Muli akong sumulyap sa salamin at inayos ang makapal na kardigan na dumoble sa aking uniporme. Hmm. Siguro naman hindi na ako masyadong lalamigin nito.

I turned to my side, looking over my shoulder as I checked to see my waist-long hair. Back in the province, I would always have my hair on a ponytail. Now in this kind of weather, I realized this hair did wonders let down. With a quick swipe I lifted my bag to my shoulder and went out of the room.

Sa pagbaba ko ay bumungad muli ang napaka-bangong niluluto ni Ate.

"Oh, halika na't kumain, Grace," My cousin beckoned from the table.

"Opo, Ate," Dali dali akong lumapit at naki-upo sakanila, taking a plate and spoon upon sitting down.

Hindi nagtagal nang mahalata ko ang pagtitig ni Ate Marla. "Uhm," I cleared my throat, "May problema po ba ate?"

"Wala naman, Grace," Pinagpatuloy niya akong titigan, "Para kasing, may kaka-iba sa'yo ngayon. Mukang maganda yata naging beauty rest mo ah! Blooming ang pinsan ko!"

Natawa nalang ako at muling yumuko, unsure of how to respond to her remark.

"Hala," I chuckled. Muli kong naalala yung nangyari kahapon sa simbahan, and with this, my lips involuntarily curved to a smile. Maybe It's because of His presence.

Nagpatuloy ang pag-uusap namin, laughing along as my cousin recanted their experiences with my nephews back in the park yesterday.

As much as I wanted to be fully happy, the implications of it did not permit me. Gustuhin man niyang idala sa simbahan ang mga anak nila, hindi niya ito magawa. She may have been married to a well-off man, but this man rejected the existence of God. Unang araw ko palang dito sinabi na ni ate. Kaya naman idiniin niyang hindi dapat malaman ng asawa niya kung magpupunta ako sa simbahan.

"Nga pala Ate," Panimula ko, "Nasaan si Kuya Dan?"

Bumuntong-hininga siya at nagsimulang sumagot, "Ayun, maaga ulit sa trabaho. Medyo complicated kasi ang schedule niya sa ospital ngayon."

"Ah ganon po ba," tumatango kong sagot, "Ate, kailangan ko na nga po palang umalis. 7am na po eh."

She smiled widely and nodded, "Okay sige, Ingat ka, ading!"

"Opo, enjoy your day, 'te!" With this, I stood and made my way to the door.

Unusual excitement surged my veins as I gazed out the long empty street before me. Never had I been this excited to go to school. Pagkatapos ng nangyari kahapon sa simbahan, parang pakiramdam ko nagkaroon ng hindi maipaliwanag na motibasyon ulit ang buhay ko. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng napuspos ng Santo Espirito. I took in a breath and began to walk, a smile on my face as I readied myself for the day.

Lord, let Your will be done today. Use me for Your glory.

•••

Chatter from the hallways echoed to the inside of the classroom, voices of the students from the hallways filling my ears. Lumingon ako at tinignan si Rhoe, her face to her phone.

Dalawa nalang kaming naiwan ngayon sa classroom. Nag-pasama kasi siyang mag-update ng bulletin board at medyo natagalan kaya naman nauna nang umalis ang iba naming kaklase.

"Oh Grace!" Tinapik niya ako at inilapit ang cellphone, "Bakit nandito ka sa picture na post ni Ma'am Johanna? Sa simbahan nila ito, hindi ba?"

Tinitigan kong mabuti ang larawan, "Ah! Oo, yan yung picture namin pagkatapos nung service kahapon."

"Woah, so pumunta ka sa church nila?" Mangha niyang tanong, "Anong style?"

Sumandal ako sa lamesa niya, a smile on my face as I excitedly recanted the events. Halata sa muka niya yung pagka bigla habang pinapakinggan ako.

"Grabe, Rhoe! Hindi ko maipaliwanag yung intensity ng nangyari kahapon. Para akong lumalangoy sa Presensiya ng Diyos! Ang saya," I released a satisfied sigh, "Ang saya talaga."

