I ran, to the cabin, as fast as my legs could carry me. There I dragged out my shabby black horse that was not in the mood for the haste I wanted to move with. After handing over an apple as a bribe she was willing and we galloped through the woods to Gemborough which lay behind the Salmon. That became a problem when the manor from my mind came into sight, but there wasn't a bridge anywhere near. We splashed right through the clear water, my focus only on the house, not the biting cold of my wet clothes, neither my teeth chattering.

The mansion was just like I had remembered it: a large stone building with a tiled roof little windows scattered all over it, like each one was placed randomly. Ivy slithered up the cobblestone, clinging to it desperately. Behind it were some large gardens and in the distance I spotted the village and the church. Servants walked over the gravel front yard, some with baskets full of laundry, some cutting the bushes into round shapes or tending to the flowers. At the left side some stables were attached to the construction, making it an L-shape. I figured I couldn't just barge in there and claim a box for Vacker, so I slid off and let her roam freely. With my luck she of course immediately went to the freshly groomed shrubs. By that time I was already inside, where the old man from my recollections came down the dark oak twin stairs. He halted, his eyes enlarging at the sight of me, his features stiffening, skin paling. Must not have been a good memory then.

I stared back at him, waiting for him to make the first move. Slowly, the greying elder stepped down further, still gazing at me in a trance.

"You, girl, what is your first name?" He pointed a trembling finger at me.

I replied with the name my parents had given me.

A gasp escaped his weak lungs and he almost fell to the light wooden planks, his knees buckling and finally giving in. I sprinted over and offered him my arm to lean on as he regained his balance. "Who are you, might I ask?"

The man sent me an unbelieving agitated look that radiated I should not have asked that. Or that I should've known that.

"Has she treated you so badly you don't even know your own grandfather?"

"You knew my mother?" I asked before thinking a bit further.

His black eyes bore into mine and his lips thinned into a line. "Don't jest right now young lady."

A tall muscular female servant walked past right at that moment and hurried over as well, dropping her crate full of fruits, eyeing me furiously as if it had been my doing. My grandfather waved her off, but did order her to make two cups of tea and bring them into the gardens.

"Let's take a stroll through the gardens." He gestured to the open doors in between the stairs, letting in a soft spring breeze and looking out over the green sea that were his lands.

I still kept my arm up, acting as his own personal cane. "Why did my mother never mention you?"

The man with a well-trimmed white beard huffed, his face radiating none of the kindness I'd remembered. His eyebrows were sharply arched into a flattened M. It was a hard unreadable wall, stern with his gaze strictly on the horizon. We walked over the gravel paths over the outstretching meadows. A huff escaped from his nostrils. "My daughter," he took in a deep breath, his shield crumbling a bit, "we had to cast her out of the family. She only visited us once with that wretched husband of hers, and with you."

My heart throbbed in my throat and I was sure my arm pits were pools of sweat by then. This was my last shot at having a decent blood relation.

"Why did you cast her out? What could she have done that was so horrible?"

The grip on my arm tightened, as if the man were bracing him physically for telling the story. Tears sprung in his light blue eyes and he bit his lip to keep it from quivering. The old wrinkled hand with veins shining through it that had hung loosely beside him now came up to pat mine as his gaze shifted there as well.

"My Sedille was such a bright, shining sun. Her smile warmed even the coldest of hearts. She learned well and was to be betrothed to a wealthy Baron down in the south. She would've made a lovely lady of the castle. But she followed her heart, which we would've accepted had it not been him. The red haired bastard from Picta who took every chance to throw a punch, dared people to attack him, was too arrogant for his own good. He took her with him to his home when she was only sixteen."

Breakfast threatened to come up again.

"We allowed it, because they would only be visiting his family one year. When she returned they had you and her face was caved in, no joy shone from eyes. I don't know what happened there, but she didn't want to tell us. She yelled when we even tried to ask. Upon her visit here you cried the whole time and instead of calming you she would mark you. And that was when we knew she was truly someone else, hiding in our daughter's skin. So we took her out of the heritage, leaving everything to my brother," another deep breath and more tears, not just coming from him, "My wife and I, we wanted to take you that night, but when we went into your parent's room, you were already gone."

"It's beautiful here," I sniffled, my heart a lump of cold lead that pumped up only more tears at the thought of having had this as my home. Frolicking through the fields with friends and then coming back to the house to drink tea. I could already see it.

"How are your parents now?"

A stab to my heart. In all of my commotion and fantasizing I'd forgotten why I'd actually come here.

"I don't know, they've gone."

"Gone? Gone where?"

"I don't know" I said a bit louder and more vicious than I'd intended to. But I couldn't help myself, as I was like a snake biting after being stepped on. "That why I've come here, I remembered this house and I just felt maybe you'd know more." 

The white bushes above his brows sunk deeply, "They would've returned to Picta if I knew the shell of her in any way." 

