Grace

Madilim na nang matapos kaming mag-ayos sa hall. Nauna na ang iba naming mga kasama pagkatapos ng activity. Hanggang ngayon hindi parin ako makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari.

Just a few months ago, all I had in my mind was that I was to study well in this school so that I'd be able to graduate and that's all, but now that I'm actually here. It was so much more than what I had expected.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang sayang nadarama ko ngayon. Before, I thought I was satisfied. But only after experiencing God's touch did I realize I wanted so much more. I want more of Him, and now that all these are happening, alam kong hindi 'yon imposible. I respired in satisfaction. Napakabuti talaga ng Diyos.

Inilibot ko ang paningin, making sure that all the chairs were fixed. Tinanaw ko si Gabriel, "Okay na yata ito, tara na?"

Tumango siya at initaas ang bag, "Oo, okay na."

Lalabas na sana kami nang marinig ang takong ni Ma'amJohanna sa sahig, "Tapos na ba kayo?"

"Opo, Ma'am. Okay na po." Sagot kong nakangiti. Lumabas kami sa hall at pinanood habang ikinakandado ito ni Ma'am. Pagkatapos, humarap siya sa amin at nagsimulang maglakad.

"Good job sainyong dalawa, Grace, Gabriel," She gazed at both of us as she spoke, "I'm so blessed to have you as my students. You are an answer to my prayers,"

"Ganon ka din po sa amin Ma'am," I responded with a smile, "It's such a blessing to have an adviser like you."

Her lips lifted to a smile, "Glory to God, Hija. And Gabriel?"

"Ma'am?"

"Keep your fire burning," She placed an palm on his arm, "God has a mighty plan for your life."

Tumango si Gabriel, "Y-yes, Ma'am,"

"Since nagsisimula palang ng Campus Ministry," We heard her speak, "Ako muna ang magsheshare. Pero I'm already telling you ha, sooner than later I will be assigning you to speak and share as well, okay?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko, "Ha? K-kami po, Ma'am? Hindi po ako marunong magpreach!"

She smiled at me and tapped my back, "Hija, you can preach. Simply sharing about what God had done in your life with the support of His Word and Anointing is already in itself preaching."

She paused and looked around as we walked past the school gate, "At huwag kayong mag-alala. I will help you construct your preaching notes, okay? But then again, the only way to learn how to preach, is to preach. This will be a good training for you."

Hindi ko alam, but I felt so excited as I listened to her words. It was only now that I somehow began to realize, there was nothing more fulfilling than being able to share the salvation thatJesus had made available to men.

"Nga pala," Inilibot ni Ma'am Johanna ang tingin. "Dito na ako at maghihintay pa ako ng taxi. Kayo?"

"Malapit lang po kami dito sa school Ma'am," Sambit ni Gabriel.

"Yes Ma'am, walking distance lang po." Kumpirmasyon ko.

"Hmm," Her gaze narrowed as she looked up the dark skies, "Saan ba kayong banda?"

"D'yan lang po sa subdivision, Ma'am."

"I see." Tumango siya't muling nagsalita. "Kung ganon sabay na kayo sakin sa taxi. Baba nalang kayo sa intersection para atleast konti nalang lalakarin niyo."

"Salamat po, Ma'am!" Nakangiti kong sagot. Mabuti nalang talaga't mabait itong teacher namin.

"Okay," Lumingon si Ma'am sa kalsada nang may ilaw kaming naaninag na nagmula dito. Pinara niya ito at tumigil naman ang taxi sa harap niya. Agad kaming sumakay dito at makalipas rin ang ilang minuto, naka-rating na rin kami sa intersection. I saw the air released from my mouth as we stepped out, the chilly breeze seeping into my clothes. Naku, kailangan ng kape sa lagay na ito.

"Iyaman, Ma'am." Rinig kong sambit ni Gabriel, thanking her in our tongue. "Ingat po kayo."

