Malungkot akong naglakad palabas sa office ng grocery store. Pangatlong subok ko na ito, pero sa lahat ng application ko wala paring tumatanggap sa akin. Bumuntong-hininga ako at umupo sa bench sa labas ng building. Laking pasalamat ko sa Panginoon na gumawa Siya ng daan para makapanatili ako dito, pero sa kaganapang 'yon mayroon din namang pagsubok na kalakip.

Iniangat ko ang tingin at pinagmasdan ang asul na langit. Hindi. Ilang beses nang pinatunayan ng Diyos na hindi Niya ako pababayaan, huli na para magduda pa ako sakaniya. I lowered my gaze and recalled Ma'am Johanna's words, the remembrance of it sending a wave of encouragement to my being. Indeed, if it's God's Will, it's God's Bill.

My thoughts were altered as I felt my phone vibrate. Dali-dali ko itong inilabas at agad natuwa nang mabasa ang salitang 'Mama' sa screen. I swiped the answer icon and anticipated for my mother's voice.

"Anak?"

"O, Ma?"

"Kumusta naman ang application mo, anak?"

I released a breath, unsure of how to respond, "Hindi ako natanggap Ma eh," Panimula ko, "Full time sales personnel ang kailangan nila eh nag-aaral naman ako kaya,"

"Naku, ganon ba?" Silence reigned in our conversation for a while. "Hala, anak. Basta kung sakali eh magsabi ka sa'kin ha? Kung talagang wala ka nang magamit d'yan gagawa ako ng paraan para makapagpadala."

A wave of guilt overwhelmed my being. Kung sila nga doon hirap na makaraos sa isang araw, paano na kung sasama pa akong makikihingi?

"Hindi ma," I took in a breath, "Magagawan pa ng paraan ito. May naiwan pa naman po akong ipon."

Narinig ko ang pagbuntong-hininga ni mama mula sa kabilang linya, "Pasensiya na anak ha. Basta sabihan mo ako kung sakali, okay?"

I bit my lip and replied, "Sige ma. Pero huwag kayong mag-alala." I swallowed hard, "God will provide for me."

Ipinagpatuloy namin ang pag-uusap at makalipas ang ilang minuto ibinaba ko na rin ang telepono. I kept my gaze on the phone and checked the time. Mage-eleven na. Kailangan ko nang bumalik sa church at nang mailutuan ko ang mga nagtatrabaho do'n.

A smile slowly made its way to my lips. Maraming salamat, Panginoon. Maraming salamat talaga. You've done many wonders in my life since I got here, no words can equal Your goodness.

Kasalukuyang inaayos ng ilan sa mga boys mula sa youth ministry ang kuwarto na gagamitin ko. Isang lingo na rin akong nakikiginamit sa kuwarto nila Pastor Fernando, mabuti't madalang lang sila nagsestay do'n ng pamilya niya. Sa ngayon rine-renovate ang kabilang kuwarto para naman kung sakaling matulog sila doon ay hindi na ako maka-abala.

Tumayo ako at nagsimulang tuntunin ang paradahan ng jeep papunta s'amin. Nakapakaraming tao dito sa town. Lalo na't sabado ngayon maraming nasa labas. The tall Veniz hotel building towered above me as I walked past the Igorot Garden, making me respire in awe as I watched the scenery. Ang ganda ng araw ngayon ah. Parang ngayon lang ulit yatang umaraw ng husto. Ilang lingo ring puro ulan ang Baguio.

I held my bag tighter as I scaled onto a jeepney, recalling in my mind the events of the past days. Ilang beses na bumisita si Ate Marla, naninigurado na ayos lang ako do'n mula nang malamang 'di ako natuloy sa pag-uwi.

I could sense her worry each time she was there. Repeatedly she apologized for her husband, and repeatedly I replied I understood. Totoo naman, naiintindihan ko. Somehow, as horrible as it may be, I came to feel thankful for what he had done. Kung hindi niya ginawa 'yon, I would not have experienced God's miracle-working power in a new way. Indeed, it is in times of great human incapability that God's power is revealed.

