In silence I awaited his return and it was agony. Every minute seemed to drag out a lifetime. The only way I got through it was by finding little chores to do, at first I decided that the kitchen needed cleaning again and when I could see my own reflection in the pans I jumped to mucking out the stables. Vacker snorted querulously when I made her move out of her comfortable position in the outer corner of the stable.

I was standing there.

I rolled my eyes and set down my hayfork to put a hand on my hip.

"And now I am."

She threw her head back and shuffled back a bit, just to make a point.

Blaze on the other hand curiously snuffled me to see if I had any apples on me. I had to disappoint her which meant she just continued to rub her itch off on my shoulder. It did not make my job any easier.

I was polishing my saddle while having discussions with the horses about the amount of apples they were allowed when the stable door croaked open.

A worn Gilan came in, bloodshot eyes, shoulders down, utterly defeated. Normally there was only one day a year he looked like this, always the same day. I immediately dropped my cloth and ran towards him. With some force I slammed into him, flung my arms around his neck and pulled him onto a large bale of straw. He didn't sob, the only thing he did was hold me so tightly as if I was dying on a battlefield and this was the last time he'd ever hold me. Almost like I'd held him.

"I need to go." The tall ranger sniffled, getting upright.

The urge to cry bubbled up, but I held it back. This didn't seem like the right time for that. At least one of us had to hold it together. So, I straightened my back and did my best to sound nonchalant when I asked him: "Oh... Where to?"

Only I hadn't accounted for my countenance to radiate pain when I said it. Mission failed, because Gilan reached for my hand and put his over mine. "It won't be for that long, I promise."

"What do you have to do?" I played with our fingers, too afraid I'd burst into tears if I'd look at him long enough.

He sighed, staring ahead of him at the two horses, who were listening with pointed ears, then shook his head. "Something for my father, which..." Gilan turned to me with a hardened jaw, but keeping his eyes on our hands, "I don't quite fancy. To put it kindly."

If he'd have been on his own I know he would've cursed with every god's name he could think of. I hear it often enough when he stubs his toe.

I nodded slowly. "When are you leaving?"

The tall Ranger got up, dusting off his pants and opening the barn door. "Now."

"Now?" my head shot up, "whatever could be so important that he demands you there so shortly?"

He mustered up a smile on his lips. "Nothing for you to worry about." And with that Gilan walked out, leaving me utterly confused.

My senses tingled, because there was something wrong. That grin had not reached his eyes with the mischievousness it usually did. So, I ran after him, hurrying up the steps and barging into the cabin.

"You're lying."

"You're not making it any easier for yourself, it's better you drop it." Gilan sighed as he got his travelling bag off his closet. With a frown he inspected every inch of it before laying it open on the bed.

"No," I put a hand on my hip, "if it concerns me I'd like to know."

For a second our eyes met while he cradled a pile of clothes before dumping them. "You don't, trust me."

I was ready to line up another argument, but I stopped. He'd used his teaching voice and he rarely actually did that. The last time I'd gotten that tone, it was because I admitted to not knowing where Hibernia was. Or what it was. The rest of that week I heard it every time we came across a map, a river, or really anything that reminded Gilan of Geography, I'd hear it again.

But it did mean he was right. Most of the time. With a huff I folded the clothing that had gotten tangled when he'd thrown them into his travel-bag. Normally I'd leave it alone, but he was going to a castle, to see his father. That meant he had to look presentable at least.

He glanced over to me and smiled sadly. Then, without a warning, he faced me, wrapped his arms around me, and didn't let go.

I stroked his hair and whispered in his ears: "it's okay, I'm not going anywhere. It's just for a couple of days, right?"

No answer. Gilan let go, avoiding my gaze as I eyed him nervously.

"Right?"

Now was not a time I wanted him gone. I needed him more than ever, even though I'd never say it out loud. But it would ease my mind knowing what had thrown him off so much, because not knowing left too many possibilities open.

What if he had to go to war with his father? I mean we weren't currently at war, but maybe some kind of small mission that could be his death. Or what if sir David had demanded his son be Caraway's Ranger? That would be the best possible option, but the least likely one, seeing as the news had thrown Gilan off a cliff. Figuratively, of course. No, what if his father had called for him to be a knight? That would make sense. He loves being a Ranger and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. That had to be it.

"I can't say."

I had my own theory, which had put my thoughts at ease. I pursed my lips. "All right."

At least if he was a knight, he wasn't dead. Probably. Millions of scenarios of him riding into battle flashed before my eyes. Maybe it wasn't the best case scenario after all.

My mentor closed the bag and with it the discussion. With tall steps he strode to the stables again. I stayed behind, because I knew there was something else I needed to do. I got a piece of parchment and a quill from my bedroom and sat down at the desk in the living room. My writing went a bit scotch and crooked, but I was scribbling down everything I wanted to say very hastily. Cold sweat formed in my palms and my heartbeat got louder with every word I wrote, but I didn't want it to hold me back anymore. It was now or never and I chose now.

I folded the piece and on my way to the porch I found a smile creeping onto my lips. As my hand wrapped around the cold iron handle of the cabin door, the sound of galloping hooves echoed through the forest. When I opened it, he was gone.

A/N:

Hi guys! Sorry I'm late with posting this chapter, but ironically it's because I helped out at a Ranger camp on Friday. I didn't have time to write that day and then yesterday I rearranged my room, so here it is today. Alright so question of the day: What is your opinion on the Royal Ranger books?

Because I can't quite place them. I loved the first one but I hate what happened to Alyss. The two after that were kinda mediocre in my opinion, but that's just because I love romance and there wasn't any in it. Book 15 and 16 are better because they play in Gallica and are (hopefully, I haven't finished 16) going into the politics of Gallica and Araluen a bit more. But I just miss the good old times of the OG books.

Xoxo, Maddie