That was far. Too far for me to go alone on a whim, without communicating it with Crowley. And I was pretty sure he wouldn't let me go to the country I'd barely escaped alive from wíth Gilan. I would have to find a way to get there, either for a mission or convince my mentor to convince the corps commandant. Their bloodied corpses would be on my hands otherwise. I couldn't delve into my thoughts for too long, as my grandfather took word again.

"I see you've been able to make a fine woman out of yourself without our help," he remarked, eying my oak leaf and the ring that still sat on my finger.

"I had some help, a Ranger, he took me in."the corners of my mouth couldn't stay down and warmth spread throughout my body as I played with the silver with my thumb.

"And was he the same man that put that ring there I presume?"

"Yes, but it was to disguise me as his fiancée. Love didn't serve us well."

The old man's eyebrows shot up, it vexed me why he was surprised by this. "And why not?"

A tear shredded my chest in two, or at least the pain was as painful as it. "Because I screwed it up. I couldn't tell him I loved him, something was holding me back and I fear now it's too late."

"What was holding you back?" he almost whispered.

My mind went blank. "I don't know," I breathed.

"I think I know, I've seen it in the many children I've taken from their unsafe homes. They do not believe themselves worthy of love and even years later they will deprive themselves of it, because they've not felt it when they were younger."

I rolled my eyes. "My home wasn't that unsafe."

"Answer me truthfully child," my grandfather asked sternly, yielding not an inch to nonsense, "would you have lived to this age had you stayed there? And been happy?"

Every bone screeched that I would've, that there was a way, that I shouldn't have gone. That brand mark  on my hip burned up, the hurt strong as it had been when it had happened. My future had laid on the ground, before Gilan's feet and yet I couldn't clearly recall it. Or rather, my thoughts dismissed it as something that wouldn't have happened to me.

"I think that Ranger saved your life in more ways than one." he said, after I stayed silent, gaze tied to the gravel.

Our conversation fell quiet as a horse galloped towards us from the manor and when he finally reached us, the messenger handed my grandfather a letter, sealed with blue wax. I held my breath as I realized two things: My family had a high position in Araluen and second, that was Sir David's seal. The same one as the one on Gilan's letter. Speaking of the devil. Thanking the messenger, my grandfather handed him a few coins, then broke the wax and read the letter. His frown deepened.

"What is it?" I asked him a bit too fast and a bit to desperately.

"The young Davidson is getting married. I had no idea he was courting."

A brick hit my stomach, tears sprung in my eyes from the acid rising fast. I sank to my knees, my legs giving out and I grasped my belly in an effort to keep, whatever was still in there, in. But it was with little success, I went sick over the grass and emptied everything until my throat burned. My bones, my soul, my body screamed, ached and broke. Weighty iron scraping along my insides, that's what it felt like. All chances, all hopes I'd ever had gone within seconds. He'd never told me of someone he loved. We'd been together almost every second since the battle. Most probable was that he had met a childhood love of his at Caraway.

A hand had been on my back the whole time as my retching had turned into high pitched sobs, every muscle weakening and giving in. I pulled my head closer to my heart, letting my hair form a shield against the outside world. All the hurt and goodness it brought with it, everything, because I'd rather feel nothing than this much pain.

I think my grandfather called in some servants to help carry me back to the house. They put me in a soft underground, that much I registered. Everything seemed to weigh severely, blurred by tears. Three times a day a meal came, but mostly it made me so sick I had to hurry to the bathroom right after. My grandfather sat with me in the room, probably to make sure I was still alive as I very rarely moved positions.

Sometimes I talked a bit to him. When he'd asked me if he had been my Ranger, which had only sent me to cry louder. I had explained everything to him, but I doubt he understood any of it since I weeped through the words mostly. But he had gotten that Gilan was the man who had put the ring on my finger. He'd also enlightened me with the fact that I hadn't been invited to the wedding. The letter had contained a guest list and I surely wasn't on it. It made me wonder if it had been Gilan who had made it, because we were best friends and he would've never shut me out like that. I had sobbed once again to my grandfather that at least I would've liked to be there to share his happiness. Or gauge out the eyes of his fiancée. One of both.

On the third day of my mourning, there begun a lot of commotion outside my window, that overlooked the front yard. I peeked over the edge of my bed to see what was going on. A carriage was being readied, horses were being spun in front of it. The stern elder man had left my room moments ago, but came in again now, followed by a herd of servants. He threw a whirl of light blue onto my bed and I shifted my attention on it, my energies already lowering by even doing that. Sitting upright had been grueling.

"We leave in tree hours. These ladies will take good care of you and prepare you for the ride."

A/N:

I'd almost forgot the author's note again!!! My head is in tooooo many places at once hahahah. I'm working on my halloween costume bc I'm finally having a party to go to this year!! And I've got, believe it or not, social contacts to uphold ahaha. So the question for today (maybe you'll see this one coming): What would you like to dress up as for halloween this year?

I'm going as the white swan from Swan Lake :))) I'm soooo happy with it and I think it'll look too pretty!

Xxx. Maddie