TW: mentions of suicide, self-harm, and death.

—MAYBE THE OTHERS BELIEVED THAT EVERYTHING WAS SLOWLY STARTING TO GET BETTER, BUT IT WASN'T. Well— Atleast that's what Rigel believed. He believed that it wasn't getting better. That he didn't deserve them— Any of them. That his depression was going to be the end of him.

And maybe it would've been if Tom didn't have an extremely huge gut feeling to check up of Rigel.

Tom had never thought that one day— his heart would break. But it had. It broke, it mended, it broke again, and it mended again.

But now.. he didn't believe that it would ever be mended again.

What happened was Tom suddenly felt like he needed to check up on Rigel, and so that was what he did.

Never had he thought that this would happen.

Never had he thought that Rigel would actually attempt to do it.

Of course, they all knew he sometimes felt.. suicidal.. but they all tried to help. Even if they couldn't do much, they tried to let Rigel know that they were here for him: Sirius especially.

And so here they were— in a muggle hospital with Rigel unconscious on the hospital bed, his family around him.

Remus and Sirius didn't look away from Rigel's pale face.

Tom was the most quiet one.

Cierra, however, wasn't with them. She was at home with the house-elves, since they believed that this would be traumatizing for her.

And rightfully so— Rigel's wrists were all bandaged up, but the blood wasn't stopping. It was starting to leak out of the bandages.

Tom couldn't look away from it.

The thought that he wasn't there for Rigel at the time he needed it most, broke him.

"How'd you find him, Tom?" asked Remus quietly, breaking the silence.

All he knew was Tom apparating Rigel to the nearest muggle hospital he knew, then he had informed Remus and Sirius what happened, not once talking after that.

Tom shrugged. "I felt like I needed to check up on him, so that's what I did. I found him unconscious by his bathroom door... blood all around him."

Sirius and Remus both noticed how his voice had cracked many times as he talked. They even noticed the tears he was holding in.

Sirius wiped his own tears that wouldn't stop and walked out of the room.

As the door shut, Remus sighed.

"He's blaming himself, isn't he?" asked Tom knowingly, still not looking away from the unconscious boy.

"We all are. It's just that Sirius.. well, he cares about Rigel, he really does.. but he thinks that James is probably blaming him for everything. He thinks that he didn't try hard enough at giving our son a better life."

"Rigel has a wonderful life." said Tom quietly.

Remus noticed the present tense as if Tom was basically begging for Rigel to be alive, and he didn't blame him, because both of them noticed the heartbeat monitor that was slowing down every second.

"But sometimes depression comes to those with wonderful lives as well." The boy finished, standing up and walking over to Rigel's side.

••

While Tom and Remus were talking, Rigel woke up groggily.

Looking around, he saw a white light and felt— peace.

He stood up and turned around, noticing a black light there as well.

Intrigued, he walked over to it and felt the most unbearable pain ever, immediately making him back away.

He rushed over to the white light, wanting nothing more than the calmness and light it was showing, but was stopped by someone harshly pulling on his arm.

Rigel frowned and turned around, frown immediately vanishing.

There was an older man and an older woman in front of him, both of them looking at him with so much adoration and sympathy.

The man had hazel eyes and messy hair.

The woman, however, had fiery red hair with green eyes— green eyes exactly like his..

"Mum?" whispered Rigel in disbelief. "Dad?"

They both nodded, smiling at him.

"Are you mad, Rigel?!" James Potter exclaimed suddenly, dodging the slap his wife sent.

"What he means, is—" Lily Potter rolled her eyes at her husband. Then her eyes softened as soon as it landed on her grown up son. "—Rigel that white light isn't where you're supposed to go to. Not now. You're way too young, darling."

"But— it feels.. it feels peaceful and.. and I.."

"You can find peace in the black light, too, Rigel." said his dad, putting a hand on Rigel's shoulder. "You just need to keep your family close.. and Tom. Especially Tom."

Rigel stilled, frowning in shock and disbelief. "But.. but I don't want to go back!" He exclaimed desperately, starting to walk to the white light again.

