~Of my Heart~

July 6th 1483...

On the twentieth of June criers had been sent out onto the city streets and to the furthest corners of the land, announcing the illegitimacy of the late King Edward's marriage to the Woodville woman.

There were murmurs but no rebellion.

On the twenty third of June the royal council had come to the great hall of Westminster Palace and knelt at Richard's feet, offering him the crown.

He had accepted.

On the twenty fifth of June, a letter had come, a simple scrap of parchment from the eldest of the Princes in the tower, addressed to Eleanor.

Why have you done this? What did I do wrong?

Were the tear-smudged words scrawled onto the page and Eleanor wept to see them, hugging her knees to her chest on her bed while she crumpled the paper in her hand. 'I'm sorry, Edward' she thought as she cried "I'm sorry" she whispered.

Now it was the sixth of July and Eleanor Woodville, Duchess of Gloucester, soon to be the Queen of England stood before her mirror in her chamber.

It did not feel right.

Even in the days prior when she had selected the meals for the coronation feast, chosen the colour of the royal carpet that was to be lain along the road to Westminster, she had felt as if she were in a trance.

It was if she were looking on from a different body and mind. It was not her that made these decisions. It was not her for whom these decisions were made, and yet, at the back of her mind she knew it was. That day was to be her coronation and by the time the sun had set she would wear the Queen's crown.

It did not feel right.

The windows were thrown open to let in the golden rays of light that summer day had brought, a gentle breeze (that carried the cheers of the amassing crowds with it) rustling the velvet curtains as almost a dozen ladies fussed and rushed around her.

Eleanor was tempted to swat them all away and send them from her presence for she found she could not bear to be poked and prodded as if she were a child's doll, in fact that was what she felt like! A doll to be dressed up and paraded in front of friends for all to see!

But she knew one thing, unlike a doll she would not allow herself to be played with! She knew who her enemies were and she knew who her friends were, though she found it rather sad she could not trustingly gain any more of the latter. She looked around the women, her eyes sweeping over the face of each one. How many of them would not vie for her attention or for her friendship now that she was to be Queen?

She had seen it happen to Elizabeth time and time again as she grew and therefore had a degree of weariness about her when with unknown nobles at court. She had only been a second choice to the scheming noblewomen when she was a Royal Duchess and then she had been mostly away from court but now....now there would be no escaping them.

Yet Eleanor was determined to not be played by them. She would not allow their sickly smiles or honeyed words to slip past her and if any of them even tried to curry favour with Richard she swore she would throw them from court herself!

They had washed her and placed a fresh chemise of pure silk and embroidered with gold thread over her head before dressing her in a gown so beautiful Eleanor had hardly dared to move as she was readied. Made of cloth of gold, the skirt and sleeves were trimmed with soft ermine and the bodice embroidered with York roses, their centres studded with yellow garnets that would shine in the sun.

A dress truly fit for a Queen.

It did not feel right.

It reminded her of the gown Edward had given her for the victory procession of 1471 but she forced herself to shove the thoughts of that sunny day aside and shook her head as she was turned from side to side by unfamiliar hands.

God she could hardly bear for them to touch her.

"Enough!" She suddenly snapped and they all jumped to attention, eyes wide with alarm as they tried to think what they had done wrong "leave me! Now!" She ordered and the women began to scurry away after performing hurried curtsies.

"What about me? Am I permitted to stay?" A soft yet familiar voice asked and Eleanor looked up, her eyes filling with relief and joy as she saw Anne standing in the doorway, a knowing smile on her face.
"Anne! Oh my dearest Annie!" Eleanor cried as she rushed forward and wrapped her arms around the younger woman, the fur of her gown soft against her fingers "you came! I didn't think you would!"

"Of course I did!" Anne replied warmly as she found herself dragged into the chamber where Anais and Marie had stayed, grinning at their friend "how could I refuse your call, Leena?" Eleanor simply smiled, her heart practically jumping inside of her. She and Anne had not seen each other for nigh on three years! And if anyone could soothe her it was Anne Neville "now, shall I arrange your hair? I know it used to calm you when I brushed it?"

"Thank God for you" Eleanor sighed as she went to sit down at her dressing table, watching her friend with a smile as Anne picked up a brush and gently pulled it through her hair.

With skilled and practiced hands, as delicate and careful as they had always been, she drew a few copper curls back from Eleanor's face and held them in place at the back. Anais handed her a needle threaded with golden silk that was studded with small emeralds and, biting her lip as she concentrated, she wove the thread through her friend's hair to hold the selected curls. She left the rest flowing loose, like a river of fire that fell past Eleanor's waist and stepped back to admire her work, placing her hands on her narrow hips.

