RANDI STUMBLED OVER some things in the hallway as she made her way to the door. Jax, who was probably standing behind it, definitely didn't have any patience today. "Jesus Jax, give me a minute and stop banging on the god damn door!"

The knocking stopped, causing Randi to hum as the pounding in her ears stopped. But as she swung the door open, she immediately froze, her heart aching as her eyes met his. "What are you doing here? I thought Jax was coming."

At what he thought was slight disappointment in her tone, Happy nodded more to himself, realizing he wasn't welcome hereᅳ or maybe he just wanted to believe that after Randi had simply left him for her dancing career. He was still hurt, after all they had been a couple long enough. Hell, the woman was wearing his goddamn crow; and apparently still the smiley face tattoo on her right ring finger, which he noticed when he glanced at her hand gripping the door tightly.

"Couldn't come", Happy replied curtly, doing his best to keep his stoic, sharp features in tact. "Jax and Clay sent me."

"Of course they did", Randi muttered with a bitter aftertaste as she rubbed both hands over her face and then stepped aside, her hand gripping the door again. "Come in. Why couldn't Jax come?"

Her apartment immediately filled with a certain tension as Happy entered, the old wooden floors creaking under his heavy boots. Despite the warmth in here, the exchange felt cold. His eyes scanned the space, at least as far as he could see so far. There wasn't much to take in, it seemed cold, not like a home.

The younger of the Teller-Morrow siblings had always made sure her previous places had her touch. Colorful walls here, wallpaper there, carpets of all kinds and plants everywhere. Visiting flea markets or thrift stores had been big parts of their weekends when they were still together. The only thing that reminded of Randi here were the clothes that were scattered all over the floorᅳ typical Chaos Queen.

"Tara got shot", he finally said after getting a first impression, a certain croak in his deep tone. Happy's eyes met hers as a gasp slipped past Randi's plump lips, her brown eyes growing wide. "She'll be fine", he added simply to ease Randi's worry.

"Why didn't anyone fuckin' tell me about this?!" Randi asked, her tone demanding, which earned her an almost grin in return from Happyᅳ but his stoic features quickly returned. "Is everyone else okay? Jax, Mom, Dad? The kids?"

"Everyone's fine. Tara should be able to go home tomorrow." Happy took off the thick hoodie he had worn on the trip, the weather here in Seattle much colder than in Charming. "But it seems like you'll have to put up with me for a few days. Can we make this work or do I have to call someone else to come up here?"

Randi's jaw was clenched, the anger that no one had told her about her sister-in-law getting shot still there. But her features softened at Happy's question, the smallest smile on her lips. God, she had missed him. His company, his smell, his gorgeous face and that raspy voiceᅳ everything about him.

"No, I think we're old enough to make it work", she answered, clearing her throat. "Hungry? I just made chili."

Happy nodded briefly, glad that Randi didn't make a fuss. That saved them both unnecessary stress. "Your usual recipe?"

Randi nodded with a smile and then led him into the living room, pointing to the dining table. "Sit down, I'll get us two plates. And then I want to know what happened."

A grunt was Happy's only response, his gaze still following her as she walked into the adjacent kitchen. His eyes slipped further down, landing on her ass, which was just as perfect as it had been back then. But that wasn't why he was hereᅳ just to keep an eye on her until the danger was over.

ᅳ

BOTH LEANED BACK in their chairs, their bellies full with Randi's chili, the silence between the two becoming almost unbearable. It was an awkward silence that kept hanging over them like a thick cloud, neither of them sure if it was better to just remain silent or to break the silence.

Randi folded her hands over her stomach and blew out some air as she gently rolled her head from side to side, hating how tense her shoulders were at the moment. She tried as best she could to avoid Happy's intense, scrutinizing gaze that was resting on herᅳ even though everything in her screamed to look into those beautiful brown eyes that could stare into your soul.

"You seemed disappointed when you saw me instead of Jax", Happy's thick, gravelly voice cut through the silence first, sending a shiver down Randi's spine.

"I wasn't disappointed, Hap. It just hurts to see you knowing you're not staying, that's all," Randi shot back, her answer coming out sharper than she intended; but she was hurt. "And I still hate myself for hurting you so much, it's weird sitting across from you for the first time again."

"Yeah?" Having a hard time hiding the bitterness in his tone, Happy just huffed, his voice dripping with anger as he leaned slightly over the table. "Because when you left a year ago, it didn't seem like it hurt you that much to leave our relationship behind."

Happy's words cut deep, leaving Randi speechlessᅳ but only for a moment. Her body tensed even more, her jaw clenched. "Are you fuckin' serious right now? Do you really think it was easy for me to give up on you?"

"Then why didn't you fight for us, huh?" Happy barked, his tone now much sharper, the usually stoic biker visibly hurt. "You just fuckin' left, woman. No goodbye or a 'can we talk again?', nothing."

"I could ask you the same!" Tears pooled in Randi's brown eyes, her heart skipping a beat at the harshness in Happy's tone. "I know what I did was selfish, and wrong, and I regret it every single dayᅳ but I'm also finally able to live my dream. You knew Charming could've never given me this, that I would never be where I am now!"

A scoff fell from Happy's lips, the muscles in his jaw twitching as he nodded to himself. "But you could've been with me, with your family. But apparently no one meant enough to you to stay."

"That's not fair!" Randi stood up as Happy shot up, his chair scraping against the old wooden floor. She quickly grabbed his arm, her grip firm but her gaze softening. "I know I hurt you the most, and your words are the resultᅳ and I have to live with the fact that you hate me. But at least let me explain why I wanted this so badly."