"Wow, naman." Sambit niyang nakayuko. Nangunot ang noo ko, taka nang tila magbago ang awra ng kanyang mukha.

"Okay ka lang, Rhoe?" Tanong ko, "Bakit parang nagbago itsura mo?"

"Ah," Nagpilit siya ng ngiti at humarap saakin, "W-wala,"

"May problema ba?"

Bumuntong-hininga siya, "Para kasing... nakaka-inggit. Bakit sa ibang tao parang napakalapit at napaka-buti ng Diyos pero sa iba parang wala Siyang paki-alam?"

Bahagya akong natigilan nang marinig ang sambit niya, "Bakit-" Tinignan ko siya ng maigi, "Bakit mo naman nasabi 'yan?"

"Hindi mo ba nakikita, Grace?" Ibinaling niya ang tingin sa akin. "Napakaraming mabubuting tao ang nagdurusa sa kamay ng mga masasama. Napakaraming pamilya ang nasisira. Napakaraming anak ang naiiwan lang sa kalsada. Napakaraming-" Napasinghap siya at muling nagbaba ng tingin. "Nasaan ang Diyos sa lahat ng mga 'yon?"

Hindi ko alam, pero tila ba nakaramdam ako ng sobrang lungkot habang pinagmamasdan ko siya. Tandang-tanda ko pa nong namatay ang tatay ko. Yong mga katangungang ganito, lahat ito ay natanong ko na.

"Naiintidihan ko, Rhoe," mahinahon kong tugon, "Ako din naman eh. Dumating din ako sa puntong kinuwestiyon ko ang Diyos, kung bakit Niya hinahayaang mangyari ang mga bagay-bagay." I took in a breath, preparing in my mind what I was to say, "Pero kailangan nating maintindihan na hindi naman ito kasalanan ng Diyos. Hindi ito ang kagustuha Niya. Lahat ng mga kasamaang nangyayari sa mundo, hindi natutuwa ang Diyos sa mga ito, nagsimula lang ito nang magkasala ang tao do'n sa Hardin ng Eden."

Nakita ko ang pagkunot ng noo niya, and with this I resumed to speak, "Pero, Rhoe, hindi do'n nagtatapos ng storya. Kahit nagkasala ang tao at sinuway ang mga kautusan Niya, gumawa parin Siya ng daan upang mabigyang pag-asa ang sangkatauhan. Ipinadala Niya ang kaisa-isa Niyang anak na si Hesus upang bigyan tayo ng kaligtasan at pag-asa. Punong-puno man ng sakit ang buhay natin ngayon, may kasama itong saya dahil alam nating kasama natin Siya sa lahat ng pagsubok na darating..."

Muli kong ini-angat ang tingin at nagulat nang makita ang luhang tumulo mula sa mga mata niya. A faint smile crept up my lips. I resumed to speak. "Yun ay kung... tatanggapin natin Siya buhay natin,"

Swiftly she wiped the tears from her cheeks and stood, her face now turned away. Why?

"Hindi ko alam kung-" Bahagya niya akong sinulyapan, "Kung kaya ko pang maniwala." Without another word she began to walk away, head lowered as she walked.

"Rhoe!" I called, but to my dismay she only paused for a moment, and then continued to walk again, this time leaving the room completely.

I lowered my gaze in thought. Lord. Lord why? An unusual burden weighed down my heart. Ano kaya ang problema? Anong nangyari sakaniya?

"Hmm,"

I jolted upright at the sound, wonder taking over as I saw a familiar man walk in the room. Heto nanaman tayo.

I watched quietly as he made his way towards his seat, lifted his bag to his shoulder then looked at me.

"Well," He began, "It seems that your proselytizing didn't work."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Dang, he really is something.

"Kung minsan kasi, huwag ipilit ang paniniwala. Lalong-lalo na kapag hindi naman ito logical," Kumento niya sabay lakad palayo.