"You shall shine just as a Queen should" She said firmly before placing a circlet of pearls on her friend's head "and the people shall love you, they already do, just listen to their cheers!" Eleanor smiled a little, taking Anne's hand, her neves now calmed slightly though she gulped as Marie placed a pendant around her neck and tucked it into the front of her bodice.

It was simple. A thin silver chain, cold against her skin, with a polished sigil attached, quite the opposite to the rest of her ensemble that her friends had said could probably rival the sun in its splendour!

"Richard wanted you to wear this" Marie told her as she straightened the chain and Eleanor slowly drew the pendant from her bodice, smiling at the silver animal that adorned it as she felt her heart swell. A white boar. Tucking it back into her gown she took a ring from her finger, one with her motto engraved upon it.

"Take this to him" she whispered and Marie nodded and left.

Eleanor felt herself relax a little. This day would be the hardest test yet. They would have to win over the people, win their hearts if they were even to have a chance on the throne but she was sure they could do it. Together. United as one.

She had his pendant and now Richard had her ring. Even if they could not be in each other's gaze or in each other's arms, a part of each of them would be with the other and for now that would be enough 'God keep you, my love' she prayed as Marie returned and nodded to her friends.

"Is it time?" Eleanor asked, though she already knew the answer and stood from her dressing table while Anais collected her coronation furs from where they lay on a nearby chair. Orange velvet with golden roses embroidered upon it: heavy and lined with the softest ermine.

They had been sent to her almost a full week before but Eleanor had only taken them out of their coffer that morning for before that she could not bear the thought of them, let alone the sight.

While she held no qualms where Elizabeth was concerned and quite frankly did not care what her estranged sister thought of her ascension she could still see her so clearly. When she closed her eyes she could still see Elizabeth's coronation as clear as day and her stomach churned each time she thought of wearing those furs.

Of walking down the same isle at Westminster Abbey.
Of sitting on the same throne.
Of wearing the same crown.

It did not feel right.

As her hair was carefully lifted the heavy orange velvet, trimmed with ermine like her gown was placed on her shoulders she closed her eyes, clenching her fists as Marie fastened the emerald front clasp. It was if the cares of the entire world had just been thrust upon her.

"You can do this, Leena" Anne whispered as she arranged her friend's hair once more and Eleanor opened her eyes, nodding to herself and the three gathered around her.
"I can" she said quietly but firmly "I can. I must be strong. For Richard"!

꧁꧂

As she left her chambers, Eleanor held her head high, though she felt her lips quirk into a smile as she saw the children before her.

Eliza, Bess, Matilda, George, Edward, Cis, Isabella, Nell and even little Thomas were all lined up against the wall, the proudest of smiles on their faces as they stood in their cloth of gold. The girls had silver sashes around their waist, small sapphires sewn onto them while the boys sported silver coronets that sat comfortably on their heads.

Richard and Eleanor had spared no expense on their coronation outfits and had bought six white ponies which all of them were to ride to Westminster while the King and Queen rode ahead.

As they stared up at Eleanor, their jaws seemed to drop to the floor in awe, something about her making them all stand up straight and push back their shoulders, wanting to be perfect.
"You look like a fairy, mama!" Little Nell cooed and her Mother smiled but Cis scoffed.
"Pish!" She said "Mama is no fairy, silly billy, she is the Queen! And we are all Princes and Princesses!"

"Adela is with Georgie" Eliza quickly offered when she saw her Aunt looking for George Neville and her youngest child "he took her to her nurse and then went to Uncle Richard"
"Thank you, my dear" Eleanor said before she frowned a little "where are Kit and Johnny?" She asked and the children suddenly looked uneasily at one another, Edward shuffling from foot to foot as he looked down.

"In Kit's room" Bess admitted quietly, playing with a lock of her red hair "they haven't spoken all morning....well....she hasn't" something was wrong. Very wrong. Before anyone could utter another word, Eleanor had undone the clasp of her coronation robe and handed the heavy garment to Marie before she took off down the corridor.

"I will only be a minute!" She promised over her shoulder and lifted the hem of her gown so she could run quicker. With each open window she passed she became more and more aware of the church bells and ceaseless cheering that filled the air.