Nag-abot ako ng pamasahe sa dispatcher at inilabas ang phone nang maramdaman ang pagvibrate nito. Naghahanda na raw si Rhoe na pumunta na rin sa church para tumulong. Tinignan ko ang oras at nagtancha. Siguro after mga thirty minutes ay makakarating na rin siya.

Ilang sandali pa at umandar na ang jeep. Ipinikit ko ang mata at umidlip. I kept my eyes shut, taking a nap with my head against the jeep's windows. Makalipas ang ilang minuto, I began to gather my consciousness back, noticing familiar landmarks as the jeep advanced. I looked over the window and called out to the driver.

Pagkapara ko, tumigil ang sasakyan at agad na rin akong bumaba. Ilang metro lang ang lalakarin mula sa main road hanggang sa church. Kaya hindi nagtagal at nakarating agad ako.

The gates were open and I heard voices from inside the church. I went in and saw the group of young people on the pews, laughing along as they assembled wood on the back area of the church building.

"Hello Grace!" Bati ni Jun, smiling briefly and returning his gaze to the blocks of wood he was nailing to each other.

"Hi, Jun!" Sagot ko, "Para saan naman 'yan?"

"Ah, sa door ito." He replied as he took another nail, "Para may support 'yong sides niya."

"Ohh," I could only nod, watching as the others did what they had to do. Grabe, napaka-palad ko sa mga youth na kasama ko. They were more than just churchmates, they were brothers.

"Bro Greg!" I heard Jun call out, making me turn to the church's entrance. Pumasok ang binata na may hawak na plastic bag. "Greg, patulong nga ako saglit dito."

"Sige, sandali lang." Lumapit si Greg saakin at iniabot ang supot, "Paki dala naman ito sa Pastoral House, Sis." Sambit niya, "Pinabili 'yan ni Gabriel. Siya ang nagluluto do'n eh."

Tumango ako. Ah, kaya pala siya wala dito. "Siya lang ba nagluluto do'n?" Tanong ko.

"Oo Sis," Kumpirmasyon niya, "Siya kasi ang tumapos sa bintana do'n sa magiging kuwarto mo. Kaya do'n siya nagstay ng buong umaga mula nong nagpa-town ka."

Somehow a wave of apprehension washed over my being. Naku, sana may kasama siya do'n. His words from last Sunday was again refreshed in my mind, putting me in a sudden trance of emotions as I recalled it.

"Uy, Grace!" I shook my head, refocusing my gaze as I heard Greg's voice. "Namula ka bigla, ayos ka lang?"

Para akong lalong nahiya sa sambit niya. Nagpilit nalang ako ng ngiti at nagsimulang maglakad palayo. "A-ayos lang ako!" I bowed slightly and walked away in haste.

Cold wind slammed against my skin as soon as I got out the church building, and with this, I began to walk towards the Pastoral house, my heart throbbing against my chest with each step I took.

Bumungad saakin ang amoy ng Pinikpikan sa pagpasok ko. I sniffed the air in satisfaction, filling my lungs with its delicious smell as I walked in. Grabe, nakakagutom naman ang amoy dito. Pumasok ako at sa paglagpas ko sa sala ay agad kong nakita si Gabriel, a ladle in his hand and an apron around his waist. I smiled in amusement. Angcute naman ng hitsura nito.

"Ang bango ah." Kumento ko. "Wala ka kasama?"

"Ah, nandito si Pastor Melchour." Sagot niya sabay bukas ng supot ng abot ko, "And'yan siya sa CR nagshower lang."

"Ah," I nodded in percipience.

"Kamusta naman ang application mo?"

Bumuntong-hininga ako, "Hindi ako natanggap eh. Kailangan daw nila ng full-time."

He paused and looked at me intently, "Ganon ba?" He nodded, "Dibale, siguro may planong iba ang Panginoon." He remarked, his voice assuring.