At this point I felt my brows knit, releasing a furious sigh as I prepared to respond. "Hoy," I clasped my eyes, the memory of Rhoe's words flashing in my mind.

Two years ahead siya sa atin.

Inis akong tumigil at inayos ang sarili.

"Kuya," I began, resisting the tempting urge of sarcasm, "Anong illogical? Who told you believing in God is illogical?"

"Yes, it's illogical." His lips curled into a smirk. "And please, there's no need to feign courtesies. Just call me by my name."

I nodded, relief washing over me. The thought of calling this man 'kuya,' given his seemingly thoughtless views, made me feel deeply uncomfortable.

"Illogical? At paano mo naman 'yon nasabi?" I pressed. "Don't you know that many notable people in the scientific world actually posit to the existence of a Supreme Being?" Panimula ko, "Take Louis Pastuer for instance! He was a pioneer of microbiology and medicine. You know what he said? He said 'A little science estranges man from God, but too much science brings him back' - meaning even science when carefully studied leads to the assumption of a Supreme Being. Also, I'm sure you know who Isaac Newton is right? You know what he said? He stated, 'This most beautiful system of the sun, planets, and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful being'." I took a pause and took in a breath. "You're trying to disprove the existence of the basis and standard of literally ... everything! The One who created you!"

A scoff escaped his lips. "That's the thing. God did not create anything," he remarked, his face void of emotion, "Man created a god for himself. This is man's mechanism to cope with his fear of the unknown. You're positing claims from people who are blinded by religion,"

"-And you're positing claims from people who are blinded by their anger and bitterness with God!"

For a brief moment, I saw his eyes shift.

"Aminin mo, Gabriel." I heaved a sigh, summoning the courage to speak of the questions that raged in my mind. "May galit ka din sa Diyos, hindi ba?"

For a moment dead silence reigned in our midst, his thin yet full lips tightly shut as he pierced me with his almond eyes. I returned his gaze, mind now filled with more questions. How many more? How many more people will tell me today that God doesn't exist? I looked at him in sorrow. Oh, if you only knew.

Seconds ticked, and before I could say another word, a familiar sound began to fill the room. I lifted my gaze. Rain.

Dali-dali akong lumapit sa bintana. Hala! Ang lakas ng ulan! I stepped back distraught, worry gripping my mind kowing that I had no umbrella to use. I slipped my phone off my skirt's pocket and checked the time. Naku, mag aalas - sais na.

I returned my gaze in the room and found him seated among the chairs, gazing outside the window as the heavy rain poured.

Paano na 'to? Alangan sumugod ako sa ulan? 20-minute walk din 'yon! I turned my attention to my desk, indulging in the awkward silence that filled the room.

Ilang segundo ang lumipas, hanggang sa naging minuto... lalong nagiging awkward yung katahimikan sa room. Jusme, ano ba ito. Thankfully, after a few more minutes, unti-unting tumila yung ulan. I smiled in relief.

Nagsimula siyang tumayo at nagtungo sa door. Syempre ako rin, gustong-gusto ko nang maka-uwi!

I followed behind him from a distance, discreetly watching his broad shoulders from the back. He really is a Cordilleran - firm and strong. His face had this certain bearing of authority, almost as though he's gone through a whole lot. I've always wondered how such captivating eyes seemed to bear no semblance of life. Ang-cold. Parang walang ka-gana gana sa buhay.

I focused my gaze downward, carefully taking my steps as we scaled down the building. Immediately I pulled the cardigan closer, body tensing as I felt a gust of wind as soon as I reached the first floor. I looked over the man beside me, his hands now in his pocket as he gazed upwards.

"May hinihintay ka ba?" He merely looked at me and began to walk.

"Halika na,"

Ha?

My brows knit as I watched him walk past me. "Anong 'halika na'?"

Huminto ito at humarap saakin, "Madilim na, delikado umuwi ng mag-isa,"