'It's for you' her mind told her 'it's all for you, enjoy it' but she could not. All she could think of was her little nephew. The golden haired boy that had trusted her to put him on the throne only to find she was taking the throne herself "god Edward, I'm sorry" she whispered as she reached Katheryn's room and raised her hand to knock.

"Come in" John's voice called, though it was far from the usual merry tone that usually filled the thirteen year olds words. Slowly pushing open the door, she peeked her head around the wood, frowning as she saw the two children dressed in their cloth of gold like the others but sat idly on the end of Katheryn's bed. Neither of them were smiling and they seemed not to notice that it was Eleanor who entered as she shut the door and walked towards them.

'What could have made them so unhappy?' She wondered and on today of all days!

"Shuffle up" she murmured and the two suddenly looked at each other, almost alarmed but they obeyed without a word. Eleanor sat between them, putting her arms around their shoulders and smiling a little at them both "what's wrong, my darlings?" She asked and John shook his head while his sister stayed silent "it's not like you to miss out on a celebration, Johnny? And Kit, you look so beautiful in your gown! Why have you locked yourself away in here?"

"It's nothing" she mumbled miserably and Eleanor raised her eyebrows.
"It's clearly not nothing, mon cher" she said and released John's shoulder to gently tilt up Katheryn's chin with her hand "tell me. You know you can"

"And you won't be angry?"
"My darling why on earth would I be angry? Something has upset the two of you and I want to make it better!"

Biting her lip a little, Katheryn finally nodded, tucking a strand of stray hair behind her ear as she tried to find her words.
"Oh for heavens sake, just tell Maman, Kate!" John suddenly cried, rising from the bed and stomping to the other side of the room, arms folded.

"Why don't you?" Eleanor asked and he huffed.
"One of the noblewomen" he said through gritted teeth "she....she...." his jaw clenched "she called us bastards" Eleanor gasped, looking between the two children in disbelief. Of course John and Katheryn knew that they were bastards, that they were not the same as their Father's other children but to say it to their faces and a stranger at that! It was an outrage!

"What?!" She demanded loudly "who?! Who said that to you for I swear I will have them exiled from court for this!"
"It wasn't just that!" Katheryn muttered as she looked up, her brown eyes shining with tears "she was one of the ones helping us dress and I swear she thought us deaf for she said, as plain as day to the others 'I don't know why those two are going, they are only bastards born of a whore!"

"Bloody bitch" John seethed, his skin prickling beneath his doublet and Eleanor's expression seemed to echo every syllable. Her eyes had darkened and her lips thinned into a narrow line, an look that anyone with any sense would back away at the sight of.

"But she's right" Katheryn whispered, blinking back her tears. The noblewoman's words had cut into her deeper than she would like to admit, deep into her heart where her darkest fears lay. She and John had never been treated any different from the others before and even though she knew she was a bastard, it was still somewhat of a shock to hear it said so openly. And as an insult too! As if she and her brother were nothing more than dirt. She gulped "we are nothing more than bastards....we are not your children and we don't deserve to be in the coronation procession"

"That" Eleanor cried as she pulled Katheryn to her feet and held out her free hand to John, pulling him into a hug "is a lie!" She held them tightly as if trying to extract all the hurt and sorrow from them in one embrace "and never let anyone tell you different. You are the son and daughter of a King! A King of England! And you are loved. You are not just bastards you are the beloved children of a King and his Queen, you are intelligent, kind and I am proud to have you by my side and with my children for I think of you as my own. You may not be of my body but you are of my heart and I will protect you and love you until the day I die! You are strong! And you are worthy of every respect! Do not let nobles and their snobbishness harm you, my dears, for I swear if you look beneath the surface of their glittering facade you will find nothing but scheming plotters who are worth neither your thoughts or your time. Never let anyone, no matter what their rank or station look down upon you because of your birth. Never, do you understand?"

They both nodded as they clung to her "today you will ride alongside the rest of your brothers and sisters to Westminster where your Father and I will be crowned the King and Queen of England and you will be honoured as your brothers and sisters are, I will make sure of that. I will find the witch who spoke to you in such a disgusting way and she will be gone before sundown I assure you"

"No" John suddenly said as he looked up "let her stay so we can face her. I want to" Eleanor raised her eyebrows as she looked to Katheryn.
"Do you want this too, Kit?" She asked and the girl nodded firmly, wiping away her tears.
"I do" she replied "and we will show her that we will not be looked down upon!"

"Show her your strength" Eleanor instructed as she placed kisses to their hair "and she will see how much you are loved and valued in this family! You have royal blood in your veins. You are Yorks! Never forget it!"