She waved from the window as the taxi advanced, gradually disappearing from sight as our distance progressed.

"Tara na?" Narinig kong sambit ni Gabriel.

Inangat ko ang paningin sakaniya, "Oo, tara na. Napakalamig gusto kong magkape."

Tumango siya sabay ngiti. "Hindi ka pa ba sanay sa lamig dito?"

"Naku," umiling ako, "kahit pa siguro sanay ako eh gugustuhin ko paring magkape. Para akong nawawalan ng dugo sa sobrang lamig!"

Muli siyang ngumiti at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. "Sabagay,"

"Nga pala," I began, "Anong sabi ng papa niyo pagkatapos ng nangyari sa Ospital?"

Bumuntong-hininga siya, "Hindi siya naniniwala eh. Kahit naipakita na sa kaniya ang ebidensiya, ang sabi niya nagkamali lang daw ang doctor ng akala tungkol sa kondisyon ng kapatid ko. It's all irrational he says,"

"Ganon ba?" I lowered my head in dismay, "Grabe naman 'yon. Paanong mamimis-diagnose ang baling buto?"

"'Yon nga eh," he remarked, "Pero dibale, naniniwala akong darating ang araw na magbabago rin siya. After seeing what had happened, I somehow realized that not everything can be explained by reason. Indeed, there are things that can be understood by faith alone."

I gazed up at him in admiration. Si Gabriel ba talaga itong nagsasalita? The one who once said to me that God was only created by men to appease their fear of the unknown? The one who said that believing in God was irrational? My lips curled to a smile.

"A-amen," I breathed, "By faith, indeed."

For a moment silence flourished in our midst, my mind in a pool of thoughts as I pondered his words. I surrendered to the urge, speaking up as we walked, "Gabriel?"

"Hmm?" He turned his head.

"Alam kong this is all God's doing, but I want to know," I met his gaze, "What really happened to you? Beginning that night of Janice's healing, you were never the same again. Hindi ka pa nga nakapasok sa church no'n eh. But... why? I want to know. Ano talagang nangyari?"

I saw a faint smile adorn his face, "Encounter," He breathed, "It wasn't Janice's healing that changed me, it was an encounter with God that turned my life upside down."

I respired in awe, the power in his words enough to stir my spirit. My chest heaved. "Wow," I could only whisper, a smile now upon my lips as I thought. Indeed, it is in God's presence, that even the darkest of hearts can be changed. I suppressed the tears that threatened to fall, joy welling up in my being. Thank You, Lord. Thank You so much.

"Praise the Lord, Ga-" I felt a bead of cold water against my arms, halting my speech. Hala, umuulan? I felt apprehension surge my veins as I heard the pitter-patter of rain against the ground, the liquid beads staining my dry clothes.

Dali-dali kong binuksan ang bag at hinanap ang payong, pero naka-ilang segundo na ang lumipas at 'di ko parin ito matunton. I shut my eyes forcibly, recalling the memory in my mind. Sus! Naiwan ko yata sa anthorium hall!

Tinignan ko si Gabriel, pero bago pa ako magsalita ay sinagot na niya ang itatanong ko.

"Pasensiya na, wala akong payong eh,"

I bit my lip in panic, gazing up to the skies as more drops fell from the skies. I felt a hand grip my wrist.

"Tara na!" Pagka-sambit niya nito'y nagsimula siyang tumakbo, pulling me along with him as he advanced. With much effort I sped up my steps, running with him as I sought out the green gate that marked my cousin's house.

I felt my blouse gradually get soaked up under my cardigan, intensifying the worry I felt. Tsk, 'yong mga notebook ko! Pambihira, mahirap magtransfer ng notes!

After a few turns, natanaw ko na din ang gate namin. Immediately, I pushed the gate open.

Liningon ko si Gabriel. Basang-basa na rin siya. "Anong ginagawa mo, halika na!"