"Oo siguro." Pagsang-ayon ko, "T'saka ini-isip ko din, hindi maganda ang sched do'n. Hindi day off ang lingo at whole day pa."

"'Yon lang." Tumalikod siya at naghalo ng ilan pang sangkap sa niluluto, "Mahirap din namang i-sakripisyo ang paglilingkod sa Diyos sa lingo para lang sa trabaho."

I could only nod in assent as he spoke, awestruck of the truth his words held. Never. Never had I expected him to be this ... on fire. More and more I began to notice his striking growth. Seriously, ilang buwan lang ba siyang naging believer? Pero bakit ganon? The way he carried himself, the way he acted, all down to the way he spoke, it was all so ... different. If you met him now, you would never think he was the way he was just a few months ago. I felt a faint smile form in my lips. Grabe talaga bumago ng buhay ang Diyos.

"Nga pala," I finally said, "Nabalitaan ko kay Rhoe na nag enroll ka daw sa Weekly Bible School dito sa church." A chuckle escaped my lips, "Mukhang tama kutob ko ah. Magpa-pastor ka na rin ba?"

He gazed at me intently, a smile forming upon his lips, "Malay natin?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang sambit niya, "T-talaga!? Seryoso ka? May plano ka talagang mag-pastor?"

I eyed him in anticipation, but he only chuckled it away. I pursed my lips, taking a seat on the table as I thought.

I may have prayed for him to be saved, but never have I anticipated him to have this desire. His past words alone would convince most people he'd never want to be a preacher. My goodness, how God turned this man's life around is nothing short of a miracle.

"Grace," I lifted my gaze towards him, "Tungkol nga pala sa nasabi ko noong last Sunday,"

At his word I felt my heart pace faster, the mere memory of it sending a spike to its beat. Ito na nga. As clear as his words may have sounded, it still seemed to me like a dream. Was he really serious about that? At isa pa, didn't I see him romantic with Leah just last week? I shook my head in confusion.

"Grace?"

I took in a breath and met his gaze, he looked at me with intensity. "Oh, bakit?"

"I understand if you have your doubts," he began, "But let me be clear. I meant all that I said that day."

The mere look in his eyes was enough to send me goosebumps, and the more I gazed at it, the more it seemed to draw me in.

"H-hindi ba nagkabalikan na kayo ni Leah?"

"Ha?" He knit his brows and shook his head, "Panong nagkabalikan, Grace?"

"Eh, diba no'ng Friday na 'yon, nakit-"

"It's not what you think, Grace." He lowered his head, releasing a long breath as he placed the ladle on a plate. "Nag-uusap lang kami no'n. Inamin niyang naikwento niya sa lola niya ang tungkol sa mga manifestations sa Fellowship natin kaya umiiyak siyang humingi ng tawad. Nang subukan ko siyang patahanin, ganon naman ang ginawa niya. Hindi ko rin 'yon inasahan Grace."

I stared at him in silence as he explained, taking into consideration his words as I listened. Totoo kaya sinasabi niya?

"I'm telling the truth, Grace." He breathed, "I'm serious about my intentions with you. I had always played with women in the past, but now that my life is God's, I want to do this right."

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" My gaze remained on him, ears in anticipation for his reply.

"I have already spoken to Pastor Melchour about this." He took a seat on the chair across mine, his hands clasped before him as he looked at me intently.

"I know that right now you are in the season of preparation, both professionally and spiritually. As of now, nakikita kong ang Diyos ang focus mo at hindi kita gustong madistorbo." He paused and smiled faintly. "I am also in that season. And though I am a far more established financially, I also would like to grow in my spiritual stature."

Naningkit ang mga mata ko, my heart throbbing as I tried my best to process his words. What exactly is he getting into?

"Just know Grace that I am willing to wait for you. If God and if you permit, I am willing to do whatever it takes to become a man who can lead you closer to Christ. I won't ask anything from you as of now, but I just wanted you to know that I meant all that I have said and am willing to prove it in God's timing."