"What is there to explain, Randi, huh?" Happy yanked his arm away, unable to ignore the warm, comforting feeling that her delicate fingers left on his skin.

"Justᅳ just sit down and let's talk, okay?", the brunette asked with a pleading look, nodding toward the brown leather couch that stood next to the dining table. "Please."

For a long moment the SAA hesitated, a thousand thoughts racing through his head, until he finally agreed with a grim grunt and averted his gaze before reluctantly settling down on the couch, waiting for Randi to sit next to him.

"You wanted to talk, then talk", Happy grunted after a few minutes as Randi still sat silently next to him, nervously kneading her fingers.

"It's not that easy", the brunette muttered before pulling one leg up onto the couch and wrapping her arms around it after pulling it to her chest. "After you left that evening, I thought about just ignoring the letterᅳ because I wanted nothing more than to stay with you in Charming and say 'yes' to you."

Happy's eyes met hers, his expression giving nothing away; yet he was hurt but also curious. "And what changed your mind? What was suddenly more important than what we had?"

"Nothing, nothing was more important." Randi's answer was simple, sincere and honest, as was the expression in her brown orbs that never left Happy's. "I was just scared. Scared that I would regret it one dayᅳ especially scared that our relationship would fall apart because of it", she admitted quietly, a sad smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I also didn't want you to blame yourself for turning down my dream job because of you."

Happy's eyes widened as he sat up with a bitter snort, staring at her in disbelief. "Don't blame me now, woman."

"I'm not", Randi replied calmly, shaking her head. When she felt the urge to grab his hand, she laced her fingers together and cleared her throat softly. "But we both know that would've happened at some point."

The silence between them stretched out again, no noise except for the muffled, distant traffic outside to hear. No one broke eye contact, only when Happy's sharp, intense gaze softened did the brunette lower her head, the guilt of leaving him still gnawing at her.

"Maybe you're not entirely wrong." Finally breaking the silence, Happy ran his hands over his face before resting his elbows on his knees, letting his hands hang in front of his legs. "If you had stayed, I would've always wondered if it was just because of meᅳ and I'm the last person who wants to take this away from you or cause you to feel guilty for leaving. But I never wanted to lose you because of it, Miranda."

When he called her by her full name, Randi swallowed hard, hiding the tears that burned in her eyes behind her long hair that covered her face slightly since her head was bowed. "I just wanted bothᅳ you and this job; but fate had other plans."

"I couldn't have left at that time, you know that. So much shit happened back then, the club needed every single man, little girl", Happy croaked, sounding sincere for the first time, without a hint of bitterness in his tone. "If it had been possible, I would've asked for a transfer to Tacoma, because I would follow you fuckin' anywhere."

Randi looked up, her chin and lips trembling as a storm of emotions built up inside her. She definitely hadn't expected such words from Happy, that he would have actually been ready to give up Charming, the charter that had become his home. She had never been mad at him for spending too much time in the clubᅳshe had grown up with that life herself.

Yet Happy had always proven that she was his top priority, that he would do anything for herᅳ and she had simply left him.

"It was never my intention to hurt you like that, I never wanted to", she whispered with a wry smile. This time she followed the urge and reached out to rest her hand on his forearm, watching the change in his expression. "You were my first love, and I wanted you to always be my last, my only love. If you were ever willing to give me another chanceᅳ"

Happy interrupted her right there, his eyes boring into hers. "Would you come back to Charming? I don't think so, so there's no point in even talking about it, Randi."

"Iᅳ", the brunette paused, her black fingernails gently digging into his skin. Before she said something wrong that would only hurt him even more, she slowly pulled her hand back. "I'm sorry I started this."

"That's what I thought", the SAA grumbled, the bitterness from earlier now replaced by disappointment; part of him had hoped that he could bring her back with him, that he was enough for her to move back. On the other hand, he didn't want her to give up her dreams for him. "Let's just pass the time. And once the lockdown's lifted, we'll go separate ways again."

Missing the feeling of her warm hand on his arm already, Happy stood up and looked down at Randi again, not missing how hard his words had hit her. But what was he supposed to do? His life was in Charming and his club needed him, especially now.

He would never feel completely fulfilled here and Randi probably wouldn't in Charming, so why even give it another try?

"Yeah, maybe it's better that way. Let's just handle this like the adults we are", Randi replied softly, sending him a tight-lipped, sad smile that drew a sigh from Happy. "Still, I never stopped loving you."

And with that, she stood up and shifted closeer to him, inhaling his scent. The backs of their hands brushed against each other, whereupon Happy's index finger twitched slightly before he hooked it around Randi's index finger and pulled her even closer.

"I never did either", he croaked, his breath brushing her face before he planted a kiss on her forehead. "And I never will, little girl."

He closed his eyes for a moment as Randi let out a shaky breath and leaned her forehead against his chin, her finger wrapped tightly around his as the first two tears dripped onto the tight white top she was wearing, the perfect contrast to her dark hair and sun-kissed skin.

"I just want this back", she said, her voice cracking mid-sentence. "I should've never left, never."

The only reason he pulled away was because if he saw her crying he would get all soft and his mind would race again. Now he had to swallow, his own eyes almost seeming glassy.

As great as the desire was to pull her in his arms and just to hold her, he pulled his hand back and grunted something incoherent before his heavy footsteps slowly faded as he left her alone in the living room to rush outside the door to get some fresh air in front of the apartment complex.

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