Lily rushed over to him and turned him around, gripping tightly on his shoulders. "Rigel, you have to! You're way too young for the white! And anyways, how could you leave Remus and Sirius? Or your sister, Cierra? Or even Tom?"

"Mum— he murdered you." whispered Rigel in disbelief.

"That was long ago, darling." said Lily, shaking her head fondly as she started running her hands through her son's hair. "We've both forgiven him."

"Yes, and we believe in you, Rigel." James joined in again, walking over to them. "You have to go to the black light."

"But.. we're finally a family. Like we always should've been." said Rigel desperately.

Lily frowned. "We're always a family."

"And Remus and Sirius deserve to be your family more than us."

"Exactly." nodded Lily, agreeing with her husband. "They've raised you, adopted you, became your parents."

"We're your biological parents, Ri, but they've always been your real parents." James smiled softly.

Rigel sighed, knowing they were right. He glanced at the white light one more time, then looked at the black light. "I have to go back, don't I?"

"Yes."

Rigel looked at his mum, who smiled and hugged him.

James joined in.

That's exactly what Rigel had wanted for as long as he could remember: a hug from his biological parents.

"Oh, and Rigel?" said James when his son was near to the black light.

Rigel turned around, looking at the man who had his arm around his wife's waist.

"We never stopped believing in you."

"You can do this. We're always watching over you."

Rigel nodded to his parents' words, giving them one last smile, which vanished when he asked, "Is this all real... or is this happening inside my head?"

"Of course it's all happening inside your head, darling."

"Why should that mean that it's not real?" smirked James.

Their son let out a fond chuckle, looking at them one last time, then walked into the black light— trying to ignore how painful it was.

••

Tom sighed.

He was now alone in the room with Rigel, since Remus was out comforting Sirius.

They both had wanted to be there for Rigel, of course, but it was unbearable to watch the way the blood leaked under his wrists.

Tom had tried healing them with magic, but it wouldn't work since the cuts were extremely deep.

He sighed again and walked over to him, running his hands through the unconscious boy's curly hair. "C'mon, Ri. You can do this. I believe in you." He whispered, desperation evident in his voice.

And that's all that Rigel needed to walk through the end of the black light and finally come back.

Tom's eyes widened with joy when Rigel started tiredly opening his eyes. "Rigel?"

The 17-year-old frowned in confusion and tried getting up, but was softly pushed back onto the bed by Tom.

"You're in the hospital." explained Tom, handing him a glass of water.

Rigel looked even more confused as he drank it. Hospital? What was he even there for—

His eyes widened. Quickly putting down the glass by the bedside table, he looked at his bandaged wrists and sighed.

He looked up and suddenly felt very ashamed when he noticed Tom's sad and stern look. "Why would you do that, Rigel?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Tom sighed and pulled his chair closer to Rigel's bed, so he was now right next to him. He looked at the boy, motioning for his hand.

Rigel, knowing what he was hinting at, nodded, letting his hand be held by the older boy. "I'm sorry." He said in a low voice. "I couldn't help it."

"You could've come to me for help. I would've listened. I would've helped."

"I didn't want to worry you.."

"So you go and attempt to kill yourself?" snapped Tom, immediately apologizing when Rigel flinched. "I'm sorry, Ri. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know."

"You should get some rest." said Tom, standing up, no longer holding Rigel's hand.

Rigel frowned at the coldness and grabbed Tom's hand again, making him turn around. "Don't leave. Please."

Tom wordlessly nodded and sat back down again, eyes never leaving Rigel's.

"Have you even slept?" asked the younger boy, noticing the bags under Tom's eyes.

"Yes."

"No, you haven't." said Rigel knowingly, making space in his hospital bed. He patted the space next to him, "Come. Sleep."

Trying to ignore the way his heart just melted, Tom smiled and nodded, laying in bed next to him.

He looked at the boy in his arms, that was now almost asleep. One of his hands were around his waist, the other playing with Rigel's hair— Rigel, however, was completely curled up to Tom's side, feeling safer now more than ever.

"I thought I lost you." murmured Tom, even though Rigel was now asleep. "I thought I lost the only person I've ever loved.."