e i g h t • b i t t e r n e s s
It took everything within me to resist the smile of amusement that urged my lips as I watched her wide eyes. Parang ignorante naman itong babaeng 'to. Ngayon lang ba siya nayayang maihatid?
I shook my head slightly and resumed to walk. I heard her light steps catch up from behind.
"Hala!" Panimula niya, "H-hindi na kailangan. Kaya ko nama-"
I shot her a glance, to which I saw her lips shut close.
"Sigurado ka?" I eyed her for a few moments then shifted my gaze to the dark street before us. Even I would feel uneasy kung nalaman kong maglalakad sa ganitong kadilim na daan ang kapatid ko eh.
I gazed down at her once more, amused as I saw her bite her lip in admission. Sinasabi ko na kasi eh. With this I continued to walk, my gaze narrowed as I glanced from each side. Bakit parang walang katao-tao dito ngayon? Usually naman meron at meron paring mga naglalakad? I lowered my head in thought. Kung sabagay, umulan kasi kanina. Baka nagsi-uwian na ng maaga ang mga tao.
I discreetly shifted my gaze to the woman beside me, her face set alight by the moons rays. At her sight muli kong naalala ang nangyari no'ng Foundation Day. It had haunted me for a few nights now. How the sight of her in a Tapis* seemed to have been imprinted in my mind.
And here I am yet again, garnering words from her that I'm sure would leave my nights sleepless.
'May galit ka din sa Diyos, hindi ba?'
Her question echoed in my mind for who knows how many times now. Tss, why would I be mad at someone who doesn't exist?
"Dito na ang papunta sa amin," Sambit niya sabay turo sa daang pakanan mula sa kinakatayuan namin. I nodded briefly and went along with her, the scent of her hair blowing to my face as she walked ahead. I knit my brows in wonder. Milk?
"Galing ka sa Ifugao, 'diba?" I asked in surrender to the curiosity. She lifted her gaze, rounded eyes gleaming as she did so.
"Ah, oo." Tumatango niyang sagot.
"If you don't mind me asking," I began, "Bakit ka lumipat dito?"
For a moment she remained silent, her gaze lifted as though thinking of some distant memory. "Hindi ko sana gustong pumunta dito eh," She spoke, "Pero kasi hindi na ako kayang suportahan nila Mama sa Ifugao. Laking pasalamat ko nga at nagvolunteer ang pinsan ko dito na pag-aralin ako."
I could only nod as I heard her speak, pondering in my mind the implications of her words. Akala ko mayaman ito, mukang nagkamali pala yata ako. I sighed in silence, knowing full-well how poverty felt like. Kung hindi siguro nag tiyaga ang ina ko noon, we would've remained in that situation till now. It was because of all her hard word that we've risen up from that kind of life.
"Ah, ganon ba," I breathed, "Mabuti naman at mukang naka-adjust ka agad,"
"Hmm? Hindi rin!" pagsalungat niya, "Anghirap nga eh. Andami ko nang naranasan dito na wala naman doon sa amin. No'ng unang araw nga diba? Malay ko ba na may pa intermission pa!" Napabuntong-hininga siya at muling nagsalita, "Kung alam ko lang sanang ganon, sana 'di ko nalang sinabing kumakanta ako."
The corners of my lips lifted, amused as I watched her shake her head regretfully. No, it's good you've said you did. I gazed away in haste, taking in a breath as I remembered the memory in my mind. Takang-taka pa ako noon at akala ko may napaka lakas ang pamusic sa classroom. Laking gulat ko nalang nang makitang live pala ang kaganapan. She had a beautiful voice, I can't deny.
"Ah, Gabriel," I blinked to my senses at her word, her voice tearing me from my thoughts. "Nadiscover ko lang din kay Rhoe, totoo ba na nag-stop ka sa pag-aaral para i-manage ang family business niyo?"
My brows lifted. Alam niya pala. Tumango lang ako at hindi na sumagot. I saw her eyes widen in shock. "Talaga ba?" She released a breath, "P-pero bakit ikaw? Wala ba si papa mo? Or any other family?"
Agad kong naalala ang bilin ni mama bago ito mamatay, the memory immediately stirring a feeling of pity within me. The sight of my father in his drunken state simultaneously filled my thoughts, all the more stirring the ire I felt for him. Yon? Mamamahala ng business? Naiintidihan ko kung bakit sa akin ipinangalan ni mama lahat ng mga ari-arian na meron kami dahil sa business na iyon. Baka sa isang iglap ay mawala lahat kung si papa ang namahala.