"P-pero baka-"

Without listening to another word, I took hold of his arm and pulled him in, "Bilis na't lalo kang mababasa!"

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang makapasok kami. Tinignan ko ang unipormeng bumabalot saakin. Naku, kailangan kong maligo nito't ayokong magka-sakit. Hays.

Naglakad akong patungong pinto at agad naaninag ang ilaw mula sa loob.

"Hindi ba magagalit ang pinsan mo na sumama ako dito?" Narinig kong tanong ni Gabriel.

"Bakit naman? Mabait si Ate Marla. Maiintindihan niya kapag inexplain ko."

Binuksan ko ang pinto at naglibot ng tingin. Asa'n na mga tao dito?

"Tita!!!"

Gulat akong tumingin sa pinang galingan ng mga boses. My nephews came running from the play room - smiles on their faces as they approached.

"Hep hep hep!" I stepped back "Wag niyo muna akong i-hug at basa ako." Ngumiti ako sabay pisil ng pisngi ng isa kong pamangkin. I saw the boys shift their gaze, eyes filled with wonder as they looked past me.

"Titaaa," One of them said with a playful smile, "Gayyem mo?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Anong!" Tumingala ako't huminga ng malalin. "H-hindi! Hindi ko siya boyfriend. Pambihirang. Ang babata niyo ah ba't alam niyo na mga yan!?"

Humagikhik ang dalawa sabay kaway kay Gabriel.

"O siya, ba't nasa'an ang Mama niyo?"

"Bumili lang ng Ice Cream, ate." Agad na sagot ng isa.

"Ice cream? Kalamig lamig eh mag a-ice cream?" Tinanaw ko ang pintuan. Hala, buti kung may payong 'yon? Anglakas ng ulan e medyo malayo-layo pa man din ang store dito.

"Oh ket, ano nang ginagawa niyo?"

Naglakad palayo ang isa kong pamangkin, "Laro lang po, Tita."

"Gusto niyo ng milk?" Pahabol kong tanong habang ang isa rin ay bumalik sa playroom.

"Opo!" Rinig kong sagot nila.

Napabuntong-hininga nalang ako at nilingon si Gabriel. He had this amused look in his face. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Loko talaga ng mga pamangkin kong 'yon.

"A-" I cleared my throat, "Palit lang ako ha."

Mabilis akong umakyat sa hagdan at pumasok sa kwarto. I gazed down at my soaking wet clothes. Naku, kailangan ko nang labhan to! Agad ko itong hinubad at nagpalit, putting on my comfiest sweater and pajamas in haste. Pagkatapos ay lumabas na ko agad ng kwarto, a towel in my hand as I went down the stairs.

Gabriel

I felt a shiver run down my spine as I came to fully realize the sodden condition I was in. Hmm, rainy season na naman kasi kaya halos araw-araw ay umuulan na.

Ilang sandali ang lumipas at narinig ko ang mga yapak ni Grace mula sa hagdan. I saw her step down the last stair, a towel in her hand as she walked towards me in haste.

"Oh heto gamitin mo." Iniabot niya sakin ang tuwalya .

"Salamat."

"At ito," nag-abot siya sakin ng isang polo, "Pasensiya na ha medyo malaki 'yan. 'Yan 'yong 'di na ginagamit ni Kuya Dan na polo. Naka-hanger lang sa taas kaya hiramin mo muna."

I could only stare as she worriedly gazed up at me. The sides of my lips lifted. Kinuha ko ang polo mula sa kamay niya, gaze anchored upon her as she handed it. Her hair was completely soaked as well, a tinge of pink tainting her fare cheeks.

"Sige magpalit ka na," her gaze shifted, "Magtitimpla lang ako ng gatas nong mga pamangkin ko. Guso mo magkape?"

Tumango ako, "Ah, sige."

