Again I breathed in and attempted to steady myself, but my voice still came out shaky. "I just... I don't know what I did wrong..."

My eyes were tied to the flames dancing in the fireplace. For the past hour I hadn't been able break my gaze or even answer the simple questions Gilan would ask me.

"Do you want some coffee?"

"Should I get you a towel?"

"Do you want another coffee?"

But he'd go get it, regardless if I answered or not. He made sure I drank the coffee, by forcing it in my hand so my muscle memory would kick in and bring the steaming mug to my lips and let the warm liquid slip down my throat. At some point he brought me a blanket and wrapped it around my shivering shoulders.

And while my body was occupied with warming up after the cold spring rain shower, my mind was elsewhere. It ran over all the possible places they could be.

Whitby? No, too dangerous, knowing my parents they wouldn't have risked their lives in a big city.

So-

"Let's go." My cloak was thrown over my face and I became disoriented immediately, I even had to think about where I was and if I had to consider this a threat before I realized I was home.

I pulled the hooded cape off and threw it over my shoulders while standing up. It was only then I noticed Gil also had his Ranger attire on, which was weird because I could clearly see a dark night sky through the window. Normally we're free at night, so I had no idea what he had planned. Maybe another surprise lesson like he'd done in my second year where he would wake me up in the middle of the night, only to let me fall back to sleep right after. Sleep-interruption training he called it, but I'd named it: Gilan trying to annoy me and rob me off my sleep.

"Where are we going?" I finally dared to ask him, pushing some low hanging branches out of the way as we walked through the dark pine forest. His dark silhouette remained silent and I nodded to myself. "Got it."

I did not get it.

Until Redmont came into view. Then I at least got we were going there. Miraculously.

Gilan turned to me and I thought he'd finally say something, but all he did was place a finger over his lips, motioning me to be quiet. I followed him as we climbed the hill, moving from shadow to shadow. Still after all these years I found myself holding my breath when I did it, just because I thought it would give me away.

We circled around the castle until Gilan stopped by a pile of rocks laying against the massive stone walls towering over us.

He picked the boulders up and placed them on the grass carefully and their disappearance revealed a small window, just big enough for us to climb through. Gilan went first after every stone was cleared and I then followed, letting myself sink through the small rectangle into a black abyss. I landed softly on what felt like freezing tiles in a room that reeked of parchment. When I tried to take a step further into the room, my foot got stuck behind something and I was on my way to meet the ground with my face, but to prevent that I clung to the first thing I could find which was a strong pair of arms that immediately pulled me to my feet again with such a force it felt like I was flying.

"Careful." The tall ranger whispered, filling in the silence of the room.

However after the incident I kept close and stuck to his arm like a little child. He rummaged around in his pockets and lifted something from what I could make out to be a candle or something.

A short spark shot in the dark, then a small light appeared in front of Gilan, illuminating the sharp features on his face that were hardened by his seriousness. Somehow I found it very hard to actually take him seriously in those kinds of moments, so I decided to take his chin between my thumb and make him look at me. I had planned to then poke him in his stomach (which always made him double over, it's his weak spot), but I couldn't help staring into his green eyes which were so devoted to mine I could've melted on the spot.

"Hm?" He raised an eyebrow at me, to ask me what I had meant by that. In truth, I couldn't tell him because I'd forgotten my original purpose and in the time it took me to remember it I got so embarrassed I just took the candle out of his hands and went around the room to look where we were. In the dim flickering light I could recognize stone arches supporting the ceiling and walls that were packed with shelves in which rolls of parchment were stacked, messily. The further in the arched tunnel I went, the thicker the layers of dust became. Somehow I'd half expected a skeleton decorated with spiderwebs at the end, but luckily it wasn't like that library Gilan and I had found in one of our missions in Picta. We had been sent to a small village at the border of Araluen and Picta where people were going missing. Later we had found out they were taken by a large religious army in the high north that sacrificed people to their gods in return for knowledge. What Gilan and I had learned about the history of the army was that the warriors possesed a secret underground library buried underneath the ruins of what used to be the most important city of the northern land, that had been burned down by a terrible fire and had left a lot of people hopeless and homeless. The warriors brought salvation and safety, because they protected the villagers from foes, but one by one people started to disappear. The city began thriving again and they overtook other cities in Picta until they had gathered enough men to invade Araluen as well. After gathering some blackmail on the leader, Gilan and I were able to call a truce with them, because Morgarath was already on the rise and the king did not have the troops to fight against an army that always knows your next move. We never did find out how they predicted all of our actions ahead of time correctly, but we did get to take a look at one of the rituals, where they supposedly got their insights. Or rather Gilan covered my eyes the whole time and told me later what they had done.

