really was not the best at giving pep-talks. 

I thanked her for all her help, then made my way to my grandfather's chambers. Knocking softly, I opened the door with care not to barge in on him changing. There was no need for unnecessary trauma. Again.

"Come in, come in, not to worry I am fully dressed." The old man croaked from his comfortable sofa. His room was about twice the size of mine, it made my chamber seem like a broom closet. 

"Do you need help, dear old grandfather?" I put on a wicked grin and raised an eyebrow at seeing the aged man struggle to get off the couch. 

He narrowed his eyes and waved a finger at me. "Don't patronize me young lady." 

***

A  mixture of sweat, heat and food filled up the giant ball room in the castle, which was fully crowded with all of Araluen's most important people. I led the old grumpy man through the mass and the more people who noticed him, the wider our path got. We had to make an appearance before the hosts, where his name would formally be announced. I kept my gaze to the floor, to avoid all of the looks people were giving me. I had no idea if what they were whispering at was good or bad, but I wasn't keen on finding that out. When we got to the platform in the alcove, with a big stained glass window depicting a moon, I raised my head. 

A table was placed there with the highest ranking guests. One seat was still unoccupied, which would be for King Duncan, I assumed. There had been no word in the court when he would be arriving, but he was required to come, that I was sure of. But there was only one person who held my interest and I had spotted him immediately. He was talking with the Baron on his right, the topic seemed very important, as their heads were lowered and their bodies turned to one another. 

"Sir Mordaith, Sir David." The crier shouted, loudly enough that my ears rang. 

It was then the two men looked up briefly from their talk, but after a quick glance they returned to their words. Then Gilan sharply turned back, staring with wide eyes at my face, then at my dress, then my hair. No detail was left unknown. His hand, which had first held his hand, now hovered uselessly in the air. 

And then he did the most stupid, reckless thing he could have done. He smiled. Not a polite smile, one that comes on your face and that you don't even know is there. But I was just as hopeless, for I smiled back and did not grant one to the others. The more I saw him, the less I could be away from him. 

It took my grandfather tugging on my sleeve to get me along and secure us a spot at the front of the ballroom at one of the long tables. As I had let Amara tell me, there would be a speech by the host, then the occasion would be mentioned and then the feast would start. To my surprise it was Lord Picard who stood up, not the dark haired commander of the King's armies. 

The man was massive, his shadow seemed to reach all across the room. His heavy shoulder plates sounded louder and deeper than they should. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when he started talking with his dark booming voice. 

"Dearly begathered, we are here for the happy union that will bring peace to our age," his icy eyes flew across the room, as if he was looking for someone, "and no one," 

His gaze suddenly fell upon me.

"will stand in the way of that, no foe or friend, no acquaintance or family," 

The stare seemed to draw me in, as if I could look at nothing else, hear nothing else and just had the ryhtm of that beast to guide me, keep me on earth. 

"But Xogos Voda" he clapped forcefully and loudly in his hands, painting a spider's smile on his lips, "should be a happy occasion. Come my new friends let us drink and feast to one last night of freedom for the young groom!" He threw up his beer pull, half of the content flying out.

A roaring wave of agreements shot through the air and it snapped me back to reality. I blinked a couple of times to regain my focus. One last time I looked over my shoulder to look at the Scotti man, but he'd already sat down. It seemed like he had singled me out and that was what made my heart beat so fast I thought it would stop. 

Across the room I spotted a tall blonde in a dark blue dress, who watched the podium intently with an arched brow then looked over to me. I wasn't the only one who had felt it. 

A cold nausea plagued my dinner, which was a shame as there were so many delicacies I had never even heard of but that normally would have looked good to me. Now all I could do was stare and feel pure terror. 

A/N:

Hello! It has been quite a while, I know. Butttt I think I'll have more time to write now:))))) Weekly updates making a comeback? I just want to thank you all for being so patient with me, that's why you got an extra long chapter!! And I'm working on another really fun imagine (also about Gilan, so if you like him this will be your era) it's going to be a murder mystery, so obviously I did my research and watched Knives Out like a good little author. (My crush on Chris Evans being a completely unrelated case though, obviously)... 

Question of today: what do you want to study?

I'm going to study English next year! Big surprise I think haha, but I am very excited to do so, because it'll mean I'm moving out of my parental home. Kinda scary, kinda amazing. 

Alright bye now, because I'm tired as shit.

xxx Maddie<3