Naglakad siya palayo at nagtungo sa isang pinto sa gilid ng sala. Do'n siguro ang kusina nila. Naglibot ako ng tingin, the gleaming furnitures filling my perception. Talaga ngang mayaman ang pinsan niya. Itong sala palang nila, napakalawak na.

Tinignan ko ang damit na ibinigay niya, placing it on the couch for a while as I quickly slid the wet shirt off my torso.

"Halika na dito sa kusina kung ta-" I lifted my head, meeting her wide gaze from their kitchen's door, "Sorry," She swiftly turned around, hiding away her cheeks tainted crimson. My brows furrowed, smiling as I watched. "Andito 'yong kape sa k-kusina," Sambit niya at sabay lakad palayo.

I suppressed the laugh that bubbled from my core, putting on the polo in haste as I walked to the kitchen. Bumungad sa akin ang amoy ng barako, and at its scent I inhaled in satisfaction.

Nakatalikod parin si Grace nang madatnan ko, her waist-long hair dripping with water as she stirred the coffee on the counter. Humarap siya at naglakad patungo sakin, handing me the cup as she approached.

I swallowed hard, my gaze surveying her comely face as she lifted her head. As much as I tried, I couldn't seem to take my eyes off her. Passion grabbed hold of my being, entranced as I gave in to the urge. Well rounded eyes seemed to draw me in to its depths, a straight nose accentuating her features, my gaze trailed down to her lips - a fine color of cherries.

"Uy?" I blinked back to my senses, "Ito na kape mo," Ibinawing ko ang tingin sa kapeng hawak niya. Agad ko naman itong kinuha. She turned around once more went to the counter for her own cup.

Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata, taking in a breath as I recovered from the sudden spike of heartbeat.

Ayeh. Forgive me, Lord. I lifted my lids and gazed upwards. Restrain me, Lord. I don't want to sin against You.

•••

My gaze remained downwards as I walked, thoughts in a muddle as I recalled what took place earlier. No amount of denial can conceal what I feel for her. I shook my head, respiring in uncertainty as I thought. I resisted the sudden urge to curse. Why her of all women? Why her when I know I can never be good enough for her? She is so devoted, so Spirit-lead. So ... pure.

I quietly opened the door of our house and was relieved to see my father's absence. I shut the door behind me and went for the stairs.

Lord, this is too much for me to bear. Please don't allow me to have such feelings for a woman I can't have. Pity slowly gripped my heart. Paano kaya? What if I hadn't been the way I was, would there be a chance? I quickly withdrew the thought. No. That woman deserves better - a man who hasn't traded purity for temporary pleasures. A man of the same spiritual standing.

I slumped against my bed as soon as I reached my room, gazing up on the ceiling as I thought.

Lord, I beg of you. If this is the way you punish me for my life of immorality, please have mercy. Nagsisisi na ako, Panginoon. Please make the sufferring cease. Please take it away. Maasi ka't riknak, Apo. I can't bear it.

But ...

I held my head up, drawing hope as I tried to consider the idea. If there could be a chance that this be from You, then ... teach me. Show me.

Ayeh, Apo. Change me.

Dead silence filled the room, and with this is sighed in dismay. I shut my eyes and took in a breath, darkness filling my perception.

It's time to stop. Ayusin mo sarili mo, Gabriel! I heard my mind beckon. This madness has to stop. I stood to my feet and changed into dry clothes, pulling the blankets as soon as I lay back down. Forgive me, Lord. Forgive me for these shameless requests. I will do all I can to get this over with. I need Your Grace, oh God.

I released a heavy sigh, allowing sleep to draw me in.

And then... out from the silence, I heard a still small voice.

Aginaya

The voice seemed to echo in my head. I felt wonder take hold of my being. Am I simply hearing things? I felt my body shift in the bed.

Her name is Aginaya

I sucked in a breath, chest heaving as I forced my eyes open. Swiftly I reached for my phone. It's been an hour since I slept. I searched my mind for the words.

Who exactly is Aginaya?