They would sit with nine warriors in a circle in the middle of the sacred library and draw a strange symbol on the ground. Then a goblet was passed around and after that a pipe with red smoke coming out of it. The victim was placed in the middle, but usually only the blood would be used, the rest was buried in catacombs we had never dared to enter. In a large golden dish the victim's blood was poured while they sang an ancient song in a long forgotten language. The rhythm had been hypnotizing, like a siren's song luring sailors to their death. An elder would sink their hands into the pool and in some sort of trance they would write answers the stars gave them.

A shudder went down my spine as I recalled that mission and I made sure to quickly get back to the ever-growing light at the end of the tunnel, where Gilan was. He had already taken out a roll and spread it on the small table. Hunched over the desk, he studied it with a deep frown while brushing his hand over his chin.

"What are you reading?" I asked him curiously, looking over his shoulder.

Gilan shot upright and almost fell over trying to get out of his chair. With one hand on the handle of his sword he stood defensively across from me, when he saw that it was me his shoulders relaxed.

"Jesus, did you have to scare me like that?" He complained with a grin.

I made a dismissing gesture and returned his smile. "Oh well you know, I thought I'd bring back some memories of our mission in Picta."

Towering over the roll of parchment again he mentioned something I'd completely forgotten: "Well then I'd have to kiss you again."

The way he'd said it was almost like that was something that would never happen. It pierced my heart in a heavy ill pain. Suddenly it weighed so heavy, I could've fallen in bed and slept through for years.

"Why'd you bring me here?" I quickly asked, talking over the comment he'd just made. My hope was that it would stop me from remembering the dark and the way he'd held my face like a precious jewel, as if I'd been as valuable. Even though it had been for an act, it had still left me so confused, because it had felt so real.

"These are Redmont's archives, any and all residents of the fief for the past few hundred years are recorded here," his green eyes met mine and I could've sworn I saw the flicker of a tear in them, but that might've just been the dim candle, "including families and their trees. But these documents are only allowed to be accessed my Clerks when they're necessary in court. If we would've wanted to access them we would've had to start a long process of paper work, so Halt once put those stones there for him to be able to access them at any time he wanted to."

My eyebrows shot up. "Halt breaking a rule? I find that a bit hard to believe."

"Oh you'd be surprised how much he does that." Gilan blurted out, before quickly turning to me and saying: "Don't tell him I said that!"

"I won't if you tell me what you've found on my family so far." I nudged him and couldn't help my stomach from sparkling. It made the aching even worse, like throwing salt into an open wound. Not to mention that all of this, did not make it easier for me to forget him.

My gaze lingered on the tall Ranger and I couldn't help but think that I could never in a million years. Even considering the possibility that one morning I would have to wake up without him and his a bad jokes, without his caring, without the infinite amount of love he showed me even when I did not think myself worthy of it, could kill me instantly. A liftime without him would not be a liftime worth living.

"Nothing yet," he sighed deeply and opened the drawer of the desk, fishing a bottle of whiskey and a leather pouch full of cookies out of it, "it looks like we'll have to be here all night."

"Well, we'll have to get comfortable." Spreading out my cloak on the freezing tiles and taking some rolls from Gilan I started on the research. Later whenever he'd be unsure about something he'd come sit down on my makeshift blanket, which started to happen so often he'd just laid his cloak next to mine.

"Do you perhaps have some warm covers stashed here as well?" Winter had only just gone and I was freezing in the cold night air. My armchairs had been standing up for hours, but at least I had been distracted by the files then. Now I was just cold and unfocused, which made it unbearable.

Gilan shook his head, the one stubborn lock that framed his cheeks swinging with. "No, but-" he opened his arms, inviting me in- "I could keep you warm."

Immediately about fifty shades of red washed over my face, but . I thanked the gods for the little amount of light in the room. However, I did not hesitate to sit down a bit closer to him.

But I heard a disapproving noise coming from Gilan and suddenly he pulled me in front of him by my waist. He held me tightly like a child clings to it's stuffed animal. With his head rested on my shoulder he read with me a document I'd been studying.

Right there, I could've died. On the spot. And it irritated me that Gilan had not the slightest idea what his actions were doing to me. After all he had been the one to suggest a friendship and I had so foolishly agreed. I saw then and there that one moment like this wasn't enough. I wanted to feel that warm every day for the rest of my life. And I should fight for it...

A/N:

SO... I'm sorry. It's been more than a week... I did write an extra long chapter though! :D But I've finally made up my mind how I want the story to continue, the writer's block is over and you can expect to see a lotttt more content from me right now bc I am on a rolll. Alright question for the day: What's your favorite all time movie? (Mine's Rubyred, just watched it a few days ago and fell in love with it all over again. Oh and I might've based Gilan's looks off the main guy in that movie whoops haha.)

Love you and till next week!!!!

XX. Maddie