"Gabriel?" Her words shattered the silence, forcing me out of the trance of frustration that for a moment dominated my mind.
"Ah," I respired, "Mahabang istorya."I lowered my head in defeat. She didn't need to be burdened with my family's mishaps-she already seemed to have enough of her own.
"Ay," I saw her pout, eyes disappointed of my response. I silent chuckle escaped my lips. "Dibale, tumingala siya at muling nagsalita, "Andito naman na rin ako sa amin. Next time nalang."
"Mukang mayaman ang pinsan mo ah," I remarked, my vision now filled with the image of the massive house at the side of the street.
"Ah," She chuckled, "Oo eh, doctor kasi yung asawa ng pinsan ko kaya naman medyo may kaya talaga sila."
"Enak garud*," paalam ko, meeting her gaze before I turned away.
"Salamat, Gabriel!" I was held to a halt, peering over my shoulder at her word. A wide smile adorned her face, genuine gratefulness gleaming in her eyes.
When was the last time someone had thanked me like this?
I gave a brief nod and continued to walk, her face flashing before my eyes as I did. I released a silent breath, bemused of the sudden stirring in my chest. What the heck. What is this?
I shook my head and hastened my steps. Kailangan ko na ring makauwi. Kung ano-ano nanamang maririnig kong salita mula sa magaling kong tatay pag nagtagal pa ako.
Makalipas ang ilang minuto ng paglalakad, nakarating na rin ako sa bahay namin. Immediately, the smell of smoke and Red Horse filled my lungs, making me crunch my nose in discomfort as I stepped in. And as though my thoughts had foreshadowed it, I saw my drunk father walk towards me from the chair.
"At bakit ngayon ka lang?"
"Umulan kanina," Malamig kong sagot, "Mahirap mabasa."
"Aba!" Lumapit siya at tinignan ako mula ulo hanggang paa, "Bastos ka ah! Sinong kinakausap mo? Aso?"
With much resistance I lifted my head, meeting his gaze as I began to speak. "Pasensiya na po," I released a breath, "Pa,"
Tumikhim siya at nagsimulang maglakad tungo sa lamesa, lifting his half-consumed beer in his hand. "Hindi na mauulit 'yan, Gabriel,"
Kumunot ang noo ko. Ano bang pinag sasabi ng matandang 'to? Mag -aalas syete palang ah?
"Para namang may pakialam ka," I muttered in silence, anger brewing despite my efforts to calm down.
"Hoy!" Bulyaw niya, "Anong sinabi mo?"
Swiftly I turned and faced him once more. Ire fired the tips of my fingers, and all the more it became hard to resist as I looked at his horrid face.
Halos mag magsalubong ang mga kilay niya sa galit, "Ingat-ingatan mo yang pananalita mo. Huwag mo akong binabastos," Ini-angat niya ang kamay at itinuro ako, "Huwag kang gagaya sa walang kwenta mong ina, ha? Tignan mo nangyari sakaniya! Namatay ng wala sa oras."
I felt my hands curl to a fist at his words. Ano? Walang kwenta? My gaze narrowed, fury clouding my mind as I thought of his words. Before I knew it, my fist made its way to his face, a thrust of force from my hands shoving him away.
"Sh*t!" I heard him hiss.
Without a word I turned around, ignoring his curses that included my name. With my hands still shuddering in fury I went up the stairs.
"Kuya?" Sa pag angat ng aking tingin ay bumungad ang nag-aalalang muka ng nakababata kong kapatid. "Anong nangyari, Kuya? Bakit sumisigaw si Papa?"
I walked towards her and held her arms, "Janice, huwag kang bababa," With this I let her arm go and went for my room.
With a loud bang I slammed the door behind me, hissing curses as I thought. Walang kwenta? Bullsh*t! Siya ang walang kwenta! Kung hindi sana siya ganyang ka - tarantadong asawa, baka hindi pa namatay si Mama. My gaze paced the floor of my room, Grace's words suddenly flashing in my mind.
I released a scoff. I'm not only mad at Him, I hate Him.
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(*) Tapis - Cordilleran Wrap-around skirt.
(*) Enak garud - 'Alis na Ako' in Ilocano
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